mark twain, a biography, 1866-1875-µÚ5½Ú
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there¡¡and¡¡introduce¡¡the¡¡lecturer£»¡¡and¡¡he¡¡was¡¡burningly¡¡busy¡¡and¡¡happy¡¡in
the¡¡prospect¡£
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begged¡¡Fuller¡¡to¡¡take¡¡a¡¡smaller¡¡hall£»¡¡the¡¡smallest¡¡he¡¡could¡¡get¡£¡¡¡¡But
only¡¡the¡¡biggest¡¡hall¡¡in¡¡New¡¡York¡¡would¡¡satisfy¡¡Fuller¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡would¡¡have
taken¡¡a¡¡larger¡¡one¡¡if¡¡he¡¡could¡¡have¡¡found¡¡it¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡lecture¡¡was¡¡announced
for¡¡May¡¡6th¡£¡¡¡¡Its¡¡subject¡¡was¡¡¡¨Kanakadom£»¡¡or¡¡the¡¡Sandwich¡¡Islands¡¨
tickets¡¡fifty¡¡cents¡£¡¡¡¡Fuller¡¡timed¡¡it¡¡to¡¡follow¡¡a¡¡few¡¡days¡¡after¡¡Webb's
book¡¡should¡¡appear£»¡¡so¡¡that¡¡one¡¡event¡¡might¡¡help¡¡the¡¡other¡£
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County£»¡¡and¡¡Other¡¡Sketches'£»¡¡was¡¡scheduled¡¡for¡¡May¡¡1st£»¡¡and¡¡did£»¡¡in¡¡fact£»
appear¡¡on¡¡that¡¡date£»¡¡but¡¡to¡¡the¡¡author¡¡it¡¡was¡¡no¡¡longer¡¡an¡¡important
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to¡¡fill¡¡it¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡San¡¡Francisco¡¡venture¡¡had¡¡been¡¡as¡¡nothing¡¡compared¡¡with
this¡£¡¡¡¡Fuller¡¡was¡¡working¡¡night¡¡and¡¡day¡¡with¡¡abounding¡¡joy£»¡¡while¡¡the
subject¡¡of¡¡his¡¡labor¡¡felt¡¡as¡¡if¡¡he¡¡were¡¡on¡¡the¡¡brink¡¡of¡¡a¡¡fearful
precipice£»¡¡preparing¡¡to¡¡try¡¡a¡¡pair¡¡of¡¡wings¡¡without¡¡first¡¡learning¡¡to
fly¡£¡¡¡¡At¡¡one¡¡instant¡¡he¡¡was¡¡cold¡¡with¡¡fright£»¡¡the¡¡next¡¡glowing¡¡with¡¡an
infection¡¡of¡¡Fuller's¡¡faith¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡devised¡¡a¡¡hundred¡¡schemes¡¡for¡¡the¡¡sale
of¡¡seats¡£¡¡¡¡Once¡¡he¡¡came¡¡rushing¡¡to¡¡Fuller£»¡¡saying£º
¡¨Send¡¡a¡¡lot¡¡of¡¡tickets¡¡down¡¡to¡¡the¡¡Chickering¡¡Piano¡¡Company¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡have
promised¡¡to¡¡put¡¡on¡¡my¡¡programme£»¡¡'The¡¡piano¡¡used¡¡at¡¡this¡¡entertainment¡¡is
manufactured¡¡by¡¡Chickering¡£¡¨'
¡¨But¡¡you¡¡don't¡¡want¡¡a¡¡piano£»¡¡Mark£»¡¨¡¡said¡¡Fuller£»¡¡¡¨do¡¡you£¿¡¨
¡¨No£»¡¡of¡¡course¡¡not£»¡¡but¡¡they¡¡will¡¡distribute¡¡the¡¡tickets¡¡for¡¡the¡¡sake¡¡of
the¡¡advertisement£»¡¡whether¡¡we¡¡have¡¡the¡¡piano¡¡or¡¡not¡£¡¨
Fuller¡¡got¡¡out¡¡a¡¡lot¡¡of¡¡handbills¡¡and¡¡hung¡¡bunches¡¡of¡¡them¡¡in¡¡the¡¡stages£»
omnibuses£»¡¡and¡¡horse¡cars¡£¡¡¡¡Clemens¡¡at¡¡first¡¡haunted¡¡these¡¡vehicles¡¡to
see¡¡if¡¡anybody¡¡noticed¡¡the¡¡bills¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡little¡¡dangling¡¡bunches¡¡seemed
untouched¡£¡¡¡¡Finally¡¡two¡¡men¡¡came¡¡in£»¡¡one¡¡of¡¡them¡¡pulled¡¡off¡¡a¡¡bill¡¡and
glanced¡¡at¡¡it¡£¡¡¡¡His¡¡friend¡¡asked£º
¡¨Who's¡¡Mark¡¡Twain£¿¡¨
¡¨God¡¡knows£»¡¡I¡¡don't£¡¡¨
The¡¡lecturer¡¡could¡¡not¡¡ride¡¡any¡¡more¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡was¡¡desperate¡£
¡¨Fuller£»¡¨¡¡he¡¡groaned£»¡¡¡¨there¡¡isn't¡¡a¡¡signa¡¡ripple¡¡of¡¡interest¡£¡¨
Fuller¡¡assured¡¡him¡¡that¡¡everything¡¡was¡¡working¡¡all¡¡right¡¡¡¨working
underneath£»¡¨¡¡Fuller¡¡saidbut¡¡the¡¡lecturer¡¡was¡¡hopeless¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡reported¡¡his
impressions¡¡to¡¡the¡¡folks¡¡at¡¡home£º
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡Everything¡¡looks¡¡shady£»¡¡at¡¡least£»¡¡if¡¡not¡¡dark£»¡¡I¡¡have¡¡a¡¡good¡¡agent£»
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡but¡¡now£»¡¡after¡¡we¡¡have¡¡hired¡¡the¡¡Cooper¡¡Institute£»¡¡and¡¡gone¡¡to¡¡an
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡expense¡¡in¡¡one¡¡way¡¡or¡¡another¡¡of¡¡500£»¡¡it¡¡comes¡¡out¡¡that¡¡I¡¡have¡¡got
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡to¡¡play¡¡against¡¡Speaker¡¡Colfax¡¡at¡¡Irving¡¡Hall£»¡¡Ristori£»¡¡and¡¡also¡¡the
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡double¡¡troop¡¡of¡¡Japanese¡¡jugglers£»¡¡the¡¡latter¡¡opening¡¡at¡¡the¡¡great
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡Academy¡¡of¡¡Musicand¡¡with¡¡all¡¡this¡¡against¡¡me¡¡I¡¡have¡¡taken¡¡the
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡largest¡¡house¡¡in¡¡New¡¡York¡¡and¡¡cannot¡¡back¡¡water¡£
He¡¡might¡¡have¡¡added¡¡that¡¡there¡¡were¡¡other¡¡rival¡¡entertainments£º¡¡¡¨The
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Brougham¡¡at¡¡the¡¡Olympic£»¡¡and¡¡there¡¡were¡¡at¡¡least¡¡a¡¡dozen¡¡lesser
attractions¡£¡¡¡¡New¡¡York¡¡was¡¡not¡¡the¡¡inexhaustible¡¡city¡¡in¡¡those¡¡days£»
these¡¡things¡¡could¡¡gather¡¡in¡¡the¡¡public¡¡to¡¡the¡¡last¡¡man¡£¡¡¡¡When¡¡the¡¡day
drew¡¡near£»¡¡and¡¡only¡¡a¡¡few¡¡tickets¡¡had¡¡been¡¡sold£»¡¡Clemens¡¡was¡¡desperate¡£
¡¨Fuller£»¡¨¡¡he¡¡said£»¡¡¡¨there'll¡¡be¡¡nobody¡¡in¡¡the¡¡Cooper¡¡Union¡¡that¡¡night¡¡but
you¡¡and¡¡me¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡am¡¡on¡¡the¡¡verge¡¡of¡¡suicide¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡would¡¡commit¡¡suicide¡¡if¡¡I
had¡¡the¡¡pluck¡¡and¡¡the¡¡outfit¡£¡¡¡¡You¡¡must¡¡paper¡¡the¡¡house£»¡¡Fuller¡£¡¡¡¡You
must¡¡send¡¡out¡¡a¡¡flood¡¡of¡¡complementaries¡£¡¨
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money¡¡is¡¡secondary¡£¡¡¡¡I'll¡¡put¡¡you¡¡before¡¡the¡¡choicest£»¡¡most¡¡intelligent
audience¡¡that¡¡ever¡¡was¡¡gathered¡¡in¡¡New¡¡York¡¡City¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡will¡¡bring¡¡in¡¡the
school¡instructorsthe¡¡finest¡¡body¡¡of¡¡men¡¡and¡¡women¡¡in¡¡the¡¡world¡£¡¨
Fuller¡¡immediately¡¡sent¡¡out¡¡a¡¡deluge¡¡of¡¡complimentary¡¡tickets£»¡¡inviting
the¡¡school¡teachers¡¡of¡¡New¡¡York¡¡and¡¡Brooklyn£»¡¡and¡¡all¡¡the¡¡adjacent
country£»¡¡to¡¡come¡¡free¡¡and¡¡hear¡¡Mark¡¡Twain's¡¡great¡¡lecture¡¡on¡¡Kanakadom¡£
This¡¡was¡¡within¡¡forty¡eight¡¡hours¡¡of¡¡the¡¡time¡¡he¡¡was¡¡to¡¡appear¡£
Senator¡¡Nye¡¡was¡¡to¡¡have¡¡joined¡¡Clemens¡¡and¡¡Fuller¡¡at¡¡the¡¡Westminster£»
where¡¡Clemens¡¡was¡¡stopping£»¡¡and¡¡they¡¡waited¡¡for¡¡him¡¡there¡¡with¡¡a
carriage£»¡¡fuming¡¡and¡¡swearing£»¡¡until¡¡it¡¡was¡¡evident¡¡that¡¡he¡¡was¡¡not
coming¡£¡¡¡¡At¡¡last¡¡Clemens¡¡said£º
¡¨Fuller£»¡¡you've¡¡got¡¡to¡¡introduce¡¡me¡£¡¨
¡¨No£»¡¨¡¡suggested¡¡Fuller£»¡¡¡¨I've¡¡got¡¡a¡¡better¡¡scheme¡¡than¡¡that¡£¡¡¡¡You¡¡get¡¡up
and¡¡begin¡¡by¡¡bemeaning¡¡Nye¡¡for¡¡not¡¡being¡¡there¡£¡¡¡¡That¡¡will¡¡be¡¡better
anyway¡£¡¨
Clemens¡¡said£º
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something¡¡fresh¡¡and¡¡happy¡¡to¡¡say¡¡about¡¡that¡¡horse¡thief¡£¡¨
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school¡teachers¡¡had¡¡declined¡¡to¡¡come£¿¡¡¡¡They¡¡went¡¡half¡¡an¡¡hour¡¡before¡¡the
lecture¡¡was¡¡to¡¡begin¡£¡¡¡¡Forty¡¡years¡¡later¡¡Mark¡¡Twain¡¡said£º
¡¨I¡¡couldn't¡¡keep¡¡away¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡wanted¡¡to¡¡see¡¡that¡¡vast¡¡Mammoth¡¡cave¡¡and¡¡die¡£
But¡¡when¡¡we¡¡got¡¡near¡¡the¡¡building¡¡I¡¡saw¡¡that¡¡all¡¡the¡¡streets¡¡were¡¡blocked
with¡¡people£»¡¡and¡¡that¡¡traffic¡¡had¡¡stopped¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡couldn't¡¡believe¡¡that¡¡these
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room¡¡enough¡¡left¡¡for¡¡a¡¡child¡£
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content¡£¡¡¡¡For¡¡an¡¡hour¡¡and¡¡fifteen¡¡minutes¡¡I¡¡was¡¡in¡¡paradise¡£¡¨
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time¡¡and¡¡event¡¡have¡¡vanished£»¡¡has¡¡added£º
¡¨When¡¡Mark¡¡appeared¡¡the¡¡Californians¡¡gave¡¡a¡¡regular¡¡yell¡¡of¡¡welcome¡£
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carefully¡¡down¡¡in¡¡the¡¡pit£»¡¡round¡¡the¡¡edges¡¡as¡¡if¡¡he¡¡were¡¡hunting¡¡for
something¡£¡¡¡¡Then¡¡he¡¡said£º¡¡¡¡'There¡¡was¡¡to¡¡have¡¡been¡¡a¡¡piano¡¡here£»¡¡and¡¡a
senator¡¡to¡¡introduce¡¡me¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡don't¡¡seem¡¡to¡¡discover¡¡them¡¡anywhere¡£¡¡¡¡The
piano¡¡was¡¡a¡¡good¡¡one£»¡¡but¡¡we¡¡will¡¡have¡¡to¡¡get¡¡along¡¡with¡¡such¡¡music¡¡as¡¡I
can¡¡make¡¡with¡¡your¡¡help¡£¡¡¡¡As¡¡for¡¡the¡¡senator¡¡Then¡¡Mark¡¡let¡¡himself¡¡go
and¡¡did¡¡as¡¡he¡¡promised¡¡about¡¡Senator¡¡Nye¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡said¡¡things¡¡that¡¡made¡¡men
from¡¡the¡¡Pacific¡¡coast£»¡¡who¡¡had¡¡known¡¡Nye£»¡¡scream¡¡with¡¡delight¡£¡¡¡¡After
that¡¡came¡¡his¡¡lecture¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡first¡¡sentence¡¡captured¡¡the¡¡audience¡£¡¡¡¡From
that¡¡moment¡¡to¡¡the¡¡end¡¡it¡¡was¡¡either¡¡in¡¡a¡¡roar¡¡of¡¡laughter¡¡or¡¡half
breathless¡¡by¡¡his¡¡beautiful¡¡descriptive¡¡passages¡£¡¡¡¡People¡¡were¡¡positively
ill¡¡for¡¡days£»¡¡laughing¡¡at¡¡that¡¡lecture¡£¡¨
So¡¡it¡¡was¡¡a¡¡success£º¡¡everybody¡¡was¡¡glad¡¡to¡¡have¡¡been¡¡there£»¡¡the¡¡papers
were¡¡kind£»¡¡congratulations¡¡numerous¡£
£§Kind¡¡but¡¡not¡¡extravagant£»¡¡those¡¡were¡¡burning¡¡political¡¡times£»¡¡and¡¡the
doings¡¡of¡¡mere¡¡literary¡¡people¡¡did¡¡not¡¡excite¡¡the¡¡press¡¡to¡¡the¡¡extent¡¡of
headlines¡£¡¡¡¡A¡¡jam¡¡around¡¡Cooper¡¡Union¡¡to¡day£»¡¡followed¡¡by¡¡such¡¡an
artistic¡¡triumph£»¡¡would¡¡be¡¡a¡¡news¡¡event¡£¡¡¡¡On¡¡the¡¡other¡¡hand£»¡¡Schuyler
Colfax£»¡¡then¡¡Speaker¡¡of¡¡the¡¡House£»¡¡was¡¡reported¡¡to¡¡the¡¡extent¡¡of¡¡a
column£»¡¡nonpareil¡£¡¡¡¡His¡¡lecture¡¡was¡¡of¡¡no¡¡literary¡¡importance£»¡¡and¡¡no
echo¡¡of¡¡it¡¡now¡¡remains¡£¡¡¡¡But¡¡those¡¡were¡¡political£»¡¡not¡¡artistic£»¡¡days¡£
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enjoyable¡¡laughter£»¡¡and¡¡from¡¡the¡¡appearance¡¡of¡¡their¡¡mirthful¡¡faces
leaving¡¡the¡¡hall¡¡at¡¡the¡¡conclusion¡¡of¡¡the¡¡lecture¡¡but¡¡few¡¡were
disappointed£»¡¡and¡¡it¡¡is¡¡not¡¡too¡¡much¡¡to¡¡say¡¡that¡¡seldom¡¡has¡¡so¡¡large¡¡an
audience¡¡been¡¡so¡¡uniformly¡¡pleased¡¡as¡¡the¡¡one¡¡that¡¡listened¡¡to¡¡Mark
Twain's¡¡quaint¡¡remarks¡¡last¡¡evening¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡large¡¡hall¡¡of¡¡the¡¡Union¡¡was
filled¡¡to¡¡its¡¡utmost¡¡capacity¡¡by¡¡fully¡¡two¡¡thousand¡¡persons£»¡¡which¡¡fact
spoke¡¡well¡¡for¡¡the¡¡reputation¡¡of¡¡the¡¡lecturer¡¡and¡¡his¡¡future¡¡success¡£
Mark¡¡Twain's¡¡style¡¡is¡¡a¡¡quaint¡¡one¡¡both¡¡in¡¡manner¡¡and¡¡method£»¡¡and¡¡through
his¡¡discourse¡¡he¡¡managed¡¡to¡¡keep¡¡on¡¡the¡¡right¡¡side¡¡of¡¡the¡¡audience£»¡¡and
frequently¡¡convulsed¡¡it¡¡with¡¡hearty¡¡laughter¡£¡£¡£¡£¡¡¡¡During¡¡a¡¡description¡¡of
the¡¡topography¡¡of¡¡the¡¡Sandwich¡¡Islands¡¡the¡¡lecturer¡¡surprised¡¡his¡¡hearers
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volcano£»¡¡which¡¡occurred¡¡in¡¡1840£»¡¡and¡¡his¡¡language¡¡was¡¡loudly¡¡applauded¡£
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should¡¡repeat¡¡his¡¡experiment¡¡at¡¡an¡¡early¡¡date¡£¡¨£§
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