elizabeth and her german garden-第25节

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　to　accept　truths　second…hand；　insist　on　thinking　for　herself；　be　earnest　in　her　desire　to　shake　off　exploded　traditions；　be　untiring　in　her　efforts　to　live　according　to　a　high　moral　standard　and　to　be　strong；　and　pure；　and　good〃

〃Like　tea；〃　explained　Irais。

〃yet　will　she　never；　with　all　her　virtues；　possess　one…thousandth　part　of　the　charm　that　clung　about　her　when　she　sang；　with　quiet　eyelids；　her　first　reluctant　hymns；　kneeling　on　her　mother's　knees。　I　love　to　come　in　at　bed…time　and　sit　in　the　window　in　the　setting　sunshine　watching　the　mysteries　of　her　going　to　bed。　Her　mother　tubs　her；　for　she　is　far　too　precious　to　be　touched　by　any　nurse；　and　then　she　is　rolled　up　in　a　big　bath　towel；　and　only　her　little　pink　toes　peep　out；　and　when　she　is　powdered；　and　combed；　and　tied　up　in　her　night…dress；　and　all　her　curls　are　on　end；　and　her　ears　glowing；　she　is　knelt　down　on　her　mother's　lap；　a　little　bundle　of　fragrant　flesh；　and　her　face　reflects　the　quiet　of　her　mother's　face　as　she　goes　through　her　evening　prayer　for　pity　and　for　peace。〃

〃How　very　curious！〃　said　Minora；　when　she　had　finished。　〃That　is　exactly　what　I　was　going　to　say。〃

〃Oh；　then　I　have　saved　you　the　trouble　of　putting　it　together；　you　can　copy　that　if　you　like。〃　　　〃But　have　you　a　stale　soul；　Miss　Minora？〃　　I　asked。

〃Well；　do　you　know；　I　rather　think　that　is　a　good　touch；〃　she　replied；　〃it　will　make　people　really　think　a　man　wrote　the　book。　You　know　I　am　going　to　take　a　man's　name。〃

〃That　is　precisely　what　I　imagined；〃　said　Irais。　〃You　will　call　yourself　John　Jones；　or　George　Potts；　or　some　such　sternly　commonplace　name；　to　emphasise　your　uncompromising　attitude　towards　all　feminine　weaknesses；　and　no　one　will　be　taken　in。〃

〃I　really　think；　Elizabeth；〃　said　Irais　to　me　later；　when　the　click　of　Minora's　typewriter　was　heard　hesitating　in　the　next　room；　〃that　you　and　I　are　writing　her　book　for　her。　She　takes　down　everything　we　say。　　Why　does　she　copy　all　that　about　the　baby？　　I　wonder　why　mothers'　knees　are　supposed　to　be　touching？　　I　never　learned　anything　at　them；　did　you？　But　then　in　my　case　they　were　only　stepmother's；　and　nobody　ever　sings　their　praises。〃

〃My　mother　was　always　at　parties；〃　I　said；　〃and　the　nurse　made　me　say　my　prayers　in　French。〃

〃And　as　for　tubs　and　powder；〃　went　on　Irais；　〃when　I　was　a　baby　such　things　were　not　the　fashion。　　There　were　never　any　bathrooms；　and　no　tubs；　our　faces　and　hands　were　washed；　and　there　was　a　foot…bath　in　the　room；　and　in　the　summer　we　had　a　bath　and　were　put　to　bed　afterwards　for　fear　we　might　catch　cold。　My　stepmother　didn't　worry　much；　she　used　to　wear　pink　dresses　all　over　lace；　and　the　older　she　got　the　prettier　the　dresses　got。　When　is　she　going？〃

〃Who？　Minora？　　I　haven't　asked　her　that。〃

〃Then　I　will。　　It　is　really　bad　for　her　art　to　be　neglected　like　this。　She　has　been　here　an　unconscionable　time；it　must　be　nearly　three　weeks。〃

〃Yes；　she　came　the　same　day　you　did；〃　I　said　pleasantly。

Irais　was　silent。　　I　hope　she　was　reflecting　that　it　is　not　worse　to　neglect　one's　art　than　one's　husband；　and　her　husband　is　lying　all　this　time　stretched　on　a　bed　of　sickness；　while　she　is　spending　her　days　so　agreeably　with　me。　She　has　a　way　of　forgetting　that　she　has　a　home；　or　any　other　business　in　the　world　than　just　to　stay　on　chatting　with　me；　and　reading；　and　singing；　and　laughing　at　any　one　there　is　to　laugh　at；　and　kissing　the　babies；　and　tilting　with　the　Man　of　Wrath。　Naturally　I　love　hershe　is　so　pretty　that　anybody　with　eyes　in　his　head　must　love　herbut　too　much　of　anything　is　bad；　and　next　month　the　passages　and　offices　are　to　be　whitewashed；　and　people　who　have　ever　whitewashed　their　houses　inside　know　what　nice　places　they　are　to　live　in　while　it　is　being　done；　and　there　will　be　no　dinner　for　Irais；　and　none　of　those　succulent　salads　full　of　caraway　seeds　that　she　so　devotedly　loves。　I　shall　begin　to　lead　her　thoughts　gently　back　to　her　duties　by　inquiring　every　day　anxiously　after　her　husband's　health。　She　is　not　very　fond　of　him；　because　he　does　not　run　and　hold　the　door　open　for　her　every　time　she　gets　up　to　leave　the　room；　and　though　she　has　asked　him　to　do　so；　and　told　him　how　much　she　wishes　he　would；　he　still　won't。　She　stayed　once　in　a　house　where　there　was　an　Englishman；　and　his　nimbleness　in　regard　to　doors　and　chairs　so　impressed　her　that　her　husband　has　had　no　peace　since；　and　each　time　she　has　to　go　out　of　a　room　she　is　reminded　of　her　disregarded　wishes；　so　that　a　shut　door　is　to　her　symbolic　of　the　failure　of　her　married　life；　and　the　very　sight　of　one　makes　her　wonder　why　she　was　born；　at　least；　that　is　what　she　told　me　once；　in　a　burst　of　confidence。　He　is　quite　a　nice；　harmless　little　man；　pleasant　to　talk　to；　good…tempered；　and　full　of　fun　；　but　he　thinks　he　is　too　old　to　begin　to　learn　new　and　uncomfortable　ways；　and　he　has　that　horror　of　being　made　better　by　his　wife　that　distinguishes　so　many　righteous　men；　and　is　shared　by　the　Man　of　Wrath；　who　persists　in　holding　his　glass　in　his　left　hand　at　meals；　because　if　he　did　not　（and　I　don't　believe　he　particularly　likes　doing　it）　his　relations　might　say　that　marriage　has　improved　him；　and　thus　drive　the　iron　into　his　soul。　This　habit　occasions　an　almost　daily　argument　between　one　or　other　of　the　babies　and　myself。

〃April；　hold　your　glass　in　your　right　hand。〃

〃But　papa　doesn't。〃

〃When　you　are　as　old　as　papa　you　can　do　as　you　like。〃

Which　was　embellished　only　yesterday　by　Minora　adding　impressively；　〃And　only　think　how　strange　it　would　look　if　everybody　held　their　glasses　so。〃

April　was　greatly　struck　by　the　force　of　this　proposition。


January　28th。It　is　very　cold；fifteen　degrees　of　frost　Reaumur；　but　perfectly　delicious；　still；　bright　weather；　and　one　feels　jolly　and　energetic　and　amiably　disposed　towards　everybody。　The　two　young　ladies　are　still　here；　but　the　air　is　so　buoyant　that　even　they　don't　weigh　on　me　any　longer；　and　besides；　they　have　both　announced　their　approaching　departure；　so　that　after　all　I　shall　get　my　whitewashing　done　in　peace；　and　the　house　will　have　on　its　clean　pinafore　in　time　to　welcome　the　spring。

Minora　has　painted　my　portrait；　and　is　going　to　present　it　as　a　parting　gift　to　the　Man　of　Wrath；　and　the　fact　that　I　let　her　do　it；　and　sat　meekly　times　innumerable；　proves　conclusively；　I　hope；　that　I　am　not　vain。　　When　Irais　first　saw　it　she　laughed　till　she　cried；　and　at　once　commissioned　her　to　paint　hers；　so　that　she　may　take　it　away　with　her　and　give　it　to　her　husband　on　his　birthday；　which　happens　to　be　early　in　February。　　Indeed；　if　it　were　not　for　this　birthday；　I　really　think　she　would　have　forgotten　to　go　at　all；　but　birthdays　are　great　and　solemn　festivals　with　us；　never　allowed　to　slip　by　unnoticed；　and　always　celebrated　in　the　presence　of　a　sympathetic　crowd　of　relations　（gathered　from　far　and　near　to　tell　you　how　well　you　are　wearing；　and　that　nobody　would　ever　dream；　and　that　really　it　is　wonderful）；　who　stand　round　a　sort　of　sacrificial　altar；　on　which　your　years　are　offered　up　as　a　burnt…offering　to　the　gods　in　the　shape　of　lighted　pink　and　white　candles；　stuck　in　a　very　large；　flat；　jammy　cake。　The　cake　with　its　candles　is　the　chief　feature；　and　on　the　table　round　it　lie　the　gifts　each　person　present　is　more　or　less　bound　to　give。　As　my　birthday　falls　in　the　winter　I　get　mittens　as　well　as　blotting…books　and　photograph…frames；　and　if　it　were　in　the　summer　I　should　get　photograph…frames　and　blotting…books　and　no　mittens；　but　whatever　the　present　may　be；　and　by　whomsoever　given；　it　has　to　be　welcomed　with　the　noisiest　gratitude；　and　loudest　exclamations　of　joy；　and　such　words　as　entzuckend；　reizend；　herrlich；　wundervoll；　and　suss　repeated　over　and　over　again；　until　the　unfortunate　Geburtstagskind　feels　indeed　that　another　year　has　gone；　and　that　she　has　grown　older；　and　wiser；　and　more　tired　of　folly　and　of　vain　repetitions。　A　flag　is　hoisted；　and　all　the　morning　the　rites　are　celebrated；　the　cake　eaten；　healths　drunk；　speeches　made；　and　hands　nearly　shaken　off。　The　neighbouring　parsons　drive　up；　and　when　nobody　is　looking　their　wives　count　the　candles　in　the　cake；　the　active　lady　in　the　next　Schlass　spares　time　to　send　a　pot　of　flowers；　and　to　look　up　my　age　in　the　Gotha　Almanach；　a　deputation　comes　from　the　farms　headed　by　the　chief　inspector　in　white　kid　gloves　who　invokes　Heaven's　blessings　on　the　gracious　lady's　head；　and　the　babies　are　enchanted；　and　sit　in　a　corner　trying　on　all　the　mittens。　In　the　evening　there　is　a　dinner　for　the　relations　and　the　chief　local　authorities；　with　more　health…drinking　and　speechifying；　and　the　next　morning；　when　I　come　downstairs　thankful　to　have　done　with　it；　I　am　confronted　by　the　altar　still　in　its　place；　cake　crumbs　and　candle…grease　and　all；　because　any　hasty　removal　of　it　would　imply　a　most　lamentable　want　of　sentiment；　deplorable　in　anybody；　but　scandalous　and　disgusting　in　a　tender　female。　　All　birthdays　are　observed　in　this　fashion；　and　not　a　few　wise　persons　go　for　a　short　trip　just　about　the　time　theirs　is　due；　and　I　think　I　shall　imitate　them　next　year；　only　trips　to　the　country　or　seaside　in　December　are　not　usually　pleasant；　and　if　I　go　to　a　town　there　are　sure　to　be　relations　in　it；　and　then　the　cake　will　sp