the hand of ethelberta-第34节

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myself；　though　I　did　not　want　to　do　it；　either；　it　would　come　to　me！
And　I　didn't　know　he　belonged　to　you　when　I　began　it；　or　I　would　not
have　let　him　meet　me　at　all；　no　I　wouldn't！'

'Meet　you？　You　don't　mean　to　say　he　used　to　meet　you？'　whispered
Ethelberta。

'Yes；'　said　Picotee；　'but　he　could　not　help　it。　　We　used　to　meet　on
the　road；　and　there　was　no　other　road　unless　I　had　gone　ever　so　far
round。　　But　it　is　worse　than　that；　Berta！　　That　was　why　I　couldn't
bide　in　Sandbourne；　andand　ran　away　to　you　up　here；　it　was　not
because　I　wanted　to　see　you；　Berta；　but　because　II　wanted'

'Yes；　yes；　I　know；'　said　Ethelberta　hurriedly。

'And　then　when　I　went　downstairs　he　mistook　me　for　you　for　a　moment；
and　that　causeda　confusion！'

'O；　well；　it　does　not　much　matter；'　said　Ethelberta；　kissing　Picotee
soothingly。　　'You　ought　not　of　course　to　have　come　to　London　in　such
a　manner；　but；　since　you　have　come；　we　will　make　the　best　of　it。
Perhaps　it　may　end　happily　for　you　and　for　him。　　Who　knows？'

'Then　don't　you　want　him；　Berta？'

'O　no；　not　at　all！'

'Whatand　don't　you　REALLY　want　him；　Berta？'　repeated　Picotee；
starting　up。

'I　would　much　rather　he　paid　his　addresses　to　you。　　He　is　not　the
sort　of　man　I　should　wish　tothink　it　best　to　marry；　even　if　I　were
to　marry；　which　I　have　no　intention　of　doing　at　present。　　He　calls
to　see　me　because　we　are　old　friends；　but　his　calls　do　not　mean
anything　more　than　that　he　takes　an　interest　in　me。　　It　is　not　at
all　likely　that　I　shall　see　him　again！　and　I　certainly　never　shall
see　him　unless　you　are　present。'

'That　will　be　very　nice。'

'Yes。　　And　you　will　be　always　distant　towards　him；　and　go　to　leave
the　room　when　he　comes；　when　I　will　call　you　back；　but　suppose　we
continue　this　to…morrow？　　I　can　tell　you　better　then　what　to　do。'

When　Picotee　had　left　her　the　second　time；　Ethelberta　turned　over
upon　her　breast　and　shook　in　convulsive　sobs　which　had　little
relationship　with　tears。　　This　abandonment　ended　as　suddenly　as　it
had　begunnot　lasting　more　than　a　minute　and　a　half　altogetherand
she　got　up　in　an　unconsidered　and　unusual　impulse　to　seek　relief
from　the　stinging　sarcasm　of　this　eventthe　unhappy　love　of
Picoteeby　mentioning　something　of　it　to　another　member　of　the
family；　her　eldest　sister　Gwendoline；　who　was　a　woman　full　of
sympathy。

Ethelberta　descended　to　the　kitchen；　it　being　now　about　ten　o'clock。
The　room　was　empty；　Gwendoline　not　having　yet　returned；　and
Cornelia；　being　busy　about　her　own　affairs　upstairs。　　The　French
family　had　gone　to　the　theatre；　and　the　house　on　that　account　was
very　quiet　to…night。　　Ethelberta　sat　down　in　the　dismal　place
without　turning　up　the　gas；　and　in　a　few　minutes　admitted
Gwendoline。

The　round…faced　country　cook　floundered　in；　untying　her　bonnet　as
she　came；　laying　it　down　on　a　chair；　and　talking　at　the　same　time。
'Such　a　place　as　this　London　is；　to　be　sure！'　she　exclaimed；　turning
on　the　gas　till　it　whistled。　　'I　wish　I　was　down　in　Wessex　again。
Lord…a…mercy；　Berta；　I　didn't　see　it　was　you！　　I　thought　it　was
Cornelia。　　As　I　was　saying；　I　thought　that；　after　biding　in　this
underground　cellar　all　the　week；　making　up　messes　for　them　French
folk；　and　never　pleasing　'em；　and　never　shall；　because　I　don't
understand　that　line；　I　thought　I　would　go　out　and　see　father；　you
know。'

'Is　he　very　well？'　said　Ethelberta。

'Yes；　and　he　is　going　to　call　round　when　he　has　time。　　Well；　as　I
was　a…coming　home…along　I　thought；　〃Please　the　Lord　I'll　have　some
chippols　for　supper　just　for　a　plain　trate；〃　and　I　went　round　to　the
late　greengrocer's　for　'em；　and　do　you　know　they　sweared　me　down
that　they　hadn't　got　such　things　as　chippols　in　the　shop；　and　had
never　heard　of　'em　in　their　lives。　　At　last　I　said；　〃Why；　how　can
you　tell　me　such　a　brazen　story？here　they　be；　heaps　of　'em！〃　　It
made　me　so　vexed　that　I　came　away　there　and　then；　and　wouldn't　have
oneno；　not　at　a　gift。'

'They　call　them　young　onions　here；'　said　Ethelberta　quietly；　'you
must　always　remember　that。　　But；　Gwendoline；　I　wanted'

Ethelberta　felt　sick　at　heart；　and　stopped。　　She　had　come　down　on
the　wings　of　an　impulse　to　unfold　her　trouble　about　Picotee　to　her
hard…headed　and　much　older　sister；　less　for　advice　than　to　get　some
heart…ease　by　interchange　of　words；　but　alas；　she　could　proceed　no
further。　　The　wretched　homeliness　of　Gwendoline's　mind　seemed　at
this　particular　juncture　to　be　absolutely　intolerable；　and
Ethelberta　was　suddenly　convinced　that　to　involve　Gwendoline　in　any
such　discussion　would　simply　be　increasing　her　own　burden；　and
adding　worse　confusion　to　her　sister's　already　confused　existence。

'What　were　you　going　to　say？'　said　the　honest　and　unsuspecting
Gwendoline。

'I　will　put　it　off　until　to…morrow；'　Ethelberta　murmured　gloomily；
'I　have　a　bad　headache；　and　I　am　afraid　I　cannot　stay　with　you　after
all。'

As　she　ascended　the　stairs；　Ethelberta　ached　with　an　added　pain　not
much　less　than　the　primary　one　which　had　brought　her　down。　　It　was
that　old　sense　of　disloyalty　to　her　class　and　kin　by　feeling　as　she
felt　now　which　caused　the　pain；　and　there　was　no　escaping　it。
Gwendoline　would　have　gone　to　the　ends　of　the　earth　for　her：　　she
could　not　confide　a　thought　to　Gwendoline！

'If　she　only　knew　of　that　unworthy　feeling　of　mine；　how　she　would
grieve；'　said　Ethelberta　miserably。

She　next　went　up　to　the　servants'　bedrooms；　and　to　where　Cornelia
slept。　　On　Ethelberta's　entrance　Cornelia　looked　up　from　a　perfect
wonder　of　a　bonnet；　which　she　held　in　her　hands。　　At　sight　of
Ethelberta　the　look　of　keen　interest　in　her　work　changed　to　one　of
gaiety。

'I　am　so　gladI　was　just　coming　down；'　Cornelia　said　in　a　whisper；
whenever　they　spoke　as　relations　in　this　house　it　was　in　whispers。
'Now；　how　do　you　think　this　bonnet　will　do？　　May　I　come　down；　and
see　how　I　look　in　your　big　glass？'　　She　clapped　the　bonnet　upon　her
head。　　'Won't　it　do　beautiful　for　Sunday　afternoon？'

'It　looks　very　attractive；　as　far　as　I　can　see　by　this　light；'　said
Ethelberta。　　'But　is　it　not　rather　too　brilliant　in　colourblue　and
red　together；　like　that？　　Remember；　as　I　often　tell　you；　people　in
town　never　wear　such　bright　contrasts　as　they　do　in　the　country。'

'O　Berta！'　said　Cornelia；　in　a　deprecating　tone；　'don't　object。　　If
there's　one　thing　I　do　glory　in　it　is　a　nice　flare…up　about　my　head
o'　Sundaysof　course　if　the　family's　not　in　mourning；　I　mean。'
But；　seeing　that　Ethelberta　did　not　smile；　she　turned　the　subject；
and　added　docilely：　　'Did　you　come　up　for　me　to　do　anything？　　I　will
put　off　finishing　my　bonnet　if　I　am　wanted。'

'I　was　going　to　talk　to　you　about　family　matters；　and　Picotee；'　said
Ethelberta。　　'But；　as　you　are　busy；　and　I　have　a　headache；　I　will
put　it　off　till　to…morrow。'

Cornelia　seemed　decidedly　relieved；　for　family　matters　were　far　from
attractive　at　the　best　of　times；　and　Ethelberta　went　down　to　the
next　floor；　and　entered　her　mother's　room。

After　a　short　conversation　Mrs。　Chickerel　said；　'You　say　you　want　to
ask　me　something？'

'Yes：　　but　nothing　of　importance；　mother。　　I　was　thinking　about
Picotee；　and　what　would　be　the　best　thing　to　do'

'Ah；　well　you　may；　Berta。　　I　am　so　uneasy　about　this　life　you　have
led　us　into；　and　full　of　fear　that　your　plans　may　break　down；　if
they　do；　whatever　will　become　of　us？　　I　know　you　are　doing　your
best；　but　I　cannot　help　thinking　that　the　coming　to　London　and
living　with　you　was　wild　and　rash；　and　not　well　weighed　afore　we　set
about　it。　　You　should　have　counted　the　cost　first；　and　not　advised
it。　　If　you　break　down；　and　we　are　all　discovered　living　so　queer
and　unnatural；　right　in　the　heart　of　the　aristocracy；　we　should　be
the　laughing…stock　of　the　country：　　it　would　kill　me；　and　ruin　us
allutterly　ruin　us！'

'O　mother；　I　know　all　that　so　well！'　exclaimed　Ethelberta；　tears　of
anguish　filling　her　eyes。　　'Don't　depress　me　more　than　I　depress
myself　by　such　fears；　or　you　will　bring　about　the　very　thing　we
strive　to　avoid！　　My　only　chance　is　in　keeping　in　good　spirits；　and
why　don't　you　try　to　help　me　a　little　by　taking　a　brighter　view　of
things？'

'I　know　I　ought　to；　my　dear　girl；　but　I　cannot。　　I　do　so　wish　that　I
never　let　you　tempt　me　and　the　children　away　from　the　Lodge。　　I
cannot　think　why　I　allowed　myself　to　be　so　persuadedcannot　think！
You　are　not　to　blameit　is　I。　　I　am　much　older　than　you；　and　ought
to　have　known　better　than　listen　to　such　a　scheme。　　This　undertaking
seems　too　bigthe　bills　frighten　me。　　I　have　never　been　used　to
such　wild　adventure；　and　I　can't　sleep　at　night　for　fear　that　your
tale…telling　will　go　wrong；　and　we　shall　all　be　exposed　and　shamed。
A　story…teller　seems　such　an　impossible　castle…in…the…air　sort　of　a
trade　for　getting　a　living　byI　cannot　think　how　ever　you　came　to
dream　of　such　an　unheard…of　thing。'

'But　it　is　NOT　a　castle　in　the　air；　and　it　DOES　get　a　living！'　said
Ethelberta；　her　lip　quivering。

'Well；　yes；　while　it　is　just　a　new　thing；　but　I　am　afraid　it　cannot
lastthat's　what　I　fear。　　People　will　find　you　out　as　one　of　a
family　of　servants；　and　their　pride　will　be　stung　at　having　gone　to
hear　your　romancing；　then　they　will　go　no　more；　and　what　will　happen
to　us　a