first epilogue-第14节

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as　his　mental　faculties　were　greater　and　more　resourceful；　Nicholas

felt　himself　cornered。　This　made　him　still　angrier；　for　he　was　fully

convinced；　not　by　reasoning　but　by　something　within　him　stronger

than　reason；　of　the　justice　of　his　opinion。

　　〃I　will　tell　you　this；〃　he　said；　rising　and　trying　with　nervously

twitching　fingers　to　prop　up　his　pipe　in　a　corner；　but　finally

abandoning　the　attempt。　〃I　can't　prove　it　to　you。　You　say　that

everything　here　is　rotten　and　that　an　overthrow　is　coming：　I　don't　see

it。　But　you　also　say　that　our　oath　of　allegiance　is　a　conditional

matter；　and　to　that　I　reply：　'You　are　my　best　friend；　as　you　know；　but

if　you　formed　a　secret　society　and　began　working　against　the

government…　be　it　what　it　may…　I　know　it　is　my　duty　to　obey　the

government。　And　if　Arakcheev　ordered　me　to　lead　a　squadron　against　you

and　cut　you　down；　I　should　not　hesitate　an　instant；　but　should　do　it。'

And　you　may　argue　about　that　as　you　like！〃

　　An　awkward　silence　followed　these　words。　Natasha　was　the　first　to

speak；　defending　her　husband　and　attacking　her　brother。　Her　defense

was　weak　and　inapt　but　she　attained　her　object。　The　conversation　was

resumed；　and　no　longer　in　the　unpleasantly　hostile　tone　of　Nicholas'

last　remark。

　　When　they　all　got　up　to　go　in　to　supper；　little　Nicholas　Bolkonski

went　up　to　Pierre；　pale　and　with　shining；　radiant　eyes。

　　〃Uncle　Pierre；　you。。。　no。。。　If　Papa　were　alive。。。　would　he　agree

with　you？〃　he　asked。

　　And　Pierre　suddenly　realized　what　a　special；　independent；　complex；

and　powerful　process　of　thought　and　feeling　must　have　been　going　on　in

this　boy　during　that　conversation；　and　remembering　all　he　had　said

he　regretted　that　the　lad　should　have　heard　him。　He　had；　however；　to

give　him　an　answer。

　　〃Yes；　I　think　so；〃　he　said　reluctantly；　and　left　the　study。

　　The　lad　looked　down　and　seemed　now　for　the　first　time　to　notice　what

he　had　done　to　the　things　on　the　table。　He　flushed　and　went　up　to

Nicholas。

　　〃Uncle；　forgive　me；　I　did　that。。。　unintentionally；〃　he　said；

pointing　to　the　broken　sealing　wax　and　pens。

　　Nicholas　started　angrily。

　　〃All　right；　all　right；〃　he　said；　throwing　the　bits　under　the　table。

　　And　evidently　suppressing　his　vexation　with　difficulty；　he　turned

away　from　the　boy。

　　〃You　ought　not　to　have　been　here　at　all；〃　he　said。

EP1｜CH15

　　CHAPTER　XV



　　The　conversation　at　supper　was　not　about　politics　or　societies；

but　turned　on　the　subject　Nicholas　liked　best…　recollections　of

1812。　Denisov　started　these　and　Pierre　was　particularly　agreeable

and　amusing　about　them。　The　family　separated　on　the　most　friendly

terms。

　　After　supper　Nicholas；　having　undressed　in　his　study　and　given

instructions　to　the　steward　who　had　been　waiting　for　him；　went　to

the　bedroom　in　his　dressing　gown；　where　he　found　his　wife　still　at　her

table；　writing。

　　〃What　are　you　writing；　Mary？〃　Nicholas　asked。

　　Countess　Mary　blushed。　She　was　afraid　that　what　she　was　writing

would　not　be　understood　or　approved　by　her　husband。

　　She　had　wanted　to　conceal　what　she　was　writing　from　him；　but　at

the　same　time　was　glad　he　had　surprised　her　at　it　and　that　she　would

now　have　to　tell　him。

　　〃A　diary；　Nicholas；〃　she　replied；　handing　him　a　blue　exercise　book

filled　with　her　firm；　bold　writing。

　　〃A　diary？〃　Nicholas　repeated　with　a　shade　of　irony；　and　he　took　up

the　book。

　　It　was　in　French。



　　December　4。　Today　when　Andrusha　（her　eldest　boy）　woke　up　he　did

not　wish　to　dress　and　Mademoiselle　Louise　sent　for　me。　He　was

naughty　and　obstinate。　I　tried　threats；　but　he　only　grew　angrier。　Then

I　took　the　matter　in　hand：　I　left　him　alone　and　began　with　nurse's

help　to　get　the　other　children　up；　telling　him　that　I　did　not　love

him。　For　a　long　time　he　was　silent；　as　if　astonished；　then　he　jumped

out　of　bed；　ran　to　me　in　his　shirt；　and　sobbed　so　that　I　could　not

calm　him　for　a　long　time。　It　was　plain　that　what　troubled　him　most　was

that　he　had　grieved　me。　Afterwards　in　the　evening　when　I　gave　him

his　ticket；　he　again　began　crying　piteously　and　kissing　me。　One　can　do

anything　with　him　by　tenderness。



　　〃What　is　a　'ticket'？〃　Nicholas　inquired。

　　〃I　have　begun　giving　the　elder　ones　marks　every　evening；　showing　how

they　have　behaved。〃

　　Nicholas　looked　into　the　radiant　eyes　that　were　gazing　at　him；　and

continued　to　turn　over　the　pages　and　read。　In　the　diary　was　set　down

everything　in　the　children's　lives　that　seemed　noteworthy　to　their

mother　as　showing　their　characters　or　suggesting　general　reflections

on　educational　methods。　They　were　for　the　most　part　quite

insignificant　trifles；　but　did　not　seem　so　to　the　mother　or　to　the

father　either；　now　that　he　read　this　diary　about　his　children　for

the　first　time。

　　Under　the　date　〃5〃　was　entered：



　　Mitya　was　naughty　at　table。　Papa　said　he　was　to　have　no　pudding。

He　had　none；　but　looked　so　unhappily　and　greedily　at　the　others

while　they　were　eating！　I　think　that　punishment　by　depriving

children　of　sweets　only　develops　their　greediness。　Must　tell

Nicholas　this。



　　Nicholas　put　down　the　book　and　looked　at　his　wife。　The　radiant

eyes　gazed　at　him　questioningly：　would　he　approve　or　disapprove　of　her

diary？　There　could　be　no　doubt　not　only　of　his　approval　but　also　of

his　admiration　for　his　wife。

　　Perhaps　it　need　not　be　done　so　pedantically；　thought　Nicholas；　or

even　done　at　all；　but　this　untiring；　continual　spiritual　effort　of

which　the　sole　aim　was　the　children's　moral　welfare　delighted　him。　Had

Nicholas　been　able　to　analyze　his　feelings　he　would　have　found　that

his　steady；　tender；　and　proud　love　of　his　wife　rested　on　his　feeling

of　wonder　at　her　spirituality　and　at　the　lofty　moral　world；　almost

beyond　his　reach；　in　which　she　had　her　being。

　　He　was　proud　of　her　intelligence　and　goodness；　recognized　his　own

insignificance　beside　her　in　the　spiritual　world；　and　rejoiced　all　the

more　that　she　with　such　a　soul　not　only　belonged　to　him　but　was　part

of　himself。

　　〃I　quite；　quite　approve；　my　dearest！〃　said　he　with　a　significant

look；　and　after　a　short　pause　he　added：　〃And　I　behaved　badly　today。

You　weren't　in　the　study。　We　began　disputing…　Pierre　and　I…　and　I　lost

my　temper。　But　he　is　impossible：　such　a　child！　I　don't　know　what　would

become　of　him　if　Natasha　didn't　keep　him　in　hand。。。。　Have　you　any　idea

why　he　went　to　Petersburg？　They　have　formed。。。〃

　　〃Yes；　I　know；〃　said　Countess　Mary。　〃Natasha　told　me。〃

　　〃Well；　then；　you　know；〃　Nicholas　went　on；　growing　hot　at　the　mere

recollection　of　their　discussion；　〃he　wanted　to　convince　me　that　it　is

every　honest　man's　duty　to　go　against　the　government；　and　that　the

oath　of　allegiance　and　duty。。。　I　am　sorry　you　weren't　there。　They

all　fell　on　me…　Denisov　and　Natasha。。。　Natasha　is　absurd。　How　she

rules　over　him！　And　yet　there　need　only　be　a　discussion　and　she　has　no

words　of　her　own　but　only　repeats　his　sayings。。。〃　added　Nicholas；

yielding　to　that　irresistible　inclination　which　tempts　us　to　judge

those　nearest　and　dearest　to　us。　He　forgot　that　what　he　was　saying

about　Natasha　could　have　been　applied　word　for　word　to　himself　in

relation　to　his　wife。

　　〃Yes；　I　have　noticed　that；〃　said　Countess　Mary。

　　〃When　I　told　him　that　duty　and　the　oath　were　above　everything；　he

started　proving　goodness　knows　what！　A　pity　you　were　not　there…　what

would　you　have　said？〃

　　〃As　I　see　it　you　were　quite　right；　and　I　told　Natasha　so。　Pierre

says　everybody　is　suffering；　tortured；　and　being　corrupted；　and　that

it　is　our　duty　to　help　our　neighbor。　Of　course　he　is　right　there；〃

said　Countess　Mary；　〃but　he　forgets　that　we　have　other　duties　nearer

to　us；　duties　indicated　to　us　by　God　Himself；　and　that　though　we　might

expose　ourselves　to　risks　we　must　not　risk　our　children。〃

　　〃Yes；　that's　it！　That's　just　what　I　said　to　him；〃　put　in　Nicholas；

who　fancied　he　really　had　said　it。　〃But　they　insisted　on　their　own

view：　love　of　one's　neighbor　and　Christianity…　and　all　this　in　the

presence　of　young　Nicholas；　who　had　gone　into　my　study　and　broke　all

my　things。〃

　　〃Ah；　Nicholas；　do　you　know　I　am　often　troubled　about　little

Nicholas；〃　said　Countess　Mary。　〃He　is　such　an　exceptional　boy。　I　am

afraid　I　neglect　him　in　favor　of　my　own：　we　all　have　children　and

relations　while　he　has　no　one。　He　is　constantly　alone　with　his

thoughts。〃

　　〃Well；　I　don't　think　you　need　reproach　yourself　on　his　account。

All　that　the　fondest　mother　could　do　for　her　son　you　have　done　and　are

doing　for　him；　and　of　course　I　am　glad　of　it。　He　is　a　fine　lad；　a　fine

lad！　This　evening　he　listened　to　Pierre　in　a　sort　of　trance；　and

fancy…　as　we　were　going　in　to　supper　I　looked　and　he　had　broken

everything　on　my　table　to　bits；　and　he　told　me　of　it　himself　at

once！　I　never　knew　him　to　tell　an　untruth。　A　fine　lad；　a　fine　lad！〃

repeated　Nicholas；　who　at　heart　was　not　fond　of　Nicholas　Bolkonski　but

was　always　anxious　to　recognize　that　he　was　a　fine　lad。

　　〃Still；　I　am　not　the　same　as　his　own　mother；〃