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VII¡¡THE¡¡PHONOGRAPH

¡¨UNC¡¡REMUS£»¡¨¡¡asked¡¡a¡¡tall£»¡¡awkward¡­looking¡¡negro£»¡¡who¡¡was¡¡one¡¡of¡¡a¡¡crowd¡¡surrounding¡¡the¡¡old¡¡man£»¡¡¡¨w'at's¡¡dish¡¡'ere¡¡w'at¡¡dey¡¡calls¡¡de¡¡fonygraf¡­dish¡¡yer¡¡inst'ument¡¡w'at¡¡kin¡¡holler¡¡'roun'¡¡like¡¡little¡¡chillun¡¡in¡¡de¡¡back¡¡yard£¿¡¨

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¡¨A¡¡mighty¡¡big¡¡w'atzisname£»¡¨¡¡answered¡¡Uncle¡¡Remus£»¡¡cautiously¡£¡¡¡¨I¡¡wuzent¡¡up¡¡dar¡¡close¡¡to¡¡whar¡¡Miss¡¡Sarah¡¡wuz¡¡a¡¡readin'£»¡¡but¡¡I¡¡kinder¡¡geddered¡¡in¡¡dat¡¡it¡¡wuz¡¡one¡¡er¡¡deze¡¡'ere¡¡w'atzisnames¡¡w'at¡¡you¡¡hollers¡¡inter¡¡one¡¡year¡¡an¡¡it¡¡comes¡¡out¡¡er¡¡de¡¡udder¡£¡¡¡¡Hit's¡¡¡¡mighty¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡­funny¡¡unter¡¡me¡¡how¡¡dese¡¡fokes¡¡kin¡¡go¡¡an'¡¡proguosticate¡¡der¡¡eckoes¡¡inter¡¡one¡¡er¡¡dez¡¡yer¡¡i'on¡¡boxes£»¡¡an'¡¡dar¡¡hit'll¡¡stay¡¡on¡¡twel¡¡de¡¡man¡¡comes¡¡long¡¡an'¡¡tu'ns¡¡de¡¡handle¡¡an'¡¡let's¡¡de¡¡fuss¡¡come¡¡pilin'¡¡out¡£¡¡Bimeby¡¡deyll¡¡git¡¡ter¡¡makin'¡¡sho'¡¡nuff¡¡fokes£»¡¡an'¡¡den¡¡dere'll¡¡be¡¡a¡¡racket¡¡'roun'¡¡here¡£¡¡Dey¡¡tells¡¡me¡¡dat¡¡it¡¡goes¡¡off¡¡like¡¡one¡¡er¡¡deze¡¡yer¡¡torpedoes¡£¡¨

¡¨You¡¡year¡¡dat£»¡¡don't¡¡you£¿¡¨¡¡said¡¡one¡¡or¡¡two¡¡of¡¡the¡¡younger¡¡negroes¡£

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¡¨W'at¡¡dey¡¡fix¡¡um¡¡fer£»¡¡den£¿¡¨¡¡asked¡¡one¡¡of¡¡the¡¡practical¡¡negroes¡£

'Dat's¡¡w'at¡¡I¡¡wanter¡¡know£»¡¨¡¡said¡¡Uncle¡¡Remus£»¡¡contemplatively¡£¡¡¡¨But¡¡dat's¡¡w'at¡¡Miss¡¡Sally¡¡wnz¡¡a¡¡readin'¡¡in¡¡de¡¡paper¡£¡¡All¡¡you¡¡gotter¡¡do¡¡is¡¡ter¡¡holler¡¡at¡¡de¡¡box£»¡¡an'¡¡dar's¡¡yo'¡¡remarks¡£¡¡Dey¡¡goes¡¡in£»¡¡an'¡¡dar¡¡dey¡¡er¡¡tooken¡¡and¡¡dar¡¡dey¡¡hangs¡¡on¡¡twel¡¡you¡¡shakes¡¡de¡¡box£»¡¡an'¡¡den¡¡dey¡¡draps¡¡out¡¡des¡¡ez¡¡fresh¡¡ez¡¡deze¡¡yer¡¡fishes¡¡w'at¡¡you¡¡git¡¡fum¡¡Savannah£»¡¡an'¡¡you¡¡ain't¡¡got¡¡time¡¡fer¡¡ter¡¡look¡¡at¡¡dere¡¡gills£»¡¡nudder¡£¡¨

VIII¡¡RACE¡¡IMPROVEMENT

¡¨Dere's¡¡a¡¡kind¡¡er¡¡limberness¡¡'bout¡¡niggers¡¡dese¡¡days¡¡dat's¡¡mighty¡¡cu'us£»¡¨¡¡remarked¡¡Uncle¡¡Remus¡¡yesterday£»¡¡as¡¡he¡¡deposited¡¡a¡¡pitcher¡¡of¡¡fresh¡¡water¡¡upon¡¡the¡¡exchange¡¡table¡£¡¡¡¨I¡¡notisses¡¡it¡¡in¡¡de¡¡alley¡­ways¡¡an¡¡on¡¡de¡¡street¡­cornders¡£¡¡Dey¡¡er¡¡rackin'¡¡up£»¡¡mon£»¡¡deze¡¡yer¡¡cullud¡¡fokes¡¡is¡£¡¨

¡¨What¡¡are¡¡you¡¡trying¡¡to¡¡give¡¡us¡¡now£¿¡¨¡¡inquired¡¡one¡¡of¡¡the¡¡young¡¡men£»¡¡in¡¡a¡¡bilious¡¡tone¡£

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¡¨How¡¡is¡¡that£¿¡¨

¡¨Oh£»¡¡dey¡¡er¡¡movin'£»¡¨¡¡responded¡¡Uncle¡¡Remus¡£¡¡¡¨Dey¡¡er¡¡sorter¡¡comin'¡¡'roun'¡£¡¡Dey¡¡er¡¡gittin'¡¡so¡¡dey¡¡bleeve¡¡dat¡¡dey¡¡ain't¡¡no¡¡better¡¡dan¡¡de¡¡w'ite¡¡fokes¡£¡¡W'en¡¡freedom¡¡come¡¡out¡¡de¡¡niggers¡¡sorter¡¡got¡¡dere¡¡humps¡¡up£»¡¡an'¡¡dey¡¡staid¡¡dat¡¡way£»¡¡twel¡¡bimeby¡¡dey¡¡begun¡¡fer¡¡ter¡¡git¡¡hongry£»¡¡an'¡¡den¡¡dey¡¡begun¡¡fer¡¡ter¡¡drap¡¡inter¡¡line¡¡right¡¡smartually£»¡¡an'¡¡now£»¡¡conhnued¡¡the¡¡old¡¡man£»¡¡emphatically£»¡¡¡¨dey¡¡er¡¡des¡¡ez¡¡palaverous¡¡ez¡¡dey¡¡wuz¡¡befo'¡¡de¡¡war¡£¡¡Dey¡¡er¡¡gittin'¡¡on¡¡solid¡¡groun'£»¡¡mon¡£¡¨

¡¨You¡¡think¡¡they¡¡are¡¡improving£»¡¡then£¿¡¨

¡¨Youer¡¡chawin'¡¡guv'nment¡¡now£»¡¡boss¡£¡¡You¡¡slap¡¡de¡¡law¡¡onter¡¡a¡¡nigger¡¡a¡¡time¡¡er¡¡two£»¡¡an'¡¡lam¡¡'im¡¡dat¡¡he's¡¡got¡¡fer¡¡to¡¡look¡¡after¡¡his¡¡own¡¡rashuns¡¡an'¡¡keep¡¡out'n¡¡udder¡¡fokes's¡¡chick'n¡­coops£»¡¡an'¡¡sorter¡¡coax¡¡'im¡¡inter¡¡de¡¡idee¡¡dat¡¡he's¡¡got¡¡ter¡¡feed¡¡'is¡¡own¡¡chilluns£»¡¡an'¡¡I¡¡be¡¡blessed¡¡ef¡¡you¡¡ain't¡¡got¡¡'im¡¡on¡¡risin'¡¡groun'¡£¡¡An'£»¡¡mo'n¡¡dat£»¡¡w'en¡¡he¡¡gits¡¡holt¡¡er¡¡de¡¡fack¡¡dat¡¡a¡¡nigger¡¡k'n¡¡have¡¡yaller¡¡fever¡¡same¡¡ez¡¡w'ite¡¡folks£»¡¡you¡¡done¡¡got¡¡'im¡¡on¡¡de¡¡mo'ners'¡¡bench£»¡¡an'¡¡den¡¡ef¡¡you¡¡come¡¡down¡¡Strong¡¡on¡¡de¡¡p'int¡¡dat¡¡he¡¡oughter¡¡stan'¡¡fas'¡¡by¡¡de¡¡fokes¡¡w'at¡¡hope¡¡him¡¡w'en¡¡he¡¡wnz¡¡in¡¡trouble¡¡de¡¡job's¡¡done¡£¡¡W'en¡¡you¡¡does¡¡dat£»¡¡ef¡¡you¡¡ain't¡¡got¡¡yo'¡¡han's¡¡on¡¡a¡¡new¡­made¡¡nigger£»¡¡den¡¡my¡¡name¡¡ain't¡¡Remus¡£¡¡an'¡¡ef¡¡dat¡¡name's¡¡bin¡¡changed¡¡I¡¡ain't¡¡seen¡¡her¡¡abbertized£»¡¨

IX¡¡IN¡¡THE¡¡ROLE¡¡OF¡¡A¡¡TARTAR

A¡¡CHARLESTON¡¡negro¡¡who¡¡was¡¡in¡¡Atlanta¡¡on¡¡the¡¡Fourth¡¡of¡¡July¡¡made¡¡a¡¡mistake¡£¡¡He¡¡saw¡¡Uncle¡¡Remus¡¡edging¡¡his¡¡way¡¡through¡¡the¡¡crowd£»¡¡and¡¡thought¡¡he¡¡knew¡¡him¡£

¡¨Howdy£»¡¡Daddy¡¡Ben£¿¡¨¡¡the¡¡stranger¡¡exclaimed¡£¡¡¡¨I¡¡tink¡¡I¡¡nubber¡¡see¡¡you¡¡no¡¡mo'¡£¡¡Wey¡¡you¡¡gwan£¿¡¡He¡¡hot¡¡fer¡¡true£»¡¡ain't¡¡he£¿¡¨

¡¨Daddy¡¡who£¿¡¨¡¡asked¡¡Uncle¡¡Remus£»¡¡straightening¡¡himself¡¡up¡¡with¡¡dignity¡£¡¡¡¨W'ich£¿¡¨

¡¨I¡¡know¡¡you¡¡in¡¡Charrson£»¡¡an'¡¡den¡¡in¡¡Sewanny¡£¡¡I¡¡spec¡¡I¡¡dun¡¡grow¡¡away¡¡from¡¡'membrance¡£¡¨

¡¨You¡¡knowed¡¡me¡¡in¡¡Charlstun£»¡¡and¡¡den¡¡in¡¡Savanny£¿¡¨

¡¨He¡¡been¡¡long¡¡time£»¡¡ain't¡¡he£»¡¡Daddy¡¡Ben£¿¡¨

¡¨Dat's¡¡w'at's¡¡a¡¡pesterin'¡¡un¡¡me¡£¡¡How¡¡much¡¡you¡¡reckon¡¡you¡¡know'd¡¡me£¿¡¨

¡¨He¡¡good¡¡while¡¡pas'£»¡¡when¡¡I¡¡wer'¡¡pickaninny¡£¡¡He¡¡long¡¡time¡¡ago¡£¡¡Wey¡¡you¡¡gwan£»¡¡Daddy¡¡Ben£¿¡¨

¡¨W'at¡¡does¡¡you¡¡season¡¡your¡¡recollection¡¡wid¡¡fer¡¡ter¡¡make¡¡it¡¡hole¡¡on¡¡so£¿¡¨¡¡inquired¡¡the¡¡old¡¡man¡£

¡¨I¡¡dunno¡£¡¡He¡¡stick¡¡hese'f¡£¡¡I¡¡see¡¡you¡¡comm'¡¡'long¡¡'n¡¡I¡¡say¡¡'Dey¡¡Daddy¡¡Ben¡£'¡¡I¡¡tink¡¡I¡¡see¡¡you¡¡no¡¡mo'£»¡¡an'¡¡I¡¡shaky¡¡you¡¡by¡¡de¡¡han'¡£¡¡Wey¡¡you¡¡gwan£¿¡¡Dey¡¡no¡¡place¡¡yer¡¡wey¡¡we¡¡git¡¡wine£¿¡¨

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¡¨Come¡¡yer£»¡¡son£»¡¡whar¡¡dey¡¡ain't¡¡no¡¡folks¡¡an'¡¡lemme¡¡drap¡¡some¡¡Jawjy¡¡'intment¡¡in¡¡dem¡¡years¡¡er¡¡yone¡£¡¡Youer¡¡mighty¡¡fur¡¡ways¡¡fum¡¡home£»¡¡an'¡¡you¡¡wanter¡¡be¡¡a¡¡lookin'¡¡out¡¡fer¡¡yo'se'f¡£¡¡Fus¡¡and¡¡fo'mus£»¡¡youer¡¡thumpin'¡¡de¡¡wrong¡¡watermillion¡£¡¡Youer¡¡w'isslin'¡¡up¡¡de¡¡wrong¡¡chube¡£¡¡I¡¡ain't¡¡tromped¡¡roun'¡¡de¡¡country¡¡much¡£¡¡I¡¡ain't¡¡bin¡¡to¡¡Charlstun¡¡an'¡¡needer¡¡is¡¡I¡¡tuck¡¡in¡¡Savanny£»¡¡but¡¡you¡¡couldn't¡¡rig¡¡up¡¡no¡¡game¡¡on¡¡me¡¡dat¡¡I¡¡wouldn't¡¡tumble¡¡on¡¡to¡¡it¡¡de¡¡minit¡¡I¡¡laid¡¡my¡¡eyeballs¡¡on¡¡you¡£¡¡W'en¡¡hit¡¡come¡¡to¡¡dat¡¡I'm¡¡ole¡¡man¡¡Tumbler£»¡¡fum¡¡Tumblersville¡­I¡¡is¡¡dat¡£¡¡Hit¡¡takes¡¡one¡¡er¡¡deze¡¡yer¡¡full¡­blooded¡¡w'ite¡¡men¡¡fur¡¡ter¡¡trap¡¡my¡¡jedgment¡£¡¡But¡¡w'en¡¡a¡¡nigger¡¡comes¡¡a¡¡jabberin'¡¡'roun'¡¡like¡¡he¡¡got¡¡a¡¡mouf¡¡full¡¡er¡¡rice¡¡straw£»¡¡he¡¡ain't¡¡got¡¡no¡¡mo'¡¡chance¡¡long¡¡side¡¡er¡¡me¡¡dan¡¡a¡¡sick¡¡sparrer¡¡wid¡¡a¡¡squinch¡­owl¡£¡¡You¡¡gutter¡¡travel¡¡wid¡¡a¡¡circus¡¡'fo'¡¡you¡¡gits¡¡away¡¡wid¡¡me¡£¡¡You¡¡better¡¡go¡¡long¡¡an'¡¡git¡¡yo'¡¡kyarpet¡­sack¡¡and¡¡skip¡¡de¡¡town¡£¡¡Youer¡¡de¡¡freshest¡¡nigger¡¡w'at¡¡I¡¡seen¡¡yit¡£¡¨

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