the history of john bull-第3节

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ne；　with　your　hands　in　your　pockets？　　Fie　upon　it。　　Up　man；　rouse　thyself；　I'll　sell　to　my　shift　before　I'll　be　so　used　by　that　knave。〃*　　You　must　think　Mrs。　Bull　had　been　pretty　well　tuned　up　by　Frog；　who　chimed　in　with　her　learned　harangue。　　No　further　delay　now；　but　to　counsel　learned　in　the　law　they　go；　who　unanimously　assured　them　both　of　justice　and　infallible　success　of　their　lawsuit。

*　The　sentiments　and　addresses　of　the　Parliament　at　that　time。

I　told　you　before　that　old　Lewis　Baboon　was　a　sort　of　a　Jack…of…all…trades；　which　made　the　rest　of　the　tradesmen　jealous；　as　well　as　Bull　and　Frog；　they　hearing　of　the　quarrel；　were　glad　of　an　opportunity　of　joining　against　old　Lewis　Baboon；　provided　that　Bull　and　Frog　would　bear　the　charges　of　the　suit。　　Even　lying　Ned；　the　chimney…sweeper　of　Savoy；　and　Tom；　the　Portugal　dustman；　put　in　their　claims；　and　the　cause　was　put　into　the　hands　of　Humphry　Hocus；　the　attorney。

A　declaration　was　drawn　up　to　show　〃That　Bull　and　Frog　had　undoubted　right　by　prescription　to　be　drapers　to　the　Lord　Strutts；　that　there　were　several　old　contracts　to　that　purpose；　that　Lewis　Baboon　had　taken　up　the　trade　of　clothier　and　draper　without　serving　his　time　or　purchasing　his　freedom；　that　he　sold　goods　that　were　not　marketable　without　the　stamp；　that　he　himself　was　more　fit　for　a　bully　than　a　tradesman；　and　went　about　through　all　the　country　fairs　challenging　people　to　fight　prizes；　wrestling　and　cudgel　play；　and　abundance　more　to　this　purpose。〃



CHAPTER　V。　　The　true　characters　of　John　Bull；　Nic。　Frog；　and　Hocus。*

*　Characters　of　the　English　and　Dutch；　and　the　General　Duke　of　Marlborough。

For　the　better　understanding　the　following　history　the　reader　ought　to　know　that　Bull；　in　the　main；　was　an　honest；　plain…dealing　fellow；　choleric；　bold；　and　of　a　very　unconstant　temper；　he　dreaded　not　old　Lewis　either　at　back…sword；　single　falchion；　or　cudgel…play；　but　then　he　was　very　apt　to　quarrel　with　his　best　friends；　especially　if　they　pretended　to　govern　him。　　If　you　flattered　him　you　might　lead　him　like　a　child。　　John's　temper　depended　very　much　upon　the　air；　his　spirits　rose　and　fell　with　the　weather…glass。　　John　was　quick　and　understood　his　business　very　well；　but　no　man　alive　was　more　careless　in　looking　into　his　accounts；　or　more　cheated　by　partners；　apprentices；　and　servants。　　This　was　occasioned　by　his　being　a　boon　companion；　loving　his　bottle　and　his　diversion；　for；　to　say　truth；　no　man　kept　a　better　house　than　John；　nor　spent　his　money　more　generously。　　By　plain　and　fair　dealing　John　had　acquired　some　plums；　and　might　have　kept　them；　had　it　not　been　for　his　unhappy　lawsuit。

Nic。　Frog　was　a　cunning；　sly　fellow；　quite　the　reverse　of　John　in　many　particulars；　covetous；　frugal；　minded　domestic　affairs；　would　pinch　his　belly　to　save　his　pocket；　never　lost　a　farthing　by　careless　servants　or　bad　debtors。　　He　did　not　care　much　for　any　sort　of　diversion；　except　tricks　of　high　German　artists　and　legerdemain。　No　man　exceeded　Nic。　in　these；　yet　it　must　be　owned　that　Nic。　was　a　fair　dealer；　and　in　that　way　acquired　immense　riches。

Hocus　was　an　old　cunning　attorney；　and　though　this　was　the　first　considerable　suit　that　ever　he　was　engaged　in　he　showed　himself　superior　in　address　to　most　of　his　profession。　　He　kept　always　good　clerks；　he　loved　money；　was　smooth…tongued；　gave　good　words；　and　seldom　lost　his　temper。　　He　was　not　worse　than　an　infidel；　for　he　provided　plentifully　for　his　family；　but　he　loved　himself　better　than　them　all。　　The　neighbours　reported　that　he　was　henpecked；　which　was　impossible；　by　such　a　mild…spirited　woman　as　his　wife　was。



CHAPTER　VI。　　Of　the　various　success　of　the　Lawsuit。*

*　The　success　of　the　war。

Law　is　a　bottomless　pit；　it　is　a　cormorant；　a　harpy；　that　devours　everything。　　John　Bull　was　flattered　by　the　lawyers　that　his　suit　would　not　last　above　a　year　or　two　at　most；　that　before　that　time　he　would　be　in　quiet　possession　of　his　business；　yet　ten　long　years　did　Hocus　steer　his　cause　through　all　the　meanders　of　the　law　and　all　the　courts。　　No　skill；　no　address　was　wanting；　and；　to　say　truth；　John　did　not　starve　the　cause；　there　wanted　not　yellowboys　to　fee　counsel；　hire　witnesses；　and　bribe　juries。　　Lord　Strutt　was　generally　cast；　never　had　one　verdict　in　his　favour；　and　John　was　promised　that　the　next；　and　the　next；　would　be　the　final　determination；　but；　alas！　that　final　determination　and　happy　conclusion　was　like　an　enchanted　island；　the　nearer　John　came　to　it　the　further　it　went　from　him。　　New　trials　upon　new　points　still　arose；　new　doubts；　new　matters　to　be　cleared；　in　short；　lawyers　seldom　part　with　so　good　a　cause　till　they　have　got　the　oyster　and　their　clients　the　shell。　　John's　ready　money；　book　debts；　bonds；　mortgages；　all　went　into　the　lawyers'　pockets。　　Then　John　began　to　borrow　money　upon　Bank　Stock　and　East　India　Bonds。　　Now　and　then　a　farm　went　to　pot。　　At　last　it　was　thought　a　good　expedient　to　set　up　Esquire　South's　title　to　prove　the　will　forged　and　dispossess　Philip　Lord　Strutt　at　once。　　Here　again　was　a　new　field　for　the　lawyers；　and　the　cause　grew　more　intricate　than　ever。　　John　grew　madder　and　madder；　wherever　he　met　any　of　Lord　Strutt's　servants　he　tore　off　their　clothes。　　Now　and　then　you　would　see　them　come　home　naked；　without　shoes；　stockings；　and　linen。　　As　for　old　Lewis　Baboon；　he　was　reduced　to　his　last　shift；　though　he　had　as　many　as　any　other。　His　children　were　reduced　from　rich　silks　to　doily　stuffs；　his　servants　in　rags　and　barefooted；　instead　of　good　victuals　they　now　lived　upon　neck　beef　and　bullock's　liver。　　In　short；　nobody　got　much　by　the　matter　but　the　men　of　law。



CHAPTER　VII。　　How　John　Bull　was　so　mightily　pleased　with　his　success　that　he　was　going　to　leave　off　his　trade　and　turn　Lawyer。

It　is　wisely　observed　by　a　great　philosopher　that　habit　is　a　second　nature。　　This　was　verified　in　the　case　of　John　Bull；　who；　from　an　honest　and　plain　tradesman；　had　got　such　a　haunt　about　the　Courts　of　Justice；　and　such　a　jargon　of　law　words；　that　he　concluded　himself　as　able　a　lawyer　as　any　that　pleaded　at　the　bar　or　sat　on　the　bench。　He　was　overheard　one　day　talking　to　himself　after　this　manner：　　〃How　capriciously　does　fate　or　chance　dispose　of　mankind。　　How　seldom　is　that　business　allotted　to　a　man　for　which　he　is　fitted　by　Nature。　It　is　plain　I　was　intended　for　a　man　of　law。　　How　did　my　guardians　mistake　my　genius　in　placing　me；　like　a　mean　slave；　behind　a　counter？　　Bless　me！　what　immense　estates　these　fellows　raise　by　the　law。　　Besides；　it　is　the　profession　of　a　gentleman。　　What　a　pleasure　it　is　to　be　victorious　in　a　cause：　　to　swagger　at　the　bar。　　What　a　fool　am　I　to　drudge　any　more　in　this　woollen　trade。　　For　a　lawyer　I　was　born；　and　a　lawyer　I　will　be；　one　is　never　too　old　to　learn。〃*　All　this　while　John　had　conned　over　such　a　catalogue　of　hard　words　as　were　enough　to　conjure　up　the　devil；　these　he　used　to　babble　indifferently　in　all　companies；　especially　at　coffee　houses；　so　that　his　neighbour　tradesmen　began　to　shun　his　company　as　a　man　that　was　cracked。　　Instead　of　the　affairs　of　Blackwell　Hall　and　price　of　broadcloth；　wool；　and　baizes；　he　talks　of　nothing　but　actions　upon　the　case；　returns；　capias；　alias　capias；　demurrers；　venire　facias；　replevins；　supersedeases；　certioraries；　writs　of　error；　actions　of　trover　and　conversion；　trespasses；　precipes；　and　dedimus。　　This　was　matter　of　jest　to　the　learned　in　law；　however　Hocus　and　the　rest　of　the　tribe　encouraged　John　in　his　fancy；　assuring　him　that　he　had　a　great　genius　for　law；　that　they　questioned　not　but　in　time　he　might　raise　money　enough　by　it　to　reimburse　him　of　all　his　charges；　that　if　he　studied　he　would　undoubtedly　arrive　to　the　dignity　of　a　Lord　Chief　Justice。　　As　for　the　advice　of　honest　friends　and　neighbours　John　despised　it；　he　looked　upon　them　as　fellows　of　a　low　genius；　poor　grovelling　mechanics。　　John　reckoned　it　more　honour　to　have　got　one　favourable　verdict　than　to　have　sold　a　bale　of　broadcloth。　　As　for　Nic。　Frog；　to　say　the　truth；　he　was　more　prudent；　for　though　he　followed　his　lawsuit　closely　he　neglected　not　his　ordinary　business；　but　was　both　in　court　and　in　his　shop　at　the　proper　hours。

*　The　manners　and　sentiments　of　the　nation　at　that　time。



CHAPTER　VIII。　　How　John　discovered　that　Hocus　had　an　Intrigue　with　his　Wife；*　and　what　followed　thereupon。

John　had　not　run　on　a　madding　so　long　had　it　not　been　for　an　extravagant　wife；　whom　Hocus　perceiving　John　to　be　fond　of；　was　resolved　to　win　over　to　his　side。　　It　is　a　true　saying；　that　the　last　man　of　the　parish　that　knows　of　his　cuckoldom　is　himself。　　It　was　observed　by　all　the　neighbourhood　that　Hocus　had　dealings　with　John's　wife　that　were　not　so　much　for　his　honour；　but　this　was　perceived　by　John　a　little　too　late：　　she　was　a　luxurious　jade；　loved　splendid　equipages；　plays；　treats　and　balls；　differing　very　much　from　the　sober　manners　of　her　ancestors；　and　by　no　means　fit　for　a　tradesman's　wife。　　Hocus　fed　her　extravagancy　（what　was　still　more　shameful）　with　John's　own　money。　　Everybody　said　that　Hocus　had　a　month's　mind　to　her；　be　that　as　it　will；　it　is　matter　of　fact；　that　upon　all　occasions　she　ran　out　extravagantly　on　the　praise　of　Hocus。　　When　John　used　to　be　finding　fault　with　his