arizona nights-第28节

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Wall；　I've　see　things　and　I've　heerd　things；　some　of　them　ornery；

and　some　you'd　love　to　believe；　they　was　that　gorgeous　and

improbable。　　Nat'ral　history　was　always　my　hobby　and　sportin'

events　my　special　pleasure　and　this　yarn　of　Windy's　reminds　me　of

the　only　chanst　I　ever　had　to　ring　in　business　and　pleasure　and

hobby　all　in　one　grand　merry…go…round　of　joy。　　It　come　about　like

this：

　

One　day；　a　few　year　back；　I　was　sittin'　on　the　beach　at　Santa

Barbara　watchin'　the　sky　stay　up；　and　wonderin'　what　to　do　with

my　year's　wages；　when　a　little　squinch…eye　round…face　with　big

bow　spectacles　came　and　plumped　down　beside　me。

　　

〃Did　you　ever　stop　to　think；〃　says　he；　shovin'　back　his　hat；

〃that　if　the　horsepower　delivered　by　them　waves　on　this　beach　in

one　single　hour　could　be　concentrated　behind　washin'　machines；　it

would　be　enough　to　wash　all　the　shirts　for　a　city　of　four　hundred

and　fifty…one　thousand　one　hundred　and　thirty…six　people？〃



〃Can't　say　I　ever　did；〃　says　I；　squintin'　at　him　sideways。

　　

〃Fact；〃　says　he；　〃and　did　it　ever　occur　to　you　that　if　all　the

food　a　man　eats　in　the　course　of　a　natural　life　could　be　gathered

together　at　one　time；　it　would　fill　a　wagon…train　twelve　miles

long？〃

　　

〃You　make　me　hungry；〃　says　I。

　　

〃And　ain't　it　interestin'　to　reflect；〃　he　goes　on；　〃that　if　all

the　finger…nail　parin's　of　the　human　race　for　one　year　was　to　be

collected　and　subjected　to　hydraulic　pressure　it　would　equal　in

size　the　pyramid　of　Cheops？〃

　　

〃Look　yere；〃　says　I；　sittin'　up；　〃did　YOU　ever　pause　to

excogitate　that　if　all　the　hot　air　you　is　dispensin'　was　to　be

collected　together　it　would　fill　a　balloon　big　enough　to　waft　you

and　me　over　that　Bullyvard　of　Palms　to　yonder　gin　mill　on　the

corner？〃

　　　

He　didn't　say　nothin'　to　thatjust　yanked　me　to　my　feet；　faced

me　towards　the　gin　mill　above　mentioned；　and　exerted　considerable

pressure　on　my　arm　in　urgin'　of　me　forward。

　　

〃You　ain't　so　much　of　a　dreamer；　after　all；〃　　thinks　I。　　〃In

important　matters　you　are　plumb　decisive。〃

　　　

We　sat　down　at　little　tables；　and　my　friend　ordered　a　beer　and　a

chicken　sandwich。

　　

〃Chickens；〃　says　he；　gazin'　at　the　sandwich；　〃is　a　dollar　apiece

in　this　country；　and　plumb　scarce。　　Did　you　ever　pause　to　ponder

over　the　returns　chickens　would　give　on　a　small　investment？　　Say

you　start　with　ten　hens。　　Each　hatches　out　thirteen　aigs；　of

which　allow　a　loss　of　say　six　for　childish　accidents。　　At　the　end

of　the　year　you　has　eighty　chickens。　　At　the　end　of　two　years

that　flock　has　increased　to　six　hundred　and　twenty。　　At　the　end

of　the　third　year〃



　He　had　the　medicine　tongue！　　Ten　days　later　him　and　me　was

occupyin'　of　an　old　ranch　fifty　mile　from　anywhere。　　When　they

run　stage…coaches　this　joint　used　to　be　a　roadhouse。　　The　outlook

was　on　about　a　thousand　little　brown　foothills。　　A　road　two　miles

four　rods　two　foot　eleven　inches　in　sight　run　by　in　front　of　us。　

It　come　over　one　foothill　and　disappeared　over　another。　　I　know

just　how　long　it　was；　for　later　in　the　game　I　measured　it。

　　　

Out　back　was　about　a　hundred　little　wire　chicken　corrals　filled

with　chickens。　　We　had　two　kinds。　　That　was　the　doin's　of

Tuscarora。　　My　pardner　called　himself　Tuscarora　Maxillary。　　I

asked　him　once　if　that　was　his　real　name。

　　

〃It's　the　realest　little　old　name　you　ever　heerd　tell　of；〃　says

he。　　〃I　know；　for　I　made　it　myselfliked　the　sound　of　her。　

Parents　ain't　got　no　rights　to　name　their　children。　　Parents

don't　have　to　be　called　them　names。〃

　　　

Well；　these　chickens；　as　I　said；　was　of　two　kinds。　　The　first　was

these　low…set；　heavyweight　propositions　with　feathers　on　their

laigs；　and　not　much　laigs　at　that；　called　Cochin　Chinys。　　The

other　was　a　tall　ridiculous　outfit　made　up　entire　of　bulgin'

breast　and　gangle　laigs。　　They　stood　about　two　foot　and　a　half

tall；　and　when　they　went　to　peck　the　ground　their　tail　feathers

stuck　straight　up　to　the　sky。　　Tusky　called　'em　Japanese　Games。

　　

〃Which　the　chief　advantage　of　them　chickens　is；〃　says　he；　〃that

in　weight　about　ninety　per　cent　of　'em　is　breast　meat。　　Now　my

idee　is；　that　if　we　can　cross　'em　with　these　Cochin　Chiny　fowls

we'll　have　a　low…hung；　heavyweight　chicken　runnin'　strong　on

breast　meat。　　These　Jap　Games　is　too　small；　but　if　we　can　bring

'em　up　in　size　and　shorten　their　laigs；　we'll　shore　have　a

winner。〃

　　　　

That　looked　good　to　me；　so　we　started　in　on　that　idee。　　The

theery　was　bully；　but　she　didn't　work　out。　The　first　broods　we

hatched　growed　up　with　big　husky　Cochin　Chiny　bodies　and　little

short　necks；　perched　up　on　laigs　three　foot　long。　　Them　chickens　

couldn't　reach　ground　nohow。　　We　had　to　build　a　table　for　'em　to

eat　off；　and　when　they　went　out　rustlin'　for　themselves　they　had

to　confine　themselves　to　sidehills　or　flyin'　insects。　　Their

breasts　was　all　right；　though〃And　think　of　them　drumsticks　for

the　boardinghouse　trade！〃　says　Tusky。

　　　

So　far　things　wasn't　so　bad。　　We　had　a　good　grubstake。　　Tusky　and

me　used　to　feed　them　chickens　twict　a　day；　and　then　used　to　set

around　watchin'　the　playful　critters　chase　grasshoppers　up　an'

down　the　wire　corrals；　while　Tusky　figgered　out　what'd　happen　if

somebody　was　dumfool　enough　to　gather　up　somethin'　and　fix　it　in

baskets　or　wagons　or　such。　　That　was　where　we　showed　our

ignorance　of　chickens。

　　　

One　day　in　the　spring　I　hitched　up；　rustled　a　dozen　of　the

youngsters　into　coops；　and　druv　over　to　the　railroad　to　make　our

first　sale。　　I　couldn't　fold　them　chickens　up　into　them　coops　at

first；　but　then　I　stuck　the　coops　up　on　aidge　and　they　worked　all

right；　though　I　will　admit　they　was　a　comical　sight。　　At　the

railroad　one　of　them　towerist　trains　had　just　slowed　down　to　a

halt　as　I　come　up；　and　the　towerist　was　paradin'　up　and　down

allowin'　they　was　particular　enjoyin'　of　the　warm　Californy

sunshine。　　One　old　terrapin；　with　grey　chin　whiskers；　projected

over；　with　his　wife；　and　took　a　peek　through　the　slats　of　my

coop。　　He　straightened　up　like　someone　had　touched　him　off　with　a

red…hot　poker。

　　　

〃Stranger；〃　said　he；　in　a　scared　kind　of　whisper；　〃what's　them？〃

　　　

〃Them's　chickens；〃　says　I。

　　　　

He　took　another　long　look。

　　　

〃Marthy；〃　says　he　to　the　old　woman；　〃this　will　be　about　all！　　We

come　out　from　Ioway　to　see　the　Wonders　of　Californy；　but　I　can't

go　nothin'　stronger　than　this。　　If　these　is　chickens；　I　don't

want　to　see　no　Big　Trees。〃

　　　　

Well；　I　sold　them　chickens　all　right　for　a　dollar　and　two　bits；

which　was　better　than　I　expected；　and　got　an　order　for　more。　

About　ten　days　later　I　got　a　letter　from　the　commission　house。

　　　

〃We　are　returnin'　a　sample　of　your　Arts　and　Crafts　chickens　with

the　lovin'　marks　of　the　teeth　still　onto　him；〃　says　they。　　〃Don't

send　any　more　till　they　stops　pursuin'　of　the　nimble　grasshopper。

Dentist　bill　will　foller。〃



With　the　letter　came　the　remains　of　one　of　the　chickens。　　Tusky

and　I；　very　indignant；　cooked　her　for　supper。　　She　was　tough；　all

right。　　We　thought　she　might　do　better　biled；　so　we　put　her　in

the　pot　over　night。　　Nary　bit。　　Well；　then　we　got　interested。　

Tusky　kep'　the　fire　goin'　and　I　rustled　greasewood。　　We　cooked

her　three　days　and　three　nights。　　At　the　end　of　that　time　she　was

sort　of　pale　and　frazzled；　but　still　givin'　points　to

three…year…old　jerky　on　cohesion　and　other　uncompromisin'　forces

of　Nature。　　We　buried　her　then；　and　went　out　back　to　recuperate。

　　　

There　we　could　gaze　on　the　smilin'　landscape；　dotted　by　about

four　hundred　long…laigged　chickens　swoopin'　here　and　there　after

grasshoppers。

　　

〃We　got　to　stop　that；〃　says　I。

　　

〃We　can't；〃　murmured　Tusky；　inspired。　〃We　can't。　　It's　born　in

'em；　it's　a　primal　instinct；　like　the　love　of　a　mother　for　her

young；　and　it　can't　be　eradicated！　　Them　chickens　is　constructed

by　a　divine　providence　for　the　express　purpose　of　chasin'

grasshoppers；　jest　as　the　beaver　is　made　for　buildin'　dams；　and

the　cow…puncher　is　made　for　whisky　and　faro…games。　　We　can't

keep　'em　from　it。　　If　we　was　to　shut　'em　in　a　dark　cellar；　they'd

flop　after　imaginary　grasshoppers　in　their　dreams；　and　die

emaciated　in　the　midst　of　plenty。　　Jimmy；　we're　up　agin　the

Cosmos；　the　oversoul〃　　Oh；　he　had　the　medicine　tongue；　Tusky

had；　and　risin'　on　the　wings　of　eloquence　that　way；　he　had　me

faded　in　ten　minutes。　　In　fifteen　I　was　wedded　solid　to　the

notion　that　the　bottom　had　dropped　out　of　the　chicken　business。　

I　think　now　that　if　we'd　shut　them　hens　up；　we　might　havestill；

I　don't　know；　they　was　a　good　deal　in　what　Tusky　said。



〃Tuscarora　Maxillary；〃　says　I；　〃did　you　ever　stop　to　entertain

that　beautiful　thought　that　if　all　the　dumfoolishness　possessed

now　by　the　human　race　could　be　gathered　together；　and　lined　up

alongside　of　us；　the　first　feller　to　come　along　would　say　to　it

'Why；　hello；　Solomon！'〃

　　　

We　quit　the　notion　of　chickens　for　profit　right　th