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Gaudissart was thirty…eight years of age; of medium height; stout and

fat like men who roll about continually in stage…coaches; with a face

as round as a pumpkin; ruddy cheeks; and regular features of the type

which sculptors of all lands adopt as a model for statues of

Abundance; Law; Force; Commerce; and the like。 His protuberant stomach

swelled forth in the shape of a pear; his legs were small; but active

and vigorous。 He caught Jenny up in his arms like a baby and kissed

her。



〃Hold your tongue; young woman!〃 he said。 〃What do you know about

Saint…Simonism; antagonism; Fourierism; criticism; heroic enterprise;

or woman's freedom? I'll tell you what they are;ten francs for each

subscription; Madame Gaudissart。〃



〃On my word of honor; you are going crazy; Gaudissart。〃



〃More and more crazy about YOU;〃 he replied; flinging his hat upon the

sofa。



The next morning Gaudissart; having breakfasted gloriously with Jenny;

departed on horseback to work up the chief towns of the district to

which he was assigned by the various enterprises in whose interests he

was now about to exercise his great talents。 After spending forty…five

days in beating up the country between Paris and Blois; he remained

two weeks at the latter place to write up his correspondence and make

short visits to the various market towns of the department。 The night

before he left Blois for Tours he indited a letter to Mademoiselle

Jenny Courand。 As the conciseness and charm of this epistle cannot be

equalled by any narration of ours; and as; moreover; it proves the

legitimacy of the tie which united these two individuals; we produce

it here:



  〃My dear Jenny;You will lose your wager。 Like Napoleon;

  Gaudissart the illustrious has his star; but NOT his Waterloo。 I

  triumph everywhere。 Life insurance has done well。 Between Paris

  and Blois I lodged two millions。 But as I get to the centre of

  France heads become infinitely harder and millions correspondingly

  scarce。 The article Paris keeps up its own little jog…trot。 It is

  a ring on the finger。 With all my well…known cunning I spit these

  shop…keepers like larks。 I got off one hundred and sixty…two

  Ternaux shawls at Orleans。 I am sure I don't know what they will

  do with them; unless they return them to the backs of the sheep。



  〃As to the article journalthe devil! that's a horse of another

  color。 Holy saints! how one has to warble before you can teach

  these bumpkins a new tune。 I have only made sixty…two 'Movements':

  exactly a hundred less for the whole trip than the shawls in one

  town。 Those republican rogues! they won't subscribe。 They talk;

  they talk; they share your opinions; and presently you are all

  agreed that every existing thing must be overturned。 You feel sure

  your man is going to subscribe。 Not a bit of it! If he owns three

  feet of ground; enough to grow ten cabbages; or a few trees to

  slice into toothpicks; the fellow begins to talk of consolidated

  property; taxes; revenues; indemnities;a whole lot of stuff; and

  I have wasted my time and breath on patriotism。 It's a bad

  business! Candidly; the 'Movement' does not move。 I have written

  to the directors and told them so。 I am sorry for iton account

  of my political opinions。



  〃As for the 'Globe;' that's another breed altogether。 Just set to

  work and talk new doctrines to people you fancy are fools enough

  to believe such lies;why; they think you want to burn their

  houses down! It is vain for me to tell them that I speak for

  futurity; for posterity; for self…interest properly understood;

  for enterprise where nothing can be lost; that man has preyed upon

  man long enough; that woman is a slave; that the great

  providential thought should be made to triumph; that a way must be

  found to arrive at a rational co…ordination of the social fabric;

  in short; the whole reverberation of my sentences。 Well; what do

  you think? when I open upon them with such ideas these provincials

  lock their cupboards as if I wanted to steal their spoons and beg

  me to go away! Are not they fools? geese? The 'Globe' is smashed。

  I said to the proprietors; 'You are too advanced; you go ahead too

  fast: you ought to get a few results; the provinces like results。'

  However; I have made a hundred 'Globes;' and I must say;

  considering the thick…headedness of these clodhoppers; it is a

  miracle。 But to do it I had to make them such a lot of promises

  that I am sure I don't know how the globites; globists; globules;

  or whatever they call themselves; will ever get out of them。 But

  they always tell me they can make the world a great deal better

  than it is; so I go ahead and prophesy to the value of ten francs

  for each subscription。 There was one farmer who thought the paper

  was agricultural because of its name。 I Globed HIM。 Bah! he gave

  in at once; he had a projecting forehead; all men with projecting

  foreheads are ideologists。



  〃But the 'Children'; oh! ah! as to the 'Children'! I got two

  thousand between Paris and Blois。 Jolly business! but there is not

  much to say。 You just show a little vignette to the mother;

  pretending to hide it from the child: naturally the child wants to

  see; and pulls mamma's gown and cries for its newspaper; because

  'Papa has DOT his。' Mamma can't let her brat tear the gown; the

  gown costs thirty francs; the subscription sixeconomy; result;

  subscription。 It is an excellent thing; meets an actual want; it

  holds a place between dolls and sugar…plums; the two eternal

  necessities of childhood。



  〃I have had a quarrel here at the table d'hote about the

  newspapers and my opinions。 I was unsuspiciously eating my dinner

  next to a man with a gray hat who was reading the 'Debats。' I said

  to myself; 'Now for my rostrum eloquence。 He is tied to the

  dynasty; I'll cook him; this triumph will be capital practice for

  my ministerial talents。' So I went to work and praised his

  'Debats。' Hein! if I didn't lead him along! Thread by thread; I

  began to net my man。 I launched my four…horse phrases; and the F…

  sharp arguments; and all the rest of the cursed stuff。 Everybody

  listened; and I saw a man who had July as plain as day on his

  mustache; just ready to nibble at a 'Movement。' Well; I don't know

  how it was; but I unluckily let fall the word 'blockhead。'

  Thunder! you should have seen my gray hat; my dynastic hat

  (shocking bad hat; anyhow); who got the bit in his teeth and was

  furiously angry。 I put on my grand airyou knowand said to him:

  'Ah; ca! Monsieur; you are remarkably aggressive; if you are not

  content; I am ready to give you satisfaction; I fought in July。'

  'Though the father of a family;' he replied; 'I am ready'

  'Father of a family!' I exclaimed; 'my dear sir; have you any

  children?' 'Yes。' 'Twelve years old?' 'Just about。' 'Well; then;

  the 〃Children's Journal〃 is the very thing for you; six francs a

  year; one number a month; double columns; edited by great literary

  lights; well got up; good paper; engravings from charming sketches

  by our best artists; actual colored drawings of the Indieswill

  not fade。' I fired my broadside 'feelings of a father; etc。;

  etc。;'in short; a subscription instead of a quarrel。 'There's

  nobody but Gaudissart who can get out of things like that;' said

  that little cricket Lamard to the big Bulot at the cafe; when he

  told him the story。



  〃I leave to…morrow for Amboise。 I shall do up Amboise in two days;

  and I will write next from Tours; where I shall measure swords

  with the inhabitants of that colorless region; colorless; I mean;

  from the intellectual and speculative point of view。 But; on the

  word of a Gaudissart; they shall be toppled over; toppled down

  floored; I say。



  〃Adieu; my kitten。 Love me always; be faithful; fidelity through

  thick and thin is one of the attributes of the Free Woman。 Who is

  kissing you on the eyelids?





〃Thy Felix Forever。〃







CHAPTER III



Five days later Gaudissart started from the Hotel des Faisans; at

which he had put up in Tours; and went to Vouvray; a rich and populous

district where the public mind seemed to him susceptible of

cultivation。 Mounted upon his horse; he trotted along the embankment

thinking no more of his phrases than an actor thinks of his part which

he has played for a hundred times。 It was thus that the illustrious

Gaudissart went his cheerful way; admiring the landscape; and little

dreaming that in the happy valleys of Vouvray his commercial

infallibility was about to perish。



Here a few remarks upon the public mind of Touraine are essential to

our story。 The subtle; satirical; epigrammatic tale…telling spirit

stamped on every page of Rabelais is the faithful expression of the

Tourangian mind;a mind polished and refined as it should be in a

land where the kings of F

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