the history of john bull-第5节
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* A new Parliament： the aversion of a Tory House of Commons to war。
CHAPTER XI。 How John looked over his Attorney's Bill。*
* Looking over the accounts。
When John first brought out the bills； the surprise of all the family was unexpressible at the prodigious dimensions of them； they would have measured with the best bale of cloth in John's shop。 Fees to judges； puny judges； clerks； prothonotaries； philisers； chirographers； under…clerks； proclamators； counsel； witnesses； jurymen； marshals； tipstaffs； criers； porters； for enrollings； exemplifications； bails； vouchers； returns； caveats； examinations； filings of words； entries； declarations； replications； recordats； nolle prosequies； certioraries； mittimuses； demurrers； special verdicts； informations； scire facias； supersedeas； habeas corpus； coach…hire； treating of witnesses； etc。 〃Verily；〃 says John； 〃there are a prodigious number of learned words in this law； what a pretty science it is！〃 〃Ay but； husband； you have paid for every syllable and letter of these fine words。 Bless me； what immense sums are at the bottom of the account！〃 John spent several weeks in looking over his bills； and； by comparing and stating his accounts； he discovered that； besides the extravagance of every article； he had been egregiously cheated； that he had paid for counsel that were never fee'd； for writs that were never drawn； for dinners that were never dressed； and journeys that were never made； in short； that the tradesmen； lawyers； and Frog had agreed to throw the burden of the lawsuit upon his shoulders。
CHAPTER XII。 How John grew angry； and resolved to accept a Composition； and what Methods were practised by the Lawyers for keeping him from it。*
Well might the learned Daniel Burgess say； 〃That a lawsuit is a suit for life。 He that sows his grain upon marble will have many a hungry belly before harvest。〃 This John felt by woeful experience。 John's cause was a good milch cow； and many a man subsisted his family out of it。 However； John began to think it high time to look about him。 He had a cousin in the country； one Sir Roger Bold； whose predecessors had been bred up to the law； and knew as much of it as anybody； but having left off the profession for some time； they took great pleasure in compounding lawsuits among their neighbours； for which they were the aversion of the gentlemen of the long robe； and at perpetual war with all the country attorneys。 John put his cause in Sir Roger's hands； desiring him to make the best of it。 The news had no sooner reached the ears of the lawyers； but they were all in an uproar。 They brought all the rest of the tradesmen upon John。** Squire South swore he was betrayed； that he would starve before he compounded； Frog said he was highly wronged； even lying Ned the chimney…sweeper and Tom the dustman complained that their interest was sacrificed； the lawyers； solicitors； Hocus and his clerks； were all up in arms at the news of the composition： they abused him and his wife most shamefully。 〃You silly； awkward； ill…bred country sow；〃 quoth one； 〃have you no more manners than to rail at Hocus that has saved that clod…pated numskulled ninny…hammer of yours from ruin； and all his family？ It is well known how he has rose early and sat up late to make him easy； when he was sotting at every alehouse in town。 I knew his last wife： she was a woman of breeding； good humour； and complaisanceknew how to live in the world。 As for you； you look like a puppet moved by clockwork； your clothes hang upon you as they were upon tenter…hooks； and you come into a room as you were going to steal away a pint pot。 Get you gone in the country； to look after your mother's poultry； to milk the cows； churn the butter； and dress up nosegays for a holiday； and not meddle with matters which you know no more of than the sign…post before your door。 It is well known that Hocus has an established reputation； he never swore an oath； nor told a lie； in all his life； he is grateful to his benefactors； faithful to his friends； liberal to his dependents； and dutiful to his superiors； he values not your money more than the dust under his feet； but he hates to be abused。 Once for all； Mrs。 Minx； leave off talking of Hocus； or I will pull out these saucer…eyes of yours； and make that redstreak country face look as raw as an ox…cheek upon a butcher's…stall； remember； I say； that there are pillories and ducking…stools。〃*** With this away they flung； leaving Mrs。 Bull no time to reply。 No stone was left unturned to frighten John from his composition。 Sometimes they spread reports at coffee…houses that John and his wife were run mad； that they intended to give up house； and make over all their estate to Lewis Baboon； that John had been often heard talking to himself； and seen in the streets without shoes or stockings； that he did nothing from morning till night but beat his servants； after having been the best master alive。 As for his wife； she was a mere natural。 Sometimes John's house was beset with a whole regiment of attornies' clerks； bailiffs； and bailiffs' followers； and other small retainers of the law； who threw stones at his windows； and dirt at himself as he went along the street。 When John complained of want of ready…money to carry on his suit； they advised him to pawn his plate and jewels； and that Mrs。 Bull should sell her linen and wearing clothes。
* Talk of peace； and the struggle of the party against it。 ** The endeavours made use of to stop the Treaty of Peace； *** Reflections upon the House of Commons as ignorant； who know nothing of business。
CHAPTER XIII。 Mrs。 Bull's vindication of the indispensable duty incumbent upon Wives in case of the Tyranny； Infidelity； or Insufficiency of Husbands； being a full Answer to the Doctor's Sermon against Adultery。*
* The Tories' representation of the speeches at Sacheverel's trial。
John found daily fresh proofs of the infidelity and bad designs of his deceased wife； amongst other things； one day looking over his cabinet； he found the following paper：
〃It is evident that matrimony is founded upon an original contract； whereby the wife makes over the right she has by the law of Nature in favour of the husband； by which he acquires the property of all her posterity。 But； then； the obligation is mutual； and where the contract is broken on one side it ceases to bind on the other。 Where there is a right there must be a power to maintain it and to punish the offending party。 This power I affirm to be that original right； or rather that indispensable duty lodged in all wives in the cases above mentioned。 No wife is bound by any law to which herself has not consented。 All economical government is lodged originally in the husband and wife； the executive part being in the husband； both have their privileges secured to them by law and reason； but will any man infer from the husband being invested with the executive power； that the wife is deprived of her share； and that she has no remedy left but preces and lacrymae； or an appeal to a supreme court of judicature？ No less frivolous are the arrangements that are drawn from the general appellations and terms of husband and wife。 A husband denotes several different sorts of magistracy； according to the usages and customs of different climates and countries。 In some eastern nations it signifies a tyrant； with the absolute power of life and death。 In Turkey it denotes an arbitrary governor； with power of perpetual imprisonment； in Italy it gives the husband the power of poison and padlocks； in the countries of England； France； and Holland； it has a quite different meaning； implying a free and equal government； securing to the wife in certain cases the liberty of change； and the property of pin…money and separate maintenance。 So that the arguments drawn from the terms of husband and wife are fallacious； and by no means fit to support a tyrannical doctrine； as that of absolute unlimited chastity and conjugal fidelity。
〃The general exhortations to fidelity in wives are meant only for rules in ordinary cases； but they naturally suppose three conditions of ability； justice； and fidelity in the husband； such an unlimited； unconditioned fidelity in the wife could never be supposed by reasonable men。 It seems a reflection upon the Church to charge her with doctrines that countenance oppression。
〃This doctrine of the original right of change is congruous to the law of Nature； which is superior to all human laws； and for that I dare appeal to all wives： It is much to the honour of our English wives that they have never given up that fundamental point； and that though in former ages they were muffled up in darkness and superstition； yet that notion seemed engraven on their minds； and the impression so strong that nothing could impair it。
〃To assert the illegality of change； upon any pretence whatsoever； were to cast odious colours upon the married state； to blacken the necessary means of perpetuating familiessuch laws can never be supposed to have been designed to defeat the very end of matrimony。 I call them necessary means； for in many cases what other means are left？ Such a doctrine wounds the honour of families； unsettles the titles to kingdoms； honour
