mark twain, a biography, 1866-1875-第2节

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When　he　reached　Virginia；　Goodman　said　to　him：

〃Sam；　you　do　not　need　anybody　to　introduce　you。　　There's　a　piano　on　the
stage　in　the　theater。　　Have　it　brought　out　in　sight；　and　when　the　curtain
rises　you　be　seated　at　the　piano；　playing　and　singing　that　song　of　yours；
'I　Had　an　Old　Horse　Whose　Name　Was　Methusalem；'　and　don't　seem　to　notice
that　the　curtain　is　up　at　first；　then　be　surprised　when　you　suddenly　find
out　that　it　is　up；　and　begin　talking；　without　any　further　preliminaries。〃

This　proved　good　advice；　and　the　lecture；　thus　opened；　started　off　with
general　hilarity　and　applause。




LV

HIGHWAY　ROBBERY

His　Nevada；　lectures　were　bound　to　be　immensely　successful。　　The　people
regarded　him　as　their　property　over　there；　and　at　Carson　and　Virginia　the
houses　overflowed。　　At　Virginia　especially　his　friends　urged　and　begged
him　to　repeat　the　entertainment；　but　he　resolutely　declined。

〃I　have　only　one　lecture　yet；〃　he　said。　　〃I　cannot　bring　myself　to　give
it　twice　in　the　same　town。〃

But　that　irresponsible　imp；　Steve　Gillis；　who　was　again　in　Virginia；
conceived　a　plan　which　would　make　it　not　only　necessary　for　him　to
lecture　again；　but　would　supply　him　with　a　subject。　　Steve's　plan　was
very　simple：　it　was　to　relieve　the　lecturer　of　his　funds　by　a　friendly
highway　robbery；　and　let　an　account　of　the　adventure　furnish　the　new
lecture。

In　'Roughing　It'　Mark　Twain　has　given　a　version　of　this　mock　robbery
which　is　correct　enough　as　far　as　it　goes；　but　important　details　are
lacking。　　Only　a　few　years　ago　（it　was　April；　1907）；　in　his　cabin　on
jackass　Hill；　with　Joseph　Goodman　and　the　writer　of　this　history　present；
Steve　Gillis　made　his　〃death…bed〃　confession　as　is　here　set　down：

〃Mark's　lecture　was　given　in　Piper's　Opera　House；　October　30；　1866。　　The
Virginia　City　people　had　heard　many　famous　lectures　before；　but　they　were
mere　sideshows　compared　with　Mark's。　　It　could　have　been　run　to　crowded
houses　for　a　week。　　We　begged　him　to　give　the　common　people　a　chance；　but
he　refused　to　repeat　himself。　　He　was　going　down　to　Carson；　and　was
coming　back　to　talk　in　Gold　Hill　about　a　week　later；　and　his　agent；　Denis
McCarthy；　and　I　laid　a　plan　to　have　him　robbed　on　the　Divide　between　Gold
Hill　and　Virginia；　after　the　Gold　Hill　lecture　was　over　and　he　and　Denis
would　be　coming　home　with　the　money。　　The　Divide　was　a　good　lonely　place；
and　was　famous　for　its　hold…ups。　　We　got　City　Marshal　George　Birdsall
into　it　with　us；　and　took　in　Leslie　Blackburn；　Pat　Holland；　Jimmy
Eddington；　and　one　or　two　more　of　Sam's　old　friends。　　We　all　loved　him；
and　would　have　fought　for　him　in　a　moment。　　That's　the　kind　of　friends
Mark　had　in　Nevada。　　If　he　had　any　enemies　I　never　heard　of　them。

〃We　didn't　take　in　Dan　de　Quille；　or　Joe　here；　because　Sam　was　Joe's
guest；　and　we　were　afraid　he　would　tell　him。　　We　didn't　take　in　Dan
because　we　wanted　him　to　write　it　up　as　a　genuine　robbery　and　make　a　big
sensation。　　That　would　pack　the　opera…house　at　two　dollars　a　seat　to　hear
Mark　tell　the　story。

〃Well；　everything　went　off　pretty　well。　　About　the　time　Mark　was
finishing　his　lecture　in　Gold　Hill　the　robbers　all　went　up　on　the　Divide
to　wait；　but　Mark's　audience　gave　him　a　kind　of　reception　after　his
lecture；　and　we　nearly　froze　to　death　up　there　before　he　came　along。
By　and　by　I　went　back　to　see　what　was　the　matter。　　Sam　and　Denis　were
coming；　and　carrying　a　carpet…sack　about　half　full　of　silver　between
them。　　I　shadowed　them　and　blew　a　policeman's　whistle　as　a　signal　to　the
boys　when　the　lecturers　were　within　about　a　hundred　yards　of　the　place。
I　heard　Sam　say　to　Denis：

〃'I'm　glad　they've　got　a　policeman　on　the　Divide。　　They　never　had　one　in
my　day。'

〃Just　about　that　time　the　boys；　all　with　black　masks　on　and　silver
dollars　at　the　sides　of　their　tongues　to　disguise　their　voices；　stepped
out　and　stuck　six…shooters　at　Sam　and　Denis　and　told　them　to　put　up　their
hands。　　The　robbers　called　each　other　'Beauregard'　and　'Stonewall
Jackson。'　　Of　course　Denis's　hands　went　up；　and　Mark's；　too；　though　Mark
wasn't　a　bit　scared　or　excited。　　He　talked　to　the　robbers　in　his　regular
fashion。　　He　said：

〃'Don't　flourish　those　pistols　so　promiscuously。　　They　might　go　off　by
accident。'

〃They　told　him　to　hand　over　his　watch　and　money；　but　when　he　started　to
take　his　hands　down　they　made　him　put　them　up　again。　　Then　he　asked　how
they　expected　him　to　give　them　his　valuables　with　his　hands　up　in　the
sky。　　He　said　his　treasures　didn't　lie　in　heaven。　　He　told　them　not　to
take　his　watch；　which　was　the　one　Sandy　Baldwin　and　Theodore　Winters　had
given　him　as　Governor　of　the　Third　House；　but　we　took　it　all　the　same。

〃Whenever　he　started　to　put　his　hands　down　we　made　him　put　them　up　again。
Once　he　said：

〃'Don't　you　fellows　be　so　rough。　　I　was　tenderly　reared。'

〃Then　we　told　him　and　Denis　to　keep　their　hands　up　for　fifteen　minutes
after　we　were　gonethis　was　to　give　us　time　to　get　back　to　Virginia　and
be　settled　when　they　came　along。　　As　we　were　going　away　Mark　called：

〃'Say；　you　forgot　something。'

〃'What　is　it？'

〃Why；　the　carpet…bag。'

〃He　was　cool　all　the　time。　　Senator　Bill　Stewart；　in　his　Autobiography；
tells　a　great　story　of　how　scared　Mark　was；　and　how　he　ran；　but　Stewart
was　three　thousand　miles　from　Virginia　by　that　time；　and　later　got　mad　at
Mark　because　he　made　a　joke　about　him　in　'Roughing　It'。

〃Denis　wanted　to　take　his　hands　down　pretty　soon　after　we　were　gone；　but
Mark　said：

〃'No；　Denis；　I'm　used　to　obeying　orders　when　they　are　given　in　that
convincing　way；　we'll　just　keep　our　hands　up　another　fifteen　minutes　or
so　for　good　measure。'

〃We　were　waiting　in　a　big　saloon　on　C　Street　when　Mark　and　Denis　came
along。　　We　knew　they　would　come　in；　and　we　expected　Mark　would　be
excited；　but　he　was　as　unruffled　as　a　mountain　lake。　　He　told　us　they　had
been　robbed；　and　asked　me　if　I　had　any　money。　　I　gave　him　a　hundred
dollars　of　his　own　money；　and　he　ordered　refreshments　for　everybody。
Then　we　adjourned　to　the　Enterprise　office；　where　he　offered　a　reward；
and　Dan　de　Quille　wrote　up　the　story　and　telegraphed　it　to　the　other
newspapers。　　Then　somebody　suggested　that　Mark　would　have　to　give　another
lecture　now；　and　that　the　robbery　would　make　a　great　subject。　　He　entered
right　into　the　thing；　and　next　day　we　engaged　Piper's　Opera　House；　and
people　were　offering　five　dollars　apiece　for　front　seats。　　It　would　have
been　the　biggest　thing　that　ever　came　to　Virginia　if　it　had　come　off。
〃But　we　made　a　mistake；　then；　by　taking　Sandy　Baldwin　into　the　joke。　　We
took　in　Joe　here；　too；　and　gave　him　the　watch　and　money　to　keep；　which
made　it　hard　for　Joe　afterward。　　But　it　was　Sandy　Baldwin　that　ruined　us。
He　had　Mark　out　to　dinner　the　night　before　the　show　was　to　come　off；　and
after　he　got　well　warmed　up　with　champagne　he　thought　it　would　be　a　smart
thing　to　let　Mark　into　what　was　really　going　on。

〃Mark　didn't　see　it　our　way。　　He　was　mad　clear　through。〃

At　this　point　Joseph　Goodman　took　up　the　story。　　He　said：

〃Those　devils　put　Sam's　money；　watch；　keys；　pencils；　and　all　his　things
into　my　hands。　　I　felt　particularly　mean　at　being　made　accessory　to　the
crime；　especially　as　Sam　was　my　guest；　and　I　had　grave　doubts　as　to　how
he　would　take　it　when　he　found　out　the　robbery　was　not　genuine。

〃I　felt　terribly　guilty　when　he　said：

〃'Joe；　those　dn　thieves　took　my　keys；　and　I　can't　get　into　my　trunk。
Do　you　suppose　you　could　get　me　a　key　that　would　fit　my　trunk？'

〃I　said　I　thought　I　could　during　the　day；　and　after　Sam　had　gone　I　took
his　own　key；　put　it　in　the　fire　and　burnt　it　to　make　it　look　black。　　Then
I　took　a　file　and　scratched　it　here　and　there；　to　make　it　look　as　if　I
had　been　fitting　it　to　the　lock；　feeling　guilty　all　the　time；　like　a　man
who　is　trying　to　hide　a　murder。　　Sam　did　not　ask　for　his　key　that　day；
and　that　evening　he　was　invited　to　judge　Baldwin's　to　dinner。　　I　thought
he　looked　pretty　silent　and　solemn　when　he　came　home；　but　he　only　said：

〃'Joe；　let's　play　cards；　I　don't　feel　sleepy。'

〃Steve　here；　and　two　or　three　of　the　other　boys　who　had　been　active　in
the　robbery；　were　present；　and　they　did　not　like　Sam's　manner；　so　they
excused　themselves　and　left　him　alone　with　me。　　We　played　a　good　while；
then　he　said：

〃'Joe；　these　cards　are　greasy。　　I　have　got　some　new　ones　in　my　trunk。
Did　you　get　that　key　to…day？'

〃I　fished　out　that　burnt；　scratched…up　key　with　fear　and　trembling。　　But
he　didn't　seem　to　notice　it　at　all；　and　presently　returned　with　the
cards。　　Then　we　played；　and　played；　and　playedtill　one　o'clocktwo
o'clockSam　hardly　saying　a　word；　and　I　wondering　what　was　going　to
happen。　　By　and　by　he　laid　down　his　cards　and　looked　at　me；　and　said：

〃'Joe；　Sandy　Baldwin　told　me　all　about　that　robbery　to…night。　　Now；　Joe；
I　have　found　out　that　the　law　doesn't　recognize　a　joke；　and　I　am　going　to
send　every　one　of　those　fellows　to　the　penitentiary。'

〃He　said　it　with　such　solemn　gravity；　and　such　vindictiveness；　that　I
believed　he　was　in　dead　earnest。

〃I　know　that　I　put　in　two　hours　of　the　hardest　work　I　ever　did；　trying　to
talk　him　out　of　that　resolution。　　I　used　all　the　arguments　about　the　boys
being　his　oldest　f