the history of john bull-第12节
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ve made use of a horn； but the wiser sort bid let her alone； and she might take to it of her own accord。
CHAPTER VI。 The conversation between John Bull and his wife。*
* The history of the Partition Treaty； suspicions at that time that the French King intended to take the whole； and that he revealed the secret to the Court of Spain。
MRS。 BULL。Though our affairs； honey； are in a bad condition； I have a better opinion of them since you seemed to be convinced of the ill course you have been in； and are resolved to submit to proper remedies。 But when I consider your immense debts； your foolish bargains； and the general disorder of your business； I have a curiosity to know what fate or chance has brought you into this condition。
JOHN BULL。I wish you would talk of some other subject； the thoughts of it makes me mad； our family must have their run。
MRS。 BULL。But such a strange thing as this never happened to any of your family before： they have had lawsuits； but； though they spent the income； they never mortgaged the stock。 Sure； you must have some of the Norman or the Norfolk blood in you。 Prithee； give me some account of these matters。
JOHN BULL。Who could help it？ There lives not such a fellow by bread as that old Lewis Baboon： he is the most cheating； contentious rogue upon the face of the earth。 You must know； one day； as Nic。 Frog and I were over a bottle making up an old quarrel； the old fellow would needs have us drink a bottle of his champagne； and so one after another； till my friend Nic。 and I； not being used to such heady stuff； got very drunk。 Lewis all the while； either by the strength of his brain or flinching his glass； kept himself sober as a judge。 〃My worthy friends；〃 quoth Lewis； 〃henceforth let us live neighbourly； I am as peaceable and quiet as a lamb of my own temper； but it has been my misfortune to live among quarrelsome neighbours。 There is but one thing can make us fall out； and that is the inheritance of Lord Strutt's estate： I am content； for peace' sake； to waive my right； and submit to any expedient to prevent a lawsuit； I think an equal division* will be the fairest way。〃 〃Well moved； Old Lewis；〃 quoth Frog； 〃and I hope my friend John here will not be refractory。〃 At the same time he clapped me on the back； and slabbered me all over from cheek to cheek with his great tongue。 〃Do as you please； gentlemen；〃 quoth I； 〃'tis all one to John Bull。〃 We agreed to part that night； and next morning to meet at the corner of Lord Strutt's park wall； with our surveying instruments； which accordingly we did。 Old Lewis carried a chain and a semicircle； Nic。； paper； rulers； and a lead pencil； and I followed at some distance with a long pole。 We began first with surveying the meadow grounds； afterwards we measured the cornfields； close by close； then we proceeded to the woodlands； the copper and tin mines。** All this while Nic。 laid down everything exactly upon paper； calculated the acres and roods to a great nicety。 When we had finished the land； we were going to break into the house and gardens； to take an inventory of his plate； pictures； and other furniture。
* The Partition Treaty。 ** The West Indies。
MRS。 BULL。What said Lord Strutt to all this？
JOHN BULL。As we had almost finished our concern； we were accosted by some of Lord Strutt's servants。 〃Heyday！ what's here？ what a devil's the meaning of all these trangrams and gimcracks； gentlemen？ What in the name of wonder； are you going about； jumping over my master's hedges； and running your lines cross his grounds？ If you are at any field pastime； you might have asked leave： my master is a civil well…bred person as any is。〃
MRS。 BULL。What could you answer to this？
JOHN BULL。Why； truly； my neighbour Frog and I were still hot… headed； we told him his master was an old doting puppy； that minded nothing of his own business； that we were surveying his estate； and settling it for him； since he would not do it himself。 Upon this there happened a quarrel； but we being stronger than they； sent them away with a flea in their ear。 They went home and told their master。 〃My lord；〃 say they； 〃there are three odd sort of fellows going about your grounds with the strangest machines that ever we beheld in our life： I suppose they are going to rob your orchard； fell your trees； or drive away your cattle。 They told us strange things of settling your estateone is a lusty old fellow in a black wig； with a black beard； without teeth； there's another； thick squat fellow； in trunk hose； the third is a little； long…nosed； thin man （I was then lean； being just come out of a fit of sickness）I suppose it is fit to send after them； lest they carry something away？〃
MRS。 BULL。I fancy this put the old fellow in a rare tweague。
JOHN BULL。Weak as he was； he called for his long Toledo； swore and bounced about the room： 〃'Sdeath！ what am I come to； to be affronted so by my tradesmen？ I know the rascals： my barber； clothier； and linen…draper dispose of my estate！ Bring hither my blunderbuss； I'll warrant ye you shall see daylight through them。 Scoundrels！ dogs！ the scum of the earth！ Frog； that was my father's kitchen…boy； he pretend to meddle with my estatewith my will！ Ah； poor Strutt！ what are thou come to at last？ Thou hast lived too long in the world； to see thy age and infirmity so despised！ How will the ghosts of my noble ancestors receive these tidings？they cannot； they must not sleep quietly in their graves。〃 In short； the old gentleman was carried off in a fainting fit； and after bleeding in both arms hardly recovered。
MRS。 BULL。Really this was a very extraordinary way of proceeding！ I long to hear the rest of it。
JOHN BULL。After we had come back to the tavern； and taken t'other bottle of champagne； we quarrelled a little about the division of the estate。 Lewis hauled and pulled the map on one side and Frog and I on t'other； till we had like to have tore the parchment to pieces。 At last Lewis pulled out a pair of great tailor's shears and clipt a corner for himself； which he said was a manor that lay convenient for him； and left Frog and me the rest to dispose of as we pleased。 We were overjoyed to think Lewis was contented with so little； not smelling what was at the bottom of the plot。 There happened； indeed； an incident that gave us some disturbance。 A cunning fellow； one of my servants； two days after； peeping through the keyhole； observed that old Lewis had stole away our part of the map； and saw him fiddling and turning the map from one corner to the other； trying to join the two pieces together again。 He was muttering something to himself； which he did not well hear； only these words； 〃'Tis great pity！ 'tis great pity！〃 My servant added that he believed this had some ill meaning。 I told him he was a coxcomb； always pretending to be wiser than his companions。 Lewis and I are good friends； he's an honest fellow； and I daresay will stand to his bargain。 The sequel of the story proved this fellow's suspicion to be too well grounded； for Lewis revealed our whole secret to the deceased Lord Strutt； who in reward for his treachery； and revenge to Frog and me； settled his whole estate upon the present Philip Baboon。 Then we understood what he meant by piecing the map together。
MRS。 BULL。And were you surprised at this？ Had not Lord Strutt reason to be angry？ Would you have been contented to have been so used yourself？
JOHN BULL。Why； truly； wife； it was not easily reconciled to the common methods； but then it was the fashion to do such things。 I have read of your golden age； your silver age； etc。； one might justly call this the age of the lawyers。 There was hardly a man of substance in all the country but had a counterfeit that pretended to his estate。* As the philosophers say that there is a duplicate of every terrestrial animal at sea； so it was in this age of the lawyers： there were at least two of everything； nay； o' my conscience； I think there were three Esquire Hackums** at one time。 In short； it was usual for a parcel of fellows to meet and dispose of the whole estates in the country。 〃This lies convenient for me； Tom。 Thou wouldst do more good with that； Dick； than the old fellow that has it。〃 So to law they went with the true owners： the lawyers got well by it； everybody else was undone。 It was a common thing for an honest man when he came home at night to find another fellow domineering in his family； hectoring his servants； and calling for supper。 In every house you might observe two Sosias quarrelling who was master。 For my own part； I am still afraid of the same treatment： that I should find somebody behind my counter selling my broad…cloth。
* Several Pretenders at that time。 ** Kings of England。
MRS。 BULL。There is a sort of fellows they call banterers and bamboozlers that play such tricks； but it seems these fellows were in earnest。
JOHN BULL。I begin to think that justice is a better rule than conveniency； for all some people make so slight on it。
CHAPTER VII。 Of the hard shifts Mrs。 Bull was put to preserve the Manor of Bullock's Hatch； with Sir Roger's method to keep off importunate duns。*
* Some attempts to destroy the public credit at that time。 Manners of
