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第14节

the old bachelor-第14节

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BLUFF。  Damn your morals; I must revenge the affront done to my honour。  'In a low voice。'

SIR JO。  Ay; do; do; captain; if you think fitting。  You may dispose of your own flesh as you think fitting; d'ye see; but; by the Lord Harry; I'll leave you。  'Stealing away upon his tip…toes。'

BLUFF。  Prodigious!  What; will you forsake your friend in extremity?  You can't in honour refuse to carry him a challenge。 'Almost whispering; and treading softly after him。'

SIR JO。  Prithee; what do you see in my face that looks as if I would carry a challenge?  Honour is your province; captain; take it。  All the world know me to be a knight; and a man of worship。

SET。  I warrant you; sir; I'm instructed。

SHARP。  Impossible!  Araminta take a liking to a fool?  'Aloud。'

SET。  Her head runs on nothing else; nor she can talk of nothing else。

SHARP。  I know she commanded him all the while we were in the Park; but I thought it had been only to make Vainlove jealous。

SIR JO。  How's this!  Good bully; hold your breath and let's hearken。  Agad; this must be I。

SHARP。  Death; it can't be。  An oaf; an idiot; a wittal。

SIR JO。  Ay; now it's out; 'tis I; my own individual person。

SHARP。  A wretch that has flown for shelter to the lowest shrub of mankind; and seeks protection from a blasted coward。

SIR JO。  That's you; bully back。  'BLUFFE frowns upon SIR JOSEPH。'

SHARP。  She has given Vainlove her promise to marry him before to… morrow morning。  Has she not?  'To SETTER。'

SET。  She has; sir; and I have it in charge to attend her all this evening; in order to conduct her to the place appointed。

SHARP。  Well; I'll go and inform your master; and do you press her to make all the haste imaginable。


SCENE VII。


SETTER; SIR JOSEPH; BLUFFE。

SET。  Were I a rogue now; what a noble prize could I dispose of!  A goodly pinnace; richly laden; and to launch forth under my auspicious convoy。  Twelve thousand pounds and all her rigging; besides what lies concealed under hatches。  Ha! all this committed to my care!  Avaunt; temptation!  Setter; show thyself a person of worth; be true to thy trust; and be reputed honest。  Reputed honest!  Hum:  is that all?  Ay; for to be honest is nothing; the reputation of it is all。  Reputation! what have such poor rogues as I to do with reputation? 'tis above us; and for men of quality; they are above it; so that reputation is even as foolish a thing as honesty。  And; for my part; if I meet Sir Joseph with a purse of gold in his hand; I'll dispose of mine to the best advantage。

SIR JO。  Heh; heh; heh:  Here 'tis for you; i'faith; Mr。 Setter。 Nay; I'll take you at your word。  'Chinking a purse。'

SET。  Sir Joseph and the captain; too! undone! undone!  I'm undone; my master's undone; my lady's undone; and all the business is undone。

SIR JO。  No; no; never fear; man; the lady's business shall be done。  What; come; Mr。 Setter; I have overheard all; and to speak is but loss of time; but if there be occasion; let these worthy gentlemen intercede for me。  'Gives him gold。'

SET。  O lord; sir; what d'ye mean?  Corrupt my honesty?  They have indeed very persuading faces。  But …

SIR JO。  'Tis too little; there's more; man。  There; take all。  Now …

SET。  Well; Sir Joseph; you have such a winning way with you …

SIR JO。  And how; and how; good Setter; did the little rogue look when she talked of Sir Joseph?  Did not her eyes twinkle and her mouth water?  Did not she pull up her little bubbies?  Andagad; I'm so overjoyedAnd stroke down her belly? and then step aside to tie her garter when she was thinking of her love?  Heh; Setter!

SET。  Oh; yes; sir。

SIR JO。  How now; bully?  What; melancholy because I'm in the lady's favour?  No matter; I'll make your peace:  I know they were a little smart upon you。  But I warrant I'll bring you into the lady's good graces。

BLUFF。  Pshaw; I have petitions to show from other…guess toys than she。  Look here; these were sent me this morning。  There; read。 'Shows letters'。  Thatthat's a scrawl of quality。  Here; here's from a countess too。  HumNo; holdthat's from a knight's wife she sent it me by her husband。  But here; both these are from persons of great quality。

SIR JO。  They are either from persons of great quality; or no quality at all; 'tis such a damned ugly hand。  'While SIR JOSEPH reads; BLUFFE whispers SETTER。'

SET。  Captain; I would do anything to serve you; but this is so difficult。

BLUFF。  Not at all。  Don't I know him?

SET。  You'll remember the conditions?

BLUFF。  I'll give it you under my hand。  In the meantime; here's earnest。  'Gives him money。'  Come; knight; I'm capitulating with Mr。 Setter for you。

SIR JO。  Ah; honest Setter; sirrah; I'll give thee anything but a night's lodging。


SCENE VIII。


SHARPER tugging in HEARTWELL。

SHARP。  Nay; prithee leave railing; and come along with me。  May be she mayn't be within。  'Tis but to yond corner…house。

HEART。  Whither?  Whither?  Which corner…house。

SHARP。  Why; there:  the two white posts。

HEART。  And who would you visit there; say you?  (O'ons; how my heart aches。)

SHARP。  Pshaw; thou'rt so troublesome and inquisitive。  My; I'll tell you; 'tis a young creature that Vainlove debauched and has forsaken。  Did you never hear Bellmour chide him about Sylvia?

HEART。  Death; and hell; and marriage!  My wife!  'Aside。'

SHARP。  Why; thou art as musty as a new…married man that had found his wife knowing the first night。

HEART。  Hell; and the Devil!  Does he know it?  But; hold; if he should not; I were a fool to discover it。  I'll dissemble; and try him。  'Aside。'  Ha; ha; ha。  Why; Tom; is that such an occasion of melancholy?  Is it such an uncommon mischief?

SHARP。  No; faith; I believe not。  Few women but have their year of probation before they are cloistered in the narrow joys of wedlock。 But; prithee; come along with me or I'll go and have the lady to myself。  B'w'y George。  'Going。'

HEART。  O torture!  How he racks and tears me!  Death!  Shall I own my shame or wittingly let him go and whore my wife?  No; that's insupportable。  O Sharper!

SHARP。  How now?

HEART。  Oh; I am married。

SHARP。  (Now hold; spleen。)  Married!

HEART。  Certainly; irrecoverably married。

SHARP。  Heaven forbid; man!  How long?

HEART。  Oh; an age; an age!  I have been married these two hours。

SHARP。  My old bachelor married!  That were a jest。  Ha; ha; ha。

HEART。  Death!  D'ye mock me?  Hark ye; if either you esteem my friendship; or your own safetycome not near that housethat corner…housethat hot brothel。  Ask no questions。

SHARP。  Mad; by this light。

Thus grief still treads upon the heels of pleasure: Married in haste; we may repent at leisure。


SCENE IX。


SHARPER; SETTER。

SET。  Some by experience find these words misplaced: At leisure married; they repent in haste。

As I suppose my master Heartwell。

SHARP。  Here again; my Mercury!

SET。  Sublimate; if you please; sir:  I think my achievements do deserve the epithetMercury was a pimp too; but; though I blush to own it; at this time; I must confess I am somewhat fallen from the dignity of my function; and do condescend to be scandalously employed in the promotion of vulgar matrimony。

SHARP。  As how; dear; dexterous pimp?

SET。  Why; to be brief; for I have weighty affairs dependingour stratagem succeeded as you intendedBluffe turns errant traitor; bribes me to make a private conveyance of the lady to him; and put a shame…settlement upon Sir Joseph。

SHARP。  O rogue!  Well; but I hope …

SET。  No; no; never fear me; sir。  I privately informed the knight of the treachery; who has agreed seemingly to be cheated; that the captain may be so in reality。

SHARP。  Where's the bride?

SET。  Shifting clothes for the purpose; at a friend's house of mine。  Here's company coming; if you'll walk this way; sir; I'll tell you。


SCENE X。


BELLMOUR; BELINDA; ARAMINTA; and VAINLOVE。

VAIN。  Oh; 'twas frenzy all:  cannot you forgive it?  Men in madness have a title to your pity。  'To ARAMINTA。'

ARAM。  Which they forfeit; when they are restored to their senses。

VAIN。  I am not presuming beyond a pardon。

ARAM。  You who could reproach me with one counterfeit; how insolent would a real pardon make you!  But there's no need to forgive what is not worth my anger。

BELIN。  O' my conscience; I could find in my heart to marry thee; purely to be rid of theeat least thou art so troublesome a lover; there's hopes thou'lt make a more than ordinary quiet husband。  'To BELLMOUR。'

BELL。  Say you so?  Is that a maxim among ye?

BELIN。  Yes:  you fluttering men of the MODE have made marriage a mere French dish。

BELL。  I hope there's no French sauce。  'Aside。'

BELIN。  You are so curious in the preparation; that is; your courtship; one would think you meant a noble entertainmentbut when we come to feed; 'tis all froth; and poor; but in show。  Nay; often; only remains; which have been I know not how many times warmed for other company; and at last served up cold to the wife。

BELL。  That were a miserable wretch indeed; who could not afford one warm dish for the wife of his bosom。  But you timorous virgins form a dreadful chimaera of a husband; as of a creatu

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