mark twain, a biography, 1866-1875-第22节

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he　had　become　a　most　positive　Republican；　a　rampant　abolitionisthad
there　been　anything　left　to　abolish。　　His　sympathy　had　been　always　with
the　oppressed；　and　he　had　now　become　their　defender。　　His　work　on　the
paper　revealed　this　more　and　more。　　He　wrote　fewer　sketches　and　more
editorials；　and　the　editorials　were　likely　to　be　either　savage　assaults
upon　some　human　abuse；　or　fierce　espousals　of　the　weak。　　They　were
fearless；　scathing；　terrific。　　Of　some　farmers　of　Cohocton；　who　had　taken
the　law　into　their　own　hands　to　punish　a　couple　whom　they　believed　to　be
a　detriment　to　the　community；　he　wrote：

〃The　men　who　did　that　deed　are　capable　of　doing　any　low；　sneaking；
cowardly　villainy　that　could　be　invented　in　perdition。　　They　are　the　very
bastards　of　the　devil。〃

He　appended　a　full　list　of　their　names；　and　added：

〃If　the　farmers　of　Cohocton　are　of　this　complexion；　what　on　earth　must　a
Cohocton　rough　be　like？〃

But　all　this　happened　a　long　time　ago；　and　we　need　not　detail　those
various　old　interests　and　labors　here。　　It　is　enough　to　say　that　Mark
Twain　on　the　Express　was　what　he　had　been　from　the　beginning；　and　would
be　to　the　endthe　zealous　champion　of　justice　and　liberty；　violent　and
sometimes　wrong　in　his　viewpoint；　but　never　less　than　fearless　and
sincere。　　Invariably　he　was　for　the　oppressed。　　He　had　a　natural　instinct
for　the　right；　but；　right　or　wrong；　he　was　for　the　under　dog。

Among　the　best　of　his　editorial　contributions　is　a　tribute　to　Anson
Burlingame；　who　died　February　23；　1870；　at　St。　Petersburg；　on　his　trip
around　the　world　as　special　ambassador　for　the　Chinese　Empire。　　In　this
editorial　Clemens　endeavored　to　pay　something　of　his　debt　to　the　noble
statesman。　　He　reviewed　Burlingame's　astonishing　careerthe　career　which
had　closed　at　forty…seven；　and　read　like　a　fairy…tale…and　he　dwelt
lovingly　on　his　hero's　nobility　of　character。　　At　the　close　he　said：

〃He　was　a　good　man；　and　a　very；　very　great　man。　　America；　lost　a　son；　and
all　the　world　a　servant；　when　he　died。〃

Among　those　early　contributions　to　the　Express　is　a　series　called　〃Around
the　World；〃　an　attempt　at　collaboration　with　Prof。　D。　R。　Ford；　who　did
the　actual　traveling；　while　Mark　Twain；　writing　in　the　first　person；　gave
the　letters　his　literary　stamp。　　At　least　some　of　the　contributions　were
written　in　this　way；　such　as　〃Adventures　in　Hayti；〃　　〃The　Pacific；〃　and
〃Japan。〃　　These　letters　exist　to…day　only　in　the　old　files　of　the
Express；　and　indeed　this　is　the　case　with　most　of　Clemens's　work　for　that
paper。　　It　was　mainly　ephemeral　or　timely　work；　and　its　larger　value　has
disappeared。　　Here　and　there　is　a　sentence　worth　remembering。　　Of　two
practical　jokers　who　sent　in　a　marriage　notice　of　persons　not　even
contemplating　matrimony；　he　said：　〃This　deceit　has　been　practised
maliciously　by　a　couple　of　men　whose　small　souls　will　escape　through
their　pores　some　day　if　they　do　not　varnish　their　hides。〃

Some　of　the　sketches　have　been　preserved。　　〃Journalism　in　Tennessee；〃　one
of　the　best　of　his　wilder　burlesques；　is　as　enjoyable　to…day　as　when
written。　　〃A　Curious　Dream〃　made　a　lasting　impression　on　his　Buffalo
readers；　and　you　are　pretty　certain　to　hear　of　it　when　you　mention　Mark
Twain　in　that　city　to…day。　　It　vividly　called　attention　to　the　neglect　of
the　old　North　Street　graveyard。　　The　gruesome　vision　of　the　ancestors
deserting　with　their　coffins　on　their　backs　was　even　more　humiliating
than　amusing；　and　inspired　a　movement　for　reform。　　It　has　been　effective
elsewhere　since　then；　and　may　still　be　read　with　profitor　satisfaction
for　in　a　note　at　the　end　the　reader　is　assured　that　if　the　cemeteries
of　his　town　are　kept　in　good　order　the　dream　is　not　leveled　at　his　town
at　all；　but　〃particularly　and　venomously　at　the　next　town。〃




LXXVII

THE　〃GALAXY〃

Mark　Twain's　work　on　the　Express　represented　only　a　portion　of　his
literary　activities　during　his　Buffalo　residence。　　The　Galaxy；　an
ambitious　New　York　magazine　of　that　day　＇published　by　Sheldon　&　Co。　　at
498　and　500　Broadway＇；　proposed　to　him　that　he　conduct　for　them　a
humorous　department。　　They　would　pay　2；400　a　year　for　the　work；　and
allow　him　a　free　hand。　　There　was　some　discussion　as　to　book　rights；　but
the　arrangement　was　concluded；　and　his　first　instalment；　under　the
general　title　of　〃Memoranda；〃　appeared　in　the　May　number；　1870。　　In　his
Introductory　he　outlined　what　the　reader　might　expect；　such　as
〃exhaustive　statistical　tables；〃　　〃Patent　Office　reports；〃　and　〃complete
instructions　about　farming；　even　from　the　grafting　of　the　seed　to　the
harrowing　of　the　matured　crops。〃　　He　declared　that　he　would　throw　a
pathos　into　the　subject　of　agriculture　that　would　surprise　and　delight
the　world。　　He　added　that　the　〃Memoranda〃　was　not　necessarily　a　humorous
department。

　　　　　I　would　not　conduct　an　exclusively　and　professedly　humorous
　　　　　department　for　any　one。　　I　would　always　prefer　to　have　the　privilege
　　　　　of　printing　a　serious　and　sensible　remark；　in　case　one　occurred　to
　　　　　me；　without　the　reader's　feeling　obliged　to　consider　himself
　　　　　outraged。。。。　　Puns　cannot　be　allowed　a　place　in　this　department。。。。
　　　　　No　circumstance；　however　dismal；　will　ever　be　considered　a
　　　　　sufficient　excuse　for　the　admission　of　that　last　and　saddest
　　　　　evidence　of　intellectual　poverty；　the　pun。

The　Galaxy　was　really　a　fine　magazine；　with　the　best　contributors
obtainable；　among　them　Justin　McCarthy；　S。　M。　B。　Piatt；　Richard　Grant
White；　and　many　others　well　known　in　that　day；　with　names　that　still
flicker　here　and　there　in　its　literary　twilight。　　The　new　department
appealed　to　Clemens；　and　very　soon　he　was　writing　most　of　his　sketches
for　it。　　They　were　better　literature；　as　a　rule；　than　those　published　in
his　own　paper。

The　first　number　of　the　〃Memoranda〃　was　fairly　representative　of　those
that　followed　it。　　〃The　Facts　in　the　Case　of　the　Great　Beef　Contract；〃
a　manuscript　which　he　had　undertaken　three　years　before　and　mislaid；　was
its　initial　contribution。　　Besides　the　〃Beef　Contract；〃　there　was　a
tribute　to　George　Wakeman；　a　well…known　journalist　of　those　days；　a
stricture　on　the　Rev。　T。　DeWitt　Talmage；　who　had　delivered　from　the
pulpit　an　argument　against　workingmen　occupying　pews　in　fashionable
churches；　a　presentment　of　the　Chinese　situation　in　San　Francisco；
depicting　the　cruel　treatment　of　the　Celestial　immigrant；　a　burlesque　of
the　Sunday…school　〃good　little　boy〃　story；　　＇〃The　Story　of　the　Good
Little　Boy　Who　Did　Not　Prosper〃　and　the　〃Beef　Contract〃　are　included　in
Sketches　New　and　Old；　also　the　Chinese　sketch；　under　the　title；
〃Disgraceful　Persecution　of　a　Boy。〃＇　　and　several　shorter　skitsand
anecdotes；　ten　pages　in　all；　a　rather　generous　contract。

Mark　Twain's　comment　on　Talmage　was　prompted　by　an　article　in　which
Talmage　had　assumed　the　premise　that　if　workingmen　attended　the　churches
it　would　drive　the　better　class　of　worshipers　away。　　Among　other　things
he　said：

　　　　　I　have　a　good　Christian　friend　who；　if　he　sat　in　the　front　pew　in
　　　　　church；　and　a　workingman　should　enter　the　door　at　the　other　end；
　　　　　would　smell　him　instantly。　　My　friend　is　not　to　blame　for　the
　　　　　sensitiveness　of　his　nose；　any　more　than　you　would　flog　a　pointer
　　　　　for　being　keener　on　the　scent　than　a　stupid　watch…dog。　The　fact　is；
　　　　　if　you　had　all　the　churches　free；　by　reason　of　the　mixing　of　the
　　　　　common　people　with　the　uncommon；　you　would　keep　one…half　of
　　　　　Christendom　sick　at　their　stomach。　　If　you　are　going　to　kill　the
　　　　　church　thus　with　bad　smells　I　will　have　nothing　to　do　with　this　work
　　　　　of　evangelization。

Commenting　on　this　Mark　Twain　saidwell；　he　said　a　good　deal　more　than
we　have　room　for　here；　but　a　portion　of　his　closing　paragraphs　is　worth
preserving。　　He　compares　the　Reverend　Mr。　Talmage　with　the　early
disciples　of　ChristPaul　and　Peter　and　the　others；　or；　rather；　he
contrasts　him　with　them。

　　　　　They　healed　the　very　beggars；　and　held　intercourse　with　people　of　a
　　　　　villainous　odor　every　day。　　If　the　subject　of　these　remarks　had　been
　　　　　chosen　among　the　original　Twelve　Apostles　he　would　not　have
　　　　　associated　with　the　rest；　because　he　could　not　have　stood　the　fishy
　　　　　smell　of　some　of　his　comrades　who　came　from　around　the　Sea　of
　　　　　Galilee。　　He　would　have　resigned　his　commission　with　some　such
　　　　　remark　as　he　makes　in　the　extract　quoted　above：　〃Master；　if　thou　art
　　　　　going　to　kill　the　church　thus　with　bad　smells　I　will　have　nothing　to
　　　　　do　with　this　work　of　evangelization。〃　　He　is　a　disciple；　and　makes
　　　　　that　remark　to　the　Master；　the　only　difference　is　that　he　makes　it
　　　　　in　the　nineteenth　instead　of　the　first　century。

Talmage　was　immensely　popular　at　this　time；　and　Mark　Twain's　open　attack
on　him　must　have　shocked　a　good　many　Galaxy　readers；　as　perhaps　his
article　on　the　Chinese　cruelties　offended　the　citizens　of　San　Francisco。
It　did　not　matter。　　He　was　not　likely　to　worry　over　the　friends　he　would
lose　because　of　any　stand　taken　for　human　justice。　　Lamed　said　of　him：
〃He　was　very　far　from　being　one　who　tried　in　any　way　to　make　himself
popular。〃　　Certainly　he　never　made　any　such　attempt　at　the　expense　of　his
convictions。

Th