the hand of ethelberta-第36节

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can　knit　stockings；　and　so　on。　　How　much　longer　will　this　house　be
yours？'

'Two　years。　　If　I　keep　it　longer　than　that　I　shall　have　to　pay　rent
at　the　rate　of　three　hundred　a　year。　　The　Petherwin　estate　provides
me　with　it　till　then；　which　will　be　the　end　of　Lady　Petherwin's
term。'

'I　see　it；　and　you　ought　to　marry　before　the　house　is　gone；　if　you
mean　to　marry　high；'　murmured　Picotee；　in　an　inadequate　voice；　as
one　confronted　by　a　world　so　tragic　that　any　hope　of　her　assisting
therein　was　out　of　the　question。

It　was　not　long　after　this　exposition　of　the　family　affairs　that
Christopher　called　upon　them；　but　Picotee　was　not　present；　having
gone　to　think　of　superhuman　work　on　the　spur　of　Ethelberta's
awakening　talk。　　There　was　something　new　in　the　way　in　which
Ethelberta　received　the　announcement　of　his　name；　passion　had　to　do
with　it；　so　had　circumspection；　the　latter　most；　for　the　first　time
since　their　reunion。

'I　am　going　to　leave　this　part　of　England；'　said　Christopher；　after
a　few　gentle　preliminaries。　　'I　was　one　of　the　applicants　for　the
post　of　assistant…organist　at　Melchester　Cathedral　when　it　became
vacant；　and　I　find　I　am　likely　to　be　chosen；　through　the　interest　of
one　of　my　father's　friends。'

'I　congratulate　you。'

'No；　Ethelberta；　it　is　not　worth　that。　　I　did　not　originally　mean　to
follow　this　course　at　all；　but　events　seemed　to　point　to　it　in　the
absence　of　a　better。'

'I　too　am　compelled　to　follow　a　course　I　did　not　originally　mean　to
take。'　　After　saying　no　more　for　a　few　moments；　she　added；　in　a　tone
of　sudden　openness；　a　richer　tincture　creeping　up　her　cheek；　'I　want
to　put　a　question　to　you　boldlynot　exactly　a　questiona　thought。
Have　you　considered　whether　the　relations　between　us　which　have
lately　prevailed　areare　the　best　for　youand　for　me？'

'I　know　what　you　mean；'　said　Christopher；　hastily　anticipating　all
that　she　might　be　going　to　say；　'and　I　am　glad　you　have　given　me　the
opportunity　of　speaking　upon　that　subject。　　It　has　been　very　good
and　considerate　in　you　to　allow　me　to　share　your　society　so
frequently　as　you　have　done　since　I　have　been　in　town；　and　to　think
of　you　as　an　object　to　exist　for　and　strive　for。　　But　I　ought　to
have　remembered　that；　since　you　have　nobody　at　your　side　to　look
after　your　interests；　it　behoved　me　to　be　doubly　careful。　　In　short；
Ethelberta；　I　am　not　in　a　position　to　marry；　nor　can　I　discern　when
I　shall　be；　and　I　feel　it　would　be　an　injustice　to　ask　you　to　be
bound　in　any　way　to　one　lower　and　less　talented　than　you。　　You
cannot；　from　what　you　say；　think　it　desirable　that　the　engagement
should　continue。　　I　have　no　right　to　ask　you　to　be　my　betrothed；
without　having　a　near　prospect　of　making　you　my　wife。　　I　don't　mind
saying　this　straight　outI　have　no　fear　that　you　will　doubt　my
love；　thank　Heaven；　you　know　what　that　is　well　enough！　　However；　as
things　are；　I　wish　you　to　know　that　I　cannot　conscientiously　put　in
a　claim　upon　your　attention。'

A　second　meaning　was　written　in　Christopher's　look；　though　he
scarcely　uttered　it。　　A　woman　so　delicately　poised　upon　the　social
globe　could　not　in　honour　be　asked　to　wait　for　a　lover　who　was
unable　to　set　bounds　to　the　waiting　period。　　Yet　he　had　privily
dreamed　of　an　approach　to　that　positionan　unreserved；　ideally
perfect　declaration　from　Ethelberta　that　time　and　practical　issues
were　nothing　to　her；　that　she　would　stand　as　fast　without　material
hopes　as　with　them；　that　love　was　to　be　an　end　with　her　henceforth；
having　utterly　ceased　to　be　a　means。　　Therefore　this　surreptitious
hope　of　his；　founded　on　no　reasonable　expectation；　was　like　a　guilty
thing　surprised　when　Ethelberta　answered；　with　a　predominance　of
judgment　over　passion　still　greater　than　before：

'It　is　unspeakably　generous　in　you　to　put　it　all　before　me　so
nicely；　Christopher。　　I　think　infinitely　more　of　you　for　being　so
unreserved；　especially　since　I　too　have　been　thinking　much　on　the
indefiniteness　of　the　days　to　come。　　We　are　not　numbered　among　the
blest　few　who　can　afford　to　trifle　with　the　time。　　Yet　to　agree　to
anything　like　a　positive　parting　will　be　quite　unnecessary。　　You　did
not　mean　that；　did　you？　for　it　is　harsh　if　you　did。'　　Ethelberta
smiled　kindly　as　she　said　this；　as　much　as　to　say　that　she　was　far
from　really　upbraiding　him。　　'Let　it　be　only　that　we　will　see　each
other　less。　　We　will　bear　one　another　in　mind　as　deeply　attached
friends　if　not　as　definite　lovers；　and　keep　up　friendly　remembrances
of　a　sort　which；　come　what　may；　will　never　have　to　be　ended　by　any
painful　process　termed　breaking　off。　　Different　persons；　different
natures；　and　it　may　be　that　marriage　would　not　be　the　most
favourable　atmosphere　for　our　old　affection　to　prolong　itself　in。
When　do　you　leave　London？'

The　disconnected　query　seemed　to　be　subjoined　to　disperse　the　crude
effect　of　what　had　gone　before。

'I　hardly　know；'　murmured　Christopher。　　'I　suppose　I　shall　not　call
here　again。'

Whilst　they　were　silent　somebody　entered　the　room　softly；　and　they
turned　to　discover　Picotee。

'Come　here；　Picotee；'　said　Ethelberta。

Picotee　came　with　an　abashed　bearing　to　where　the　other　two　were
standing；　and　looked　down　steadfastly。

'Mr。　Julian　is　going　away；'　she　continued；　with　determined　firmness。
'He　will　not　see　us　again　for　a　long　time。'　　And　Ethelberta　added；
in　a　lower　tone；　though　still　in　the　unflinching　manner　of　one　who
had　set　herself　to　say　a　thing；　and　would　say　it'He　is　not　to　be
definitely　engaged　to　me　any　longer。　　We　are　not　thinking　of
marrying；　you　know；　Picotee。　　It　is　best　that　we　should　not。'

'Perhaps　it　is；'　said　Christopher　hurriedly；　taking　up　his　hat。
'Let　me　now　wish　you　good…bye；　and；　of　course；　you　will　always　know
where　I　am；　and　how　to　find　me。'

It　was　a　tender　time。　　He　inclined　forward　that　Ethelberta　might
give　him　her　hand；　which　she　did；　whereupon　their　eyes　met。
Mastered　by　an　impelling　instinct　she　had　not　reckoned　with；
Ethelberta　presented　her　cheek。　　Christopher　kissed　it　faintly。
Tears　were　in　Ethelberta's　eyes　now；　and　she　was　heartfull　of　many
emotions。　　Placing　her　arm　round　Picotee's　waist；　who　had　never
lifted　her　eyes　from　the　carpet；　she　drew　the　slight　girl　forward；
and　whispered　quickly　to　him'Kiss　her；　too。　　She　is　my　sister；　and
I　am　yours。'

It　seemed　all　right　and　natural　to　their　respective　moods　and　the
tone　of　the　moment　that　free　old　Wessex　manners　should　prevail；　and
Christopher　stooped　and　dropped　upon　Picotee's　cheek　likewise　such　a
farewell　kiss　as　he　had　imprinted　upon　Ethelberta's。

'Care　for　us　both　equally！'　said　Ethelberta。

'I　will；'　said　Christopher；　scarcely　knowing　what　he　said。

When　he　had　reached　the　door　of　the　room；　he　looked　back　and　saw　the
two　sisters　standing　as　he　had　left　them；　and　equally　tearful。
Ethelberta　at　once　said；　in　a　last　futile　struggle　against　letting
him　go　altogether；　and　with　thoughts　of　her　sister's　heart：

'I　think　that　Picotee　might　correspond　with　Faith；　don't　you；　Mr。
Julian？'

'My　sister　would　much　like　to　do　so；'　said　he。

'And　you　would　like　it　too；　would　you　not；　Picotee？'

'O　yes；'　she　replied。　　'And　I　can　tell　them　all　about　you。'

'Then　it　shall　be　so；　if　Miss　Julian　will。'　　She　spoke　in　a　settled
way；　as　if　something　intended　had　been　set　in　train；　and　Christopher
having　promised　for　his　sister；　he　went　out　of　the　house　with　a
parting　smile　of　misgiving。

He　could　scarcely　believe　as　he　walked　along　that　those　late　words；
yet　hanging　in　his　ears；　had　really　been　spoken；　that　still　visible
scene　enacted。　　He　could　not　even　recollect　for　a　minute　or　two　how
the　final　result　had　been　produced。　　Did　he　himself　first　enter　upon
the　long…looming　theme；　or　did　she？　　Christopher　had　been　so
nervously　alive　to　the　urgency　of　setting　before　the　hard…striving
woman　a　clear　outline　of　himself；　his　surroundings　and　his　fears；
that　he　fancied　the　main　impulse　to　this　consummation　had　been　his；
notwithstanding　that　a　faint　initiative　had　come　from　Ethelberta。
All　had　completed　itself　quickly；　unceremoniously；　and　easily。
Ethelberta　had　let　him　go　a　second　time；　yet　on　foregoing　mornings
and　evenings；　when　contemplating　the　necessity　of　some　such
explanation；　it　had　seemed　that　nothing　less　than　Atlantean　force
could　overpower　their　mutual　gravitation　towards　each　other。

On　his　reaching　home　Faith　was　not　in　the　house；　and；　in　the
restless　state　which　demands　something　to　talk　at；　the　musician　went
off　to　find　her；　well　knowing　her　haunt　at　this　time　of　the　day。　　He
entered　the　spiked　and　gilded　gateway　of　the　Museum　hard　by；　turned
to　the　wing　devoted　to　sculptures；　and　descended　to　a　particular
basement　room；　which　was　lined　with　bas…reliefs　from　Nineveh。　　The
place　was　cool；　silent；　and　soothing；　it　was　empty；　save　of　a　little
figure　in　black；　that　was　standing　with　its　face　to　the　wall　in　an
innermost　nook。　　This　spot　was　Faith's　own　temple；　here；　among　these
deserted　antiques；　Faith　was　always　happy。　　Christopher　looked　on　at
her　for　some　time　before　she　noticed　him；　and　dimly　perceived　how
vastly　differed　her　homely　suit　and　unstudied　contourpainfully
unstudied　to　fastidious　eyesfrom　Ethelberta's　well…arranged
draperies；　ev