the club of queer trades-第5节

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〃What；　in　God's　name；　do　you　mean　by　your　customers　and　overcharges？〃　shrieked　Major　Brown；　whose　keen　feminine　nature；　steady　in　pain　or　danger；　became　almost　hysterical　in　the　presence　of　a　long　and　exasperating　mystery。　〃Who　are　you？　I've　never　seen　you　or　your　insolent　tomfool　bills。　I　know　one　of　your　cursed　brutes　tried　to　choke　me〃

〃Mad；〃　said　Northover；　gazing　blankly　round；　〃all　of　them　mad。　I　didn't　know　they　travelled　in　quartettes。〃

〃Enough　of　this　prevarication；〃　said　Rupert；　〃your　crimes　are　discovered。　A　policeman　is　stationed　at　the　corner　of　the　court。　Though　only　a　private　detective　myself；　I　will　take　the　responsibility　of　telling　you　that　anything　you　say〃

〃Mad；〃　repeated　Northover；　with　a　weary　air。

And　at　this　moment；　for　the　first　time；　there　struck　in　among　them　the　strange；　sleepy　voice　of　Basil　Grant。

〃Major　Brown；〃　he　said；　〃may　I　ask　you　a　question？〃

The　Major　turned　his　head　with　an　increased　bewilderment。

〃You？〃　he　cried；　〃certainly；　Mr　Grant。〃

〃Can　you　tell　me；〃　said　the　mystic；　with　sunken　head　and　lowering　brow；　as　he　traced　a　pattern　in　the　dust　with　his　sword…stick；　〃can　you　tell　me　what　was　the　name　of　the　man　who　lived　in　your　house　before　you？〃

The　unhappy　Major　was　only　faintly　more　disturbed　by　this　last　and　futile　irrelevancy；　and　he　answered　vaguely：

〃Yes；　I　think　so；　a　man　named　Gurney　somethinga　name　with　a　hyphenGurney…Brown；　that　was　it。〃

〃And　when　did　the　house　change　hands？〃　said　Basil；　looking　up　sharply。　His　strange　eyes　were　burning　brilliantly。

〃I　came　in　last　month；〃　said　the　Major。

And　at　the　mere　word　the　criminal　Northover　suddenly　fell　into　his　great　office　chair　and　shouted　with　a　volleying　laughter。

〃Oh！　it's　too　perfectit's　too　exquisite；〃　he　gasped；　beating　the　arms　with　his　fists。　He　was　laughing　deafeningly；　Basil　Grant　was　laughing　voicelessly；　and　the　rest　of　us　only　felt　that　our　heads　were　like　weathercocks　in　a　whirlwind。

〃Confound　it；　Basil；〃　said　Rupert；　stamping。　〃If　you　don't　want　me　to　go　mad　and　blow　your　metaphysical　brains　out；　tell　me　what　all　this　means。〃

Northover　rose。

〃Permit　me；　sir；　to　explain；〃　he　said。　〃And；　first　of　all；　permit　me　to　apologize　to　you；　Major　Brown；　for　a　most　abominable　and　unpardonable　blunder；　which　has　caused　you　menace　and　inconvenience；　in　which；　if　you　will　allow　me　to　say　so；　you　have　behaved　with　astonishing　courage　and　dignity。　Of　course　you　need　not　trouble　about　the　bill。　We　will　stand　the　loss。〃　And；　tearing　the　paper　across；　he　flung　the　halves　into　the　waste…paper　basket　and　bowed。

Poor　Brown's　face　was　still　a　picture　of　distraction。　〃But　I　don't　even　begin　to　understand；〃　he　cried。　〃What　bill？　what　blunder？　what　loss？〃

Mr　P。　G。　Northover　advanced　in　the　centre　of　the　room；　thoughtfully；　and　with　a　great　deal　of　unconscious　dignity。　On　closer　consideration；　there　were　apparent　about　him　other　things　beside　a　screwed　moustache；　especially　a　lean；　sallow　face；　hawk…like；　and　not　without　a　careworn　intelligence。　Then　he　looked　up　abruptly。

〃Do　you　know　where　you　are；　Major？〃　he　said。

〃God　knows　I　don't；〃　said　the　warrior；　with　fervour。

〃You　are　standing；〃　replied　Northover；　〃in　the　office　of　the　Adventure　and　Romance　Agency；　Limited。〃

〃And　what's　that？〃　blankly　inquired　Brown。

The　man　of　business　leaned　over　the　back　of　the　chair；　and　fixed　his　dark　eyes　on　the　other's　face。

〃Major；〃　said　he；　〃did　you　ever；　as　you　walked　along　the　empty　street　upon　some　idle　afternoon；　feel　the　utter　hunger　for　something　to　happensomething；　in　the　splendid　words　of　Walt　Whitman：　‘Something　pernicious　and　dread；　something　far　removed　from　a　puny　and　pious　life；　something　unproved；　something　in　a　trance；　something　loosed　from　its　anchorage；　and　driving　free。'　Did　you　ever　feel　that？〃

〃Certainly　not；〃　said　the　Major　shortly。

〃Then　I　must　explain　with　more　elaboration；〃　said　Mr　Northover；　with　a　sigh。　〃The　Adventure　and　Romance　Agency　has　been　started　to　meet　a　great　modern　desire。　On　every　side；　in　conversation　and　in　literature；　we　hear　of　the　desire　for　a　larger　theatre　of　events　for　something　to　waylay　us　and　lead　us　splendidly　astray。　Now　the　man　who　feels　this　desire　for　a　varied　life　pays　a　yearly　or　a　quarterly　sum　to　the　Adventure　and　Romance　Agency；　in　return；　the　Adventure　and　Romance　Agency　undertakes　to　surround　him　with　startling　and　weird　events。　As　a　man　is　leaving　his　front　door；　an　excited　sweep　approaches　him　and　assures　him　of　a　plot　against　his　life；　he　gets　into　a　cab；　and　is　driven　to　an　opium　den；　he　receives　a　mysterious　telegram　or　a　dramatic　visit；　and　is　immediately　in　a　vortex　of　incidents。　A　very　picturesque　and　moving　story　is　first　written　by　one　of　the　staff　of　distinguished　novelists　who　are　at　present　hard　at　work　in　the　adjoining　room。　Yours；　Major　Brown　（designed　by　our　Mr　Grigsby）；　I　consider　peculiarly　forcible　and　pointed；　it　is　almost　a　pity　you　did　not　see　the　end　of　it。　I　need　scarcely　explain　further　the　monstrous　mistake。　Your　predecessor　in　your　present　house；　Mr　Gurney…Brown；　was　a　subscriber　to　our　agency；　and　our　foolish　clerks；　ignoring　alike　the　dignity　of　the　hyphen　and　the　glory　of　military　rank；　positively　imagined　that　Major　Brown　and　Mr　Gurney…Brown　were　the　same　person。　Thus　you　were　suddenly　hurled　into　the　middle　of　another　man's　story。〃

〃How　on　earth　does　the　thing　work？〃　asked　Rupert　Grant；　with　bright　and　fascinated　eyes。

〃We　believe　that　we　are　doing　a　noble　work；〃　said　Northover　warmly。　〃It　has　continually　struck　us　that　there　is　no　element　in　modern　life　that　is　more　lamentable　than　the　fact　that　the　modern　man　has　to　seek　all　artistic　existence　in　a　sedentary　state。　If　he　wishes　to　float　into　fairyland；　he　reads　a　book；　if　he　wishes　to　dash　into　the　thick　of　battle；　he　reads　a　book；　if　he　wishes　to　soar　into　heaven；　he　reads　a　book；　if　he　wishes　to　slide　down　the　banisters；　he　reads　a　book。　We　give　him　these　visions；　but　we　give　him　exercise　at　the　same　time；　the　necessity　of　leaping　from　wall　to　wall；　of　fighting　strange　gentlemen；　of　running　down　long　streets　from　pursuersall　healthy　and　pleasant　exercises。　We　give　him　a　glimpse　of　that　great　morning　world　of　Robin　Hood　or　the　Knights　Errant；　when　one　great　game　was　played　under　the　splendid　sky。　We　give　him　back　his　childhood；　that　godlike　time　when　we　can　act　stories；　be　our　own　heroes；　and　at　the　same　instant　dance　and　dream。〃

Basil　gazed　at　him　curiously。　The　most　singular　psychological　discovery　had　been　reserved　to　the　end；　for　as　the　little　business　man　ceased　speaking　he　had　the　blazing　eyes　of　a　fanatic。

Major　Brown　received　the　explanation　with　complete　simplicity　and　good　humour。

〃Of　course；　awfully　dense；　sir；〃　he　said。　〃No　doubt　at　all；　the　scheme　excellent。　But　I　don't　think〃　He　paused　a　moment；　and　looked　dreamily　out　of　the　window。　〃I　don't　think　you　will　find　me　in　it。　Somehow；　when　one's　seenseen　the　thing　itself；　you　knowblood　and　men　screaming；　one　feels　about　having　a　little　house　and　a　little　hobby；　in　the　Bible；　you　know；　‘There　remaineth　a　rest'。〃

Northover　bowed。　Then　after　a　pause　he　said：

〃Gentlemen；　may　I　offer　you　my　card。　If　any　of　the　rest　of　you　desire；　at　any　time；　to　communicate　with　me；　despite　Major　Brown's　view　of　the　matter〃

〃I　should　be　obliged　for　your　card；　sir；〃　said　the　Major；　in　his　abrupt　but　courteous　voice。　〃Pay　for　chair。〃

The　agent　of　Romance　and　Adventure　handed　his　card；　laughing。

It　ran；　〃P。　G。　Northover；　B。A。；　C。Q。T。；　Adventure　and　Romance　Agency；　14　Tanner's　Court；　Fleet　Street。〃

〃What　on　earth　is　〃C。QT。〃？〃　asked　Rupert　Grant；　looking　over　the　Major's　shoulder。

〃Don't　you　know？〃　returned　Northover。　〃Haven't　you　ever　heard　of　the　Club　of　Queer　Trades？〃

〃There　seems　to　be　a　confounded　lot　of　funny　things　we　haven't　heard　of；〃　said　the　little　Major　reflectively。　〃What's　this　one？〃

〃The　Club　of　Queer　Trades　is　a　society　consisting　exclusively　of　people　who　have　invented　some　new　and　curious　way　of　making　money。　I　was　one　of　the　earliest　members。〃

〃You　deserve　to　be；〃　said　Basil；　taking　up　his　great　white　hat；　with　a　smile；　and　speaking　for　the　last　time　that　evening。

When　they　had　passed　out　the　Adventure　and　Romance　agent　wore　a　queer　smile；　as　he　trod　down　the　fire　and　locked　up　his　desk。　〃A　fine　chap；　that　Major；　when　one　hasn't　a　touch　of　the　poet　one　stands　some　chance　of　being　a　poem。　But　to　think　of　such　a　clockwork　little　creature　of　all　people　getting　into　the　nets　of　one　of　Grigsby's　tales；〃　and　he　laughed　out　aloud　in　the　silence。

Just　as　the　laugh　echoed　away；　there　came　a　sharp　knock　at　the　door。　An　owlish　head；　with　dark　moustaches；　was　thrust　in；　with　deprecating　and　somewhat　absurd　inquiry。

〃What！　back　again；　Major？〃　cried　Northover　in　surprise。　〃What　can　I　do　for　you？〃

The　Major　shuffled　feverishly　into　the　room。

〃It's　horribly　absurd；〃　he　said。　〃Something　must　have　got　started　in　me　that　I　never　knew　before。　But　upon　my　soul　I　feel　the　most　desperate　desire　to　know　the　end　of　it　all。〃

〃The　end　of　it　all？〃

〃Yes；〃　said　the　Major。　〃‘Jackals'；　and　the　title…deeds；　and　‘Death　to　Major　Brown'。〃

The　agent's　face　grew　grave；　but　his　eyes　were　amused。

〃I　am　terribly　sorry；　Major；〃　said　he；　〃but　what　you　ask　is　impossible