notes from the underground-第16节
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people; and nasty little shrieks in French: there were ladies at
the dinner。 It was sickening; in fact。 I rarely passed more
unpleasant moments; so much so that when they did arrive all
together punctually at six I was overjoyed to see them; as though
they were my deliverers; and even forgot that it was incumbent
upon me to show resentment。
Zverkov walked in at the head of them; evidently he was the
leading spirit。 He and all of them were laughing; but; seeing
me; Zverkov drew himself up a little; walked up to me
deliberately with a slight; rather jaunty bend from the waist。
He shook hands with me in a friendly; but not over…friendly;
fashion; with a sort of circumspect courtesy like that of a
General; as though in giving me his hand he were warding off
something。 I had imagined; on the contrary; that on coming in he
would at once break into his habitual thin; shrill laugh and fall
to making his insipid jokes and witticisms。 I had been preparing
for them ever since the previous day; but I had not expected such
condescension; such high…official courtesy。 So; then; he felt
himself ineffably superior to me in every respect! If he only
meant to insult me by that high…official tone; it would not
matter; I thoughtI could pay him back for it one way or
another。 But what if; in reality; without the least desire to be
offensive; that sheepshead had a notion in earnest that he was
superior to me and could only look at me in a patronising way?
The very supposition made me gasp。
〃I was surprised to hear of your desire to join us;〃 he began;
lisping and drawling; which was something new。 〃You and I seem
to have seen nothing of one another。 You shy away from us。 You
shouldn't。 We are not such terrible people as you think。 Well;
anyway; I am glad to renew our acquaintance。〃
And he turned carelessly to put down his hat on the window。
〃Have you been waiting long?〃 Trudolyubov inquired。
〃I arrived at five o'clock as you told me yesterday;〃 I answered
aloud; with an irritability that threatened an explosion。
〃Didn't you let him know that we had changed the hour?〃 said
Trudolyubov to Simonov。
〃No; I didn't。 I forgot;〃 the latter replied; with no sign of
regret; and without even apologising to me he went off to order
the hors d'oeuvre。
〃So you've been here a whole hour? Oh; poor fellow!〃 Zverkov
cried ironically; for to his notions this was bound to be
extremely funny。 That rascal Ferfitchkin followed with his nasty
little snigger like a puppy yapping。 My position struck him;
too; as exquisitely ludicrous and embarrassing。
〃It isn't funny at all!〃 I cried to Ferfitchkin; more and more
irritated。 〃It wasn't my fault; but other people's。 They
neglected to let me know。 It was。。。it was。。。it was simply
absurd。〃
〃It's not only absurd; but something else as well;〃 muttered
Trudolyubov; naively taking my part。 〃You are not hard enough
upon it。 It was simply rudenessunintentional; of course。 And
how could Simonov。。。h'm!〃
〃If a trick like that had been played on me;〃 observed
Ferfitchkin; 〃I should。。。〃
〃But you should have ordered something for yourself;〃 Zverkov
interrupted; 〃or simply asked for dinner without waiting for us。〃
〃You will allow that I might have done that without your
permission;〃 I rapped out。 〃If I waited; it was。。。〃
〃Let us sit down; gentlemen;〃 cried Simonov; coming in。
〃Everything is ready; I can answer for the champagne; it is
capitally frozen。。。。You see; I did not know your address; where
was I to look for you?〃 he suddenly turned to me; but again he
seemed to avoid looking at me。 Evidently he had something
against me。 It must have been what happened yesterday。
All sat down; I did the same。 It was a round table。 Trudolyubov
was on my left; Simonov on my right; Zverkov was sitting
opposite; Ferfitchkin next to him; between him and Trudolyubov。
〃Tell me; are you。。。in a government office?〃 Zverkov went on
attending to me。 Seeing that I was embarrassed he seriously
thought that he ought to be friendly to me; and; so to speak;
cheer me up。
〃Does he want me to throw a bottle at his head?〃 I thought; in a
fury。 In my novel surroundings I was unnaturally ready to be
irritated。
〃In the N… office;〃 I answered jerkily; with my eyes on my
plate。
〃And ha…ave you a go…od berth? I say; what ma…a…de you leave
your original job?〃
〃What ma…a…de me was that I wanted to leave my original job;〃 I
drawled more than he; hardly able to control myself。 Ferfitchkin
went off into a guffaw。 Simonov looked at me ironically。
Trudolyubov left off eating and began looking at me with
curiosity。
Zverkov winced; but he tried not to notice it。
〃And the remuneration?〃
〃What remuneration?〃
〃I mean; your sa…a…lary?〃
〃Why are you cross…examining me?〃 However; I told him at once
what my salary was。 I turned horribly red。
〃It is not very handsome;〃 Zverkov observed majestically
〃Yes; you can't afford to dine at cafes on that;〃 Ferfitchkin
added insolently
〃To my thinking it's very poor;〃 Trudolyubov observed gravely。
〃And how thin you have grown! How you have changed!〃 added
Zverkov; with a shade of venom in his voice; scanning me and my
attire with a sort of insolent compassion。
〃Oh; spare his blushes;〃 cried Ferfitchkin; sniggering。
〃My dear sir; allow me to tell you I am not blushing;〃 I broke
out at last; 〃do you hear? I am dining here; at this cafe; at my
own expense; not at other people'snote that; Mr。 Ferfitchkin。〃
〃Wha…at? Isn't every one here dining at his own expense? You
would seem to be 。。。〃 Ferfitchkin flew out at me; turning as red
as a lobster; and looking me in the face with fury。
〃Tha…at;〃 I answered; feeling I had gone too far; 〃and I imagine
it would be better to talk of something more intelligent。〃
〃You intend to show off your intelligence; I suppose?〃
〃Don't disturb yourself; that would be quite out of place here。〃
〃Why are you clacking away like that; my good sir; eh? Have you
gone out of your wits in your office?〃
〃Enough; gentlemen; enough!〃 Zverkov cried; authoritatively。
〃How stupid it is!〃 muttered Simonov。
〃It really is stupid。 We have met here; a company of friends;
for a farewell dinner to a comrade and you carry on an
altercation;〃 said Trudolyubov; rudely addressing himself to me
alone。 〃You invited yourself to join us; so don't disturb the
general harmony。〃
〃Enough; enough!〃 cried Zverkov。 〃Give over; gentlemen; it's out
of place。 Better let me tell you how I nearly got married the
day before yesterday 。。。。〃
And then followed a burlesque narrative of how this gentleman had
almost been married two days before。 There was not a word about
the marriage; however; but the story was adorned with generals;
colonels and kammer…junkers; while Zverkov almost took the lead
among them。 It was greeted with approving laughter; Ferfitchkin
positively squealed。
No one paid any attention to me; and I sat crushed and
humiliated。
〃Good Heavens; these are not the people for me!〃 I thought。 〃And
what a fool I have made of myself before them! I let Ferfitchkin
go too far; though。 The brutes imagine they are doing me an
honour in letting me sit down with them。 They don't understand
that it's an honour to them and not to me! I've grown thinner!
My clothes! Oh; damn my trousers! Zverkov noticed the yellow
stain on the knee as soon as he came in。。。。 But what's the use!
I must get up at once; this very minute; take my hat and simply
go without a word。。。with contempt! And tomorrow I can send a
challenge。 The scoundrels! As though I cared about the seven
roubles。 They may think。。。。 Damn it! I don't care about the
seven roubles。 I'll go this minute!〃
Of course I remained。 I drank sherry and Lafitte by the glassful
in my discomfiture。 Being unaccustomed to it; I was quickly
affected。 My annoyance increased as the wine went to my head。 I
longed all at once to insult them all in a most flagrant manner
and then go away。 To seize the moment and show what I could do;
so that they would say; 〃He's clever; though he is absurd;〃
and。。。and。。。in fact; damn them all!
I scanned them all insolently with my drowsy eyes。 But they
seemed to have forgotten me altogether。 They were noisy;
vociferous; cheerful。 Zverkov was talking all the time。 I began
listening。 Zverkov was talking of some exuberant lady whom he
had at last led on to declaring her love (of course; he was lying
like a horse); and how he had been helped in this affair by an
intimate friend of his; a Prince Kolya; an officer in the
hussars; who had three thousand serfs。
〃And yet this Kolya; who has three thousand serfs; has not put in
an appearance here tonight to see you off;〃 I cut in suddenly。
For one