the daisy chain, or aspirations-第75节

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this。　　It　takes　away　from　much　of　my　comfort　in　sending　you　into　the
world；　and　for　higher　thingshow　can　I　believe　you　really　impressed
and　reverent；　if　the　next　minute〃

〃I'm　not　fit！　　I'm　not　fit！〃　sobbed　Harry；　hiding　his　face。

〃Indeed；　I　hardly　know　whether　it　is　not　so；〃　said　the　doctor。　　〃You
are　under　the　usual　age；　and；　though　I　know　you　wish　to　be　a　good
boy；　yet　I　don't　feel　sure　that　these　wild　spirits　do　not　carry　away
everything　serious；　and　whether　it　is　right　to　bring　one　so
thoughtless　to〃

〃No；　no；〃　and　Harry　cried　bitterly；　and　his　father　was　deeply
grieved；　but　no　more　could　then　be　said；　and　they　parted　for　the
nightDr。　May　saying；　as　he　went　away；　〃You　understand；　that　it　is
not　as　punishment　for　your　trick；　if　I　do　not　take　you　to　Mr。　Ramsden
for　a　ticket；　but　that　I　cannot　be　certain　whether　it　is　right　to
bring　you　to　such　solemn　privileges　while　you　do　not　seem　to　me　to
retain　steadily　any　grave　or　deep　feelings。　　Perhaps　your　mother
would　have　better　helped　you。〃

And　Dr。　May　went　away　to　mourn　over　what　he　viewed　as　far　greater
sins　than　those　of　his　son。

Anger　had；　indeed；　given　place　to　sorrow；　and　all　were　grave　the　next
morning；　as　if　each　had　something　to　be　forgiven。

Margaret；　especially；　felt　guilty　of　the　fears　which；　perhaps；　had
not　been　sufficiently　combated　in　her　days　of　health；　and　now　were
beyond　control；　and　had　occasioned　so　much　pain。　　Ethel　grieved　over
the　words　she　had　yesterday　spoken　in　haste　of　her　father　and　sister；
Mary　knew　herself　to　have　been　an　accomplice　in　the　joke；　and　Norman
blamed　himself　for　not　having　taken　the　trouble　to　perceive　that
Harry　had　not　been　talking　rhodomontade；　when　he　had　communicated
〃his　capital　scheme〃　the　previous　morning。

The　decision　as　to　the　Confirmation　was　a　great　grief　to　all。　　Flora
consoled　herself　by　observing　that；　as　he　was　so　young；　no　one　need
know　it；　nor　miss　him；　and　Ethel；　with　a　trembling；　almost　sobbing
voice；　enumerated　all　Harry's　excellences；　his　perfect　truth；　his
kindness；　his　generosity；　his　flashes　of　intense　feelingdeclared
that　nobody　might　be　confirmed　if　he　were　not；　and　begged　and
entreated　that　Mr。　Wilmot　might　be　written　to；　and　consulted。　　She
would　almost　have　done　so　herself；　if　Richard　had　not　shown　her　it
would　be　undutiful。

Harry　himself　was　really　subdued。　　He　made　no　question　as　to　the
propriety　of　the　decision；　but　rather　felt　his　own　unworthiness；　and
was　completely　humbled　and　downcast。　　When　a　note　came　from　Mrs。
Anderson；　saying　that　she　was　convinced　that　it　could　not　have　been
Dr。　May's　wish　that　she　should　be　exposed　to　the　indignity　of　a
practical　joke；　and　that　a　young　lady　of　the　highest　family　should
have　been　insulted；　no　one　had　spirits　to　laugh　at　the　terms；　and
when　Dr。　May　said；　〃What　is　to　be　done？〃　Harry　turned　crimson；　and
was　evidently　trying　to　utter　something。

〃I　see　nothing　for　it　but　for　him　to　ask　their　pardon；〃　said　Dr。　May；
and　a　sound　was　heard；　not　very　articulate；　but　expressing　full
assent。

〃That　is　right；〃　said　the　doctor。　　〃I'll　come　with　you。〃

〃Oh；　thank　you！〃　cried　Harry；　looking　up。

They　set　off　at　once。　　Mrs。　Anderson　was　neither　an　unpleasing　nor
unkind　personher　chief　defect　being　a　blind　admiration　of　her　sons
and　daughters；　which　gave　her；　in　speaking　of　them；　a　tone　of
pretension　that　she　would　never　have　shown　on　her　own　account。

Her　displeasure　was　pacified　in　a　moment　by　the　sight　of　the　confused
contrition　of　the　culprit；　coupled　with　his　father's　frank　and　kindly
tone　of　avowal；　that　it　had　been　a　foolish　improper　frolic；　and　that
he　had　been　much　displeased　with　him　for　it。

〃Say　no　morepray；　say　no　more；　Dr。　May。　　We　all　know　how　to
overlook　a　sailor's　frolic；　and；　I　am　sure；　Master　Harry's　present
behaviour；　but　you'll　take　a　bit　of　luncheon；〃　and；　as　something　was
said　of　going　home　to　the　early　dinner；　〃I　am　sure　you　will　wait　one
minute。　　Master　Harry　must　have　a　piece　of　my　cake；　and　allow　me　to
drink　to　his　success。〃

Poor　Mr。　May！　to　be　called　Master　Harry；　and　treated　to　sweet　cake！
But　he　saw　his　father　thought　he　ought　to　endure；　and　he　even　said；
〃Thank　you。〃

The　cake　stuck　in　his　throat；　however；　when　Mrs。　Anderson　and　her
daughters　opened　their　full　course　of　praise　on　their　dear　Harvey　and
dearest　Edward；　telling　all　the　flattering　things　Dr。　Hoxton　had　said
of　the　order　into　which　Harvey　had　brought　the　school；　and　insisting
on　Dr。　May's　reading　the　copy　of　the　testimonial　that　he　had　carried
to　Oxford。　　〃I　knew　you　would　be　kind　enough　to　rejoice；〃　said　Mrs。
Anderson；　〃and　that　you　would　have　nono　feeling　about　Mr。　Norman；
for；　of　course；　at　his　age；　a　little　matter　is　nothing；　and　it　must
be　better　for　the　dear　boy　himself　to　be　a　little　while　under　a
friend　like　Harvey；　than　to　have　authority　while　so　young。〃

〃I　believe　it　has　done　him　no　harm；〃　was　all　that　the　doctor　could
bring　himself　to　say；　and　thinking　that　he　and　his　son　had　endured
quite　enough；　he　took　his　leave　as　soon　as　Harry　had　convulsively
bolted　the　last　mouthful。

Not　a　word　was　spoken　all　the　way　home。　　Harry's　own　trouble　had
overpowered　even　this　subject　of　resentment。　　On　Sunday；　the　notice
of　the　Confirmation　was　read。　　It　was　to　take　place　on　the　following
Thursday；　and　all　those　who　had　already　given　in　their　names　were　to
come　to　Mr。　Ramsden　to　apply　for　their　tickets。　　While　this　was　read；
large　tear…drops　were　silently　falling　on　poor　Harry's　book。

Ethel　and　Norman　walked　together　in　the　twilight；　in　deep　lamentation
over　their　brother's　deprivation；　which　seemed　especially　to　humble
them；　〃for；〃　said　Norman；　〃I　am　sure　no　one　can　be　more　resolved　on
doing　right　than　July；　and　he　has　got　through　school　better　than　I
did。〃

〃Yes；〃　said　Ethel；　〃if　we　don't　get　into　his　sort　of　scrape；　it　is
only　that　we　are　older；　not　better。　　I　am　sure　mine　are　worse；　my
letting　Aubrey　be　nearly　burnedmy　neglects。〃

〃Papa　must　be　doing　right；〃　said　Norman；　〃but　for　July　to　be　turned
back　when　we　are　taken；　makes　me　think　of　man　judging　only　by　outward
appearance。〃

〃A　few　outrageous…looking　acts　of　giddiness　that　are　so　much　grieved
over；　may　not　be　half　so　bad　as　the　hundreds　of　wandering　thoughts
that　one　forgets；　because　no　one　else　can　see　them！〃　said　Ethel。

Meanwhile；　Harry　and　Mary　were　sitting　twisted　together　into　a　sort
of　bundle；　on　the　same　footstool；　by　Margaret's　sofa。　　Harry　had
begged　of　her　to　hear　him　say　the　Catechism　once　more；　and　Mary　had
joined　with　him　in　the　repetition。　　There　was　to　be　only　one　more
Sunday　at　home。　　〃And　that！〃　he　said；　and　sighed。

Margaret　knew　what　he　meant；　for　the　Feast　was　to　be　spread　for　those
newly　admitted　to　share　it。　　She　only　said　a　caressing　word　of
affection。

〃I　wonder　when　I　shall　have　another　chance；〃　said　Harry。　　〃If　we
should　get　to　Australia；　or　New　Zealandbut　then；　perhaps；　there
would　be　no　Confirmation　going　on；　and　I　might　be　worse　by　that
time。〃

〃Oh；　you　must　not　let　that　be！〃

〃Why；　you　see；　if　I　can't　be　good　here；　with　all　this　going　on；　what
shall　I　do　among　those　fellows；　away　from　all？〃

〃You　will　have　one　friend！〃

〃Mr。　Ernescliffe！　　You　are　always　thinking　of　him；　Margaret；　but
perhaps　he　may　not　go；　and　if　he　should；　a　lieutenant　cannot　do　much
for　a　midshipman。　　No；　I　thought；　when　I　was　reading　with　my　father；
that　somehow　it　might　help　me　to　do　what　it　called　putting　away
childish　thingsdon't　you　know？　　I　might　be　able　to　be　stronger　and
steadier；　somehow。　　And　then；　ififyou　know；　if　I　did　tumble
overboard；　or　anything　of　that　sort；　there　is　that　about　thewhat
they　will　go　to　next　Sunday；　being　necessary　to　salvation。〃

Harry　laid　down　his　head　and　cried；　Margaret　could　not　speak　for
tears；　and　Mary　was　incoherently　protesting　against　any　notion　of　his
falling　overboard。

〃It　is　generally　necessary；　Harry；〃　Margaret　said　at　last〃not　in
impossible　cases。〃

〃Yes　if　it　had　been　impossible；　but　it　was　not；　if　I　had　not　been　a
mad　goose　all　this　time；　but　when　a　bit　of　fun　gets　hold　of　me；　I
can't　think。　　And　if　I　am　too　bad　for　that；　I　am　too　bad　forfor
and　I　shall　never　see　mamma　again！　　Margaret；　it　almost　makes　me　af
afraid　to　sail。〃

〃Harry；　don't；　don't　talk　so！〃　sobbed　Mary。　　〃Oh；　do　come　to　papa；
and　let　us　beg　and　pray。　　Take　hold　of　my　hand；　and　Margaret　will　beg
too；　and　when　he　sees　how　sorry　you　are；　I　am　sure　he　will　forgive；
and　let　you　be　confirmed。〃　　She　would　have　dragged　him　after　her。

〃No；　Mary；〃　said　Harry；　resisting　her。　〃It　is　not　that　he　does　not
forgive。　You　don't　understand。　　It　is　what　is　right。　　And　he　cannot
help　it；　or　make　it　right　for　me；　if　I　am　such　a　horrid　wretch　that　I
can't　keep　grave　thoughts　in　my　head。　　I　might　do　it　again　after
that；　just　the　same。〃

〃You　have　been　grave　enough　of　late；〃　said　Mary。

〃This　was　enough　to　make　me　so；〃　said　Harry；　〃but　even　at　church；
since　I　came　home；　I　have　behaved　ill！　　I　kicked　Tom；　to　make　him
look　at　old　Levitt　asleep；　and　then　I　went　on；　because　he　did　not
like　it。　　I　know　I　am　too　idle。〃

On　the　Tuesday；　Dr。　May　had　said　he　would　take　Norman　and　Etheldred
to　Mr。　Ramsden。　　Ethel　was　gravely　putting　on　her　walking　dress；　when
she　heard