stories by english authors in london(英国作家在伦敦的故事)-第8节
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innocent of any intention of doing it； but I felt no regret。 I even laughed
madman that I wasat the thought that there was the end of Bingo； at all
events； that impediment was removed； my weary task of conciliation was
over for ever！
But soon the reaction came； I realised the tremendous nature of my
deed； and shuddered。 I had done that which might banish me from Lilian's
side for ever！ All unwittingly I had slaughtered a kind of sacred beast； the
animal around which the Currie household had wreathed their choicest
affections！ How was I to break it to them？ Should I send Bingo in； with a
card tied to his neck and my regrets and compliments？ That was too much
like a present of game。 Ought I not to carry him in myself？ I would
wreathe him in the best crape； I would put on black for him； the Curries
would hardly consider a taper and a white sheet； or sack…cloth and ashes；
an excessive form of atonement； but I could not grovel to quite such an
abject extent。
I wondered what the colonel would say。 Simple and hearty； as a
general rule； he had a hot temper on occasions； and it made me ill as I
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thought； would he and； worse still； would /Lilian/ believe it was really an
accident？ They knew what an interest I had in silencing the deceased
poodlewould they believe the simple truth？
I vowed that they /should/ believe me。 My genuine remorse and the
absence of all concealment on my part would speak powerfully for me。 I
would choose a favourable time for my confession； that very evening I
would tell all。
Still I shrank from the duty before me； and； as I knelt down
sorrowfully by the dead form and respectfully composed his stiffening
limbs； I thought that it was unjust of fate to place a well…meaning man；
whose nerves were not of iron； in such a position。
Then； to my horror； I heard a well…known ringing tramp on the road
outside； and smelled the peculiar fragrance of a Burmese cheroot。 It was
the colonel himself； who had been taking out the doomed Bingo for his
usual evening run。
I don't know how it was； exactly； but a sudden panic came over me。 I
held my breath； and tried to crouch down unseen behind the laurels； but he
had seen me； and came over at once to speak to me across the hedge。
He stood there； not two yards from his favourite's body！ Fortunately it
was unusually dark that evening。
〃Ha； there you are； eh！〃 he began； heartily； 〃don't rise； my boy； don't
rise。〃
I was trying to put myself in front of the poodle； and did not rise at
least； only my hair did。
〃You're out late； ain't you？〃 he went on； 〃laying out your garden； hey？〃
I could not tell him that I was laying out his poodle！ My voice shook
as； with a guilty confusion that was veiled by the dusk； I said it was a fine
eveningwhich it was not。
〃Cloudy； sir；〃 said the colonel； 〃cloudy； rain before morning； I think。
By the way； have you seen anything of Bingo in here？〃
This was the turning…point。 What I /ought/ to have done was to say
mournfully； 〃Yes； I'm sorry to say I've had a most unfortunate accident
with him。 Here he is； the fact is； I'm afraid I've /shot/ him！〃
But I couldn't。 I could have told him at my own time； in a prepared
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form of wordsbut not then。 I felt I must use all my wits to gain time； and
fence with the questions。
〃Why；〃 I said； with a leaden airiness； 〃he hasn't given you the slip； has
he？〃
〃Never did such a thing in his life！〃 said the colonel； warmly； 〃he
rushed off after a rat or a frog or something a few minutes ago； and as I
stopped to light another cheroot I lost sight of him。 I thought I saw him
slip in under your gate； but I've been calling him from the front there and
he won't come out。〃
No； and he never /would/ come out any more。 But the colonel must not
be told that just yet。 I temporised again： 〃If；〃 I said； unsteadily 〃if he had
slipped in under the gate I should have seen him。 Perhaps he took it into
his head to run home？〃
〃Oh； I shall find him on the door…step； I expect； the knowing old
scamp！ Why； what d' ye think was the last thing he did； now？〃
I could have given him the very latest intelligence； but I dared not。
However； it was altogether too ghastly to kneel there and laugh at
anecdotes of Bingo told across Bingo's dead body； I could not stand that。
〃Listen；〃 I said； suddenly； 〃wasn't that his bark？ There； again； it seems to
come from the front of your house； don't you think？〃
〃Well；〃 said the colonel； 〃I'll go and fasten him up before he's off again。
How your teeth are chattering！ You've caught a chill； man； go indoors at
once； and； if you feel equal to it； look in half an hour later； about grog…time；
and I'll tell you all about it。 Compliments to your mother。 Don't forget
about grog…time！〃
I had got rid of him at last； and I wiped my forehead； gasping with
relief。 I would go round in half an hour； and then I should be prepared to
make my melancholy announcement。 For； even then； I never thought of
any other course； until suddenly it flashed upon me with terrible clearness
that my miserable shuffling by the hedge had made it impossible to tell the
truth！ I had not told a direct lie； to be sure； but then I had given the colonel
the impression that I had denied having seen the dog。 Many people can
appease their consciences by reflecting that； whatever may be the effect
their words produce； they did contrive to steer clear of a downright lie。 I
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never quite knew where the distinction lay morally； but there /is/ that
feelingI have it myself。
Unfortunately； prevarication has this drawback： that； if ever the truth
comes to light； the prevaricator is in just the same case as if he had lied to
the most shameless extent； and for a man to point out that the words he
used contained no absolute falsehood will seldom restore confidence。
I might； of course； still tell the colonel of my misfortune； and leave
him to infer that it had happened after our interview； but the poodle was
fast becoming cold and stiff； and they would most probably suspect the
real time of the occurrence。
And then Lilian would hear that I had told a string of falsehoods to her
uncle over the dead body of their idolised Bingoan act； no doubt； of
abominable desecration； of unspeakable profanity； in her eyes。
If it would have been difficult before to prevail on her to accept a
blood…stained hand； it would be impossible after that。 No； I had burned my
ships； I was cut off for ever from the straightforward course； that one
moment of indecision had decided my conduct in spite of me； I must go on
with it now； and keep up the deception at all hazards。
It was bitter。 I had always tried to preserve as many of the moral
principles which had been instilled into me as can be conveniently
retained in this grasping world； and it had been my pride that； roughly
speaking； I had never been guilty of an unmistakable falsehood。
But henceforth； if I meant to win Lilian； that boast must be
relinquished for ever。 I should have to lie now with all my might； without
limit or scruple； to dissemble incessantly； and 〃wear a mask；〃 as the poet
Bunn beautifully expressed it long ago； 〃over my hollow heart。〃 I felt all
this keenly； I did not think it was right； but what was I to do？
After thinking all this out very carefully； I decided that my only course
was to bury the poor animal where he fell； and say nothing about it。 With
some vague idea of precaution； I first took off the silver collar he wore；
and then hastily interred him with a garden… trowel； and succeeded in
removing all traces of the disaster。
I fancy I felt a certain relief in the knowledge that there would now be
