elizabeth and her german garden-第2节
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tle got used to the joy of their flowers against the sky； came the lilacsmasses and masses of them； in clumps on the grass； with other shrubs and trees by the side of walks； and one great continuous bank of them half a mile long right past the west front of the house； away down as far as one could see； shining glorious against a background of firs。 When that time came； and when； before it was over； the acacias all blossomed too； and four great clumps of pale； silvery…pink peonies flowered under the south windows； I felt so absolutely happy； and blest； and thankful； and grateful； that I really cannot describe it。 My days seemed to melt away in a dream of pink and purple peace。
There were only the old housekeeper and her handmaiden in the house； so that on the plea of not giving too much trouble I could indulge what my other half calls my _fantaisie_ _dereglee_ as regards meals that is to say； meals so simple that they could be brought out to the lilacs on a tray； and I lived； I remember； on salad and bread and tea the whole time； sometimes a very tiny pigeon appearing at lunch to save me； as the old lady thought； from starvation。 Who but a woman could have stood salad for six weeks； even salad sanctified by the presence and scent of the most gorgeous lilac masses？ I did； and grew in grace every day； though I have never liked it since。 How often now； oppressed by the necessity of assisting at three dining…room meals daily； two of which are conducted by the functionaries held indispensable to a proper maintenance of the family dignity； and all of which are pervaded by joints of meat； how often do I think of my salad days； forty in number； and of the blessedness of being alone as I was then alone！
And then the evenings； when the workmen had all gone and the house was left to emptiness and echoes； and the old housekeeper had gathered up her rheumatic limbs into her bed； and my little room in quite another part of the house had been set ready； how reluctantly I used to leave the friendly frogs and owls； and with my heart somewhere down in my shoes lock the door to the garden behind me； and pass through the long series of echoing south rooms full of shadows and ladders and ghostly pails of painters' mess； and humming a tune to make myself believe I liked it； go rather slowly across the brick…floored hall； up the creaking stairs； down the long whitewashed passage； and with a final rush of panic whisk into my room and double lock and bolt the door！
There were no bells in the house； and I used to take a great dinner…bell to bed with me so that at least I might be able to make a noise if frightened in the night； though what good it would have been I don't know； as there was no one to hear。 The housemaid slept in another little cell opening out of mine； and we two were the only living creatures in the great empty west wing。 She evidently did not believe in ghosts； for I could hear how she fell asleep immediately after getting into bed； nor do I believe in them； 〃mais je les redoute；〃 as a French lady said； who from her books appears to have been strongminded。
The dinner…bell was a great solace； it was never rung； but it comforted me to see it on the chair beside my bed； as my nights were anything but placid； it was all so strange； and there were such queer creakings and other noises。 I used to lie awake for hours； startled out of a light sleep by the cracking of some board； and listen to the indifferent snores of the girl in the next room。 In the morning； of course； I was as brave as a lion and much amused at the cold perspirations of the night before； but even the nights seem to me now to have been delightful； and myself like those historic boys who heard a voice in every wind and snatched a fearful joy。 I would gladly shiver through them all over again for the sake of the beautiful purity of the house； empty of servants and upholstery。
How pretty the bedrooms looked with nothing in them but their cheerful new papers！ Sometimes I would go into those that were finished and build all sorts of castles in the air about their future and their past。 Would the nuns who had lived in them know their little white…washed cells again； all gay with delicate flower papers and clean white paint？ And how astonished they would be to see cell No。 14 turned into a bathroom； with a bath big enough to insure a cleanliness of body equal to their purity of soul！ They would look upon it as a snare of the tempter； and I know that in my own case I only began to be shocked at the blackness of my nails the day that I began to lose the first whiteness of my soul by falling in love at fifteen with the parish organist； or rather with the glimpse of surplice and Roman nose and fiery moustache which was all I ever saw of him； and which I loved to distraction for at least six months； at the end of which time； going out with my governess one day； I passed him in the street； and discovered that his unofficial garb was a frock…coat combined with a turn…down collar and a 〃bowler〃 hat； and never loved him any more。
The first part of that time of blessedness was the most perfect； for I had not a thought of anything but the peace and beauty all round me。 Then he appeared suddenly who has a right to appear when and how he will and rebuked me for never having written； and when I told him that I had been literally too happy to think of writing； he seemed to take it as a reflection on himself that I could be happy alone。 I took him round the garden along the new paths I had had made； and showed him the acacia and lilac glories； and he said that it was the purest selfishness to enjoy myself when neither he nor the offspring were with me； and that the lilacs wanted thoroughly pruning。 I tried to appease him by offering him the whole of my salad and toast supper which stood ready at the foot of the little verandah steps when we came back； but nothing appeased that Man of Wrath； and he said he would go straight back to the neglected family。 So he went； and the remainder of the precious time was disturbed by twinges of conscience （to which I am much subject） whenever I found myself wanting to jump for joy。 I went to look at the painters every time my feet were for taking me to look at the garden； I trotted diligently up and down the passages； I criticised and suggested and commanded more in one day than I had done in all the rest of the time； I wrote regularly and sent my love； but I could not manage to fret and yearn。 What are you to do if your conscience is clear and your liver in order and the sun is shining？
May 10th。I knew nothing whatever last year about gardening and this year know very little more； but I have dawnings of what may be done； and have at least made one great stride from ipomaea to tea…roses。
The garden was an absolute wilderness。 It is all round the house； but the principal part is on the south side and has evidently always been so。 The south front is one…storied； a long series of rooms opening one into the other； and the walls are covered with virginia creeper。 There is a little verandah in the middle； leading by a flight of rickety wooden steps down into what seems to have been the only spot in the whole place that was ever cared for。 This is a semicircle cut into the lawn and edged with privet； and in this semicircle are eleven beds of different sizes bordered with box and arranged round a sun…dial； and the sun…dial is very venerable and moss…grown； and greatly beloved by me。 These beds were the only sign of any attempt at gardening to be seen （except a solitary crocus that came up all by itself each spring in the grass； not because it wanted to； but because it could not help it）； and these I had sown with ipomaea； the whole eleven； having found a German gardening book； according to which ipomaea in vast quantities was the one thing needful to turn the most hideous desert into a paradise。 Nothing else in that book was recommended with anything like the same warmth； and being entirely ignorant of the quantity of seed necessary； I bought ten pounds of it and had it sown not only in the eleven beds but round nearly every tree； and then waited in great agitation for the promised paradise to appear。 It did not； and I learned my first lesson。
Luckily I had sown two great patches of sweetpeas which made me very happy all the summer； and then there were some sunflowers and a few hollyhocks under the south windows； with Madonna lilies in between。 But the lilies； after being transplanted； disappeared to my great dismay； for how was I to know it was the way of lilies？ And the hollyhocks turned out to be rather ugly colours； so that my first summer was decorated and beautified solely by sweet…peas。 At present we are only just beginning to breathe after the bustle of getting new beds and borders and paths made in time for this summer。 The eleven beds round the sun…dial are filled with roses； but I see already that I have made mistakes with some。 As I have not a living soul with whom to hold communion on this or indeed on any matter； my only way of learning is by making mistakes。 All eleven were to have been carpeted with purple pansies； but finding that I had not enough and that nobody had any to sell me； only six have got their pansies； the others b
