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downwards。'

But it is time to draw to a close。  We could expatiate much  longer upon this topic; but want of space constrains us to  leave unfinished these few desultory remarks … slender  contributions towards a subject which has fallen sadly  backward; and which; we grieve to say; was better understood  by the king of Siam in 1686 than by all the philosophers of  to…day。  If; however; we have awakened in any rational mind  an interest in the symbolism of umbrellas … in any generous  heart a more complete sympathy with the dumb companion of his  daily walk … or in any grasping spirit a pure notion of  respectability strong enough to make him expend his six…and… twenty shillings … we shall have deserved well of the world;  to say nothing of the many industrious persons employed in  the manufacture of the article。

(1) 'This paper was written in collaboration with James  Waiter Ferrier; and if reprinted this is to be stated; though  his principal collaboration was to lie back in an easy…chair  and laugh。' … 'R。L。S。; Oct。 25; 1894。'



COLLEGE PAPERS CHAPTER V … THE PHILOSOPHY OF NOMENCLATURE



'How many Caesars and Pompeys; by mere inspirations of the  names; have been rendered worthy of them?  And how many are  there; who might have done exceeding well in the world; had  not their characters and spirits been totally depressed and  Nicodemus'd into nothing?' … TRISTRAM SHANDY; vol。 I。 chap  xix。


Such were the views of the late Walter Shandy; Esq。; Turkey  merchant。  To the best of my belief; Mr。 Shandy is the first  who fairly pointed out the incalculable influence of  nomenclature upon the whole life … who seems first to have  recognised the one child; happy in an heroic appellation;  soaring upwards on the wings of fortune; and the other; like  the dead sailor in his shotted hammock; haled down by sheer  weight of name into the abysses of social failure。  Solomon  possibly had his eye on some such theory when he said that 'a  good name is better than precious ointment'; and perhaps we  may trace a similar spirit in the compilers of the English  Catechism; and the affectionate interest with which they  linger round the catechumen's name at the very threshold of  their work。  But; be these as they may; I think no one can  censure me for appending; in pursuance of the expressed wish  of his son; the Turkey merchant's name to his system; and  pronouncing; without further preface; a short epitome of the  'Shandean Philosophy of Nomenclature。'

To begin; then: the influence of our name makes itself felt  from the very cradle。  As a schoolboy I remember the pride  with which I hailed Robin Hood; Robert Bruce; and Robert le  Diable as my name…fellows; and the feeling of sore  disappointment that fell on my heart when I found a  freebooter or a general who did not share with me a single  one of my numerous PRAENOMINA。  Look at the delight with  which two children find they have the same name。  They are  friends from that moment forth; they have a bond of union  stronger than exchange of nuts and sweetmeats。  This feeling;  I own; wears off in later life。  Our names lose their  freshness and interest; become trite and indifferent。  But  this; dear reader; is merely one of the sad effects of those  'shades of the prison…house' which come gradually betwixt us  and nature with advancing years; it affords no weapon against  the philosophy of names。

In after life; although we fail to trace its working; that  name which careless godfathers lightly applied to your  unconscious infancy will have been moulding your character;  and influencing with irresistible power the whole course of  your earthly fortunes。  But the last name; overlooked by Mr。  Shandy; is no whit less important as a condition of success。   Family names; we must recollect; are but inherited nicknames;  and if the SOBRIQUET were applicable to the ancestor; it is  most likely applicable to the descendant also。  You would not  expect to find Mr。 M'Phun acting as a mute; or Mr。 M'Lumpha  excelling as a professor of dancing。  Therefore; in what  follows; we shall consider names; independent of whether they  are first or last。  And to begin with; look what a pull  CROMWELL had over PYM … the one name full of a resonant  imperialism; the other; mean; pettifogging; and unheroic to a  degree。  Who would expect eloquence from PYM … who would read  poems by PYM … who would bow to the opinion of PYM?  He might  have been a dentist; but he should never have aspired to be a  statesman。  I can only wonder that he succeeded as he did。   Pym and Habakkuk stand first upon the roll of men who have  triumphed; by sheer force of genius; over the most  unfavourable appellations。  But even these have suffered;  and; had they been more fitly named; the one might have been  Lord Protector; and the other have shared the laurels with  Isaiah。  In this matter we must not forget that all our great  poets have borne great names。  Chaucer; Spenser; Shakespeare;  Milton; Pope; Wordsworth; Shelley … what a constellation of  lordly words!  Not a single common…place name among them …  not a Brown; not a Jones; not a Robinson; they are all names  that one would stop and look at on a door…plate。  Now;  imagine if PEPYS had tried to clamber somehow into the  enclosure of poetry; what a blot would that word have made  upon the list!  The thing was impossible。  In the first place  a certain natural consciousness that men would have held him  down to the level of his name; would have prevented him from  rising above the Pepsine standard; and so haply withheld him  altogether from attempting verse。  Next; the booksellers  would refuse to publish; and the world to read them; on the  mere evidence of the fatal appellation。  And now; before I  close this section; I must say one word as to PUNNABLE names;  names that stand alone; that have a significance and life  apart from him that bears them。  These are the bitterest of  all。  One friend of mine goes bowed and humbled through life  under the weight of this misfortune; for it is an awful thing  when a man's name is a joke; when he cannot be mentioned  without exciting merriment; and when even the intimation of  his death bids fair to carry laughter into many a home。

So much for people who are badly named。  Now for people who  are TOO well named; who go top…heavy from the font; who are  baptized into a false position; and find themselves beginning  life eclipsed under the fame of some of the great ones of the  past。  A man; for instance; called William Shakespeare could  never dare to write plays。  He is thrown into too humbling an  apposition with the author of HAMLET。  Its own name coming  after is such an anti…climax。  'The plays of William  Shakespeare'? says the reader … 'O no!  The plays of William  Shakespeare Cockerill;' and he throws the book aside。  In  wise pursuance of such views; Mr。 John Milton Hengler; who  not long since delighted us in this favoured town; has never  attempted to write an epic; but has chosen a new path; and  has excelled upon the tight…rope。  A marked example of  triumph over this is the case of Mr。 Dante Gabriel Rossetti。   On the face of the matter; I should have advised him to  imitate the pleasing modesty of the last…named gentleman; and  confine his ambition to the sawdust。  But Mr。 Rossetti has  triumphed。  He has even dared to translate from his mighty  name…father; and the voice of fame supports him in his  boldness。

Dear readers; one might write a year upon this matter。  A  lifetime of comparison and research could scarce suffice for  its elucidation。  So here; if it please you; we shall let it  rest。  Slight as these notes have been; I would that the  great founder of the system had been alive to see them。  How  he had warmed and brightened; how his persuasive eloquence  would have fallen on the ears of Toby; and what a letter of  praise and sympathy would not the editor have received before  the month was out!  Alas; the thing was not to be。  Walter  Shandy died and was duly buried; while yet his theory lay  forgotten and neglected by his fellow…countrymen。  But;  reader; the day will come; I hope; when a paternal government  will stamp out; as seeds of national weakness; all depressing  patronymics; and when godfathers and godmothers will soberly  and earnestly debate the interest of the nameless one; and  not rush blindfold to the christening。  In these days there  shall be written a 'Godfather's Assistant;' in shape of a  dictionary of names; with their concomitant virtues and  vices; and this book shall be scattered broadcast through the  land; and shall be on the table of every one eligible for  godfathership; until such a thing as a vicious or untoward  appellation shall have ceased from off the face of the earth。



CRITICISMS CHAPTER I … LORD LYTTON'S 'FABLES IN SONG'



IT seems as if Lord Lytton; in this new book of his; had  found the form most natural to his talent。  In some ways;  indeed; it may be held inferior to CHRONICLES AND CHARACTERS;  we look in vain for anything like the terrible intensity of  the night…scene in IRENE; or for any such passages of massive  and memorable writing as appeared; here and there; in the  earlier work; and made it not altogether unworthy of its  model; H

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