the history of john bull-第20节

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t　them；　take　it　up　who　dares。　　A　man　has　a　fine　time　of　it　amongst　a　combination　of　sharpers　that　vouch　for　one　another's　honesty。　　John；　look　to　thyself；　old　Lewis　makes　reasonable　offers。　　When　thou　hast　spent　the　small　pittance　that　is　left；　thou　wilt　make　a　glorious　figure　when　thou　art　brought　to　live　upon　Nic。　Frog　and　Esquire　South's　generosity　and　gratitude。　　If　they　use　thee　thus　when　they　want　thee；　what　will　they　do　when　thou　wantest　them？　　I　say　again；　John；　look　to　thyself。〃

John　wisely　stifled　his　resentments；　and　told　the　company　that　in　a　little　time　he　should　give　them　law；　or　something　better。

ALL。…Law！　law！　sir；　by　all　means。　　What　is　twenty…two　poor　years　towards　the　finishing　a　lawsuit？　　For　the　love　of　God；　more　law；　sir！

*　Clamours　for　continuing　the　war。

JOHN　BULL。Prepare　your　demands　how　many　years　more　of　law　you　want；　that　I　may　order　my　affairs　accordingly。　　In　the　meanwhile；　farewell。



CHAPTER　XVII。　　How　John　Bull　found　all　his　Family　in　an　Uproar　at　Home。*

Nic。　Frog；　who　thought　of　nothing　but　carrying　John　to　the　market；　and　there　disposing　of　him　as　his　own　proper　goods；　was　mad　to　find　that　John　thought　himself　now　of　age　to　look　after　his　own　affairs。　He　resolved　to　traverse　this　new　project；　and　to　make　him　uneasy　in　his　own　family。　　He　had　corrupted　or　deluded　most　of　his　servants　into　the　most　extravagant　conceits　in　the　world：　　that　their　master　was　run　mad；　and　wore　a　dagger　in　one　pocket　and　poison　in　the　other；　that　he　had　sold　his　wife　and　children　to　Lewis；　disinherited　his　heir；　and　was　going　to　settle　his　estate　upon　a　parish…boy；　that　if　they　did　not　look　after　their　master；　he　would　do　some　very　mischievous　thing。　　When　John　came　home；　he　found　a　more　surprising　scene　than　any　he　had　yet　met　with；　and　that　you　will　say　was　somewhat　extraordinary。

*　Clamours　about　the　danger　of　the　succession。

He　called　his　cook…maid　Betty　to　bespeak　his　dinner。　　Betty　told　him　〃That　she　begged　his　pardon；　she　could　not　dress　dinner　till　she　knew　what　he　intended　to　do　with　his　will。〃　　〃Why；　Betty；〃　quoth　John；　〃thou　art　not　run　mad；　art　thou？　　My　will　at　present　is　to　have　dinner。〃　　〃That　may　be；〃　quoth　Betty；　〃but　my　conscience　won't　allow　me　to　dress　it　till　I　know　whether　you　intend　to　do　righteous　things　by　your　heir。〃　　〃I　am　sorry　for　that；　Betty；〃　quoth　John；　〃I　must　find　somebody　else；　then。〃　　Then　he　called　John　the　barber。　〃Before　I　begin；〃　quoth　John；　〃I　hope　your　honour　won't　be　offended　if　I　ask　you　whether　you　intend　to　alter　your　will？　　If　you　won't　give　me　a　positive　answer　your　beard　may　grow　down　to　your　middle　for　me。〃　　〃'Igad；　so　it　shall；〃　quoth　Bull；　〃for　I　will　never　trust　my　throat　in　such　a　mad　fellow's　hands。　　Where's　Dick　the　butler？〃　〃Look　ye；〃　quoth　Dick；　〃I　am　very　willing　to　serve　you　in　my　calling；　d'you　see；　but　there　are　strange　reports；　and　plain…dealing　is　best；　d'ye　see。　　I　must　be　satisfied　if　you　intend　to　leave　all　to　your　nephew　and　if　Nic。　Frog　is　still　your　executor；　d'ye　see。　If　you　will　not　satisfy　me　as　to　these　points　you　may　drink　with　the　ducks。〃　　〃And　so　I　will；〃　quoth　John；　〃rather　than　keep　a　butler　that　loves　my　heir　better　than　myself。〃　　Hob　the　shoemaker；　and　Pricket　the　tailor；　told　him　they　would　most　willingly　serve　him　in　their　several　stations　if　he　would　promise　them　never　to　talk　with　Lewis　Baboon；　and　let　Nicholas　Frog；　linen…draper；　manage　his　concerns；　that　they　could　neither　make　shoes　nor　clothes　to　any　that　were　not　in　good　correspondence　with　their　worthy　friend　Nicholas。

JOHN　BULL。Call　Andrew；　my　journeyman。　　How　goes　affairs；　Andrew？　I　hope　the　devil　has　not　taken　possession　of　thy　body　too。

ANDREW。No；　sir；　I　only　desire　to　know　what　you　would　do　if　you　were　dead？

JOHN　BULL。Just　as　other　dead　folks　do；　Andrew。　　＇Aside。＇　　This　is　amazing！

ANDREW。I　mean　if　your　nephew　shall　inherit　your　estate。

JOHN　BULL。That　depends　upon　himself。　　I　shall　do　nothing　to　hinder　him。

ANDREW。But　will　you　make　it　sure？

JOHN　BULL。Thou　meanest　that　I　should　put　him　in　possession；　for　I　can　make　it　no　surer　without　that。　　He　has　all　the　law　can　give　him。

ANDREW。Indeed；　possession；　as　you　say；　would　make　it　much　surer。　They　say　it　is　eleven　points　of　the　law。

John　began　now　to　think　that　they　were　all　enchanted。　　He　inquired　about　the　age　of　the　moon；　if　Nic。　had　not　given　them　some　intoxicating　potion；　or　if　old　Mother　Jenisa　was　still　alive？　　〃No；　o'　my　faith；〃　quoth　Harry；　〃I　believe　there　is　no　potion　in　the　case　but　a　little　aurum　potabile。　　You　will　have　more　of　this　by…and…by。〃　He　had　scarce　spoken　the　word　when　another　friend　of　John's　accosted　him　after　the　following　manner：

〃Since　those　worthy　persons；　who　are　as　much　concerned　for　your　safety　as　I　am；　have　employed　me　as　their　orator；　I　desire　to　know　whether　you　will　have　it　by　way　of　syllogism；　enthymem；　dilemma；　or　sorites？〃

John　now　began　to　be　diverted　with　their　extravagance。

JOHN　BULL。Let's　have　a　sorites　by　all　means；　though　they　are　all　new　to　me。

FRIEND。It　is　evident　to　all　that　are　versed　in　history　that　there　were　two　sisters　that　played　false　two　thousand　years　ago。　Therefore　it　plainly　follows　that　it　is　not　lawful　for　John　Bull　to　have　any　manner　of　intercourse　with　Lewis　Baboon。　　If　it　is　not　lawful　for　John　Bull　to　have　any　manner　of　intercourse　（correspondence；　if　you　will；　that　is　much　the　same　thing）　then；　a　fortiori；　it　is　much　more　unlawful　for　the　said　John　to　make　over　his　wife　and　children　to　the　said　Lewis。　　If　his　wife　and　children　are　not　to　be　made　over；　he　is　not　to　wear　a　dagger　and　ratsbane　in　his　pockets。　　If　he　wears　a　dagger　and　ratsbane；　it　must　be　to　do　mischief　to　himself　or　somebody　else。　　If　he　intends　to　do　mischief；　he　ought　to　be　under　guardians；　and　there　is　none　so　fit　as　myself　and　some　other　worthy　persons　who　have　a　commission　for　that　purpose　from　Nic。　Frog；　the　executor　of　his　will　and　testament。

JOHN　BULL。And　this　is　your　sorites；　you　say？

With　that　he　snatched　a　good　tough　oaken　cudgel；　and　began　to　brandish　it。　　Then　happy　was　the　man　that　was　first　at　the　door。　Crowding　to　get　out；　they　tumbled　down…stairs。　　And　it　is　credibly　reported　some　of　them　dropped　very　valuable　things　in　the　hurry；　which　were　picked　up　by　others　of　the　family。

〃That　any　of　these　rogues；〃　quoth　John；　〃should　imagine　I　am　not　as　much　concerned　as　they　about　having　my　affairs　in　a　settled　condition；　or　that　I　would　wrong　my　heir　for　I　know　not　what！　　Well；　Nic。；　I　really　cannot　but　applaud　thy　diligence。　　I　must　own　this　is　really　a　pretty　sort　of　a　trick；　but　it　sha'n't　do　thy　business；　for　all　that。〃



CHAPTER　XVIII。　　How　Lewis　Baboon　came　to　visit　John　Bull；　and　what　passed　between　them。　*

*　Private　negotiations　about　Dunkirk。

I　think　it　is　but　ingenuous　to　acquaint　the　reader　that　this　chapter　was　not　wrote　by　Sir　Humphrey　himself；　but　by　another　very　able　pen　of　the　university　of　Grub　Street。

John　had；　by　some　good　instructions　given　him　by　Sir　Roger；　got　the　better　of　his　choleric　temper；　and　wrought　himself　up　to　a　great　steadiness　of　mind　to　pursue　his　own　interest　through　all　impediments　that　were　thrown　in　the　way。　　He　began　to　leave　off　some　of　his　old　acquaintance；　his　roaring　and　bullying　about　the　streets。　He　put　on　a　serious　air；　knit　his　brows；　and；　for　the　time；　had　made　a　very　considerable　progress　in　politics；　considering　that　he　had　been　kept　a　stranger　to　his　own　affairs。　　However；　he　could　not　help　discovering　some　remains　of　his　nature　when　he　happened　to　meet　with　a　football　or　a　match　at　cricket；　for　which　Sir　Roger　was　sure　to　take　him　to　task。　　John　was　walking　about　his　room　with　folded　arms　and　a　most　thoughtful　countenance。　　His　servant　brought　him　word　that　one　Lewis　Baboon　below　wanted　to　speak　with　him。　　John　had　got　an　impression　that　Lewis　was　so　deadly　cunning　a　man　that　he　was　afraid　to　venture　himself　alone　with　him。　　At　last　he　took　heart　of　grace。　　〃Let　him　come　up；〃　quoth　he；　〃it　is　but　sticking　to　my　point；　and　he　can　never　over…reach　me。〃

LEWIS　BABOON。Monsieur　Bull；　I　will　frankly　acknowledge　that　my　behaviour　to　my　neighbours　has　been　somewhat　uncivil；　and　I　believe　you　will　readily　grant　me　that　I　have　met　with　usage　accordingly。　　I　was　fond　of　back…sword　and　cudgel…play　from　my　youth；　and　I　now　bear　in　my　body　many　a　black　and　blue　gash　and　scar；　God　knows。　　I　had　as　good　a　warehouse　and　as　fair　possessions　as　any　of　my　neighbours；　though　I　say　it。　　But　a　contentious　temper；　flattering　servants；　and　unfortunate　stars　have　brought　me　into　circumstances　that　are　not　unknown　to　you。　　These　my　misfortunes　are　heightened　by　domestic　calamities。　　That　I　need　not　relate。　　I　am　a　poor　old　battered　fellow；　and　I　would　willingly　end　my　days　in　peace。　　But；　alas！　I　see　but　small　hopes　of　that；　for　every　new　circumstance　affords　an　argument　to　my　enemies　to　pursue　their　revenge。　　Formerly　I　was　to　be　banged　because　I　was　too　strong；　and　now　because　I　am　too　weak　to　resist；　I　am　to　be　brought　down　when　too　rich；　and　oppressed　when　too　poor。　　Nic。　Frog　has　used　me　like　a　scoundrel。　　You　are　a　gentleman；　and　I　freely　put　myself　in　your　hands　to　dispose　of　me　as　you　think　fit。

JOHN　BULL。Look　you；　Master　Baboon；　as　to　your　usage　of　your　neighbours；　you　had　be