the old bachelor-第3节

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VAIN。　　But　I　saw　my　Araminta；　yet　am　as　impatient。


SCENE　II。


BELLMOUR　alone。

BELL。　　Why；　what　a　cormorant　in　love　am　I！　　Who；　not　contented　with　the　slavery　of　honourable　love　in　one　place；　and　the　pleasure　of　enjoying　some　half　a　score　mistresses　of　my　own　acquiring；　must　yet　take　Vainlove's　business　upon　my　hands；　because　it　lay　too　heavy　upon　his；　so　am　not　only　forced　to　lie　with　other　men's　wives　for　'em；　but　must　also　undertake　the　harder　task　of　obliging　their　mistresses。　　I　must　take　up；　or　I　shall　never　hold　out。　　Flesh　and　blood　cannot　bear　it　always。


SCENE　III。


＇To　him＇　SHARPER。

SHARP。　　I'm　sorry　to　see　this；　Ned。　　Once　a　man　comes　to　his　soliloquies；　I　give　him　for　gone。

BELL。　　Sharper；　I'm　glad　to　see　thee。

SHARP。　　What！　is　Belinda　cruel；　that　you　are　so　thoughtful？

BELL。　　No；　faith；　not　for　that。　　But　there's　a　business　of　consequence　fallen　out　to…day　that　requires　some　consideration。

SHARP。　　Prithee；　what　mighty　business　of　consequence　canst　thou　have？

BELL。　　Why；　you　must　know；　'tis　a　piece　of　work　toward　the　finishing　of　an　alderman。　　It　seems　I　must　put　the　last　hand　to　it；　and　dub　him　cuckold；　that　he　may　be　of　equal　dignity　with　the　rest　of　his　brethren：　　so　I　must　beg　Belinda's　pardon。

SHARP。　　Faith；　e'en　give　her　over　for　good　and　all；　you　can　have　no　hopes　of　getting　her　for　a　mistress；　and　she　is　too　proud；　too　inconstant；　too　affected　and　too　witty；　and　too　handsome　for　a　wife。

BELL。　　But　she　can't　have　too　much　money。　　There's　twelve　thousand　pound；　Tom。　　'Tis　true　she　is　excessively　foppish　and　affected；　but　in　my　conscience　I　believe　the　baggage　loves　me：　　for　she　never　speaks　well　of　me　herself；　nor　suffers　anybody　else　to　rail　at　me。　Then；　as　I　told　you；　there's　twelve　thousand　pound。　　Hum！　　Why；　faith；　upon　second　thoughts；　she　does　not　appear　to　be　so　very　affected　neither。Give　her　her　due；　I　think　the　woman's　a　woman；　and　that's　all。　　As　such；　I'm　sure　I　shall　like　her；　for　the　devil　take　me　if　I　don't　love　all　the　sex。

SHARP。　　And　here　comes　one　who　swears　as　heartily　he　hates　all　the　sex。


SCENE　IV。


＇To　them＇　HEARTWELL。

BELL。　　Who？　　Heartwell？　　Ay；　but　he　knows　better　things。　　How　now；　George；　where　hast　thou　been　snarling　odious　truths；　and　entertaining　company；　like　a　physician；　with　discourse　of　their　diseases　and　infirmities？　　What　fine　lady　hast　thou　been　putting　out　of　conceit　with　herself；　and　persuading　that　the　face　she　had　been　making　all　the　morning　was　none　of　her　own？　　For　I　know　thou　art　as　unmannerly　and　as　unwelcome　to　a　woman　as　a　looking…glass　after　the　smallpox。

HEART。　　I　confess　I　have　not　been　sneering　fulsome　lies　and　nauseous　flattery；　fawning　upon　a　little　tawdry　whore；　that　will　fawn　upon　me　again；　and　entertain　any　puppy　that　comes；　like　a　tumbler；　with　the　same　tricks　over　and　over。　　For　such；　I　guess；　may　have　been　your　late　employment。

BELL。　　Would　thou　hadst　come　a　little　sooner。　　Vainlove　would　have　wrought　thy　conversion；　and　been　a　champion　for　the　cause。

HEART。　　What！　has　he　been　here？　　That's　one　of　love's　April　fools；　is　always　upon　some　errand　that's　to　no　purpose；　ever　embarking　in　adventures；　yet　never　comes　to　harbour。

SHARP。　　That's　because　he　always　sets　out　in　foul　weather；　loves　to　buffet　with　the　winds；　meet　the　tide；　and　sail　in　the　teeth　of　opposition。

HEART。　　What！　　Has　he　not　dropt　anchor　at　Araminta？

BELL。　　Truth　on't　is　she　fits　his　temper　best；　is　a　kind　of　floating　island；　sometimes　seems　in　reach；　then　vanishes　and　keeps　him　busied　in　the　search。

SHARP。　　She　had　need　have　a　good　share　of　sense　to　manage　so　capricious　a　lover。

BELL。　　Faith　I　don't　know；　he's　of　a　temper　the　most　easy　to　himself　in　the　world；　he　takes　as　much　always　of　an　amour　as　he　cares　for；　and　quits　it　when　it　grows　stale　or　unpleasant。

SHARP。　　An　argument　of　very　little　passion；　very　good　understanding；　and　very　ill　nature。

HEART。　　And　proves　that　Vainlove　plays　the　fool　with　discretion。

SHARP。　　You；　Bellmour；　are　bound　in　gratitude　to　stickle　for　him；　you　with　pleasure　reap　that　fruit；　which　he　takes　pains　to　sow：　　he　does　the　drudgery　in　the　mine；　and　you　stamp　your　image　on　the　gold。

BELL。　　He's　of　another　opinion；　and　says　I　do　the　drudgery　in　the　mine。　　Well；　we　have　each　our　share　of　sport；　and　each　that　which　he　likes　best；　'tis　his　diversion　to　set；　'tis　mine　to　cover　the　partridge。

HEART。　　And　it　should　be　mine　to　let　'em　go　again。

SHARP。　　Not　till　you　had　mouthed　a　little；　George。　　I　think　that's　all　thou　art　fit　for　now。

HEART。　　Good　Mr。　Young…Fellow；　you're　mistaken；　as　able　as　yourself；　and　as　nimble；　too；　though　I　mayn't　have　so　much　mercury　in　my　limbs；　'tis　true；　indeed；　I　don't　force　appetite；　but　wait　the　natural　call　of　my　lust；　and　think　it　time　enough　to　be　lewd　after　I　have　had　the　temptation。

BELL。　　Time　enough；　ay；　too　soon；　I　should　rather　have　expected；　from　a　person　of　your　gravity。

HEART。　　Yet　it　is　oftentimes　too　late　with　some　of　you　young；　termagant；　flashy　sinnersyou　have　all　the　guilt　of　the　intention；　and　none　of　the　pleasure　of　the　practice'tis　true　you　are　so　eager　in　pursuit　of　the　temptation；　that　you　save　the　devil　the　trouble　of　leading　you　into　it。　　Nor　is　it　out　of　discretion　that　you　don't　swallow　that　very　hook　yourselves　have　baited；　but　you　are　cloyed　with　the　preparative；　and　what　you　mean　for　a　whet；　turns　the　edge　of　your　puny　stomachs。　　Your　love　is　like　your　courage；　which　you　show　for　the　first　year　or　two　upon　all　occasions；　till　in　a　little　time；　being　disabled　or　disarmed；　you　abate　of　your　vigour；　and　that　daring　blade　which　was　so　often　drawn；　is　bound　to　the　peace　for　ever　after。

BELL。　　Thou　art　an　old　fornicator　of　a　singular　good　principle　indeed；　and　art　for　encouraging　youth；　that　they　may　be　as　wicked　as　thou　art　at　thy　years。

HEART。　　I　am　for　having　everybody　be　what　they　pretend　to　be：　　a　whoremaster　be　a　whoremaster；　and　not　like　Vainlove；　kiss　a　lap…dog　with　passion；　when　it　would　disgust　him　from　the　lady's　own　lips。

BELL。　　That　only　happens　sometimes；　where　the　dog　has　the　sweeter　breath；　for　the　more　cleanly　conveyance。　　But；　George；　you　must　not　quarrel　with　little　gallantries　of　this　nature：　　women　are　often　won　by　'em。　　Who　would　refuse　to　kiss　a　lap…dog；　if　it　were　preliminary　to　the　lips　of　his　lady？

SHARP。　　Or　omit　playing　with　her　fan；　and　cooling　her　if　she　were　hot；　when　it　might　entitle　him　to　the　office　of　warming　her　when　she　should　be　cold？

BELL。　　What　is　it　to　read　a　play　in　a　rainy　day？　　Though　you　should　be　now　and　then　interrupted　in　a　witty　scene；　and　she　perhaps　preserve　her　laughter；　till　the　jest　were　over；　even　that　may　be　borne　with；　considering　the　reward　in　prospect。

HEART。　　I　confess　you　that　are　women's　asses　bear　greater　burdens：　are　forced　to　undergo　dressing；　dancing；　singing；　sighing；　whining；　rhyming；　flattering；　lying；　grinning；　cringing；　and　the　drudgery　of　loving　to　boot。

BELL。　　O　brute；　the　drudgery　of　loving！

HEART。　　Ay！　　Why；　to　come　to　love　through　all　these　incumbrances　is　like　coming　to　an　estate　overcharged　with　debts；　which；　by　the　time　you　have　paid；　yields　no　further　profit　than　what　the　bare　tillage　and　manuring　of　the　land　will　produce　at　the　expense　of　your　own　sweat。

BELL。　　Prithee；　how　dost　thou　love？

SHARP。　　He！　　He　hates　the　sex。

HEART。　　So　I　hate　physic　tooyet　I　may　love　to　take　it　for　my　health。

BELL。　　Well　come　off；　George；　if　at　any　time　you　should　be　taken　straying。

SHARP。　　He　has　need　of　such　an　excuse；　considering　the　present　state　of　his　body。

HEART。　　How　d'ye　mean？

SHARP。　　Why；　if　whoring　be　purging；　as　you　call　it；　then；　I　may　say；　marriage　is　entering　into　a　course　of　physic。

BELL。　　How；　George！　　Does　the　wind　blow　there？

HEART。　　It　will　as　soon　blow　north　and　by　southmarry；　quotha！　　I　hope　in　heaven　I　have　a　greater　portion　of　grace；　and　I　think　I　have　baited　too　many　of　those　traps　to　be　caught　in　one　myself。

BELL。　　Who　the　devil　would　have　thee？　unless　'twere　an　oysterwoman　to　propagate　young　fry　for　Billingsgatethy　talent　will　never　recommend　thee　to　anything　of　better　quality。

HEART。　　My　talent　is　chiefly　that　of　speaking　truth；　which　I　don't　expect　should　ever　recommend　me　to　people　of　quality。　　I　thank　heaven　I　have　very　honestly　purchased　the　hatred　of　all　the　great　families　in　town。

SHARP。　　And　you　in　return　of　spleen　hate　them。　　But　could　you　hope　to　be　received　into　the　alliance　of　a　noble　family　…

HEART。　　No；　I　hope　I　shall　never　merit　that　affliction；　to　be　punished　with　a　wife　of　birth；　be　a　stag　of　the　first　head　and　bear　my　horns　aloft；　like　one　of　the　supporters　of　my　wife's　coat。　S'death　I　would　not　be　a　Cuckold　to　e'er　an　illustrious　whore　in　England。

BELL。　　What；　not　to　make　your　family；　man　and　provide　for　your　children？

SHARP。　　For　her　children；　you　mean。

HEART。　　Ay；　there　you've　nicked　it。　　There's　the　devil　upon　devil。　Oh；　the　pride　and　joy　of　heart　'twould　be　to　me　to　have　my　son　and　heir　resemble　such　a　duke；　to　have　a　fleering　coxcomb　scoff　and　cry；　'Mr。　your　son's　mighty　like　his　Grace；　has　just　his　smile　and　air　of's　face。'　　Then　replies　another；　'Methinks　he　has　more　of　the　Marquess　of　such　a　place　about　his　nose　and　eyes；　though　he　has