the daisy chain, or aspirations-第30节
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love him better; just as I do; for not being able to bear to stay in
this room; where〃
〃Yes;〃 said Ethel; mournfully; 〃it was a great shame of me! How
could I? Dear Norman! how he does grievewhat love his must have
been! But yet; Margaret;〃 she said impatiently; and the hot tears
breaking out; 〃I cannotcannot bear it! To have him not caring one
bit for all of us! I want him to triumph! I can't without him!〃
〃What; Ethel; you; who said you didn't care for mere distinction and
praise? Don't you think dear mamma would say it was safer for him
not to be delighted and triumphant?〃
〃It is very tiresome;〃 said Ethel; nearly convinced; but in a
slightly petulant voice。
〃And does not one love those two dear boys to…night!〃 said Margaret。
〃Norman not able to rejoice in his victory without her; and Harry in
such an ecstacy with Norman's honours。 I don't think I ever was so
fond of my two brothers。〃
Ethel smiled; and drew up her head; and said no boys were like them
anywhere; and papa would be delighted; and so went to bed happier in
her exultation; and in hoping that the holidays would make Norman
himself again。
Nothing could be better news for Dr。 May; who had never lost a grain
of the ancient school…party…loyalty that is part of the nature of the
English gentleman。 He was a thorough Stoneborough boy; had followed
the politics of the Whichcote foundation year by year all his life;
and perhaps; in his heart; regarded no honour as more to be prized
than that of Dux and Randall scholar。 Harry was in his room the next
morning as soon as ever he was stirring; a welcome guestteased a
little at first; by his pretending to take it all as a sailor's prank
to hoax him and Richard; and then free to pour out to delighted ears
the whole history of the examination; and of every one's
congratulations。
Norman himself was asleep when Harry went to give this narration。 He
came down late; and his father rose to meet him as he entered。 〃My
boy;〃 he said; 〃I had not expected this of you。 Well done; Norman!〃
and the whole tone and gesture had a heartfelt approval and joy in
them; that Ethel knew her brother was deeply thrilled by; for his
colour deepened; and his lips quivered into something like a smile;
though he did not lift his eyes。
Then came Richard's warm greeting and congratulation; he; too;
showing himself as delighted as if the honours were his own; and then
Dr。 May again; in lively tones; like old times; laughing at Norman
for sleeping late; and still not looking well awake; asking him if he
was quite sure it was not all a dream。
〃Well;〃 said Norman; 〃I should think it was; if it were not that you
all believe it。〃
〃Harry had better go to sleep next;〃 said Dr。 May; 〃and see what
dreaming will make him。 If it makes Dux of Norman; who knows but it
may make Drakes of him? Ha! Ethel
〃Oh; give us for our Kings such Queens;
And for our Ducks such Drakes。〃
There had not been such a merry breakfast for months。 There was the
old confusion of voices; the boys; Richard; and the doctor had much
to talk over of the school doings of this week; and there was nearly
as much laughing as in days past。 Ethel wondered whether any one but
herself observed that the voice most seldom heard was Norman's。
The promised call was made by Dr。 Hoxton; and Mr。 Everard; an old
friend; and after their departure Dr。 May came to Margaret's room
with fresh accounts; corroborating what Harry had said of the clear
knowledge and brilliant talent that Norman had displayed; to a degree
that surprised his masters; almost as much as the examiners。 The
copy of verses Dr。 May brought with him; and construed them to
Margaret; commenting all the way on their ease; and the fullness of
thought; certainly remarkable in a boy of sixteen。
They were then resigned to Ethel's keeping; and she could not help
imparting her admiration to their author; with some apology for
vexing him again。
〃I don't want to be cross;〃 said Norman; whom these words roused to a
sense that he had been churlish last night; 〃but I cannot help it。 I
wish people would not make such a fuss about it。〃
〃I don't think you can be well; Norman。〃
〃Nonsense。 There's nothing the matter with me。〃
〃But I don't understand your not caring at all; and not being the
least pleased。〃
〃It only makes it worse;〃 said Norman; 〃I only feel as if I wanted to
be out of the way。 My only comfortable time yesterday was on that
bench in the cool quiet cloister。 I don't think I could have got
through without that; when they left me in peace; till Cheviot and
Harry came to rout me up; and I knew it was all coming。〃
〃Ah! you have overworked yourself; but it was for something。 You
have given papa such pleasure and comfort; as you can't help being
glad of。 That is very different from us foolish young ones and our
trumpeting。〃
〃What comfort can it be? I've not been the smallest use all this
time。 When he was ill; I left him to Ernescliffe; and lay on the
floor like an ass; and if he were to ask me to touch his arm; I
should be as bad again。 A fine thing for me to have talked all that
arrogant stuff about Richard! I hate the thought of it; and; as if
to make arrows and barbs of it; here's Richard making as much of this
as if it was a double first class! He afraid to be compared with me;
indeed!〃
〃Norman; indeed; this is going too far。 We can't be as useful as the
elder ones; and when you know how papa was vexed about Richard; you
must be glad to have pleased him。〃
〃If I were he; it would only make me miss her more。 I believe he
only makes much of me that he may not disappoint me。〃
〃I don't think so。 He is really glad; and the more because she would
have been so pleased。 He said it would have been a happy day for
her; and there was more of the glad look than the sorry one。 It was
the glistening look that comes when he is watching baby; or hearing
Margaret say pretty things to her。 You see it is the first bright
morning we have had。〃
〃Yes;〃 said Norman; 〃perhaps it was; but I don't know。 I thought
half of it was din。〃
〃Oh; Norman!〃
〃And another thing; Ethel; I don't feel as if I had fairly earned it。
Forder or Cheviot ought to have had it。 They are both more really
good scholars than I am; and have always been above me。 There was
nothing I really knew better; except those historical questions that
no one reckoned on; and not living at home with their sisters and
books; they had no such chance; and it is very hard on them; and I
don't like it。〃
〃Well; but you really and truly beat them in everything。〃
〃Ay; by chance。 There were lots of places in construing; where I
should have broken down if I had happened to be set on in them; it
was only a wonder I did not in that chorus; for I had only looked at
it twice; but Everard asked me nothing but what I knew; and now and
then I get into a funny state; when nothing is too hard for me; and
that was how it was yesterday evening。 Generally; I feel as dull as
a post;〃 said Norman; yawning and stretching; 〃I could not make a
nonsense hexameter this minute; if I was to die for it。〃
〃A sort of Berserkar fury!〃 said Ethel; 〃like that night you did the
coral…worm verses。 It's very odd。 Are you sure you are well; dear
Norman?〃
To which he answered; with displeasure; that he was as well as
possible; ordered her not to go and make any more fuss; and left her
hastily。 She was unhappy; and far from satisfied; she had never
known his temper so much affected; and was much puzzled; but she was
too much afraid of vexing him; to impart her perplexity even to
Margaret。 However; the next day; Sunday; as she was reading to
Margaret after church; her father came in; and the first thing he
said was; 〃I want to know what you think of Norman。〃
〃How do you mean?〃 said Margaret; 〃in health or spirits?〃
〃Both;〃 said Dr。 May。 〃Poor boy! he has never held up his head since
October; and; at his age; that is hardly natural。 He goes moping
about; has lost flesh and appetite; and looks altogether out of
older; shooting up like a Maypole too。〃
〃Mind and body;〃 said Margaret; while Ethel gazed intently at her
father; wondering whether she ought to speak; for Margaret did not
know half what she did; nothing about the bad nights; nor what he
called the 〃funny state。〃
〃Yes; both。 I fancied it was only his rapid growth; and the
excitement of this examination; and that it would go off; but I think
there's more amiss。 He was lounging about doing nothing; when the
girls were gone to school after dinner; and I asked him to walk down
with me to the Almshouses。 He did not seem very willing; but he
went; and presently; as I had hold of his arm; I felt him shivering;
and saw him turn as pale as a sheet。 As soon as I noticed it; he
flushed crimson; and would not hear of turning back; stoutly
protesting he was quite well; but I saw his hand was quivering even
when I got into church。 Why; Ethel; you have turned as red as he
did。〃
〃Then he has done it!〃 exclaimed Ethel; in a smothered voice。
〃What do you mean? Speak; Ethel。〃
〃He has gone past itthe place;〃 whispered she。
The doctor made