three men on the bummel(三个闲逛的人)-第27节
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
thought for the moment he must be referring to this。 A moment's reflection；
however； told me that here； in the middle of Europe； three hundred miles
from the coast； such a thing was impossible。 Before I could question him
further； he seized me by the arm。
〃Look！〃 he said； 〃now am I exaggerating？〃
I turned my head and saw what； I suppose； few living Englishmen
have ever seen beforethe travelling Britisher according to the
Continental idea； accompanied by his daughter。 They were coming
towards us in the flesh and blood； unless we were dreaming； alive and
concretethe English 〃Milor〃 and the English 〃Mees；〃 as for generations
they have been portrayed in the Continental comic press and upon the
Continental stage。 They were perfect in every detail。 The man was tall
and thin； with sandy hair； a huge nose； and long Dundreary whiskers。
Over a pepper…and…salt suit he wore a light overcoat； reaching almost to
92
… Page 93…
THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
his heels。 His white helmet was ornamented with a green veil； a pair of
opera…glasses hung at his side； and in his lavender…gloved hand he carried
an alpenstock a little taller than himself。 His daughter was long and
angular。 Her dress I cannot describe： my grandfather； poor gentleman；
might have been able to do so； it would have been more familiar to him。 I
can only say that it appeared to me unnecessarily short； exhibiting a pair of
anklesif I may be permitted to refer to such pointsthat； from an artistic
point of view； called rather for concealment。 Her hat made me think of
Mrs。 Hemans； but why I cannot explain。 She wore side…spring boots
〃prunella；〃 I believe； used to be the trade namemittens； and pince…nez。
She also carried an alpenstock （there is not a mountain within a hundred
miles of Dresden） and a black bag strapped to her waist。 Her teeth stuck
out like a rabbit's； and her figure was that of a bolster on stilts。
Harris rushed for his camera； and of course could not find it； he never
can when he wants it。 Whenever we see Harris scuttling up and down
like a lost dog； shouting； 〃Where's my camera？ What the dickens have I
done with my camera？ Don't either of you remember where I put my
camera？〃then we know that for the first time that day he has come across
something worth photographing。 Later on； he remembered it was in his
bag； that is where it would be on an occasion like this。
They were not content with appearance； they acted the thing to the
letter。 They walked gaping round them at every step。 The gentleman
had an open Baedeker in his hand； and the lady carried a phrase book。
They talked French that nobody could understand； and German that they
could not translate themselves！ The man poked at officials with his
alpenstock to attract their attention； and the lady； her eye catching sight of
an advertisement of somebody's cocoa； said 〃Shocking！〃 and turned the
other way。
Really； there was some excuse for her。 One notices； even in England；
the home of the proprieties； that the lady who drinks cocoa appears；
according to the poster； to require very little else in this world； a yard or so
of art muslin at the most。 On the Continent she dispenses； so far as one
can judge； with every other necessity of life。 Not only is cocoa food and
drink to her； it should be clothes also； according to the idea of the cocoa
93
… Page 94…
THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
manufacturer。 But this by the way。
Of course； they immediately became the centre of attraction。 By
being able to render them some slight assistance； I gained the advantage of
five minutes' conversation with them。 They were very affable。 The
gentleman told me his name was Jones； and that he came from Manchester；
but he did not seem to know what part of Manchester； or where
Manchester was。 I asked him where he was going to； but he evidently
did not know。 He said it depended。 I asked him if he did not find an
alpenstock a clumsy thing to walk about with through a crowded town； he
admitted that occasionally it did get in the way。 I asked him if he did not
find a veil interfere with his view of things； he explained that you only
wore it when the flies became troublesome。 I enquired of the lady if she
did not find the wind blow cold； she said she had noticed it； especially at
the corners。 I did not ask these questions one after another as I have here
put them down； I mixed them up with general conversation； and we parted
on good terms。
I have pondered much upon the apparition； and have come to a definite
opinion。 A man I met later at Frankfort； and to whom I described the pair；
said he had seen them himself in Paris； three weeks after the termination
of the Fashoda incident； while a traveller for some English steel works
whom we met in Strassburg remembered having seen them in Berlin
during the excitement caused by the Transvaal question。 My conclusion
is that they were actors out of work； hired to do this thing in the interest of
international peace。 The French Foreign Office； wishful to allay the
anger of the Parisian mob clamouring for war with England； secured this
admirable couple and sent them round the town。 You cannot be amused
at a thing； and at the same time want to kill it。 The French nation saw the
English citizen and citizenessno caricature； but the living realityand
their indignation exploded in laughter。 The success of the stratagem
prompted them later on to offer their services to the German Government；
with the beneficial results that we all know。
Our own Government might learn the lesson。 It might be as well to
keep near Downing Street a few small； fat Frenchmen； to be sent round the
country when occasion called for it； shrugging their shoulders and eating
94
… Page 95…
THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
frog sandwiches； or a file of untidy； lank… haired Germans might be
retained； to walk about； smoking long pipes； saying 〃So。〃 The public
would laugh and exclaim； 〃War with such？ It would be too absurd。〃
Failing the Government； I recommend the scheme to the Peace Society。
Our visit to Prague we were compelled to lengthen somewhat。
Prague is one of the most interesting towns in Europe。 Its stones are
saturated with history and romance； its every suburb must have been a
battlefield。 It is the town that conceived the Reformation and hatched the
Thirty Years' War。 But half Prague's troubles； one imagines； might have
been saved to it； had it possessed windows less large and temptingly
convenient。 The first of these mighty catastrophes it set rolling by
throwing the seven Catholic councillors from the windows of its Rathhaus
on to the pikes of the Hussites below。 Later； it gave the signal for the
second by again throwing the Imperial councillors from the windows of
the old Burg in the HradschinPrague's second 〃Fenstersturz。〃 Since；
other fateful questions have been decide in Prague； one assumes from their
having been concluded without violence that such must have been
discussed in cellars。 The window； as an argument； one feels； would
always have proved too strong a temptation to any true…born Praguer。
In the Teynkirche stands the worm…eaten pulpit from which preached
John Huss。 One may hear from the selfsame desk to…day the voice of a
Papist priest； while in far…off Constance a rude block of stone； half ivy
hidden； marks the spot where Huss and Jerome died burning at the stake。
History is fond of her lit
