4 breaking dawn破晓-第30节
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in Edward's eyes。
He raised a hand as if to wipe sweat from his forehead； but his fingers scraped against his face like they
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were going to rip his granite skin right off。 His black eyes burned in their sockets； out of focus； or seeing
things that weren't there。 His mouth opened like he was going to scream； but nothing came out。
This was the face a man would have if he were burning at the stake。
For a moment I couldn't speak。 It was too real； this face—I'd seen a shadow of it in the house； seen it in
her eyes and his； but this made it final。 The last nail in her coffin。
〃It's killing her； right？ She's dying。〃 And I knew when I said it that my face was a watered…down echo of
his。 Weaker； different； because I was still in shock。 I hadn't wrapped my head around it yet—it was
happening too fast。 He'd had time to get to this point。 And it was different because I'd already lost her so
many times； so many ways； in my head。 And different because she was never really mine to lose。
And different because this wasn't my fault。
〃My fault；〃 Edward whispered； and his knees gave out。 He crumpled in front of me； vulnerable； the
easiest target you could imagine。
But I felt cold as snow—there was no fire in me。
〃Yes；〃 he groaned into the dirt； like he was confessing to the ground。 〃Yes； it's killing her。〃
His broken helplessness irritated me。 I wanted a fight； not an execution。 Where was his smug superiority
now？
〃So why hasn't Carlisle done anything？〃 I growled。 〃He's a doctor； right？ Get it out of her。〃
He looked up then and answered me in a tired voice。 Like he was explaining this to a kindergartener for
the tenth time。 〃She won't let us。〃
It took a minute for the words to sink in。 Jeez； she was running true to form。 Of course； die for the
monster spawn。 It was so Bella。
〃You know her well；〃 he whispered。 〃How quickly you see。。。。 I didn't see。 Not in time。 She wouldn't talk
to me on the way home； not really。 I thought she was frightened—that would be natural。 I thought she
was angry with me for putting her through this； for endangering her life。 Again。 I never imagined what she
was really thinking； what she was resolving。 Not until my family met us at the airport and she ran right
into Rosalie's arms。 Rosalie's！ And then I heard what Rosalie was thinking。 I didn't understand until I
heard that。 Yet you understand after one second。 。 。 。〃 He half…sighed； half…groaned。
〃Just back up a second。 She won't let you。〃 The sarcasm was acid on my tongue。 〃Did you ever notice
that she's exactly as strong as a normal hundred…and…ten…pound human girl？ How stupid are you vamps？
Hold her down and knock her out with drugs。〃
〃I wanted to；〃 he whispered。 〃Carlisle would have___〃
What； too noble were they？
〃No。 Not noble。 Her bodyguard complicated things。〃
Oh。 His story hadn't made much sense before； but it fit together now。 So that's what Blondie was up to。
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What was in it for her； though？ Did the beauty queen want Bella to die so bad？
〃Maybe；〃 he said。 〃Rosalie doesn't look at it quite that way。〃
〃So take the blonde out first。 Your kind can be put back together； right？ Turn her into a jigsaw and take
care of Bella。〃
〃Emmett and Esme are backing her up。 Emmett would never let us。。。 and Carlisle won't help me with
Esme
against it___〃 He trailed off； his voice disappearing。
〃You should have left Bella with me。〃
〃Yes。〃
It was a bit late for that； though。 Maybe he should have thought about all this before he knocked her up
with the life…sucking monster。
He stared up at me from inside his own personal hell； and I could see that he agreed with me。
〃We didn't know；〃 he said； the words as quiet as a breath。 〃I never dreamed。 There's never been
anything like Bella and I before。 How could we know that a human was able conceive a child with one of
us—〃
〃When the human should get ripped to shreds in the process？〃
〃Yes；〃 he agreed in a tense whisper。 〃They're out there； the sadistic ones； the incubus； the succubus。
They exist。 But the seduction is merely a prelude to the feast。 No one survives〃 He shook his head like
the idea revolted him。 Like he was any different。
〃I didn't realize they had a special name for what you are；〃 I spit。
He stared up at me with a face that looked a thousand years old。
〃Even you； Jacob Black； cannot hate me as much as I hate myself。'7
Wrong；I thought； too enraged to speak。
〃Killing me now doesn't save her；〃 he said quietly。
〃So what does？〃
〃Jacob； you have to do something for me。〃
〃The hell I do； parasite！〃
He kept staring at me with those half…tired； half…crazy eyes。 〃For her？〃
I clenched my teeth together hard。 〃I did everything I could to keep her away from you。 Every single
thing。 It's too late。〃
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〃You know her； Jacob。 You connect to her on a level that I don't even understand。 You are part of her；
and she is part of you。 She won't listen to me； because she thinks I'm underestimating her。 She thinks
she's strong enough for this___〃 He choked and then swallowed。 〃She might listen to you。〃
〃Why would she？〃
He lurched to his feet； his eyes burning brighter than before； wilder。 I wondered if he was really going
crazy。 Could vampires lose their minds？
〃Maybe；〃 he answered my thought。 〃I don't know。 It feels like it。〃 He shook his head。 〃I have to try to
hide this in front of her； because stress makes her more ill。 She can't keep anything down as it is。 I have
to be composed； I can't make it harder。 But that doesn't matter now。 She has to listen to you！〃
〃I can't tell her anything you haven't。 What do you want me to do？ Tell her she's stupid？ She probably
already knows that。 Tell her she's going to die？ I bet she knows that； too。〃
〃You can offer her what she wants。〃
He wasn't making any sense。 Part of the crazy？
〃I don't care about anything but keeping her alive；〃 he said； suddenly focused now。 〃If it's a child she
wants； she can have it。 She can have half a dozen babies。 Anything she wants。〃 He paused for one beat。
〃She can have puppies； if that's what it takes。〃
He met my stare for a moment and his face was frenzied under the thin layer of control。 My hard scowl
crumbled as I processed his words； and I felt my mouth pop open in shock。
〃But not this way！〃 he hissed before I could recover。 〃Not this thing that's sucking the life from her while
I stand there helpless！ Watching her sicken and waste away。 Seeing it hurting her。〃 He sucked in a fast
breath like someone had punched him in the gut。 〃You have to make her see reason； Jacob。 She won't
listen to me anymore。 Rosalie's always there； feeding her insanity—encouraging her。 Protecting her。 No；
protecting it Bella's life means nothing to her。〃
The noise coming from my throat sounded like I was choking。
What was he saying？ That Bella should； what？ Have a baby？ With me？ What？ How？ Was he giving her
up？ Or did he think she wouldn't mind being shared？
〃Whichever。 Whatever keeps her alive。〃
〃That'sthe craziest thing you've said yet；〃 I mumbled。
〃She loves you。〃
〃Not enough。〃
〃She's ready to die to have a child。 Maybe she'd accept something less extreme。〃
〃Don't you know her at all？〃
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〃I know； I know。It's going to take a lot of convincing。 That's why I need you。 You know how she
thinks。 Make hersee sense。〃
I couldn't think about what he was suggesting。 It was too much。 Impossible。 Wrong。 Sick。 Borrowing
Bella for the weekends and then returning her Monday morning like a rental movie？ So messed up。
So tempting。
I didn't want to consider； didn't want to imagine； but the images came anyway。 I'd fantasized about Bella
that way too many times； back when there was still a possibility of us； and then long after it was clear that
the fantasies would only leave festering sores because there was no possibility； none at all。 I hadn't been
able to help myself then。 I couldn't stop myself now。 Bella in my arms； Bella sighing my name。。。
Worse still； this new image I'd never had before； one that by all rights shouldn't have existed for me。 Not
yet。 An image I knew I wouldn't've suffered over for years if he hadn't shoved it in my head now。 But it
stuck there； winding threads through my brain like a weed—poisonous and unkillable。 Bella； healthy and
glowing； so
