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第28节

the dark flower-第28节

小说: the dark flower 字数: 每页4000字

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Colonel; who really loved a horse; was deep in admiration。  He
liked its head and he liked its hocks; above all; he liked its eye。
A fine creature; all sense and fireperhaps just a little straight
in the shoulder for coming down the hill!  And in the midst of his
examination he found himself staring at his niece。  What breeding
the child showed; with her delicate arched brows; little ears; and
fine; close nostrils; and the way she movedso sure and springy。
She was too pretty to suffer!  A shame!  If she hadn't been so
pretty that young fellow wouldn't have fallen in love with her。  If
she weren't so prettythat husband of hers wouldn't!  And the
Colonel dropped his gaze; startled by the discovery he had stumbled
on。  If she hadn't been so pretty!  Was that the meaning of it all?
The cynicism of his own reflection struck him between wind and
water。  And yet something in himself seemed to confirm it somehow。
What then?  Was he to let them tear her in two between them;
destroying her; because she was so pretty?  And somehow this
discovery of histhat passion springs from worship of beauty and
warmth; of form and colourdisturbed him horribly; for he had no
habit of philosophy。  The thought seemed to him strangely crude;
even immoral。  That she should be thus between two ravening
desiresa bird between two hawks; a fruit between two mouths!  It
was a way of looking at things that had never before occurred to
him。  The idea of a husband clutching at his wife; the idea of that
young man who looked so gentle; swooping down on her; and the idea
that if she faded; lost her looks; went off; their greed; indeed;
any man's; would die awayall these horrible ideas hurt him the
more for the remarkable suddenness with which they had come to him。
A tragic business!  Dolly had said so。  Queer and quickwere
women!  But his resolution that the day was to be jolly soon
recurred to him; and he hastily resumed inspection of his fancy。
Perhaps they ought to have a ten…pound note on it; and they had
better get back to the Stand!  And as they went the Colonel saw;
standing beneath a tree at a little distance; a young man that he
could have sworn was Lennan。  Not likely for an artist chap to be
down here!  But it WAS undoubtedly young Lennan; brushed…up; in a
top…hat。  Fortunately; however; his face was not turned in their
direction。  He said nothing to Olive; not wishingespecially after
those unpleasant thoughtsto take responsibility; and he kept her
moving towards the gate; congratulating himself that his eyes had
been so sharp。  In the crush there he was separated from her a
little; but she was soon beside him again; and more than ever he
congratulated himself that nothing had occurred to upset her and
spoil the day。  Her cheeks were warm enough now; her dark eyes
glowing。  She was excited no doubt by thoughts of the race; and of
the 'tenner' he was going to put on for her。

He recounted the matter afterwards to Mrs。 Ercott。  〃That chestnut
Tabor put me on to finished nowherecouldn't get down the hill
knew it wouldn't the moment I set eyes on it。  But the child
enjoyed herself。  Wish you'd been there; my dear!〃  Of his deeper
thoughts and of that glimpse of young Lennan he did not speak; for
on the way home an ugly suspicion had attacked him。  Had the young
fellow; after all; seen and managed to get close to her in the
crush at the paddock gateway?


XIV


That letter of hers fanned the flame in Lennan as nothing had yet
fanned it。  Earthiness!  Was it earthiness to love as he did?  If
so; then not for all the world would he be otherwise than earthy。
In the shock of reading it; he crossed his Rubicon; and burned his
boats behind him。  No more did the pale ghost; chivalrous devotion;
haunt him。  He knew now that he could not stop short。  Since she
asked him; he must not; of course; try to see her just yet。  But
when he did; then he would fight for his life; the thought that she
might be meaning to slip away from him was too utterly unbearable。
But she could not be meaning that!  She would never be so cruel!
Ah! she wouldshe must come to him in the end!  The world; life
itself; would be well lost for love of her!

Thus resolved; he was even able to work again; and all that Tuesday
he modelled at a big version of the fantastic; bull…like figure he
had conceived after the Colonel left him up on the hillside at
Beaulieu。  He worked at it with a sort of evil joy。  Into this
creature he would put the spirit of possession that held her from
him。  And while his fingers forced the clay; he felt as if he had
Cramier's neck within his grip。  Yet; now that he had resolved to
take her if he could; he had not quite the same hatred。  After all;
this man loved her too; could not help it that she loathed him;
could not help it that he had the disposition of her; body and
soul!

June had come in with skies of a blue that not even London glare
and dust could pale。  In every square and park and patch of green
the air simmered with life and with the music of birds swaying on
little boughs。  Piano organs in the streets were no longer wistful
for the South; lovers already sat in the shade of trees。

To remain indoors; when he was not working; was sheer torture; for
he could not read; and had lost all interest in the little
excitements; amusements; occupations that go to make up the normal
life of man。  Every outer thing seemed to have dropped off;
shrivelled; leaving him just a condition of the spirit; a state of
mind。

Lying awake he would think of things in the past; and they would
mean nothingall dissolved and dispersed by the heat of this
feeling in him。  Indeed; his sense of isolation was so strong that
he could not even believe that he had lived through the facts which
his memory apprehended。  He had become one burning moodthat; and
nothing more。

To be out; especially amongst trees; was the only solace。

And he sat for a long time that evening under a large lime…tree on
a knoll above the Serpentine。  There was very little breeze; just
enough to keep alive a kind of whispering。  What if men and women;
when they had lived their gusty lives; became trees!  What if
someone who had burned and ached were now spreading over him this
leafy peacethis blue…black shadow against the stars?  Or were the
stars; perhaps; the souls of men and women escaped for ever from
love and longing?  He broke off a branch of the lime and drew it
across his face。  It was not yet in flower; but it smelled lemony
and fresh even here in London。  If only for a moment he could
desert his own heart; and rest with the trees and stars!

No further letter came from her next morning; and he soon lost his
power to work。  It was Derby Day。  He determined to go down。
Perhaps she would be there。  Even if she were not; he might find
some little distraction in the crowd and the horses。  He had seen
her in the paddock long before the Colonel's sharp eyes detected
him; and; following in the crush; managed to touch her hand in the
crowded gateway; and whisper: 〃To…morrow; the National Gallery; at
four o'clockby the Bacchus and Ariadne。  For God's sake!〃  Her
gloved hand pressed his hard; and she was gone。  He stayed in the
paddock; too happy almost to breathe。 。 。 。

Next day; while waiting before that picture; he looked at it with
wonder。  For there seemed his own passion transfigured in the
darkening star…crowned sky; and the eyes of the leaping god。  In
spirit; was he not always rushing to her like that?  Minutes
passed; and she did not come。  What should he do if she failed him?
Surely die of disappointment and despair。 。 。 。  He had little
enough experience as yet of the toughness of the human heart; how
life bruises and crushes; yet leaves it beating。 。 。 。  Then; from
an unlikely quarter; he saw her coming。

They walked in silence down to the quiet rooms where the Turner
watercolours hung。  No one; save two Frenchmen and an old official;
watched them passing slowly before those little pictures; till they
came to the end wall; and; unseen; unheard by any but her; he could
begin!

The arguments he had so carefully rehearsed were all forgotten;
nothing left but an incoherent pleading。  Life without her was not
life; and they had only one life for loveone summer。  It was all
dark where she was notthe very sun itself was dark。  Better to
die than to live such false; broken lives; apart from each other。
Better to die at once than to live wanting each other; longing and
longing; and watching each other's sorrow。  And all for the sake of
what?  It maddened; killed him; to think of that man touching her
when he knew she did but hate him。  It shamed all manhood; it could
not be good to help such things to be。  A vow when the spirit of it
was gone was only superstition; it was wicked to waste one's life
for the sake of that。  Societyshe knew; she must knowonly cared
for the forms; the outsides of things。  And what did it matter what
Society thought?  It had no soul; no feeling; nothing。  And if it
were said they ought to sacrifice themselves for the sake of
others; to make things happier in the world; she must know that was
only true when love was light and selfish; but not w

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