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第12节

elizabeth and her german garden-第12节

小说: elizabeth and her german garden 字数: 每页4000字

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ntly the cousins knew the value of this warm aspect; for in the border beneath; filled in my father's time in this month of November with the wallflowers that were to perfume the walk in spring; there was a thick crop ofI stooped down close to make sureyes; a thick crop of radishes。  My eyes filled with tears at the sight of those radishes; and it is probably the only occasion on record on which radishes have made anybody cry。 My dear father; whom I so passionately loved; had in his turn passionately loved this particular border; and spent the spare moments of a busy life enjoying the flowers that grew in it。 He had no time himself for a more near acquaintance with the delights of gardening than directing what plants were to be used; but found rest from his daily work strolling up and down here; or sitting smoking as close to the flowers as possible。 〃It is the Purest of Humane pleasures; it is the Greatest Refreshment to the Spirits of Man;〃 he would quote (for he read other things besides the Kreuzzeitung); looking round with satisfaction on reaching this fragrant haven after a hot day in the fields。  Well; the cousins did not think so。 Less fanciful; and more sensible as they probably would have said; their position plainly was that you cannot eat flowers。 Their spirits required no refreshment; but their bodies needed much; and therefore radishes were more precious than wallflowers。 Nor was my youth wholly destitute of radishes; but they were grown in the decent obscurity of odd kitchen garden corners and old cucumber frames; and would never have been allowed to come among the flowers。  And only because I was not a boy here they were profaning the ground that used to be so beautiful。 Oh; it was a terrible misfortune not to have been a boy! And how sad and lonely it was; after all; in this ghostly garden。 The radish bed and what it symbolised had turned my first joy into grief。  This walk and border me too much of my father reminded; and of all he had been to me。  What I knew of good he had taught me; and what I had of happiness was through him。  Only once during all the years we lived together had we been of different opinions and fallen out; and it was the one time I ever saw him severe。 I was four years old; and demanded one Sunday to be taken to church。  My father said no; for I had never been to church; and the German service is long and exhausting。  I implored。 He again said no。  I implored again; and showed such a pious disposition; and so earnest a determination to behave well; that he gave in; and we went off very happily hand in hand。 〃Now mind; Elizabeth;〃 he said; turning to me at the church door; 〃there is no coming out again in the middle。  Having insisted on being brought; thou shalt now sit patiently till the end。〃 〃Oh; yes; oh; yes;〃 I promised eagerly; and went in filled with holy fire。  The shortness of my legs; hanging helplessly for two hours midway between the seat and the floor; was the weapon chosen by Satan for my destruction。 In German churches you do not kneel; and seldom stand; but sit nearly the whole time; praying and singing in great comfort。 If you are four years old; however; this unchanged position soon becomes one of torture。  Unknown and dreadful things go on in your legs; strange prickings and tinglings and dartings up and down; a sudden terrifying numbness; when you think they must have dropped off but are afraid to look; then renewed and fiercer prickings; shootings; and burnings。 I thought I must be very ill; for I had never known my legs like that before。  My father sitting beside me was engrossed in the singing of a chorale that evidently had no end; each verse finished with a long…drawn…out hallelujah; after which the organ played by itself for a hundred years by the organist's watch; which was wrong; two minutes exactly and then another verse began。  My father; being the patron of the living; was careful to sing and pray and listen to the sermon with exemplary attention; aware that every eye in the little church was on our pew; and at first I tried to imitate him; but the behaviour of my legs became so alarming that after vainly casting imploring glances at him and seeing that he continued his singing unmoved; I put out my hand and pulled his sleeve。

〃Hal…le…lu…jah;〃 sang my father with deliberation; continuing in a low voice without changing the expression of his face; his lips hardly moving; and his eyes fixed abstractedly on the ceiling till the organist; who was also the postman; should have finished his solo; 〃Did I not tell thee to sit still; Elizabeth?〃  〃Yes; but 〃 〃Then do it。〃 〃But I want to go home。〃

〃Unsinn。〃 And the next verse beginning; my father sang louder than ever。  What could I do?  Should I cry? I began to be afraid I was going to die on that chair;so extraordinary were the sensations in my legs。  What could my father do to me if I did cry?  With the quick instinct of small children I felt that he could not put me in the corner in church; nor would he whip me in public; and that with the whole village looking on; he was helpless; and would have to give in。 Therefore I tugged his sleeve again and more peremptorily; and prepared to demand my immediate removal in a loud voice。 But my father was ready for me。  Without interrupting his singing; or altering his devout expression; he put his hand slowly down and gave me a hard pinchnot a playful pinch; but a good hard unmistakeable pinch; such as I had never imagined possible; and then went on serenely to the next hallelujah。 For a moment I was petrified with astonishment。 Was this my indulgent father; my playmate; adorer; and friend? Smarting with pain; for I was a round baby; with a nicely stretched; tight skin; and dreadfully hurt in my feelings; I opened my mouth to shriek in earnest; when my father's clear whisper fell on my ear; each word distinct and not to be misunderstood; his eyes as before gazing meditatively into space; and his lips hardly moving; 〃Elizabeth; wenn du schreist; kneife ich dich bis du platzt。〃 And he finished the verse with unruffled decorum

〃Will Satan mich verschlingen; So lass die Engel singen             Hallelujah!〃

We never had another difference。  Up to then he had been my willing slave; and after that I was his。

With a smile and a shiver I turned from the border and its memories to the door in the wall leading to the kitchen garden; in a corner of which my own little garden used to be。  The door was open; and I stood still a moment before going through; to hold my breath and listen。 The silence was as profound as before。  The place seemed deserted; and I should have thought the house empty and shut up but for the carefully tended radishes and the recent footmarks on the green of the path。 They were the footmarks of a child。  I was stooping down to examine a specially clear one; when the loud caw of a very bored looking crow sitting on the wall just above my head made me jump as I have seldom in my life jumped; and reminded me that I was trespassing。  Clearly my nerves were all to pieces; for I gathered up my skirts and fled through the door as though a whole army of ghosts and cousins were at my heels; nor did I stop till I had reached the remote corner where my garden was。 〃Are you enjoying yourself; Elizabeth?〃 asked the mocking sprite that calls itself my soul:  but I was too much out of breath to answer。

This was really a very safe corner。  It was separated from the main garden and the house by the wall; and shut in on the north side by an orchard; and it was to the last degree unlikely that any one would come there on such an afternoon。 This plot of ground; turned now as I saw into a rockery; had been the scene of my most untiring labours。  Into the cold earth of this north border on which the sun never shone I had dug my brightest hopes。  All my pocket money had been spent on it; and as bulbs were dear and my weekly allowance small; in a fatal hour I had borrowed from Fraulein Wundermacher; selling her my independence; passing utterly into her power; forced as a result till my next birthday should come round to an unnatural suavity of speech and manner in her company; against which my very soul revolted。  And after all; nothing came up。  The labour of digging and watering; the anxious zeal with which I pounced on weeds; the poring over gardening books; the plans made as I sat on the little seat in the middle gazing admiringly and with the eye of faith on the trim surface so soon to be gemmed with a thousand flowers; the reckless expenditure of pfennings; the humiliation of my position in regard to Fraulein Wundermacher;all; all had been in vain。  No sun shone there; and nothing grew。 The gardener who reigned supreme in those days had given me this big piece for that sole reason; because he could do nothing with it himself。  He was no doubt of opinion that it was quite good enough for a child to experiment upon; and went his way; when I had thanked him with a profuseness of gratitude I still remember; with an unmoved countenance。 For more than a year I worked and waited; and watched the career of the flourishing orchard opposite with puzzled feelings。 The orchard was only a few yards away; and yet; although my garden was full of manure; and water; and attentions that were n

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