confidence-第42节

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　that。　　I　must　come　and　say　what　I　feel。　I　can't　bear　it　now。〃

This　outbreak　of　a　passionate　sense　of　injury　in　a　man　habitually　so　undemonstrative；　so　little　disposed　to　call　attention　to　himself；　had　in　it　something　at　once　of　the　touching　and　the　terrible。　Bernard；　for　an　instant；　felt　almost　bewildered；　he　asked　himself　whether　he　had　not；　after　all；　been　a　monster　of　duplicity。　He　was　guilty　of　the　weakness　of　taking　refuge　in　what　is　called；　I　believe；　in　legal　phrase；　a　side…issue。

〃Don't　say　all　this　before　Angela！〃　he　exclaimed；　with　a　kind　of　artificial　energy。　　〃You　know　she　is　not　in　the　least　at　fault；　and　that　it　can　only　give　her　pain。　　The　thing　is　between　ourselves。〃

Angela　was　sitting　there；　looking　up　at　both　the　men。　　〃I　like　to　hear　it；〃　she　said。

〃You　have　a　singular　taste！〃　　Bernard　declared。

〃I　know　it　's　between　ourselves；〃　cried　Gordon；　〃and　that　Miss　Vivian　is　not　at　fault。　　She　is　only　too　lovely；　too　wise；　too　good！　　It　is　you　and　I　that　are　at　faulthorribly　at　fault！　You　see　I　admit　it；　and　you　don't。　I　never　dreamed　that　I　should　live　to　say　such　things　as　this　to　you；　but　I　never　dreamed　you　would　do　what　you　have　done！　　It　's　horrible；　most　horrible；　that　such　a　difference　as　this　should　come　between　two　men　who　believed　themselvesor　whom　I　believed；　at　least　the　best　friends　in　the　world。　　For　it　is　a　differenceit　's　a　great　gulf；　and　nothing　will　ever　fill　it　up。　　I　must　say　so；　I　can't　help　it。　　You　know　I　don't　express　myself　easily；　so；　if　I　break　out　this　way；　you　may　know　what　I　feel。　I　know　it　is　a　pain　to　Miss　Vivian；　and　I　beg　her　to　forgive　me。　She　has　so　much　to　forgive　that　she　can　forgive　that；　too。　I　can't　pretend　to　accept　it；　I　can't　sit　down　and　let　it　pass。　And　then；　it　is　n't　only　my　feelings；　it　's　the　right；　it　's　the　justice。　　I　must　say　to　her　that　you　have　no　right　to　marry　her；　and　beg　of　her　to　listen　to　me　and　let　you　go。〃

〃My　dear　Gordon；　are　you　crazy？〃　　Bernard　demanded；　with　an　energy　which；　this　time　at　least；　was　sufficiently　real。

〃Very　likely　I　am　crazy。　　I　am　crazy　with　disappointment　and　the　bitterness　of　what　I　have　lost。　　Add　to　that　the　wretchedness　of　what　I　have　found！〃

〃Ah；　don't　say　that；　Mr。　Wright；〃　Angela　begged。

He　stood　for　an　instant　looking　at　her；　but　not　heeding　her　words。　〃Will　you　listen　to　me　again？　　Will　you　forget　the　wrong　I　did　you？　my　stupidity　and　folly　and　unworthiness？　　Will　you　blot　out　the　past　and　let　me　begin　again。　　I　see　you　as　clearly　now　as　the　light　of　that　window。　Will　you　give　me　another　chance？〃

Angela　turned　away　her　eyes　and　covered　her　face　with　her　hands。　〃You　do　pain　me！〃　she　murmured。

〃You　go　too　far；〃　said　Bernard。　　〃To　what　position　does　your　extraordinary　proposal　relegate　your　wife？〃

Gordon　turned　his　pleading　eyes　on　his　old　friend　without　a　ray　of　concession；　but　for　a　moment　he　hesitated。　　〃Don't　speak　to　me　of　my　wife。　　I　have　no　wife。〃

〃Ah；　poor　girl！〃　said　Angela；　springing　up　from　the　sofa。

〃I　am　perfectly　serious；〃　Gordon　went　on；　addressing　himself　again　to　her。　〃No；　after　all；　I　am　not　crazy；　I　see　only　too　clearlyI　see　what　should　be；　when　people　see　that；　you　call　them　crazy。　　Bernard　has　no　right　he　must　give　you　up。　　If　you　really　care　for　him；　you　should　help　him。　He　is　in　a　very　false　position；　you　should　n't　wish　to　see　him　in　such　a　position。　　I　can't　explain　to　youif　it　were　even　for　my　own　sake。　But　Bernard　must　have　told　you；　it　is　not　possible　that　he　has　not　told　you？〃

〃I　have　told　Angela　everything；　Gordon；〃　said　Bernard。

〃I　don't　know　what　you　mean　by　your　having　done　me　a　wrong！〃　the　girl　exclaimed。

〃If　he　has　told　you；　thenI　may　say　it！　　In　listening　to　him；　in　believing　him。〃

〃But　you　did　n't　believe　me；〃　Bernard　exclaimed；　〃since　you　immediately　went　and　offered　yourself　to　Miss　Vivian！〃

〃I　believed　you　all　the　same！　　When　did　I　ever　not　believe　you？〃

〃The　last　words　I　ever　heard　from　Mr。　Wright　were　words　of　the　deepest　kindness；〃　said　Angela。

She　spoke　with　such　a　serious；　tender　grace；　that　Gordon　seemed　stirred　to　his　depths　again。

〃Ah；　give　me　another　chance！〃　he　moaned。

The　poor　girl　could　not　help　her　tone；　and　it　was　in　the　same　tone　that　she　continued

〃If　you　think　so　well　of　me；　try　and　be　reasonable。〃

Gordon　looked　at　her；　slowly　shaking　his　head。

〃Reasonablereasonable？　　Yes；　you　have　a　right　to　say　that；　for　you　are　full　of　reason。　　But　so　am　I。　What　I　ask　is　within　reasonable　limits。　　〃

〃Granting　your　happiness　were　lost；〃　said　Bernard〃I　say　that　only　for　the　argumentis　that　a　ground　for　your　wishing　to　deprive　me　of　mine？〃

〃It　is　not　yoursit　is　mine；　that　you　have　taken！　　You　put　me　off　my　guard；　and　then　you　took　it！　　Yours　is　elsewhere；　and　you　are　welcome　to　it！〃

〃Ah；〃　murmured　Bernard；　giving　him　a　long　look　and　turning　away；　〃it　is　well　for　you　that　I　am　willing　still　to　regard　you　as　my　best　friend！〃

Gordon　went　on；　more　passionately；　to　Angela。

〃He　put　me　off　my　guardI　can't　call　it　anything　else。　I　know　I　gave　him　a　great　chanceI　encouraged　him；　urged　him；　tempted　him。　　But　when　once　he　had　spoken；　he　should　have　stood　to　it。　　He　should　n't　have　had　two　opinionsone　for　me；　and　one　for　himself！　　He　put　me　off　my　guard。　　It　was　because　I　still　resisted　him　that　I　went　to　you　again；　that　last　time。　But　I　was　still　afraid　of　you；　and　in　my　heart　I　believed　him。　As　I　say；　I　always　believed　him；　it　was　his　great　influence　upon　me。　　He　is　the　cleverest；　the　most　intelligent；　the　most　brilliant　of　men。　　I　don't　think　that　a　grain　less　than　I　ever　thought　it；〃　he　continued；　turning　again　to　Bernard。　〃I　think　it　only　the　more；　and　I　don't　wonder　that　you　find　a　woman　to　believe　it。　　But　what　have　you　done　but　deceive　me？　It　was　just　my　belief　in　your　intelligence　that　reassured　me。　When　Miss　Vivian　refused　me　a　second　time；　and　I　left　Baden；　it　was　at　first　with　a　sort　of　relief。　　But　there　came　back　a　better　feelinga　feeling　faint　compared　to　this　feeling　of　to…day；　but　strong　enough　to　make　me　uneasy　and　to　fill　me　with　regret。　To　quench　my　regret；　I　kept　thinking　of　what　you　had　said；　and　it　kept　me　quiet。　　Your　word　had　such　weight　with　me！〃

〃How　many　times　more　would　you　have　wished　to　be　refused；　and　how　many　refusals　would　have　been　required　to　give　me　my　liberty？〃　asked　Bernard。

〃That　question　means　nothing；　because　you　never　knew　that　I　had　again　offered　myself　to　Miss　Vivian。〃

〃No；　you　told　me　very　little；　considering　all　that　you　made　me　tell　you。〃

〃I　told　you　beforehand　that　I　should　do　exactly　as　I　chose。〃

〃You　should　have　allowed　me　the　same　liberty！〃

〃Liberty！〃　cried　Gordon。　　〃Had　n't　you　liberty　to　range　the　whole　world　over？　Could　n't　he　have　found　a　thousand　other　women？〃

〃It　is　not　for　me　to　think　so；〃　said　Angela；　smiling　a　little。

Gordon　looked　at　her　a　moment。

〃Ah；　you　cared　for　him　from　the　first！〃　he　cried。

〃I　had　seen　him　before　I　ever　saw　you；〃　said　the　girl。

Bernard　suppressed　an　exclamation。　　There　seemed　to　flash　through　these　words　a　sort　of　retrospective　confession　which　told　him　something　that　she　had　never　directly　told　him。　　She　blushed　as　soon　as　she　had　spoken；　and　Bernard　found　a　beauty　in　this　of　which　the　brightness　blinded　him　to　the　awkward　aspect　of　the　fact　she　had　just　presented　to　Gordon。　At　this　fact　Gordon　stood　staring；　then　at　last　he　apprehended　itlargely。

〃Ah；　then；　it　had　been　a　plot　between　you！〃　he　cried　out。

Bernard　and　Angela　exchanged　a　glance　of　pity。

〃We　had　met　for　five　minutes；　and　had　exchanged　a　few　words　before　I　came　to　Baden。　　It　was　in　Italyat　Siena。　　It　was　a　simple　accident　that　I　never　told　you；〃　Bernard　explained。

〃I　wished　that　nothing　should　be　said　about　it；〃　said　Angela。

〃Ah；　you　loved　him！〃　　Gordon　exclaimed。

Angela　turned　awayshe　went　to　the　window。　　Bernard　followed　her　for　three　seconds　with　his　eyes；　then　he　went　on

〃If　it　were　so；　I　had　no　reason　to　suppose　it。　　You　have　accused　me　of　deceiving　you；　but　I　deceived　only　myself。　　You　say　I　put　you　off　your　guard；　but　you　should　rather　say　you　put　me　on　mine。　It　was；　thanks　to　that；　that　I　fell　into　the　most　senseless；　the　most　brutal　of　delusions。　　The　delusion　passed　away　it　had　contained　the　germ　of　better　things。　　I　saw　my　error；　and　I　bitterly　repented　of　it；　and　on　the　day　you　were　married　I　felt　free。〃

〃Ah；　yes；　I　have　no　doubt　you　waited　for　that！〃　cried　Gordon。　〃It　may　interest　you　to　know　that　my　marriage　is　a　miserable　failure。〃

〃I　am　sorry　to　hear　itbut　I　can't　help　it。〃

〃You　have　seen　it　with　your　own　eyes。　　You　know　all　about　it；　and　I　need　n't　tell　you。〃

〃My　dear　Mr。　Wright；〃　said　Angela；　pleadingly；　turning　round；　〃in　Heaven's　name；　don't　say　that！〃

〃Why　should　n't　I　say　it？　　I　came　here　on　purpose　to　say　it。　I　came　here　with　an　intentionwith　a　plan。　　You　know　what　Blanche　is　you　need　n't　pretend；　for　kindness　to　me；　that　you　don't。　You　know　what　a　precious；　what　an　inestimable　wife　she　must　make　me　how　devoted；　how　sympathetic　she　must　be；　and　what　a　household　blessing　at　every　hour　of　the　day。　　Bernard　can　tell　you　all　about　ushe　has　seen　us　in　the　sanctity　of　our　home。〃　Gordon　gave　a　bitter　laugh　and　went　on；　with　the　same　strange；　serious　air　of　explaining　his　plan。　　〃She　des