a tale of two cities(双城记)-第45节

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rmost　workings　of　this　poor　man's　mind。　He　once　yearned　so　frightfully　for　that　occupation；　and　it　was　so　welcome　when　it　came；　no　doubt　it　relieved　his　pain　so　much；　by　substituting　the　perplexity　of　the　fingers　for　the　perplexity　of　the　brain；　and　by　substituting；　as　he　became　more　practised；　the　ingenuity　of　the　hands；　for　the　ingenuity　of　the　mental　torture；　that　he　has　never　been　able　to　bear　the　thought　of　putting　it　quite　out　of　his　reach。　Even　now；　when　I　believe　he　is　more　hopeful　of　himself　than　he　has　ever　been；　and　even　speaks　of　himself　with　a　kind　of　confidence；　the　idea　that　he　might　need　that　old　employment；　and　not　find　it；　gives　him　a　sudden　sense　of　terror；　like　that　which　one　may　fancy　strikes　to　the　heart　of　a　lost　child。'　
　He　looked　like　his　illustration；　as　he　raised　his　eyes　to　Mr。　Lob's　face。　‘But　may　notmind！　I　ask　for　information；　as　a　plodding　man　of　business　who　only　deals　with　such　material　objects　as　guineas；　shillings；　and　bank…notesmay　not　the　retention　of　the　thing　involve　the　retention　of　the　idea？　If　the　thing　were　gone；　my　dear　Manette；　might　not　the　fear　go　with　it？　In　short；　is　it　not　a　concession　to　the　misgiving；　to　keep　the　forge？'　
　There　was　another　silence。　
　‘You　see；　too；'　said　the　Doctor；　tremulously；　‘it　is　such　an　old　companion。'　
　‘I　would　not　keep　it；'　said　Mr。　Lorry；　shaking　his　head；　for　he　gained　in　firmness　as　he　saw　the　Doctor　disquieted。　‘I　would　recommend　him　to　sacrifice　it。　I　only　want　your　authority。　I　am　sure　it　does　no　good。　Come！　Give　me　your　authority；　like　a　dear　good　man。　For　his　daughter's　sake；　my　dear　Manette！'　
　Very　strange　to　see　what　a　struggle　there　was　within　him！　‘In　her　name；　then；　let　it　be　done；　I　sanction　it。　But；　I　would　not　take　it　away　while　he　was　present。　Let　it　be　removed　when　he　is　not　there；　let　him　miss　his　old　companion　after　an　absence。'　
　Mr。　Lorry　readily　engaged　for　that；　and　the　conference　was　ended。　They　passed　the　day　in　the　country；　and　the　Doctor　was　quite　restored。　On　the　three　following　days　he　remained　perfectly　well；　and　on　the　fourteenth　day　he　went　away　to　join　Lucie　and　her　husband。　The　precaution　that　had　been　taken　to　account　for　his　silence；　Mr。　Lorry　had　previously　explained　to　him；　and　he　had　written　to　Lucie　in　accordance　with　it；　and　she　had　no　suspicions。　
　On　the　night　of　the　day　on　which　he　left　the　house；　Mr。　Lorry　went　into　his　room　with　a　chopper；　saw；　chisel；　and　hammer；　attended　by　Miss　Pross　carrying　a　light。　There；　with　closed　doors；　and　in　a　mysterious　and　guilty　manner；　Mr。　Lorry　hacked　the　shoemaker's　bench　to　pieces；　while　Miss　Pross　held　the　candle　as　if　she　were　assisting　at　a　murderor　which；　indeed；　in　her　grimness；　she　was　no　unsuitable　figure。　The　burning　of　the　body　（previously　reduced　to　pieces　convenient　for　the　purpose）　was　commenced　without　delay　in　the　kitchen　fire；　and　the　tools；　shoes；　and　leather；　were　buried　in　the　garden。　So　wicked　do　destruction　and　secrecy　appear　to　honest　minds；　that　Mr。　Lorry　and　Miss　Pross；　while　enraged　in　the　commission　of　their　deed　and　in　the　removal　of　its　traces；　almost　felt；　and　almost　looked；　like　accomplices　in　a　horrible　crime。　


CHAPTER　XX
A　Plea
WHEN　the　newly…married　pair　came　home；　the　first　person　who　appeared；　to　offer　his　congratulations；　was　Sydney　Carton。　They　had　not　been　at　home　many　hours；　when　he　presented　himself。　He　was　not　improved　in　habits；　or　in　looks；　or　in　manner；　but　there　was　a　certain　rugged　air　of　fidelity　about　him；　which　was　new　to　the　observation　of　Charles　Darnay。　
　He　watched　his　opportunity　of　taking　Darnay　aside　into　a　window；　and　of　speaking　to　him　when　no　one　overheard。　
　‘Mr。　Darnay；'　said　Carton；　‘I　wish　we　might　be　friends。'　
‘We　are　already　friends；　I　hope。'　
　‘You　are　good　enough　to　say　so；　as　a　fashion　of　speech；　hut；　I　don't　mean　any　fashion　of　speech。　Indeed；　when　I　say　I　wish　we　might　be　friends；　I　scarcely　mean　quite　that；　either。'　
　Charles　DarnayAs　was　naturalAsked　him；　in　all　good…humour　and　good…fellowship；　what　he　did　mean？　
　‘Upon　my　life；'　said　Carton；　smiling；　‘I　find　that　easier　to　comprehend　in　my　own　mind；　than　to　convey　to　yours。　However；　let　me　try。　You　remember　a　certain　famous　occasion　when　I　was　more　drunk　thanthan　usual？'　
　‘I　remember　a　certain　famous　occasion　when　you　forced　me　to　confess　that　you　had　been　drinking。'　
　‘I　remember　it　too。　The　curse　of　those　occasions　is　heavy　upon　me；　for　I　always　remember　them。　I　hope　it　may　be　taken　into　account　one　day；　when　all　days　are　at　an　end　for　me！　Don't　be　alarmed；　I　am　not　going　to　preach。'　
　‘I　am　not　at　all　alarmed。　Earnestness　in　you　is　anything　but　alarming　to　me。'　
　‘Ah！'　said　Carton；　with　a　careless　wave　of　his　hand；　as　if　he　waved　that　away。　‘On　the　drunken　occasion　in　question　（one　of　a　large　number；　as　you　know）；　I　was　insufferable　about　liking　you；　and　not　liking　you。　I　wish　you　would　forget　it。'　
　‘I　forgot　it　long　ago。'　
　‘Fashion　of　speech　again！　But；　Mr。　Darnay；　oblivion　is　not　so　easy　to　me；　as　you　represent　it　to　be　to　you。　I　have　by　no　means　forgotten　it；　and　a　light　answer　does　not　help　me　to　forget　it。'　
　‘If　it　was　a　light　answer；'　returned　Darnay；　‘I　beg　your　forgiveness　for　it。　I　had　no　other　object　than　to　turn　a　slight　thing；　which；　to　my　surprise；　seems　to　trouble　you　too　much；　aside。　I　declare　to　you　on　the　faith　of　a　gentleman；　that　I　have　long　dismissed　it　from　my　mind。　Good　Heaven；　what　was　there　to　dismiss！　Have　I　had　nothing　more　important　to　remember；　in　the　great　service　you　rendered　me　that　day？'　
　‘As　to　the　great　service；'　said　Carton；　‘I　am　bound　to　avow　to　you；　when　you　speak　of　it　in　that　way；　that　it　was　mere　professional　claptrap。　I　don't　know　that　I　cared　what　became　of　you；　when　I　rendered　It。Mind！　I　say　when　I　rendered　it；　I　am　speaking　of　the　past。'　
　‘You　make　light　of　the　obligation；'　returned　Darnay；　‘but　I　will　not　quarrel　with　your　light　answer。'　
　‘Genuine　truth；　Mr。　Darnay；　trust　me！　I　have　gone　aside　from　my　purpose；　I　was　speaking　about　our　being　friends。　Now；　you　know　me；　you　know　I　am　incapable　of　all　the　higher　and　better　flights　of　men。　If　you　doubt　it；　ask　Stryver；　and　he'll　tell　you　so。'　
　‘I　prefer　to　form　my　own　opinion；　without　the　aid　of　his。'　
　‘Well！　At　any　rate　you　know　me　as　a　dissolute　dog　who　has　never　done　any　good；　and　never　will。'　
　‘I　don't　know　that　you　〃never　will。〃'　
　‘But　I　do；　and　you　must　take　my　word　for　it。　Well！　If　you　could　endure　to　have　such　a　worthless　fellow；　and　a　fellow　of　such　indifferent　reputation；　coming　and　going　at　odd　times；　I　should　ask　that　I　might　be　permitted　to　come　and　go　as　a　privileged　person　here；　that　I　might　be　regarded　as　an　useless　（and　I　would　add；　if　it　were　not　for　the　resemblance　I　detected　between　you　and　me）；　an　unornamental；　piece　of　furniture；　tolerated　for　its　old　service；　and　taken　no　notice　of。　I　doubt　if　I　should　abuse　the　permission。　It　is　a　hundred　to　one　if　I　should　avail　myself　of　it　four　times　in　a　year。　It　would　satisfy　me；　I　dare　say；　to　know　that　I　had　it。'　
　‘Will　you　try？'　
　‘That　is　another　way　of　saying　that　I　am　placed　on　the　footing　I　have　indicated。　I　thank　you；　Darnay。　I　may　use　that　freedom　with　your　name？'　
　‘I　think　so；　Carton；　by　this　time。'　
　They　shook　hands　upon　it；　and　Sydney　turned　away。　Within　a　minute　afterwards；　he　was；　to　all　outward　appearance；　as　unsubstantial　as　ever。　
　When　he　has　gone；　and　in　the　course　of　an　evening　passed　with　Miss　Pross；　the　Doctor；　and　Mr。　Lorry；　Charles　Darnay　made　some　mention　of　this　conversation　in　general　terms；　and　spoke　of　Sydney　Carton　as　a　problem　of　carelessness　and　recklessness。　He　spoke　of　him；　in　short；　not　bitterly　or　meaning　to　bear　hard　upon　him；　but　as　anybody　might　who　saw　him　as　he　showed　himself。　
　He　had　no　idea　that　this　could　dwell　in　the　thoughts　of　his　fair　young　wife；　but；　when　he　afterwards　joined　her　in　their　own　rooms；　he　found　her　waiting　for　him　with　the　old　pretty　lifting　of　the　forehead　strongly　marked。　
　‘We　are　thoughtful　to…night！'　said　Darnay；　drawing　his　arm　about　her。　
　‘Yes；　dearest　Charles；'　with　her　hands　on　his　breast；　and　the　inquiring　and　attentive　expression　fixed　upon　him；　‘we　are　rather　thoughtful　to…night；　for　we　have　something　on　our　mind　to…night。'　
　‘What　is　it；　my　Lucie？'　
　‘Will　you　promise　not　to　press　one　question　on　me；　if　I　beg　you　not　to　ask　it？'　
　〃Will　I　promise？　What　will　I　not　promise　to　my　Love？'　
　What；　indeed；　with　his　hand　putting　aside　the　golden　hair　from　the　cheek；　and　his　other　hand　against　the　heart　that　beat　for　him！　
　‘I　think；　Charles；　poor　Mr。　Carton　deserves　more　consideration　and　respect　than　you　expressed　for　him　to…night。'　
　‘Indeed；　my　own？　Why　so？'　
　‘That　is　what　you　are　not　to　ask　me？　But　I　thinkI　knowhe　does。'　
　‘If　you　know　it；　it　is　enough。　What　would　you　have　me　do；　my　Life？'　
　‘I　would　ask　you；　dearest；　to　be　very　generous　with　him　always；　and　very　lenient　on　his　faults　when　he　is　not　by。　I　would　ask　you　to　believe　that　he　has　a　heart　he　very；　very　seldom　reveals；　and　that　there　are　deep　wounds　in　it。　My　dear；　I　have　seen　it　bleeding。'　
　‘It　is　a　painful　reflection　to　me；　said　Charles　Darnay；　quite　astounded；　‘that　I　should　have　done　him　any　wrong。　I　never　thought　this　of　him。'　
　‘My　husband；　it　is　so。　I　fear　he　is　not　to　be　reclaimed；　there　is