the dark flower-第43节

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got　her！　　She　could　not　break　back　up　that　hill；　and　there　was　no
other　cover　for　fully　half　a　mile。

Then　he　saw；　not　thirty　yards　in　front；　an　old　sandpit；　and　Great
God！　she　was　going　straight　at　it！　　And　shouting　frantically；　he
reined　his　mare　outwards。　　But　she　only　raised　her　whip；　cut　the
magpie　horse　over　the　flank；　and　rode　right　on。　　He　saw　that　little
demon　gather　its　feet　and　springdown；　down；　saw　him　pitch；
struggle；　sinkand　she；　flung　forward；　roll　over　and　lie　on　her
back。　　He　felt　nothing　at　the　moment；　only　had　that　fixed　vision　of
a　yellow　patch　of　sand；　the　blue　sky；　a　rook　flying；　and　her　face
upturned。　　But　when　he　came　on　her　she　was　on　her　feet；　holding　the
bridle　of　her　dazed　horse。　　No　sooner　did　he　touch　her；　than　she
sank　down。　　Her　eyes　were　closed；　but　he　could　feel　that　she　had
not　fainted；　and　he　just　held　her；　and　kept　pressing　his　lips　to
her　eyes　and　forehead。　　Suddenly　she　let　her　head　fall　back；　and
her　lips　met　his。　　Then　opening　her　eyes；　she　said：　〃I'm　not　hurt；
onlyfunny。　　Has　Magpie　cut　his　knees？〃

Not　quite　knowing　what　he　did；　he　got　up　to　look。　　The　little　horse
was　cropping　at　some　grass；　unharmedthe　sand　and　fern　had　saved
his　knees。　　And　the　languid　voice　behind　him　said：　〃It's　all　right
you　can　leave　the　horses。　　They'll　come　when　I　call。〃

Now　that　he　knew　she　was　unhurt；　he　felt　angry。　　Why　had　she
behaved　in　this　mad　waygiven　him　this　fearful　shock？　　But　in　that
same　languid　voice　she　went　on：　〃Don't　be　cross　with　me。　　I　thought
at　first　I'd　pull　up；　but　then　I　thought：　'If　I　jump　he　can't　help
being　nice'so　I　did　　Don't　leave　off　loving　me　because　I'm　not
hurt；　please。〃

Terribly　moved；　he　sat　down　beside　her；　took　her　hands　in　his；　and
said：

〃Nell！　　Nell！　it's　all　wrongit's　madness！〃

〃Why？　　Don't　think　about　it！　　I　don't　want　you　to　thinkonly　to
love　me。〃

〃My　child；　you　don't　know　what　love　is！〃

For　answer　she　only　flung　her　arms　round　his　neck；　then；　since　he
held　back　from　kissing　her；　let　them　fall　again；　and　jumped　up。

〃Very　well。　　But　I　love　you。　　You　can　think　of　THATyou　can't
prevent　me！〃　　And　without　waiting　for　help；　she　mounted　the　magpie
horse　from　the　sand…heap　where　they　had　fallen。

Very　sober　that　ride　home！　　The　horses；　as　if　ashamed　of　their　mad
chase；　were　edging　close　to　each　other；　so　that　now　and　then　his
arm　would　touch　her　shoulder。　　He　asked　her　once　what　she　had　felt
while　she　was　jumping。

〃Only　to　be　sure　my　foot　was　free。　　It　was　rather　horrid　coming
down；　thinking　of　Magpie's　knees；〃　and　touching　the　little　horse's
goat…like　ears；　she　added　softly：　〃Poor　dear！　　He'll　be　stiff　to…
morrow。〃

She　was　again　only　the　confiding；　rather　drowsy；　child。　　Or　was　it
that　the　fierceness　of　those　past　moments　had　killed　his　power　of
feeling？　　An　almost　dreamy　hourwith　the　sun　going　down；　the　lamps
being　lighted　one　by　oneand　a　sort　of　sweet　oblivion　over
everything！

At　the　door；　where　the　groom　was　waiting；　Lennan　would　have　said
good…bye；　but　she　whispered：　〃Oh；　no；　please！　　I　AM　tired　nowyou
might　help　me　up　a　little。〃

And　so；　half　carrying　her；　he　mounted　past　the　Vanity　Fair
cartoons；　and　through　the　corridor　with　the　red　paper　and　the　Van
Beers'　drawings；　into　the　room　where　he　had　first　seen　her。

Once　settled　back　in　Dromore's　great　chair；　with　the　purring　kitten
curled　up　on　her　neck；　she　murmured：

〃Isn't　it　nice？　　You　can　make　tea；　and　we'll　have　hot　buttered
toast。〃

And　so　Lennan　stayed；　while　the　confidential　man　brought　tea　and
toast；　and；　never　once　looking　at　them；　seemed　to　know　all　that　had
passed；　all　that　might　be　to　come。

Then　they　were　alone　again；　and；　gazing　down　at　her　stretched　out
in　that　great　chair；　Lennan　thought：

〃Thank　God　that　I'm　tired　toobody　and　soul！〃

But　suddenly　she　looked　up　at　him；　and　pointing　to　the　picture　that
to…day　had　no　curtain　drawn；　said：

〃Do　you　think　I'm　like　her？　　I　made　Oliver　tell　me　aboutmyself
this　summer。　　That's　why　you　needn't　bother。　　It　doesn't　matter
what　happens　to　me；　you　see。　　And　I　don't　carebecause　you　can
love　me；　without　feeling　bad　about　it。　　And　you　will；　won't　you？〃

Then；　with　her　eyes　still　on　his　face；　she　went　on　quickly：

〃Only　we　won't　talk　about　that　now；　will　we？　　It's　too　cosy。　　I　AM
nice　and　tired。　　Do　smoke！〃

But　Lennan's　fingers　trembled　so　that　he　could　hardly　light　that
cigarette。　　And；　watching　them；　she　said：　〃Please　give　me　one。　　Dad
doesn't　like　my　smoking。〃

The　virtue　of　Johnny　Dromore！　　Yes！　　It　would　always　be　by　proxy！
And　he　muttered：

〃How　do　you　think　he　would　like　to　know　about　this　afternoon；
Nell？〃

〃I　don't　care。〃　　Then　peering　up　through　the　kitten's　fur　she
murmured：　〃Oliver　wants　me　to　go　to　a　dance　on　Saturdayit's　for　a
charity。　　Shall　I？〃

〃Of　course；　why　not？〃

〃Will　YOU　come？〃

〃I？〃

〃Oh；　do！　　You　must！　　It's　my　very　first；　you　know。　　I've　got　an
extra　ticket。〃

And　against　his　will；　his　judgmenteverything；　Lennan　answered：
〃Yes。〃

She　clapped　her　hands；　and　the　kitten　crawled　down　to　her　knees。

When　he　got　up　to　go；　she　did　not　move；　but　just　looked　up　at　him；
and　how　he　got　away　he　did　not　know。

Stopping　his　cab　a　little　short　of　home；　he　ran；　for　he　felt　cold
and　stiff；　and　letting　himself　in　with　his　latch…key；　went　straight
to　the　drawing…room。　　The　door　was　ajar；　and　Sylvia　standing　at　the
window。　　He　heard　her　sigh；　and　his　heart　smote　him。　　Very　still；
and　slender；　and　lonely　she　looked　out　there；　with　the　light
shining　on　her　fair　hair　so　that　it　seemed　almost　white。　　Then　she
turned　and　saw　him。　　He　noticed　her　throat　working　with　the　effort
she　made　not　to　show　him　anything；　and　he　said：

〃Surely　you　haven't　been　anxious！　　Nell　had　a　bit　of　a　fall
jumping　into　a　sandpit。　　She's　quite　mad　sometimes。　　I　stayed　to
tea　with　herjust　to　make　sure　she　wasn't　really　hurt。〃　　But　as　he
spoke　he　loathed　himself；　his　voice　sounded　so　false。

She　only　answered：　〃It's　all　right；　dear；〃　but　he　saw　that　she　kept
her　eyesthose　blue；　too　true　eyesaverted；　even　when　she　kissed
him。

And　so　began　another　evening　and　night　and　morning　of　fever；
subterfuge；　wariness；　aching。　　A　round　of　half…ecstatic　torment；
out　of　which　he　seemed　no　more　able　to　break　than　a　man　can　break
through　the　walls　of　a　cell。　。　。　。

Though　it　live　but　a　day　in　the　sun；　though　it　drown　in　tenebrous
night；　the　dark　flower　of　passion　will　have　its　hour。　。　。　。


XII


To　deceive　undoubtedly　requires　a　course　of　training。　　And；
unversed　in　this　art；　Lennan　was　fast　finding　it　intolerable　to
scheme　and　watch　himself；　and　mislead　one　who　had　looked　up　to　him
ever　since　they　were　children。　　Yet；　all　the　time；　he　had　a　feeling
that；　since　he　alone　knew　all　the　circumstances　of　his　case；　he
alone　was　entitled　to　blame　or　to　excuse　himself。　　The　glib
judgments　that　moralists　would　pass　upon　his　conduct　could　be
nothing　but　the　imbecilities　of　smug　and　pharisaic　foolsof　those
not　under　this　drugging　spellof　such　as　had　not　blood　enough；
perhaps；　ever　to　fall　beneath　it！

The　day　after　the　ride　Nell　had　not　come；　and　he　had　no　word　from
her。　　Was　she；　then；　hurt；　after　all？　　She　had　lain　back　very
inertly　in　that　chair！　　And　Sylvia　never　asked　if　he　knew　how　the
girl　was　after　her　fall；　nor　offered　to　send　round　to　inquire。　　Did
she　not　wish　to　speak　of　her；　or　had　she　simplynot　believed？
When　there　was　so　much　he　could　not　talk　of　it　seemed　hard　that
just　what　happened　to　be　true　should　be　distrusted。　　She　had　not
yet；　indeed；　by　a　single　word　suggested　that　she　felt　he　was
deceiving　her；　but　at　heart　he　knew　that　she　was　not　deceived。　。　。　。
Those　feelers　of　a　woman　who　lovescan　anything　check　their
delicate　apprehension？　。　。　。

Towards　evening；　the　longing　to　see　the　girla　sensation　as　if　she
were　calling　him　to　come　to　herbecame　almost　insupportable；　yet；
whatever　excuse　he　gave；　he　felt　that　Sylvia　would　know　where　he
was　going。　　He　sat　on　one　side　of　the　fire；　she　on　the　other；　and
they　both　read　books；　the　only　strange　thing　about　their　reading
was；　that　neither　of　them　ever　turned　a　leaf。　　It　was　'Don　Quixote'
he　read；　the　page　which　had　these　words：　〃Let　Altisidora　weep　or
sing；　still　I　am　Dulcinea's　and　hers　alone；　dead　or　alive；　dutiful
and　unchanged；　in　spite　of　all　the　necromantic　powers　in　the
world。〃　　And　so　the　evening　passed。　　When　she　went　up　to　bed；　he
was　very　near　to　stealing　out；　driving　up　to　the　Dromores'　door；
and　inquiring　of　the　confidential　man；　but　the　thought　of　the
confounded　fellow's　eyes　was　too　much　for　him；　and　he　held　out。　　He
took　up　Sylvia's　book；　De　Maupassant's　'Fort　comme　la　mort'open
at　the　page　where　the　poor　woman　finds　that　her　lover　has　passed
away　from　her　to　her　own　daughter。　　And　as　he　read；　the　tears
rolled　down　his　cheek。　　Sylvia！　　Sylvia！　　Were　not　his　old
favourite　words　from　that　old　favourite　book　still　true？　　〃Dulcinea
del　Toboso　is　the　most　beautiful　woman　in　the　world；　and　I　the　most
unfortunate　knight　upon　the　earth。　　It　were　unjust　that　such
perfection　should　suffer　through　my　weakness。　　No；　pierce　my　body
with　your　lance；　knight；　and　let　my　life　expire　with　my　honour。　。　。　。〃
Why　could　he　not　wrench　this　feeling　from　his　heart；　banis