the daisy chain, or aspirations-第157节

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affection　was　too　painful　for　her　in　the　present　state；　he　broke　into
a　vehement　angry　defence　of　her　devotion　to　her　child；　treating　Dr。
May　as　if　the　accusation　came　from　him；　and　when　the　doctor　and　Meta
had　persuaded　him　out　of　this；　he　next　imagined　that　his　father…in…
law　feared　that　he　was　going　to　reproach　his　wife；　and　there　was　no
making　him　comprehend　more　than　that；　if　she　were　not　kept　quiet；　she
might　have　a　serious　illness。

Even　then　he　insisted　on　going　to　look　at　her；　and　Dr。　May　could　not
prevent　him　from　pressing　his　lips　to　her　forehead。　　She　half　opened
her　eyes；　and　murmured　〃good…night；〃　and　by　this　he　was　a　little
comforted；　but　he　would　hear　of　nothing　but　sitting　up；　and　Meta
would　have　done　the　same；　but　for　an　absolute　decree　of　the　doctor。

It　was　a　relief　to　Dr。　May　that　George's　vigil　soon　became　a　sound
repose　on　the　sofa　in　the　dressing…room；　and　he　was　left　to　read　and
muse　uninterruptedly。

It　was　far　past　two　o'clock　before　there　was　any　movement；　then　Flora
drew　a　long　breath；　stirred；　and；　as　her　father　came　and　drew　her
hand　into　his；　before　she　was　well　awake；　she　gave　a　long；　wondering
whisper；　〃Oh；　papa！　papa！〃　then　sitting　up；　and　passing　her　hand　over
her　eyes；　〃Is　it　all　true？〃

〃It　is　true；　my　own　poor　dear；〃　said　Dr。　May；　supporting　her；　as　she
rested　against　his　arm；　and　hid　her　face　on　his　shoulder；　while　her
breath　came　short；　and　she　shivered　under　the　renewed　perception
〃she　is　gone　to　wait　for　you。〃

〃Hush！　　Oh；　don't！　papa！〃　said　Flora；　her　voice　shortened　by　anguish。
〃Oh；　think　why〃

〃Nay；　Flora；　do　not；　do　not　speak　as　if　that　should　exclude　peace　or
hope！〃　said　Dr。　May　entreatingly。　　〃Besides；　it　was　no　wilful
neglectyou　had　other　duties〃

〃You　don't　know　me；　papa；〃　said　Flora；　drawing　her　hands　away　from
him；　and　tightly　clenching　them　in　one　another；　as　thoughts　far　too
terrible　for　words　swept　over　her。

〃If　I　do　not；　the　most　Merciful　Father　does；〃　said　Dr。　May。　　Flora
sat　for　a　minute　or　two；　her　hands　locked　together　round　her　knees；
her　head　bowed　down；　her　lips　compressed。　　Her　father　was　so　far
satisfied　that　the　bodily　dangers　he　had　dreaded　were　averted；　but
the　agony　of　mind　was　far　more　terrible；　especially　in　one　who
expressed　so　little；　and　in　whom　it　seemed；　as　it　were；　pent　up。

〃Papa！〃　said　Flora　presently；　with　a　resolution　of　tone　as　if　she
would　prevent　resistance；　〃I　must　see　her！〃

〃You　shall；　my　dear；〃　said　the　doctor　at　once；　and　she　seemed
grateful　not　to　be　opposed；　speaking　more　gently；　as　she　said；　〃May
it　be　nowwhile　there　is　no　daylight？〃

〃If　you　wish　it；〃　said　Dr。　May。

The　dawn；　and　a　yellow　waning　moon；　gave　sufficient　light　for　moving
about；　and　Flora　gained　her　feet；　but　she　was　weak　and　trembling；　and
needed　the　support　of　her　father's　arm；　though　hardly　conscious　of
receiving　it；　as　she　mounted　the　same　stairs；　that　she　had　so　often
lightly　ascended　in　the　like　doubtful　morning　light；　for　never；　after
any　party；　had　she　omitted　her　visit　to　the　nursery。

The　door　was　locked；　and　she　looked　piteously　at　her　father　as　her
weak　push　met　the　resistance；　and　he　was　somewhat　slow　in　turning　the
key　with　his　left　hand。　　The　whitewashed；　slightly　furnished　room
reflected　the　light；　and　the　moonbeams　showed　the　window…frame　in
pale　and　dim　shades　on　the　blinds；　the　dewy　air　breathed　in　coolly
from　the　park；　and　there　was　a　calm　solemnity　in　the　atmosphereno
light；　no　watcher　present　to　tend　the　babe。　　Little　Leonora　needed
such　no　more；　she　was　with　the　Keeper；　who　shall　neither　slumber　nor
sleep。

So　it　thrilled　across　her　grandfather；　as　he　saw　the　little　cradle
drawn　into　the　middle　of　the　room；　and；　on　the　coverlet；　some　pure
white　rosebuds　and　lilies　of　the　valley；　gathered　in　the　morning　by
Mary　and　Blanche；　little　guessing　the　use　that　Meta　would　make　of
them　ere　nightfall。

The　mother　sank　on　her　knees；　her　hands　clasped　over　her　breast；　and
rocking　herself　to　and　fro　uneasily；　with　a　low；　irrepressible
moaning。

〃Will　you　not　see　her　face？〃　whispered　Dr。　May。

〃I　may　not　touch　her；〃　was　the　answer；　in　the　hollow　voice；　and　with
the　wild　eye　that　had　before　alarmed　him；　but　trusting　to　the
soothing　power　of　the　mute　face　of　the　innocent；　he　drew　back　the
covering。

The　sight　was　such　as　he　anticipated；　sadly　lovely；　smiling　and
tranquilall　oppression　and　suffering　fled　away　for　ever。

It　stilled　the　sounds　of　pain；　and　the　restless　motion；　the
compression　of　the　hands　became　less　tight；　and　he　began　to　hope　that
the　look　was　passing　into　her　heart。　　He　let　her　kneel　on　without
interruption；　only　once　he　said；　〃Of　such　is　the　kingdom　of　Heaven！〃

She　made　no　immediate　answer；　and　he　had　had　time　to　doubt　whether　he
ought　to　let　her　continue　in　that　exhausting　attitude　any　longer；
when　she　looked　up　and　said；　〃You　will　all　be　with　her　there。〃

〃She　has　flown　on　to　point　your　aim　more　steadfastly；〃　said　Dr。　May。

Flora　shuddered；　but　spoke　calmly〃No；　I　shall　not　meet　her。〃

〃My　child！〃　he　exclaimed；　〃do　you　know　what　you　are　saying？〃

〃I　know；　I　am　not　in　the　way；〃　said　Flora；　still　in　the　same
fearfully　quiet；　matter…of…fact　tone。　　〃I　never　have　been〃and　she
bent　over　her　child；　as　if　taking　her　leave　for　eternity。

His　tongue　almost　clave　to　the　roof　of　his　mouth；　as　he　heard　the
wordswords　elicited　by　one　of　those　hours　of　true　reality　that；
like　death；　rend　aside　every　wilful　cloak　of　self…deceit；　and　self…
approbation。　　He　had　no　power　to　speak　at　first；　when　he　recovered
it；　his　reply　was　not　what　his　heart　had；　at　first；　prompted。

〃Flora！　　How　has　this　dear　child　been　saved？〃　he　said。　　〃What　has
released　her　from　the　guilt　she　inherited　through　you；　through　me；
through　all？　　Is　not　the　Fountain　open？〃

〃She　never　wasted　grace；〃　said　Flora。

〃My　child！　my　Flora！〃　he　exclaimed；　losing　the　calmness　he　had　gained
by　such　an　effort；　〃you　must　not　talk　thusit　is　wrong！　　Only　your
own　morbid　feeling　can　treat　thisthisas　a　charge　against　you；　and
if　it　were；　indeed〃he　sank　his　voice〃that　such　consequences
destroyed　hope；　oh；　Flora！　where　should　I　be？〃

〃No；〃　said　Flora；　〃this　is　not　what　I　meant。　　It　is　that　I　have　never
set　my　heart　right。　　I　am　not　like　you　nor　my　sisters。　　I　have　seemed
to　myself；　and　to　you；　to　be　trying　to　do　right；　but　it　was　all
hollow；　for　the　sake　of　praise　and　credit。　　I　know　it；　now　it　is　too
late；　and　He　has　let　me　destroy　my　child　here；　lest　I　should　have
destroyed　her　everlasting　life；　like　my　own。〃

The　most　terrible　part　of　this　sentence　was　to　Dr。　May；　that　Flora
spoke　as　if　she　knew　it　all　as　a　certainty；　and　without　apparent
emotion；　with　all　the　calmness　of　despair。　　What　she　had　never
guessed　before　had　come　clearly　and　fully　upon　her　now；　and　without
apparent　novelty；　or；　perhaps；　there　had　been　misgivings　in　the　midst
of　her　complacent　self…satisfaction。　　She　did　not　even　seem　to
perceive　how　dreadfully　she　was　shocking　her　father；　whose　sole
comfort　was　in　believing　her　language　the　effect　of　exaggerated　self…
reproach。　　His　profession　had　rendered　him　not　new　to　the　sight　of
despondency；　and；　dismayed　as　he　was；　he　was　able　at　once　to　speak　to
the　point。

〃If　it　were　indeed　so；　her　removal　would　be　the　greatest　blessing。〃

〃Yes；〃　said　her　mother；　and　her　assent　was　in　the　same　tone　of
resigned　despair；　owning　it　best　for　her　child　to　be　spared　a　worldly
education；　and　loving　her　truly　enough　to　acquiesce。

〃I　meant　the　greatest　blessing　to　you；〃　continued　Dr。　May；　〃if　it　be
sent　to　open　your　eyes；　and　raise　your　thoughts　upwards。　　Oh；　Flora；
are　not　afflictions　tokens　of　infinite　love？〃

She　could　not　accept　the　encouragement；　and　only　formed；　with　her
lips；　the　words；　〃Mercy　to　herwrath　to　me！〃

The　simplicity　and　hearty　piety　which；　with　all　Dr。　May's　faults；　had
always　been　part　of　his　character；　and　had　borne　him；　in　faith　and
trust；　through　all　his　trials；　had　never　belonged　to　her。　　Where　he
had　been　sincere；　erring　only　from　impulsiveness；　she　had　been
double…minded　and　calculating；　and；　now　that　her　delusion　had　been
broken　down；　she　had　nothing　to　rest　upon。　　Her　whole　religious　life
had　been　mechanical；　deceiving　herself　more　than　even　others；　and　all
seemed　now　swept　away；　except　the　sense　of　hypocrisy；　and　of　having
cut　herself　off；　for　ever；　from　her　innocent　child。　　Her　father　saw
that　it　was　vain　to　argue　with　her；　and　only　said；　〃You　will　think
otherwise　by　and　by；　my　dear。　　Now　shall　I　say　a　prayer　before　we　go
down？〃

As　she　made　no　reply；　he　repeated　the　Lord's　Prayer；　but　she　did　not
join；　and　then　he　added　a　broken；　hesitating　intercession　for　the
mourners；　which　caused　her　to　bury　her　face　deeper　in　her　hands；　but
her　dull　wretchedness　altered　not。

Rising；　he　said　authoritatively；　〃Come；　Flora；　you　must　go　to　bed。
See；　it　is　morning。〃

〃You　have　sat　up　all　night　with　me！〃　said　Flora；　with　somewhat　of　her
anxious；　considerate　self。

〃So　has　George。　He　had　just　dropped　asleep　on　the　sofa　when　you
awoke。〃

〃I　thought　he　was　in　anger；〃　said　she。

〃Not　with　you；　dearest。〃

〃No；　I　remember　now；　not　where　it　was　justly　due。　　Papa；〃　she　said；
pausing；　as　to　recall　her　recollection；　〃what　did　I　do？　　I