character-第51节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！



is　the　external　exponent　of　his　inner　nature。　　It　indicates　his

taste；　his　feelings；　and　his　temper；　as　well　as　the　society　to

which　he　has　been　accustomed。　　There　is　a　conventional　manner；

which　is　of　comparatively　little　importance；　but　the　natural

manner；　the　outcome　of　natural　gifts；　improved　by　careful　self…

culture；　signifies　a　great　deal。



Grace　of　manner　is　inspired　by　sentiment；　which　is　a　source　of　no

slight　enjoyment　to　a　cultivated　mind。　　Viewed　in　this　light；

sentiment　is　of　almost　as　much　importance　as　talents　and

acquirements；　while　it　is　even　more　influential　in　giving　the

direction　to　a　man　s　tastes　and　character。　　Sympathy　is　the　golden

key　that　unlocks　the　hearts　of　others。　　It　not　only　teaches

politeness　and　courtesy；　but　gives　insight　and　unfolds　wisdom；　and

may　almost　be　regarded　as　the　crowning　grace　of　humanity。



Artificial　rules　of　politeness　are　of　very　little　use。　　What

passes　by　the　name　of　〃Etiquette〃　is　often　of　the　essence　of

unpoliteness　and　untruthfulness。　　It　consists　in　a　great　measure

of　posture…making；　and　is　easily　seen　through。　　Even　at　best；

etiquette　is　but　a　substitute　for　good　manners；　though　it　is　often

but　their　mere　counterfeit。



Good　manners　consist；　for　the　most　part；　in　courteousness　and

kindness。　　Politeness　has　been　described　as　the　art　of　showing；

by　external　signs；　the　internal　regard　we　have　for　others。

But　one　may　be　perfectly　polite　to　another　without　necessarily

having　a　special　regard　for　him。　　Good　manners　are　neither

more　nor　less　than　beautiful　behaviour。　　It　has　been　well　said；

that　〃a　beautiful　form　is　better　than　a　beautiful　face；　and

a　beautiful　behaviour　is　better　than　a　beautiful　form；　it　gives

a　higher　pleasure　than　statues　or　picturesit　is　the　finest

of　the　fine　arts。〃



The　truest　politeness　comes　of　sincerity。　　It　must　be　the　outcome

of　the　heart；　or　it　will　make　no　lasting　impression；　for　no　amount

of　polish　can　dispense　with　truthfulness。　　The　natural　character

must　be　allowed　to　appear；　freed　of　its　angularities　and

asperities。　　Though　politeness；　in　its　best　form；　should　（as　St。

Francis　de　Sales　says）　resemble　water〃best　when　clearest；　most

simple；　and　without　taste；〃yet　genius　in　a　man　will　always

cover　many　defects　of　manner；　and　much　will　be　excused　to　the

strong　and　the　original。　　Without　genuineness　and　individuality；

human　life　would　lose　much　of　its　interest　and　variety；　as　well　as

its　manliness　and　robustness　of　character。



True　courtesy　is　kind。　　It　exhibits　itself　in　the　disposition　to

contribute　to　the　happiness　of　others；　and　in　refraining　from　all

that　may　annoy　them。　　It　is　grateful　as　well　as　kind；　and　readily

acknowledges　kind　actions。　　Curiously　enough；　Captain　Speke　found

this　quality　of　character　recognised　even　by　the　natives　of　Uganda

on　the　shores　of　Lake　Nyanza；　in　the　heart　of　Africa；　where；　he

says。　　〃Ingratitude；　or　neglecting　to　thank　a　person　for　a　benefit

conferred；　is　punishable。〃



True　politeness　especially　exhibits　itself　in　regard　for　the

personality　of　others。　　A　man　will　respect　the　individuality　of

another　if　he　wishes　to　be　respected　himself。　　He　will　have　due

regard　for　his　views　and　opinions；　even　though　they　differ　from

his　own。　　The　well…mannered　man　pays　a　compliment　to　another；　and

sometimes　even　secures　his　respect；　by　patiently　listening　to　him。

He　is　simply　tolerant　and　forbearant；　and　refrains　from　judging

harshly；　and　harsh　judgments　of　others　will　almost　invariably

provoke　harsh　judgments　of　ourselves。



The　unpolite　impulsive　man　will；　however；　sometimes　rather　lose

his　friend　than　his　joke。　　He　may　surely　be　pronounced　a　very

foolish　person　who　secures　another's　hatred　at　the　price　of　a

moment's　gratification。　　It　was　a　saying　of　Brunel　the　engineer

himself　one　of　the　kindest…natured　of　menthat　〃spite　and　ill…

nature　are　among　the　most　expensive　luxuries　in　life。〃　　Dr。

Johnson　once　said：　〃Sir；　a　man　has　no　more　right　to　SAY　an　uncivil

thing　than　to　ACT　oneno　more　right　to　say　a　rude　thing　to

another　than　to　knock　him　down。〃



A　sensible　polite　person　does　not　assume　to　be　better　or　wiser　or

richer　than　his　neighbour。　　He　does　not　boast　of　his　rank；　or　his

birth；　or　his　country；　or　look　down　upon　others　because　they　have

not　been　born　to　like　privileges　with　himself。　　He　does　not　brag

of　his　achievements　or　of　his　calling；　or　〃talk　shop〃　whenever　he

opens　his　mouth。　　On　the　contrary；　in　all　that　he　says　or　does；　he

will　be　modest；　unpretentious；　unassuming；　exhibiting　his　true

character　in　performing　rather　than　in　boasting；　in　doing　rather

than　in　talking。



Want　of　respect　for　the　feelings　of　others　usually　originates　in

selfishness；　and　issues　in　hardness　and　repulsiveness　of　manner。

It　may　not　proceed　from　malignity　so　much　as　from　want　of　sympathy

and　want　of　delicacya　want　of　that　perception　of；　and　attention

to；　those　little　and　apparently　trifling　things　by　which　pleasure

is　given　or　pain　occasioned　to　others。　　Indeed；　it　may　be　said

that　in　self…sacrificingness；　so　to　speak；　in　the　ordinary

intercourse　of　life；　mainly　consists　the　difference　between　being

well　and　ill　bred。



Without　some　degree　of　self…restraint　in　society；　a　man　may　be

found　almost　insufferable。　　No　one　has　pleasure　in　holding

intercourse　with　such　a　person；　and　he　is　a　constant　source　of

annoyance　to　those　about　him。　　For　want　of　self…restraint；　many

men　are　engaged　all　their　lives　in　fighting　with　difficulties　of

their　own　making；　and　rendering　success　impossible　by　their　own

crossgrained　ungentleness；　whilst　others；　it　may　be　much　less

gifted；　make　their　way　and　achieve　success　by　simple　patience；

equanimity；　and　self…control。



It　has　been　said　that　men　succeed　in　life　quite　as　much　by　their

temper　as　by　their　talents。　　However　this　may　be；　it　is　certain

that　their　happiness　depends　mainly　on　their　temperament；

especially　upon　their　disposition　to　be　cheerful；　upon　their

complaisance；　kindliness　of　manner；　and　willingness　to　oblige

othersdetails　of　conduct　which　are　like　the　small…change　in　the

intercourse　of　life；　and　are　always　in　request。



Men　may　show　their　disregard　of　others　in　various　unpolite　ways

as；　for　instance；　by　neglect　of　propriety　in　dress；　by　the　absence

of　cleanliness；　or　by　indulging　in　repulsive　habits。　　The　slovenly

dirty　person；　by　rendering　himself　physically　disagreeable；　sets

the　tastes　and　feelings　of　others　at　defiance；　and　is　rude　and

uncivil　only　under　another　form。



David　Ancillon；　a　Huguenot　preacher　of　singular　attractiveness；

who　studied　and　composed　his　sermons　with　the　greatest　care；　was

accustomed　to　say　〃that　it　was　showing　too　little　esteem　for　the

public　to　take　no　pains　in　preparation；　and　that　a　man　who　should

appear　on　a　ceremonial…day　in　his　nightcap　and　dressing…gown；

could　not　commit　a　greater　breach　of　civility。〃



The　perfection　of　manner　is　easethat　it　attracts　no　man's

notice　as　such；　but　is　natural　and　unaffected。　　Artifice　is

incompatible　with　courteous　frankness　of　manner。　　Rochefoucauld

has　said　that　〃nothing　so　much　prevents　our　being　natural　as　the

desire　of　appearing　so。〃　　Thus　we　come　round　again　to　sincerity

and　truthfulness；　which　find　their　outward　expression　in

graciousness；　urbanity；　kindliness；　and　consideration　for　the

feelings　of　others。　　The　frank　and　cordial　man　sets　those　about

him　at　their　ease。　　He　warms　and　elevates　them　by　his　presence；

and　wins　all　hearts。　　Thus　manner；　in　its　highest　form；　like

character；　becomes　a　genuine　motive　power。



〃The　love　and　admiration；〃　says　Canon　Kingsley；　〃which　that　truly

brave　and　loving　man；　Sir　Sydney　Smith；　won　from　every　one；　rich

and　poor；　with　whom　he　came　in　contact　seems　to　have　arisen　from

the　one　fact；　that　without；　perhaps；　having　any　such　conscious

intention；　he　treated　rich　and　poor；　his　own　servants　and　the

noblemen　his　guests；　alike；　and　alike　courteously；　considerately；

cheerfully；　affectionatelyso　leaving　a　blessing；　and　reaping　a

blessing；　wherever　he　went。〃



Good　manners　are　usually　supposed　to　be　the　peculiar

characteristic　of　persons　gently　born　and　bred；　and　of　persons

moving　in　the　higher　rather　than　in　the　lower　spheres　of　society。

And　this　is　no　doubt　to　a　great　extent　true；　because　of　the　more

favourable　surroundings　of　the　former　in　early　life。　　But　there　is

no　reason　why　the　poorest　classes　should　not　practise　good　manners

towards　each　other　as　well　as　the　richest。



Men　who　toil　with　their　hands；　equally　with　those　who　do　not；　may

respect　themselves　and　respect　one　another；　and　it　is　by　their

demeanour　to　each　otherin　other　words；　by　their　mannersthat

self…respect　as　well　as　mutual　respect　are　indicated。　　There　is

scarcely　a　moment　in　their　lives；　the　enjoyment　of　which　might　not

be　enhanced　by　kindliness　of　this　sortin　the　workshop；　in　the

street；　or　at　home。　　The　civil　workman　will　exercise　increased

power　amongst　his　class；　a