4 breaking dawn破晓-第11节
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〃Now everyone I love is here。〃
I felthis lips brush my hair。 〃SorryI'm late； honey。〃
〃I'm just so happy you came！〃
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〃That was the idea。〃
I glanced toward the guests； but I couldn't see through the dancers to the spot where I'd last seen
Jacob's father。 I didn't know if he'd stayed。 〃DoesBilly know you're here？〃 As soon as I asked； I knew
that he must have—it was the only way to explain his uplifted expression before。
〃I'm sure Sam's told him。 I'll go see him when。。。 when the party's over。〃
〃He'll beso glad you're home。〃
Jacob pulled back a little bit and straightened up。He left one hand on the small of my back and grabbed
my right hand with the other。 He cradled our hands to his chest； I could feel his heart beat under my
palm； and I guessed that he hadn't placed my hand there accidentally。
〃I don't know if I get more than just this one dance；〃 he said； and he began pulling me around in a slow
circle that didn't match the tempo of the music coming from behind us。 〃I'd better make the best of it。〃
We moved to the rhythm of his heart under my hand。
〃I'm glad Icame；〃 Jacob said quietly after a moment。 〃I didn't think I would be。 But it's good to see you。。。
one more time。 Not as sad as I'd thought it would be。〃
〃I don't want you to feel sad。〃
〃I know that。 And I didn't come tonight to make you feel guilty。〃
〃No—it makes me very happy that you came。 It's the best gift you could have given me。〃
He laughed。 〃That's good； because I didn't have time to stop for a real present。〃
My eyes were adjusting； and I could see his face now； higher up than I expected。 Was it possible that he
was still growing？ He had to be closer to seven feet than to six。 It was a relief to see his familiar features
again after all this time—his deep…set eyes shadowed under his shaggy black brows； his high
cheekbones； his full lips stretched over his bright teeth in the sarcastic smile that matched his tone。 His
eyes were tight around the edges—careful； I could see that he was being very careful tonight。 He was
doing all he could to make me happy； to not slip and show how much this cost him。
I'd never done anything good enough to deserve a friend like Jacob。
〃When did you decide to come back？〃
〃Consciously or subconsciously？〃 He took a deep breath before he answered his own question。 〃I don't
really know。 I guess I've been wandering back this direction for a while； and maybe it's because I was
headed here。 But it wasn't until this morning that I really started running。 I didn't know if I could make
it。〃 He laughed。 〃You wouldn't believe how weird this feels—walking around on two legs again。 And
clothes！ And then it's more bizarre because it feels weird。 I didn't expect that。 I'm out of practice with the
whole human thing。〃
We revolved steadily。
〃It would have been a shame to miss seeing you like this； though。 That's worth the trip right there。 You
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look unbelievable； Bella。 So beautiful。〃
〃Alice invested a lot of time in me today。 The dark helps； too。〃
〃It's not so dark for me； you know。〃
〃Right。〃 Werewolf senses。 It was easy to forget all the things he could do； he seemed so human。
Especially right now。
〃You cut your hair；〃 I noted。
〃Yeah。 Easier； you know。 Thought I'd better take advantage of the hands。〃
〃It looks good；〃 I lied。
He snorted。 〃Right。 I did it myself； with rusty kitchen shears。〃 He grinned widely for a moment； and then
his smile faded。 His expression turned serious。 〃Are you happy； Bella？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃Okay。〃 I felt his shoulders shrug。 〃That's the main thing； I guess。〃
〃How are you； Jacob？ Really？〃
〃I'm fine； Bella； really。 You don't need to worry about me anymore。 You can stop bugging Seth。〃
〃I'm not just bugging him because of you。 I like Seth。〃
〃He's a good kid。 Better company than some。 I tell you； if I could get rid of the voices in my head； being
a wolf would be about perfect。〃
I laughed at the way it sounded。 〃Yeah； I can't get mine to shut up； either。〃
〃In your case； that would mean you're insane。 Of course； I already knew that you were insane；〃 he
teased。
〃Thanks。〃
〃Insanity is probably easier than sharing a pack mind。 Crazy people's voices don't send babysitters to
watch them。〃
〃Huh？〃
〃Sam's out there。 And some of the others。 Just in case； you know。〃
〃In case of what？〃
〃In case I can't keep it together； something like that。 In case I decide to trash the party。〃 He flashed a
quick
smile at what was probably an appealing thought to him。 〃But I'm not here to ruin your wedding； Bella。
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I'm here to 。。 。〃 He trailed off。
〃To make it perfect。〃
〃That's a tall order。〃
〃Good thing you're so tall。〃
He groaned at my bad joke and then sighed。 〃I'm just here to be your friend。 Your best friend； one last
time。〃
〃Sam should give you more credit。〃
〃Well； maybe I'm being oversensitive。 Maybe they'd be here anyway； to keep an eye on Seth。 There are
a lot of vampires here。 Seth doesn't take that as seriously as he should。〃
〃Seth knows that he's not in any danger。 He understands the Cullens better than Sam does。〃
〃Sure； sure；〃 Jacob said； making peace before it could turn into a fight。
It was strange to have him being the diplomat。
〃Sorry about those voices；〃 I said。 〃Wish I could make it better。〃 In so many ways。
〃It's not that bad。 I'm just whining a little。〃
〃You're。。。 happy？〃
〃Close enough。 But enough about me。 You're the star today。〃 He chuckled。 〃I bet you're just loving
that。 Center of attention。〃
〃Yeah。 Can't get enough attention。〃
He laughed and then stared over my head。 With pursed lips； he studied the shimmering glow of the
reception party； the graceful whirl of the dancers； the fluttering petals falling from the garlands； I looked
with him。 It all seemed very distant from this black； quiet space。 Almost like watching the white flurries
swirling inside a snow globe。
〃I'll give them this much；〃 he said。 〃They know how to throw a party。〃
〃Alice is an unstoppable force of nature。〃
He sighed。 〃Song's over。 Do you think 1 get another one？ Or is that asking too much？〃
I tightened my hand around his。 〃You can have as many dances as you want。〃
He laughed。 〃That would be interesting。 I think I'd better stick with two； though。 Don't want to start
talk。〃
We turned in another circle。
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〃You'd think I'd be used to telling you goodbye by now；〃 he murmured。
I tried to swallow the lump in my throat； but I couldn't force it down。
Jacob looked at me and frowned。 He wiped his fingers across my cheek； catching the tears there。
〃You're not supposed to be the one crying； Bella。〃
〃Everyone cries at weddings；〃 I said thickly。
〃This is what you want； right？〃
〃Right。〃
〃Then smile。〃
I tried。 He laughed at my grimace。
Tm going to try to remember you like this。 Pretend that。。。〃
〃That what？That I died？〃
He clenched his teeth。 He was struggling with himself—with his decision to make his presence here a gift
and not a judgment。 I could guess what he wanted to say。
〃No；〃 he finally answered。 〃But I'll see you this way in my head。 Pink cheeks。 Heartbeat。 Two left feet。
All of that。〃
I deliberately stomped on his foot as hard as I could。
He smiled。 〃That's my girl。〃
He started to say something else and then snapped his mouth closed。 Struggling again； teeth gritted
against the words he didn't want to say。
My relationship with Jacob used to be so easy。 Natural as breathing。 But since Edward had come back
into my life； it was a constant strain。 Because—in Jacob's eyes—by choosing Edward； I was choosing a
fate that was worse than death； or at least equivalent to it。
〃What is it； Jake？ Just tell me。 You can tell me anything。〃
〃I—I。。。 I don't have anything to tell you。〃
〃Oh please。 Spit it out。〃
〃It's true。It's not。。。 it's—it's a question。 It's something I want you to tell me〃
〃Ask me。〃
He struggled for another minute and then exhaled。 〃I shouldn't。 It doesn't matter。 I'm just morbidly
curious。〃
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Because I knew him so well； I understood。
〃It's not t
