the daisy chain, or aspirations-第164节

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willing　mind。〃

〃Everybody　goes　and　sacrifices　somebody　else；〃　grumbled　Tom。

〃Who　are　the　victims　now？〃

〃All　of　us。　　What　are　we　to　do　without　Norman？　　He　is　worth　all　of　us
put　together；　and　I〃　Meta　was　drawn　to　the　boy　as　she　had　never
been　before；　as　he　broke　off　short；　his　face　full　of　emotion；　that
made　him　remind　her　of　his　father。

〃You　might　go　out　and　follow　in　his　steps；〃　said　she；　as　the　most
consoling　hope　she　could　suggest。

〃Not　I。　　Don't　you　know　what　is　to　happen　to　me？　　Ah！　　Flora　has　not
told　you。　　I　thought　she　would　not　think　it　grand　enough。　　She　talked
about　diplomacy〃

〃But　what？〃　asked　Meta　anxiously。

〃Only　that　I　am　to　stick　to　the　old　shop；〃　said　Tom。　　〃Don't　tell　any
one；　I　would　not　have　the　fellows　know　it。〃

〃Do　you　mean　your　father's　profession？〃

〃Ay！〃

〃Oh；　Tom！　you　don't　talk　of　that　as　if　you　despised　it？〃

〃If　it　is　good　enough　for　him；　it　is　good　enough　for　me；　I　suppose；〃
said　Tom。　　〃I　hate　everything　when　I　think　of　my　brothers　going　over
the　world；　while　I；　do　what　I　will；　must　be　tied　down　to　this　slow
place　all　the　rest　of　my　days。〃

〃If　you　were　away；　you　would　be　longing　after　it。〃

〃Yes；　but　I　can't　get　away。〃

〃Surely；　if　the　notion　is　so　unpleasant　to　you；　Dr。　May　would　never
insist？〃

〃It　is　my　free　choice；　and　that's　the　worst　of　it。〃

〃I　don't　understand。〃

〃Don't　you　see？　　Norman　told　me　it　would　be　a　great　relief　to　him　if
I　would　turn　my　mind　that　wayand　I　can't　go　against　Norman。　　I
found　he　thought　he　must　if　I　did　not；　and；　you　know；　he　is　fit　for
all　sorts　of　things　that　Besides；　he　has　a　squeamishness　about　him；
that　makes　him　turn　white；　if　one　does　but　cut　one's　finger；　and　how
he　would　ever　go　through　the　hospitals〃

Meta　suspected　that　Tom　was　inclined　to　launch　into　horrors。　　〃So　you
wanted　to　spare　him；〃　she　said。

〃Ay！　and　papa　was　so　pleased　by　my　offering　that　I　can't　say　a　word
of　the　bore　it　is。　　If　I　were　to　back　out；　it　would　come　upon　Aubrey；
and　he　is　weakly；　and　so　young；　that　he　could　not　help　my　father　for
many　years。〃

Meta　was　much　struck　at　the　motives　that　actuated　the　self…sacrifice；
veiled　by　the　sullen　manner　which　she　almost　began　to　respect。　　〃What
is　done　for　such　reasons　must　make　you　happy；〃　she　said；　〃though
there　may　be　much　that　is　disagreeable。〃

〃Not　the　study；〃　said　Tom。　　〃The　science　is　famous　work。　　I　like　what
I　see　of　it　in　my　father's　books；　and　there's　a　splendid　skeleton　at
the　hospital　that　I　long　to　be　at。　　If　it　were　not　for　Stoneborough；
it　would　be　all　very　well；　but；　if　I　should　get　on　ever　so　well　at
the　examinations；　it　all　ends　there！　　I　must　come　back；　and　go　racing
about　this　miserable　circuit；　just　like　your　gold　pheasant　rampaging
in　his　cage；　seeing　the　same　stupid　people　all　my　days。〃

〃I　think；〃　said　Meta；　in　a　low；　heartfelt　voice；　〃it　is　a　noble；
beautiful　thing　to　curb　down　your　ambition　for　such　causes。　　Tom；　I
like　you　for　it。〃

The　glance　of　those　beautiful　eyes　was　worth　having。　　Tom　coloured　a
little；　but　assumed　his　usual　gruffness。　　〃I　can't　bear　sick　people；〃
he　said。

〃It　has　always　seemed　to　me；〃　said　Meta；　〃that　few　lives　could　come
up　to　Dr。　May's。　　Think　of　going　about；　always　watched　for　with　hope；
often　bringing　gladness　and　relief；　if　nothing　else；　comfort　and
kindness；　his　whole　business　doing　good。〃

〃One　is　paid　for　it；〃　said　Tom。

〃Nothing　could　ever　repay　Dr。　May；〃　said　Meta。　　〃Can　any　one　feel　the
fee　anything　but　a　mere　form？　　Besides；　think　of　the　numbers　and
numbers　that　he　takes　nothing　from；　and　oh！　to　how　many　he　has
brought　the　most　real　good；　when　they　would　have　shut　their　doors
against　it　in　any　other　form！　　Oh；　Tom；　I　think　none　of　you　guess　how
every　one　feels　about　your　father。　　I　recollect　one　poor　woman
saying；　after　he　had　attended　her　brother；　'He　could　not　save　his
body；　but；　surely；　ma'am；　I　think　he　was　the　saving　of　his　soul。'〃

〃It　is　of　no　use　to　talk　of　my　being　like　my　father；〃　said　Tom。

Meta　thought　perhaps　not；　but　she　was　full　of　admiration　of　his
generosity；　and　said；　〃You　will　make　it　the　same　work　of　love；　and
charity　is　the　true　glory。〃

Any　inroad　on　Tom's　reserved　and　depressed　nature　was　a　benefit；　and
he　was　of　an　age　to　be　susceptible　of　the　sympathy　of　one　so　pretty
and　so　engaging。　　He　had　never　been　so　much　gratified　or　encouraged；
and；　wishing　to　prolong　the　tete…a…tete；　he　chose　to　take　the　short
cut　through　the　fir…plantations；　unfrequented　on　account　of　the
perpendicular；　spiked　railings　that　divided　it　from　the　lane。

Meta　was　humming…bird　enough　to　be　undismayed。　　She　put　hand　and　foot
wherever　he　desired；　flattered　him　by　letting　him　handily　help　her
up；　and　bounded　light　as　a　feather　down　on　the　other　side；
congratulating　herself　on　the　change　from　the　dusty　lane　to　the
whispering　pine　woods；　between　which　wound　the　dark　path；　bestrewn
with　brown　slippery　needle…leaves；　and　edged　with　the　delicate
feathering　ling　and　tufts　of　soft　grass。

Tom　had　miscalculated　the　chances　of　interruption。　　Meta　was
lingering　to　track　the　royal　highway　of　some　giant　ants　to　their　fir…
leaf　hillock；　when　they　were　hailed　from　behind；　and　her　squire　felt
ferocious　at　the　sight　of　Norman　and　Harry　closing　the　perspective　of
fir…trunks。

〃Hallo！　Tom；　what　a　guide　you　are！〃　exclaimed　Norman。　　〃That　fence
which　even　Ethel　and　Mary　avoid！〃

〃Mary　climbs　like　a　cow；　and　Ethel　like　a　father…long…legs；〃　said
Tom。　　〃Now　Meta　flies　like　a　bird。〃

〃And　Tom　helped　me　so　cleverly；〃　said　Meta。　　〃It　was　an　excellent
move；　to　get　into　the　shade　and　this　delicious　pine　tree　fragrance。〃

〃Halt！〃　said　Norman〃this　is　too　fast　for　Meta。〃

〃I　cannot；〃　said　Harry。　　〃I　must　get　there　in　time　to　set　Dr。
Spencer's　tackle　to　rights。　　He　is　tolerably　knowing　about　knots；　but
there　is　a　dodge　beyond　him。　　Come　on；　Tom。〃

He　drew　on　the　reluctant　Etonian；　who　looked　repiningly　back　at　the
increasing　distance　between　him　and　the　other　pair；　till　a　turn　in
the　path　cut　off　his　view。

〃I　am　afraid　you　do　not　know　what　you　have　undertaken；〃　said　Norman。

〃I　am　a　capital　walker。　　And　I　know；　or　do　not　know；　how　often　Ethel
takes　the　same　walk。〃

〃Ethel　is　no　rule。〃

〃She　ought　to　be；〃　said　Meta。　　〃To　be　like　her　has　always　been　my
ambition。〃

〃Circumstances　have　formed　Ethel。〃

〃Circumstances！　　What　an　ambiguous　word！　　Either　Providence　pointing
to　duty；　or　the　world　drawing　us　from　it。〃

〃Stepping…stones；　or　stumbling…blocks。〃

〃And；　oh！　the　difficult　question；　when　to　bend　them；　or　to　bend　to
them！〃

〃There　must　be　always　some　guiding；〃　said　Norman。

〃I　believe　there　is；〃　said　Meta；　〃but　when　trumpet…peals　are　ringing
around；　it　is　hard　to　know　whether　one　is　really　'waiting　beside　the
tent；'　or　only　dawdling。〃

〃It　is　great　self…denial　in　the　immovable　square　not　to　join　the
charge；〃　said　Norman。

〃Yes；　but　they；　being　shot　at；　are　not　deceiving　themselves。〃

〃I　suppose　self…deception　on　those　points　is　very　common。〃

〃Especially　among　young　ladies；〃　said　Meta。　　〃I　hear　so　much　of　what
girls　would　do；　if　they　might；　or　could；　that　I　long　to　see　them　like
Etheldo　what　they　can。　　And　then　it　strikes　me　that　I　am　doing　the
same；　living　wilfully　in　indulgence；　and　putting　my　trust　in　my　own
misgivings　and　discontent。〃

〃I　should　have　thought　that　discontent　had　as　little　to　do　with　you
as　with　any　living　creature。〃

〃You　don't　know　how　I　could　growl！〃　said　Meta；　laughing。　　〃Though
less　from　having　anything　to　complain　of；　than　from　having　nothing　to
complain　of。〃

〃You　mean；〃　he　said；　pausing；　with　a　seriousness　and　hesitation　that
startled　her〃do　you　mean　that　this　is　not　the　course　of　life　that
you　would　choose？〃

A　sort　of　bashfulness　made　her　put　her　answer　playfully


　　　　　　　　　　〃All　play　and　no　work　makes　Jack　a　mere　toy。


〃Toys　have　a　kindly　mission；　and　I　may　be　good　for　nothing　else；　but
I　would　have　rather　been　a　coffee…pot　than　a　china　shepherdess。〃

The　gaiety　disconcerted　him；　and　he　seemed　to　try　to　be　silent；　or　to
reply　in　the　same　tone；　but　he　could　not　help　returning　to　the
subject。　　〃Then　you　find　no　charm　in　the　refinements　to　which　you
have　been　brought　up？〃

〃Only　too　much；〃　said　Meta。

He　was　silent；　and　fearing　to　have　added　to　his　fine…lady　impression；
she　resumed。　　〃I　mean　that　I　never　could　dislike　anything；　and
kindness　gives　these　things　a　soul；　but；　of　course；　I　should　be
better　satisfied；　if　I　lived　harder；　and　had　work　to　do。〃

〃Meta！〃　he　exclaimed；　〃you　tempt　me　very　much！　　Would　you？　No；　it
is　too　unreasonable。　　Would　you　shareshare　the　work　that　I　have
undertaken？〃

He　turned　aside　and　leaned　against　a　tree；　as　if　not　daring　to　watch
the　effect　of　the　agitated　words　that　had　broken　from　him。　　She　had
little　imagined　whither　his　last　sayings　had　been　tending；　and　stood
still；　breathless　with　the　surprise。

〃Forgive　me；〃　he　said　hastily。　　〃It　was　very　wrong。　　I　never　meant　to
have　vexed　you　by　the　betrayal　of　my　vain　affection。〃

He　seemed　to　be　going；　and　this　roused　her。　　〃Stay；　Norman；〃
exclaimed　she。　　〃Why　should　it　vex　me？　　I　should　like　it　very　much
indeed。〃

He　faced　suddenly　towards　her　〃Meta；　Meta！　is　it　possible？　　Do　you
know　what　you