the illustrious gaudissart-第2节

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was　a　novelty；　an　event。　He　lived　the　life　of　a　sovereign；　or；　better

still；　of　a　journalist；　in　fact；　he　was　the　perambulating　〃feuilleton〃

of　Parisian　commerce。



His　name　was　Gaudissart；　and　his　renown；　his　vogue；　the　flatteries

showered　upon　him；　were　such　as　to　win　for　him　the　surname　of

Illustrious。　Wherever　the　fellow　went；behind　a　counter　or　before　a

bar；　into　a　salon　or　to　the　top　of　a　stage…coach；　up　to　a　garret　or　to

dine　with　a　banker；every　one　said；　the　moment　they　saw　him；　〃Ah！

here　comes　the　illustrious　Gaudissart！〃＇*＇　No　name　was　ever　so　in

keeping　with　the　style；　the　manners；　the　countenance；　the　voice；　the

language；　of　any　man。　All　things　smiled　upon　our　traveller；　and　the

traveller　smiled　back　in　return。　〃Similia　similibus；〃he　believed　in

homoeopathy。　Puns；　horse…laugh；　monkish　face；　skin　of　a　friar；　true

Rabelaisian　exterior；　clothing；　body；　mind；　and　features；　all　pulled

together　to　put　a　devil…may…care　jollity　into　every　inch　of　his

person。　Free…handed　and　easy…going；　he　might　be　recognized　at　once　as

the　favorite　of　grisettes；　the　man　who　jumps　lightly　to　the　top　of　a

stage…coach；　gives　a　hand　to　the　timid　lady　who　fears　to　step　down；

jokes　with　the　postillion　about　his　neckerchief　and　contrives　to　sell

him　a　cap；　smiles　at　the　maid　and　catches　her　round　the　waist　or　by

the　heart；　gurgles　at　dinner　like　a　bottle　of　wine　and　pretends　to

draw　the　cork　by　sounding　a　filip　on　his　distended　cheek；　plays　a　tune

with　his　knife　on　the　champagne　glasses　without　breaking　them；　and

says　to　the　company；　〃Let　me　see　you　do　THAT〃；　chaffs　the　timid

traveller；　contradicts　the　knowing　one；　lords　it　over　a　dinner…table

and　manages　to　get　the　titbits　for　himself。　A　strong　fellow；

nevertheless；　he　can　throw　aside　all　this　nonsense　and　mean　business

when　he　flings　away　the　stump　of　his　cigar　and　says；　with　a　glance　at

some　town；　〃I'll　go　and　see　what　those　people　have　got　in　their

stomachs。〃



＇*＇　〃Se　gaudir；〃　to　enjoy；　to　make　fun。　〃Gaudriole；〃　gay　discourse；

　　　　rather　free。Littre。



When　buckled　down　to　his　work　he　became　the　slyest　and　cleverest　of

diplomats。　All　things　to　all　men；　he　knew　how　to　accost　a　banker　like

a　capitalist；　a　magistrate　like　a　functionary；　a　royalist　with　pious

and　monarchical　sentiments；　a　bourgeois　as　one　of　themselves。　In

short；　wherever　he　was　he　was　just　what　he　ought　to　be；　he　left

Gaudissart　at　the　door　when　he　went　in；　and　picked　him　up　when　he　came

out。



Until　1830　the　illustrious　Gaudissart　was　faithful　to　the　article

Paris。　In　his　close　relation　to　the　caprices　of　humanity；　the　varied

paths　of　commerce　had　enabled　him　to　observe　the　windings　of　the　heart

of　man。　He　had　learned　the　secret　of　persuasive　eloquence；　the　knack

of　loosening　the　tightest　purse…strings；　the　art　of　rousing　desire　in

the　souls　of　husbands；　wives；　children；　and　servants；　and　what　is

more；　he　knew　how　to　satisfy　it。　No　one　had　greater　faculty　than　he

for　inveigling　a　merchant　by　the　charms　of　a　bargain；　and　disappearing

at　the　instant　when　desire　had　reached　its　crisis。　Full　of　gratitude

to　the　hat…making　trade；　he　always　declared　that　it　was　his　efforts　in

behalf　of　the　exterior　of　the　human　head　which　had　enabled　him　to

understand　its　interior：　he　had　capped　and　crowned　so　many　people；　he

was　always　flinging　himself　at　their　heads；　etc。　His　jokes　about　hats

and　heads　were　irrepressible；　though　perhaps　not　dazzling。



Nevertheless；　after　August　and　October；　1830；　he　abandoned　the　hat

trade　and　the　article　Paris；　and　tore　himself　from　things　mechanical

and　visible　to　mount　into　the　higher　spheres　of　Parisian　speculation。

〃He　forsook；〃　to　use　his　own　words；　〃matter　for　mind；　manufactured

products　for　the　infinitely　purer　elaborations　of　human　intelligence。〃

This　requires　some　explanation。



The　general　upset　of　1830　brought　to　birth；　as　everybody　knows；　a

number　of　old　ideas　which　clever　speculators　tried　to　pass　off　in　new

bodies。　After　1830　ideas　became　property。　A　writer；　too　wise　to

publish　his　writings；　once　remarked　that　〃more　ideas　are　stolen　than

pocket…handkerchiefs。〃　Perhaps　in　course　of　time　we　may　have　an

Exchange　for　thought；　in　fact；　even　now　ideas；　good　or　bad；　have　their

consols；　are　bought　up；　imported；　exported；　sold；　and　quoted　like

stocks。　If　ideas　are　not　on　hand　ready　for　sale；　speculators　try　to

pass　off　words　in　their　stead；　and　actually　live　upon　them　as　a　bird

lives　on　the　seeds　of　his　millet。　Pray　do　not　laugh；　a　word　is　worth

quite　as　much　as　an　idea　in　a　land　where　the　ticket　on　a　sack　is　of

more　importance　than　the　contents。　Have　we　not　seen　libraries　working

off　the　word　〃picturesque〃　when　literature　would　have　cut　the　throat

of　the　word　〃fantastic〃？　Fiscal　genius　has　guessed　the　proper　tax　on

intellect；　it　has　accurately　estimated　the　profits　of　advertising；　it

has　registered　a　prospectus　of　the　quantity　and　exact　value　of　the

property；　weighing　its　thought　at　the　intellectual　Stamp　Office　in　the

Rue　de　la　Paix。



Having　become　an　article　of　commerce；　intellect　and　all　its　products

must　naturally　obey　the　laws　which　bind　other　manufacturing　interests。

Thus　it　often　happens　that　ideas；　conceived　in　their　cups　by　certain

apparently　idle　Parisians；who　nevertheless　fight　many　a　moral　battle

over　their　champagne　and　their　pheasants；are　handed　down　at　their

birth　from　the　brain　to　the　commercial　travellers　who　are　employed　to

spread　them　discreetly；　〃urbi　et　orbi；〃　through　Paris　and　the

provinces；　seasoned　with　the　fried　pork　of　advertisement　and

prospectus；　by　means　of　which　they　catch　in　their　rat…trap　the

departmental　rodent　commonly　called　subscriber；　sometimes　stockholder；

occasionally　corresponding　member　or　patron；　but　invariably　fool。



〃I　am　a　fool！〃　many　a　poor　country　proprietor　has　said　when；　caught　by

the　prospect　of　being　the　first　to　launch　a　new　idea；　he　finds　that　he

has；　in　point　of　fact；　launched　his　thousand　or　twelve　hundred　francs

into　a　gulf。



〃Subscribers　are　fools　who　never　can　be　brought　to　understand　that　to

go　ahead　in　the　intellectual　world　they　must　start　with　more　money

than　they　need　for　the　tour　of　Europe；〃　say　the　speculators。



Consequently　there　is　endless　warfare　between　the　recalcitrant　public

which　refuses　to　pay　the　Parisian　imposts　and　the　tax…gatherer　who；

living　by　his　receipt　of　custom；　lards　the　public　with　new　ideas；

turns　it　on　the　spit　of　lively　projects；　roasts　it　with　prospectuses

（basting　all　the　while　with　flattery）；　and　finally　gobbles　it　up　with

some　toothsome　sauce　in　which　it　is　caught　and　intoxicated　like　a　fly

with　a　black…lead。　Moreover；　since　1830　what　honors　and　emoluments

have　been　scattered　throughout　France　to　stimulate　the　zeal　and　self…

love　of　the　〃progressive　and　intelligent　masses〃！　Titles；　medals；

diplomas；　a　sort　of　legion　of　honor　invented　for　the　army　of　martyrs；

have　followed　each　other　with　marvellous　rapidity。　Speculators　in　the

manufactured　products　of　the　intellect　have　developed　a　spice；　a

ginger；　all　their　own。　From　this　have　come　premiums；　forestalled

dividends；　and　that　conscription　of　noted　names　which　is　levied

without　the　knowledge　of　the　unfortunate　writers　who　bear　them；　and

who　thus　find　themselves　actual　co…operators　in　more　enterprises　than

there　are　days　in　the　year；　for　the　law；　we　may　remark；　takes　no

account　of　the　theft　of　a　patronymic。　Worse　than　all　is　the　rape　of

ideas　which　these　caterers　for　the　public　mind；　like　the　slave…

merchants　of　Asia；　tear　from　the　paternal　brain　before　they　are　well

matured；　and　drag　half…clothed　before　the　eyes　of　their　blockhead　of　a

sultan；　their　Shahabaham；　their　terrible　public；　which；　if　they　don't

amuse　it；　will　cut　off　their　heads　by　curtailing　the　ingots　and

emptying　their　pockets。



This　madness　of　our　epoch　reacted　upon　the　illustrious　Gaudissart；　and

here　follows　the　history　of　how　it　happened。　A　life…insurance　company

having　been　told　of　his　irresistible　eloquence　offered　him　an　unheard…

of　commission；　which　he　graciously　accepted。　The　bargain　concluded　and

the　treaty　signed；　our　traveller　was　put　in　training；　or　we　might　say

weaned；　by　the　secretary…general　of　the　enterprise；　who　freed　his　mind

of　its　swaddling…clothes；　showed　him　the　dark　holes　of　the　business；

taught　him　its　dialect；　took　the　mechanism　apart　bit　by　bit；　dissected

for　his　instruction　the　particular　public　he　was　expected　to　gull；

crammed　him　with　phrases；　fed　him　with　impromptu　replies；　provisioned

him　with　unanswerable　arguments；　and；　so　to　speak；　sharpened　the　file

of　the　tongue　which　was　about　to　operate　upon　the　life　of　France。



The　puppet　amply　rewarded　the　pains　bestowed　upon　him。　The　heads　of

the　company　boasted　of　the　illustrious　Gaudissart；　showed　him　such

attention　and　proclaimed　the　great　talents　of　this　perambulating

prospectus　so　loudly　in　the　sphere　of　exalted　banking　and　commercial

diplomacy；　that　the　financial　managers　of　two　newspapers　（celebrated

at　t