the hand of ethelberta-第30节

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situation　make　it　desirable；　if　not　necessary。　　It　is　that　I　beg　you
not　to　give　me　the　pleasure　of　a　visit　from　you　for　some　little
time；　for　unhappily　the　frequency　of　your　kind　calls　has　been
noticed；　and　I　am　now　in　fear　that　we　may　be　talked　about
invidiouslyto　the　injury　of　us　both。　　The　town；　or　a　section　of
it；　has　turned　its　bull's…eye　upon　me　with　a　brightness　which　I　did
not　in　the　least　anticipate；　and　you　will；　I　am　sure；　perceive　how
indispensable　it　is　that　I　should　be　circumspect。Yours　sincerely；
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　E。　PETHERWIN。'



21。　A　STREET　…　NEIGH'S　ROOMS　…　CHRISTOPHER'S　ROOMS

As　soon　as　Ethelberta　had　driven　off　from　the　Hall；　Ladywell　turned
back　again；　and；　passing　the　front　entrance；　overtook　his
acquaintance　Mr。　Neigh；　who　had　been　one　of　the　last　to　emerge。　　The
two　were　going　in　the　same　direction；　and　they　walked　a　short
distance　together。

'Has　anything　serious　happened？'　said　Neigh；　noticing　an　abstraction
in　his　companion。　　'You　don't　seem　in　your　usual　mood　to…night。'

'O；　it　is　only　that　affair　between　us；'　said　Ladywell。

'Affair？　　Between　you　and　whom？'

'Her　and　myself；　of　course。　　It　will　be　in　every　fellow's　mouth　now；
I　suppose！'

'Butnot　anything　between　yourself　and　Mrs。　Petherwin？'

'A　mere　nothing。　　But　surely　you　started；　Neigh；　when　you　suspected
it　just　this　moment？'

'Noyou　merely　fancied　that。'

'Did　she　not　speak　well　to…night！　　You　were　in　the　room；　I　believe？'

'Yes；　I　just　turned　in　for　half…an…hour：　　it　seems　that　everybody
does；　so　I　thought　I　must。　　But　I　had　no　idea　that　you　were　feeble
that　way。'

'It　is　very　kind　of　you；　Neighupon　my　word　it　isvery　kind；　and
of　course　I　appreciate　the　delicacy　whichwhich'

'What's　kind？'

'I　mean　your　well…intentioned　plan　for　making　me　believe　that
nothing　is　known　of　this。　　But　stories　will　of　course　get　wind；　and
if　our　attachment　has　made　more　noise　in　the　world　than　I　intended
it　should；　and　causes　any　public　interest；　whyha…ha！it　must。
There　is　some　little　romance　in　it　perhaps；　and　people　will　talk　of
matters　of　that　sort　between　individuals　of　any　reputelittle　as
that　is　with　one　of　the　pair。'

'Of　course　they　willof　course。　　You　are　a　rising　man；　remember；
whom　some　day　the　world　will　delight　to　honour。'

'Thank　you　for　that；　Neigh。　　Thank　you　sincerely。'

'Not　at　all。　　It　is　merely　justice　to　say　it；　and　one　must　he
generous　to　deserve　thanks。'

'Ha…ha！that's　very　nicely　put；　and　undeserved　I　am　sure。　　And　yet
I　need　a　word　of　that　sort　sometimes！'

'Genius　is　proverbially　modest。'

'Pray　don't；　NeighI　don't　deserve　it；　indeed。　　Of　course　it　is
well　meant　in　you　to　recognize　any　slight　powers；　but　I　don't
deserve　it。　　Certainly；　my　self…assurance　was　never　too　great。　　'Tis
the　misfortune　of　all　children　of　art　that　they　should　be　so
dependent　upon　any　scraps　of　praise　they　can　pick　up　to　help　them
along。'

'And　when　that　child　gets　so　deep　in　love　that　you　can　only　see　the
whites　of　his　eyes'

'Ahnow；　Neighdon't；　I　say！'

'But　why　did'

'Why　did　I　love　her？'

'Yes；　why　did　you　love　her？'

'Ah；　if　I　could　only　turn　self…vivisector；　and　watch　the　operation
of　my　heart；　I　should　know！'

'My　dear　fellow；　you　must　be　very　bad　indeed　to　talk　like　that。　　A
poet　himself　couldn't　be　cleaner　gone。'

'Now；　don't　chaff；　Neigh；　do　anything；　but　don't　chaff。　　You　know
that　I　am　the　easiest　man　in　the　world　for　taking　it　at　most　times。
But　I　can't　stand　it　now；　I　don't　feel　up　to　it。　　A　glimpse　of
paradise；　and　then　perdition。　　What　would　you　do；　Neigh？'

'She　has　refused　you；　then？'

'Wellnot　positively　refused　me；　but　it　is　so　near　it　that　a　dull
man　couldn't　tell　the　difference。　　I　hardly　can　myself。'

'How　do　you　really　stand　with　her？'　said　Neigh；　with　an　anxiety　ill…
concealed。

'Off　and　onneither　one　thing　nor　the　other。　　I　was　determined　to
make　an　effort　the　last　time　she　sat　to　me；　and　so　I　met　her　quite
coolly；　and　spoke　only　of　technicalities　with　a　forced　smileyou
know　that　way　of　mine　for　drawing　people　out；　eh；　Neigh？'

'Quite；　quite。'

'A　forced　smile；　as　much　as　to　say；　〃I　am　obliged　to　entertain　you；
but　as　a　mere　model　for　art　purposes。〃　　But　the　deuce　a　bit　did　she
care。　　And　then　I　frequently　looked　to　see　what　time　it　was；　as　the
end　of　the　sitting　drew　nearrather　a　rude　thing　to　do；　as　a　rule。'

'Of　course。　　But　that　was　your　finesse。　　Ha…ha！capital！　　Yet　why
not　struggle　against　such　slavery？　　It　is　regularly　pulling　you
down。　　What's　a　woman's　beauty；　after　all？'

'Well　you　may　say　so！　　A　thing　easier　to　feel　than　define；'　murmured
Ladywell。　　'But　it's　no　use；　NeighI　can't　help　it　as　long　as　she
repulses　me　so　exquisitely！　　If　she　would　only　care　for　me　a　little；
I　might　get　to　trouble　less　about　her。'

'And　love　her　no　more　than　one　ordinarily　does　a　girl　by　the　time
one　gets　irrevocably　engaged　to　her。　　But　I　suppose　she　keeps　you
back　so　thoroughly　that　you　carry　on　the　old　adoration　with　as　much
vigour　as　if　it　were　a　new　fancy　every　time？'

'Partly　yes；　and　partly　no！　　It's　very　true；　and　it's　not　true！'

''Tis　to　be　hoped　she　won't　hate　you　outright；　for　then　you　would
absolutely　die　of　idolizing　her。'

'Don't；　Neigh！Still　there's　some　truth　in　itsuch　is　the
perversity　of　our　hearts。　　Fancy　marrying　such　a　woman！'

'We　should　feel　as　eternally　united　to　her　after　years　and　years　of
marriage　as　to　a　dear　new　angel　met　at　last　night's　dance。'

'Exactlyjust　what　I　should　have　said。　　But　did　I　hear　you　say
〃We；〃　Neigh？　　You　didn't　say　〃WE　should　feel？〃'

'Say　〃we〃？yesof　courseputting　myself　in　your　place　just　in　the
way　of　speaking；　you　know。'

'Of　course；　of　course；　but　one　is　such　a　fool　at　these　times　that
one　seems　to　detect　rivalry　in　every　trumpery　sound！　　Were　you　never
a　little　touched？'

'Not　I。　　My　heart　is　in　the　happy　position　of　a　country　which　has　no
history　or　debt。'

'I　suppose　I　should　rejoice　to　hear　it；'　said　Ladywell。　　'But　the
consciousness　of　a　fellow…sufferer　being　in　just　such　another　hole
is　such　a　relief　always；　and　softens　the　sense　of　one's　folly　so
very　much。'

'There's　less　Christianity　in　that　sentiment　than　in　your　confessing
to　it；　old　fellow。　　I　know　the　truth　of　it　nevertheless；　and　that's
why　married　men　advise　others　to　marry。　　Were　all　the　world　tied　up；
the　pleasantly　tied　ones　would　be　equivalent　to　those　at　present
free。　　But　what　if　your　fellow…sufferer　is　not　only　in　another　such
a　hole；　but　in　the　same　one？'

'No；　Neighnever！　　Don't　trifle　with　a　friend　who'

'That　is；　refused　like　yourself；　as　well　as　in　love。'

'Ah；　thanks；　thanks！　　It　suddenly　occurred　to　me　that　we　might　be
dead　against　one　another　as　rivals；　and　a　friendship　of　many　long
days　be　snapped　like　alike　a　reed。'

'Nonoonly　a　jest；'　said　Neigh；　with　a　strangely　accelerated
speech。　　'Love…making　is　an　ornamental　pursuit　that　matter…of…fact
fellows　like　me　are　quite　unfit　for。　　A　man　must　have　courted　at
least　half…a…dozen　women　before　he's　a　match　for　one；　and　since
triumph　lies　so　far　ahead；　I　shall　keep　out　of　the　contest
altogether。'

'Your　life　would　be　pleasanter　if　you　were　engaged。　　It　is　a　nice
thing；　after　all。'

'It　is。　　The　worst　of　it　would　be　that；　when　the　time　came　for
breaking　it　off；　a　fellow　might　get　into　an　action　for　breachwomen
are　so　fond　of　that　sort　of　thing　now；　and　I　hate　love…affairs　that
don't　end　peaceably！'

'But　end　it　by　peaceably　marrying；　my　dear　fellow！'

'It　would　seem　so　singular。　　Besides；　I　have　a　horror　of　antiquity：
and　you　see；　as　long　as　a　man　keeps　single；　he　belongs　in　a　measure
to　the　rising　generation；　however　old　he　may　be；　but　as　soon　as　he
marries　and　has　children；　he　belongs　to　the　last　generation；　however
young　he　may　be。　　Old　Jones's　son　is　a　deal　younger　than　young
Brown's　father；　though　they　are　both　the　same　age。'

'At　any　rate；　honest　courtship　cures　a　man　of　many　evils　he　had　no
power　to　stem　before。'

'By　substituting　an　incurable　matrimony！'

'Ahtwo　persons　must　have　a　mind　for　that　before　it　can　happen！'
said　Ladywell；　sorrowfully　shaking　his　head。

'I　think　you'll　find　that　if　one　has　a　mind　for　it；　it　will　be　quite
sufficient。　　But　here　we　are　at　my　rooms。　　Come　in　for　half…an…
hour？'

'Not　to…night；　thanks！'

They　parted；　and　Neigh　went　in。　　When　he　got　upstairs　he　murmured　in
his　deepest　chest　note；　'O；　lords；　that　I　should　come　to　this！　　But
I　shall　never　be　such　a　fool　as　to　marry　her！　　What　a　flat　that　poor
young　devil　was　not　to　discover　that　we　were　tarred　with　the　same
brush。　　O；　the　deuce；　the　deuce！'　he　continued；　walking　about　the
room　as　if　passionately　stamping；　but　not　quite　doing　it　because
another　man　had　rooms　below。

Neigh　drew　from　his　pocket…book　an　envelope　embossed　with　the　name
of　a　fashionable　photographer；　and　out　of　this　pulled　a　portrait　of
the　lady　who　had；　in　fact；　enslaved　his　secret　self　equally　with　his
frank　young　friend　the　painter。　　After　contemplating　it　awhile　with
a　face　of　cynical　adoration；　he　murmured；　shaking　his　head；　'Ah；　my
lady；　if　you　only　knew　this；　I　should　be　snapped　up　like　a　snail！
Not　a　minute's　peace　for　me　till　I　had　married　you。　　I　wonder　if