tales and fantasies-第4节

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punishment。　　For　no　other　purpose　but　to　see　Alan　would　he

have　entered　a　billiard…room；　but　he　had　desired　to　palliate

the　fact　of　his　disobedience；　and　now　it　appeared　that　he

frequented　these　disreputable　haunts　upon　his　own　account。



Once　more　Mr。　Nicholson　digested　the　vile　tidings　in　silence；

and　when　John　stole　a　glance　at　his　father's　countenance；　he

was　abashed　to　see　the　marks　of　suffering。



'Well；'　said　the　old　gentleman；　at　last；　'I　cannot　pretend

not　to　be　simply　bowed　down。　　I　rose　this　morning　what　the

world　calls　a　happy　man　…　happy；　at　least；　in　a　son　of　whom　I

thought　I　could　be　reasonably　proud　…　'



But　it　was　beyond　human　nature　to　endure　this　longer；　and

John　interrupted　almost　with　a　scream。　　'Oh；　wheest！'　he

cried；　'that's　not　all；　that's　not　the　worst　of　it　…　it's

nothing！　　How　could　I　tell　you　were　proud　of　me？　　Oh！　　I

wish；　I　wish　that　I　had　known；　but　you　always　said　I　was　such

a　disgrace！　　And　the　dreadful　thing　is　this：　we　were　all

taken　up　last　night；　and　we　have　to　pay　Colette's　fine　among

the　six；　or　we'll　be　had　up　for　evidence　…　shebeening　it　is。

They　made　me　swear　to　tell　you；　but　for　my　part；'　he　cried；

bursting　into　tears；　'I　just　wish　that　I　was　dead！'　　And　he

fell　on　his　knees　before　a　chair　and　hid　his　face。



Whether　his　father　spoke；　or　whether　he　remained　long　in　the

room　or　at　once　departed；　are　points　lost　to　history。　　A

horrid　turmoil　of　mind　and　body；　bursting　sobs；　broken；

vanishing　thoughts；　now　of　indignation；　now　of　remorse；

broken　elementary　whiffs　of　consciousness；　of　the　smell　of

the　horse…hair　on　the　chair　bottom；　of　the　jangling　of　church

bells　that　now　began　to　make　day　horrible　throughout　the

confines　of　the　city；　of　the　hard　floor　that　bruised　his

knees；　of　the　taste　of　tears　that　found　their　way　into　his

mouth：　for　a　period　of　time；　the　duration　of　which　I　cannot

guess；　while　I　refuse　to　dwell　longer　on　its　agony；　these

were　the　whole　of　God's　world　for　John　Nicholson。



When　at　last；　as　by　the　touching　of　a　spring；　he　returned

again　to　clearness　of　consciousness　and　even　a　measure　of

composure；　the　bells　had　but　just　done　ringing；　and　the

Sabbath　silence　was　still　marred　by　the　patter　of　belated

feet。　　By　the　clock　above　the　fire；　as　well　as　by　these　more

speaking　signs；　the　service　had　not　long　begun；　and　the

unhappy　sinner；　if　his　father　had　really　gone　to　church；

might　count　on　near　two　hours　of　only　comparative

unhappiness。　　With　his　father；　the　superlative　degree

returned　infallibly。　　He　knew　it　by　every　shrinking　fibre　in

his　body；　he　knew　it　by　the　sudden　dizzy　whirling　of　his

brain；　at　the　mere　thought　of　that　calamity。　　An　hour　and　a

half；　perhaps　an　hour　and　three…quarters；　if　the　doctor　was

long…winded；　and　then　would　begin　again　that　active　agony

from　which；　even　in　the　dull　ache　of　the　present；　he　shrunk

as　from　the　bite　of　fire。　　He　saw；　in　a　vision；　the　family

pew；　the　somnolent　cushions；　the　Bibles；　the　psalm…books；

Maria　with　her　smelling…salts；　his　father　sitting　spectacled

and　critical；　and　at　once　he　was　struck　with　indignation；　not

unjustly。　　It　was　inhuman　to　go　off　to　church；　and　leave　a

sinner　in　suspense；　unpunished；　unforgiven。　　And　at　the　very

touch　of　criticism；　the　paternal　sanctity　was　lessened；　yet

the　paternal　terror　only　grew；　and　the　two　strands　of　feeling

pushed　him　in　the　same　direction。



And　suddenly　there　came　upon　him　a　mad　fear　lest　his　father

should　have　locked　him　in。　　The　notion　had　no　ground　in

sense；　it　was　probably　no　more　than　a　reminiscence　of　similar

calamities　in　childhood；　for　his　father's　room　had　always

been　the　chamber　of　inquisition　and　the　scene　of　punishment；

but　it　stuck　so　rigorously　in　his　mind　that　he　must　instantly

approach　the　door　and　prove　its　untruth。　　As　he　went；　he

struck　upon　a　drawer　left　open　in　the　business　table。　　It　was

the　money…drawer；　a　measure　of　his　father's　disarray：　the

money…drawer　…　perhaps　a　pointing　providence！　　Who　is　to

decide；　when　even　divines　differ　between　a　providence　and　a

temptation？　or　who；　sitting　calmly　under　his　own　vine；　is　to

pass　a　judgment　on　the　doings　of　a　poor；　hunted　dog；

slavishly　afraid；　slavishly　rebellious；　like　John　Nicholson

on　that　particular　Sunday？　　His　hand　was　in　the　drawer；

almost　before　his　mind　had　conceived　the　hope；　and　rising　to

his　new　situation；　he　wrote；　sitting　in　his　father's　chair

and　using　his　father's　blotting…pad；　his　pitiful　apology　and

farewell：…





'MY　DEAR　FATHER；　…　I　have　taken　the　money；　but　I　will　pay　it

back　as　soon　as　I　am　able。　　You　will　never　hear　of　me　again。

I　did　not　mean　any　harm　by　anything；　so　I　hope　you　will　try

and　forgive　me。　　I　wish　you　would　say　good…bye　to　Alexander

and　Maria；　but　not　if　you　don't　want　to。　　I　could　not　wait　to

see　you；　really。　　Please　try　to　forgive　me。　　Your

affectionate　son；



JOHN　NICHOLSON。'





The　coins　abstracted　and　the　missive　written；　he　could　not　be

gone　too　soon　from　the　scene　of　these　transgressions；　and

remembering　how　his　father　had　once　returned　from　church；　on

some　slight　illness；　in　the　middle　of　the　second　psalm；　he

durst　not　even　make　a　packet　of　a　change　of　clothes。　　Attired

as　he　was；　he　slipped　from　the　paternal　doors；　and　found

himself　in　the　cool　spring　air；　the　thin　spring　sunshine；　and

the　great　Sabbath　quiet　of　the　city；　which　was　now　only

pointed　by　the　cawing　of　the　rooks。　　There　was　not　a　soul　in

Randolph　Crescent；　nor　a　soul　in　Queensferry　Street；　in　this

outdoor　privacy　and　the　sense　of　escape；　John　took　heart

again；　and　with　a　pathetic　sense　of　leave…taking；　he　even

ventured　up　the　lane　and　stood　awhile；　a　strange　peri　at　the

gates　of　a　quaint　paradise；　by　the　west　end　of　St。　George's

Church。　　They　were　singing　within；　and　by　a　strange　chance；

the　tune　was　'St。　George's；　Edinburgh；'　which　bears　the　name；

and　was　first　sung　in　the　choir　of　that　church。　　'Who　is　this

King　of　Glory？'　went　the　voices　from　within；　and；　to　John；

this　was　like　the　end　of　all　Christian　observances；　for　he

was　now　to　be　a　wild　man　like　Ishmael；　and　his　life　was　to　be

cast　in　homeless　places　and　with　godless　people。



It　was　thus；　with　no　rising　sense　of　the　adventurous；　but　in

mere　desolation　and　despair；　that　he　turned　his　back　on　his

native　city；　and　set　out　on　foot　for　California；　with　a　more

immediate　eye　to　Glasgow。







CHAPTER　IV　…　THE　SECOND　SOWING







IT　is　no　part　of　mine　to　narrate　the　adventures　of　John

Nicholson；　which　were　many；　but　simply　his　more　momentous

misadventures；　which　were　more　than　he　desired；　and；　by　human

standards；　more　than　he　deserved；　how　he　reached　California；

how　he　was　rooked；　and　robbed；　and　beaten；　and　starved；　how

he　was　at　last　taken　up　by　charitable　folk；　restored　to　some

degree　of　self…complacency；　and　installed　as　a　clerk　in　a

bank　in　San　Francisco；　it　would　take　too　long　to　tell；　nor　in

these　episodes　were　there　any　marks　of　the　peculiar

Nicholsonic　destiny；　for　they　were　just　such　matters　as

befell　some　thousands　of　other　young　adventurers　in　the　same

days　and　places。　　But　once　posted　in　the　bank；　he　fell　for　a

time　into　a　high　degree　of　good　fortune；　which；　as　it　was

only　a　longer　way　about　to　fresh　disaster；　it　behooves　me　to

explain。



It　was　his　luck　to　meet　a　young　man　in　what　is　technically

called　a　'dive；'　and　thanks　to　his　monthly　wages；　to

extricate　this　new　acquaintance　from　a　position　of　present

disgrace　and　possible　danger　in　the　future。　　This　young　man

was　the　nephew　of　one　of　the　Nob　Hill　magnates；　who　run　the

San　Francisco　Stock　Exchange；　much　as　more　humble

adventurers；　in　the　corner　of　some　public　park　at　home；　may

be　seen　to　perform　the　simple　artifice　of　pea　and　thimble：

for　their　own　profit；　that　is　to　say；　and　the　discouragement

of　public　gambling。　　It　was　thus　in　his　power　…　and；　as　he

was　of　grateful　temper；　it　was　among　the　things　that　he

desired　…　to　put　John　in　the　way　of　growing　rich；　and　thus；

without　thought　or　industry；　or　so　much　as　even　understanding

the　game　at　which　he　played；　but　by　simply　buying　and　selling

what　he　was　told　to　buy　and　sell；　that　plaything　of　fortune

was　presently　at　the　head　of　between　eleven　and　twelve

thousand　pounds；　or；　as　he　reckoned　it；　of　upward　of　sixty

thousand　dollars。



How　he　had　come　to　deserve　this　wealth；　any　more　than　how　he

had　formerly　earned　disgrace　at　home；　was　a　problem　beyond

the　reach　of　his　philosophy。　　It　was　true　that　he　had　been

industrious　at　the　bank；　but　no　more　so　than　the　cashier；　who

had　seven　small　children　and　was　visibly　sinking　in　decline。

Nor　was　the　step　which　had　determined　his　advance　…　a　visit

to　a　dive　with　a　month's　wages　in　his　pocket　…　an　act　of　such

transcendent　virtue；　or　even　wisdom；　as　to　seem　to　merit　the

favour　of　the　gods。　　From　some　sense　of　this；　and　of　the

dizzy　see…saw　…　heaven…high；　hell…deep　…　on　which　men　sit

clutching；　or　perhaps　fearing　that　t