elizabeth and her german garden-第11节
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of hair to whose other end I was attached and whose English name I had been told was pigtail； just at the instant when I was springing away from her into the bushes； and so had led me home triumphant； holding on tight to the rope of hair； and muttering with a broad smile of special satisfaction； 〃Diesmal wirst du mir aber nicht entschlupfen！〃 Fraulein Wundermacher； now I came to think of it； must have been a humourist。 She was certainly a clever and a capable woman。 But I wished at that moment that she would not haunt me so persistently； and that I could get rid of the feeling that she was just behind in her galoshes； with her hand stretched out to seize me。 Passing the arbour； and peering into its damp recesses； I started back with my heart in my mouth。 I thought I saw my grandfather's stern eyes shining in the darkness。 It was evident that my anxiety lest the cousins should catch me had quite upset my nerves； for I am not by nature inclined to see eyes where eyes are not。 〃Don't be foolish； Elizabeth；〃 murmured my soul in rather a faint voice； 〃go in； and make sure。〃 〃But I don't like going in and making sure；〃 I replied。 I did go in； however； with a sufficient show of courage； and fortunately the eyes vanished。 What I should have done if they had not I am altogether unable to imagine。 Ghosts are things that I laugh at in the daytime and fear at night； but I think if I were to meet one I should die。 The arbour had fallen into great decay； and was in the last stage of mouldiness。 My grandfather had had it made； and； like other buildings； it enjoyed a period of prosperity before being left to the ravages of slugs and children； when he came down every afternoon in summer and drank his coffee there and read his Kreuzzeitung and dozed； while the rest of us went about on tiptoe； and only the birds dared sing。 Even the mosquitoes that infested the place were too much in awe of him to sting him； they certainly never did sting him； and I naturally concluded it must be because he had forbidden such familiarities。 Although I had played there for so many years since his death； my memory skipped them all； and went back to the days when it was exclusively his。 Standing on the spot where his armchair used to be； I felt how well I knew him now from the impressions he made then on my child's mind； though I was not conscious of them for more than twenty years。 Nobody told me about him； and he died when I was six； and yet within the last year or two； that strange Indian summer of remembrance that comes to us in the leisured times when the children have been born and we have time to think； has made me know him perfectly well。 It is rather an uncomfortable thought for the grown…up； and especially for the parent； but of a salutary and restraining nature； that though children may not understand what is said and done before them； and have no interest in it at the time； and though they may forget it at once and for years； yet these things that they have seen and heard and not noticed have after all impressed themselves for ever on their minds； and when they are men and women come crowding back with surprising and often painful distinctness； and away frisk all the cherished little illusions in flocks。
I had an awful reverence for my grandfather。 He never petted； and he often frowned； and such people are generally reverenced。 Besides； he was a just man； everybody said； a just man who might have been a great man if he had chosen； and risen to almost any pinnacle of worldly glory。 That he had not so chosen was held to be a convincing proof of his greatness； for he was plainly too great to be great in the vulgar sense； and shrouded himself in the dignity of privacy and potentialities。 This； at least； as time passed and he still did nothing； was the belief of the simple people around。 People must believe in somebody； and having pinned their faith on my grandfather in the promising years that lie round thirty； it was more convenient to let it remain there。 He pervaded our family life till my sixth year； and saw to it that we all behaved ourselves； and then he died； and we were glad that he should be in heaven。 He was a good German （and when Germans are good they are very good） who kept the commandments； voted for the Government； grew prize potatoes and bred innumerable sheep； drove to Berlin once a year with the wool in a procession of waggons behind him and sold it at the annual Wollmarkt； rioted soberly for a few days there； and then carried most of the proceeds home； hunted as often as possible； helped his friends； punished his children； read his Bible； said his prayers； and was genuinely astonished when his wife had the affectation to die of a broken heart。 I cannot pretend to explain this conduct。 She ought； of course； to have been happy in the possession of so good a man； but good men are sometimes oppressive； and to have one in the house with you and to live in the daily glare of his goodness must be a tremendous business。 After bearing him seven sons and three daughters； therefore； my grandmother died in the way described； and afforded； said my grandfather； another and a very curious proof of the impossibility of ever being sure of your ground with women。 The incident faded more quickly from his mind than it might otherwise have done for its having occurred simultaneously with the production of a new kind of potato； of which he was justly proud。 He called it Trost in Trauer； and quoted the text of Scripture Auge um Auge； Zabn um Zahn； after which he did not again allude to his wife's decease。 In his last years； when my father managed the estate； and he only lived with us and criticised； he came to have the reputation of an oracle。 The neighbours sent him their sons at the beginning of any important phase in their lives； and he received them in this very arbour； administering eloquent and minute advice in the deep voice that rolled round the shrubbery and filled me with a vague sense of guilt as I played。 Sitting among the bushes playing muffled games for fear of disturbing him； I supposed he must be reading aloud； so unbroken was the monotony of that majestic roll。 The young men used to come out again bathed in perspiration； much stung by mosquitoes； and looking bewildered； and when they had got over the impression made by my grandfather's speech and presence； no doubt forgot all he had said with wholesome quickness； and set themselves to the interesting and necessary work of gaining their own experience。 Once； indeed； a dreadful thing happened； whose immediate consequence was the abrupt end to the long and close friendship between us and our nearest neighbour。 His son was brought to the arbour and left there in the usual way； and either he must have happened on the critical half hour after the coffee and before the Kreuzzeitung； when my grandfather was accustomed to sleep； or he was more courageous than the others and tried to talk； for very shortly； playing as usual near at hand； I heard my grandfather's voice； raised to an extent that made me stop in my game and quake； saying with deliberate anger； 〃Hebe dich weg von mir； Sohn des Satans！〃 Which was all the advice this particular young man got； and which he hastened to take； for out he came through the bushes； and though his face was very pale； there was an odd twist about the corners of his mouth that reassured me。
This must have happened quite at the end of my grandfather's life； for almost immediately afterwards； as it now seems to me； he died before he need have done because he would eat crab； a dish that never agreed with him； in the face of his doctor's warning that if he did he would surely die。 〃What！ am I to be conquered by crabs？〃 he demanded indignantly of the doctor； for apart from loving them with all his heart he had never yet been conquered by anything。〃 Nay； sir； the combat is too unequaldo not； I pray you； try it again；〃 replied the doctor。 But my grandfather ordered crabs that very night for supper； and went in to table with the shining eyes of one who is determined to conquer or die； and the crabs conquered； and he died。 〃He was a just man；〃 said the neighbours； except that nearest neighbour； formerly his best friend； 〃and might have been a great one had he so chosen。〃 And they buried him with profound respect； and the sunshine came into our home life with a burst； and the birds were not the only creatures that sang； and the arbour； from having been a temple of Delphic utterances； sank into a home for slugs。
Musing on the strangeness of life； and on the invariable ultimate triumph of the insignificant and small over the important and vast； illustrated in this instance by the easy substitution in the arbour of slugs for grandfathers； I went slowly round the next bend of the path； and came to the broad walk along the south side of the high wall dividing the flower garden from the kitchen garden； in which sheltered position my father had had his choicest flowers。 Here the cousins had been at work； and all the climbing roses that clothed the wall with beauty were gone； and some very neat fruit trees； tidily nailed up at proper intervals； reigned in their stead。 Evidently the cousins knew the value of this warm aspect； for in the border beneath； filled in my father'
