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第33节

the hand of ethelberta-第33节

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'Not done for a joke?  Then never minddon't cry; Picotee。  What
was it done for; I wonder?'

Picotee; mistaking the purport of his inquiry; imagined him to refer
to her arrival in the house; quite forgetting; in her guilty sense
of having come on his account; that he would have no right or
thought of asking questions about a natural visit to a sister; and
she said:  'When youwent away fromSandbourne; III didn't
know what to do; and then I ran away; and came here; and then
Ethelbertawas angry with me; but she says I may stay; but she
doesn't know that I know you; and how we used to meet along the road
every morningand I am afraid to tell herO; what shall I do!'

'Never mind it;' said Christopher; a sense of the true state of her
case dawning upon him with unpleasant distinctness; and bringing
some irritation at his awkward position; though it was impossible to
be long angry with a girl who had not reasoning foresight enough to
perceive that doubtful pleasure and certain pain must be the result
of any meeting whilst hearts were at cross purposes in this way。

'Where is your sister?' he asked。

'She wouldn't come down; unless she MUST;' said Picotee。  'You have
vexed her; and she has a headache besides that; and I came instead。'

'So that I mightn't be wasted altogether。  Well; it's a strange
business between the three of us。  I have heard of one…sided love;
and reciprocal love; and all sorts; but this is my first experience
of a concatenated affection。  You follow me; I follow Ethelberta;
and she followsHeaven knows who!'

'Mr。 Ladywell!' said the mortified Picotee。

'Good God; if I didn't think so!' said Christopher; feeling to the
soles of his feet like a man in a legitimate drama。

'No; no; no!' said the frightened girl hastily。  'I am not sure it
is Mr。 Ladywell。  That's altogether a mistake of mine!'

'Ah; yes; you want to screen her;' said Christopher; with a
withering smile at the spot of light。  'Very sisterly; doubtless;
but none of that will do for me。  I am too old a bird by farby
very far!  Now are you sure she does not love Ladywell?'

'Yes!'

'Well; perhaps I blame her wrongly。  She may have some little good
faitha woman has; here and there。  How do you know she does not
love Ladywell?'

'Because she would prefer Mr。 Neigh to him; any day。'

'Ha!'

'No; noyou mistake; sirshe doesn't love either at all
Ethelberta doesn't。  I meant that she cannot love Mr。 Ladywell
because he stands lower in her opinion than Mr。 Neigh; and him she
certainly does not care for。  She only loves you。  If you only knew
how true she is you wouldn't be so suspicious about her; and I wish
I had not come hereyes; I do!'

'I cannot tell what to think of it。  Perhaps I don't know much of
this world after all; or what girls will do。  But you don't excuse
her to me; Picotee。'

Before this time Picotee had been simulating haste in getting a
light; but in her dread of appearing visibly to Christopher's eyes;
and showing him the precise condition of her tear…stained face; she
put it off moment after moment; and stirred the fire; in hope that
the faint illumination thus produced would be sufficient to save her
from the charge of stupid conduct as entertainer。

Fluttering about on the horns of this dilemma; she was greatly
relieved when Christopher; who read her difficulty; and the general
painfulness of the situation; said that since Ethelberta was really
suffering from a headache he would not wish to disturb her till to…
morrow; and went off downstairs and into the street without further
ceremony。

Meanwhile other things had happened upstairs。  No sooner had Picotee
left her sister's room; than Ethelberta thought it would after all
have been much better if she had gone down herself to speak to this
admirably persistent lover。  Was she not drifting somewhat into the
character of coquette; even if her ground of offencea word of
Christopher's about somebody else's mean parentage; which was spoken
in utter forgetfulness of her own position; but had wounded her to
the quick neverthelesswas to some extent a tenable one?  She knew
what facilities in suffering Christopher always showed; how a touch
to other people was a blow to him; a blow to them his deep wound;
although he took such pains to look stolid and unconcerned under
those inflictions; and tried to smile as if he had no feelings
whatever。  It would be more generous to go down to him; and be kind。
She jumped up with that alertness which comes so spontaneously at
those sweet bright times when desire and duty run hand in hand。

She hastily set her hair and dress in ordernot such matchless
order as she could have wished them to be in; but time was precious…
…and descended the stairs。  When on the point of pushing open the
drawing…room door; which wanted about an inch of being closed; she
was astounded to discover that the room was in total darkness; and
still more to hear Picotee sobbing inside。  To retreat again was the
only action she was capable of at that moment:  the clash between
this picture and the anticipated scene of Picotee and Christopher
sitting in frigid propriety at opposite sides of a well…lighted room
was too great。  She flitted upstairs again with the least possible
rustle; and flung herself down on the couch as before; panting with
excitement at the new knowledge that had come to her。

There was only one possible construction to be put upon this in
Ethelberta's rapid mind; and that approximated to the true one。  She
had known for some time that Picotee once had a lover; or something
akin to it; and that he had disappointed her in a way which had
never been told。  No stranger; save in the capacity of the one
beloved; could wound a woman sufficiently to make her weep; and it
followed that Christopher was the man of Picotee's choice。  As
Ethelberta recalled the conversations; conclusion after conclusion
came like pulsations in an aching head。  'O; how did it happen; and
who is to blame?' she exclaimed。  'I cannot doubt his faith; and I
cannot doubt hers; and yet how can I keep doubting them both?'

It was characteristic of Ethelberta's jealous motherly guard over
her young sisters that; amid these contending inquiries; her
foremost feeling was less one of hope for her own love than of
championship for Picotee's。



23。 ETHELBERTA'S HOUSE (continued)

Picotee was heard on the stairs:  Ethelberta covered her face。

'Is he waiting?' she said faintly; on finding that Picotee did not
begin to speak。

'No; he is gone;' said Picotee。

'Ah; why is that?' came quickly from under the handkerchief。  'He
has forgotten methat's what it is!'

'O no; he has not!' said Picotee; just as bitterly。

Ethelberta had far too much heroism to let much in this strain
escape her; though her sister was prepared to go any lengths in the
same。  'I suppose;' continued Ethelberta; in the quiet way of one
who had only a headache the matter with her; 'that he remembered you
after the meeting at Anglebury?'

'Yes; he remembered me。'

'Did you tell me you had seen him before that time?'

'I had seen him at Sandbourne。  I don't think I told you。'

'At whose house did you meet him?'

'At nobody's。  I only saw him sometimes;' replied Picotee; in great
distress。

Ethelberta; though of all women most miserable; was brimming with
compassion for the throbbing girl so nearly related to her; in whom
she continually saw her own weak points without the counterpoise of
her strong ones。  But it was necessary to repress herself awhile:
the intended ways of her life were blocked and broken up by this jar
of interests; and she wanted time to ponder new plans。  'Picotee; I
would rather be alone now; if you don't mind;' she said。  'You need
not leave me any light; it makes my eyes ache; I think。'

Picotee left the room。  But Ethelberta had not long been alone and
in darkness when somebody gently opened the door; and entered
without a candle。

'Berta;' said the soft voice of Picotee again; 'may I come in?'

'O yes;' said Ethelberta。  'Has everything gone right with the house
this evening?'

'Yes; and Gwendoline went out just now to buy a few things; and she
is going to call round upon father when he has got his dinner
cleared away。'

'I hope she will not stay and talk to the other servants。  Some day
she will let drop something or other before father can stop her。'

'O Berta!' said Picotee; close beside her。  She was kneeling in
front of the couch; and now flinging her arm across Ethelberta's
shoulder and shaking violently; she pressed her forehead against her
sister's temple; and breathed out upon her cheek:

'I came in again to tell you something which I ought to have told
you just now; and I have come to say it at once because I am afraid
I shan't be able to to…morrow。  Mr。 Julian was the young man I spoke
to you of a long time ago; and I should have told you all about him;
but you said he was your young man too; andand I didn't know what
to do then; because I thought it was wrong in me to love your young
man; and Berta; he didn't mean me to love him at all; but I did it
myself; though I did not want to do it; either; it would come to me!
And I didn't k

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