the history of john bull-第4节
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
ions she ran out extravagantly on the praise of Hocus。 When John used to be finding fault with his bills； she used to reproach him as ungrateful to his greatest benefactor； one that had taken so much pains in his lawsuit； and retrieved his family from the oppression of old Lewis Baboon。 A good swinging sum of John's readiest cash went towards building of Hocus's country house。** This affair between Hocus and Mrs。 Bull was now so open； that all the world was scandalised at it； John was not so clod…pated； but at last he took the hint。 The parson of the parish preaching one day with more zeal than sense against adultery； Mrs。 Bull told her husband that he was a very uncivil fellow to use such coarse language before people of condition；*** that Hocus was of the same mind； and that they would join to have him turned out of his living for using personal reflections。 How do you mean； says John； by personal reflections？ I hope in God； wife； he did not reflect upon you？ 〃No； thank God； my reputation is too well established in the world to receive any hurt from such a foul…mouthed scoundrel as he； his doctrine tends only to make husbands tyrants； and wives slaves； must we be shut up； and husbands left to their liberty？ Very pretty indeed！ a wife must never go abroad with a Platonic to see a play or a ball； she must never stir without her husband； nor walk in Spring Garden with a cousin。 I do say； husband； and I will stand by it； that without the innocent freedoms of life； matrimony would be a most intolerable state； and that a wife's virtue ought to be the result of her own reason； and not of her husband's government： for my part； I would scorn a husband that would be jealous； if he saw a fellow with me。〃 All this while John's blood boiled in his veins： he was now confirmed in all his suspicions； the hardest names； were the best words that John gave her。 Things went from better to worse； till Mrs。 Bull aimed a knife at John； though John threw a bottle at her head very brutally indeed： and after this there was nothing but confusion； bottles； glasses； spoons； plates； knives； forks； and dishes； flew about like dust； the result of which was； that Mrs。 Bull received a bruise in her right side of which she died half a year after。 The bruise imposthumated； and afterwards turned to a stinking ulcer； which made everybody shy to come near her； yet she wanted not the help of many able physicians； who attended very diligently； and did what men of skill could do； but all to no purpose； for her condition was now quite desperate； all regular physicians and her nearest relations having given her over。****
* The opinion at that time of the General's tampering with the Parliament。 ** Blenheim Palace。 *** The story of Dr。 Sacheverel； and the resentment of the House of Commons。 **** The opinion of the Tories about that House of Commons。
CHAPTER IX。 How some Quacks undertook to cure Mrs。 Bull of her ulcer。*
There is nothing so impossible in Nature but mountebanks will undertake； nothing so incredible but they will affirm： Mrs。 Bull's condition was looked upon as desperate by all the men of art； but there were those that bragged they had an infallible ointment and plaister； which being applied to the sore； would cure it in a few days； at the same time they would give her a pill that would purge off all her bad humours； sweeten her blood； and rectify her disturbed imagination。 In spite of all applications the patient grew worse every day； she stunk so； nobody durst come within a stone's throw of her； except those quacks who attended her close； and apprehended no danger。 If one asked them how Mrs。 Bull did？ Better and better； said they； the parts heal； and her constitution mends： if she submits to our government she will be abroad in a little time。 Nay； it is reported that they wrote to her friends in the country that she should dance a jig next October in Westminster Hall； and that her illness had been chiefly owing to bad physicians。 At last； one of them was sent for in great haste； his patient grew worse and worse： when he came； he affirmed that it was a gross mistake； and that she was never in a fairer way。 Bring hither the salve； says he； and give her a plentiful draught of my cordial。 As he was applying his ointments； and administering the cordial； the patient gave up the ghost； to the great confusion of the quack； and the great joy of Bull and his friends。 The quack flung away out of the house in great disorder； and swore there was foul play； for he was sure his medicines were infallible。 Mrs。 Bull having died without any signs of repentance or devotion； the clergy would hardly allow her a Christian burial。 The relations had once resolved to sue John for the murder； but considering better of it； and that such a trial would rip up old sores； and discover things not so much to the reputation of the deceased； they dropped their design。 She left no will； only there was found in her strong box the following words written on a scrip of paper〃My curse on John Bull； and all my posterity； if ever they come to any composition with the Lord Strutt。〃
She left him three daughters； whose names were Polemia； Discordia； and Usuria。**
* Endeavours and hopes of some people to hinder the dissolution of that Parliament。 ** War； faction； and usury。
CHAPTER X。 Of John Bull's second Wife； and the good Advice that she gave him。*
John quickly got the better of his grief； and； seeing that neither his constitution nor the affairs of his family； could permit him to live in an unmarried state； he resolved to get him another wife； a cousin of his last wife's was proposed； but John would have no more of the breed。 In short； he wedded a sober country gentlewoman； of a good family and a plentiful fortune； the reverse of the other in her temper； not but that she loved money； for she was saving； and applied her fortune to pay John's clamorous debts； that the unfrugal method of his last wife； and this ruinous lawsuit； had brought him into。 One day； as she had got her husband in a good humour； she talked to him after the following manner：〃My dear； since I have been your wife； I have observed great abuses and disorders in your family： your servants are mutinous and quarrelsome； and cheat you most abominably； your cookmaid is in a combination with your butcher； poulterer； and fishmonger； your butler purloins your liquor； and the brewer sells you hogwash； your baker cheats both in weight and in tale； even your milkwoman and your nursery…maid have a fellow feeling； your tailor； instead of shreds； cabbages whole yards of cloth； besides； leaving such long scores； and not going to market with ready money forces us to take bad ware of the tradesmen at their own price。 You have not posted your books these ten years。 How is it possible for a man of business to keep his affairs even in the world at this rate？ Pray God this Hocus be honest； would to God you would look over his bills； and see how matters stand between Frog and you。 Prodigious sums are spent in this lawsuit； and more must be borrowed of scriveners and usurers at heavy interest。 Besides； my dear； let me beg of you to lay aside that wild project of leaving your business to turn lawyer； for which； let me tell you； Nature never designed you。 Believe me； these rogues do but flatter； that they may pick your pocket； observe what a parcel of hungry ragged fellows live by your cause； to be sure they will never make an end of it。 I foresee this haunt you have got about the courts will one day or another bring your family to beggary。 Consider； my dear； how indecent it is to abandon your shop and follow pettifoggers； the habit is so strong upon you； that there is hardly a plea between two country esquires； about a barren acre upon a common； but you draw yourself in as bail； surety； or solicitor。〃 John heard her all this while with patience； till she pricked his maggot； and touched him in the tender point。 Then he broke out into a violent passion： 〃What； I not fit for a lawyer？ let me tell you； my clod…pated relations spoiled the greatest genius in the world when they bred me a mechanic。 Lord Strutt； and his old rogue of a grandsire； have found to their cost that I can manage a lawsuit as well as another。〃 〃I don't deny what you say；〃 replied Mrs。 Bull； 〃nor do I call in question your parts； but； I say； it does not suit with your circumstances； you and your predecessors have lived in good reputation among your neighbours by this same clothing…trade； and it were madness to leave it off。 Besides； there are few that know all the tricks and cheats of these lawyers。 Does not your own experience teach you how they have drawn you on from one term to another； and how you have danced the round of all the courts； still flattering you with a final issue； and； for aught I can see； your cause is not a bit clearer than it was seven years ago。〃 〃I will be hanged；〃 says John； 〃if I accept of any composition from Strutt or his grandfather； I'll rather wheel about the streets an engine to grind knives and scissors。 However； I'll take your advice； and look over my accounts。〃
* A new Parliament： the aversion of a Tory House of Commons to war。
CHAPTER XI。 How John looked over his Attorney's Bill。*
