hemingway, ernest - garden of eden-第37节

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　He　was　very　careful　not　to　wake　her　but　when　she　stirred　he　kissed　her　before　he　stepped　out　of　bed。　She　smiled　and　said；　〃Good　morning；　David；〃　and　he　said；　〃Go　back　to　sleep　my　dearest　love。〃

She　said；　〃All　right；〃　and　rolled　over　quickly　like　a　small　animal　and；　dark　headed；　lay　curled　up　with　her　closed　eyes　away　from　the　light　and　her　long　dark　shiny　eyelashes　against　the　rose　brown　early　morning　color　of　her　skin。　David　looked　at　her　and　thought　how　beautiful　she　was　and　how　he　could　see　her　spirit　had　not　gone　from　her　body　when　she　slept。　She　was　lovely　and　her　coloring　and　the　unbelievable　smoothness　of　her　skin　were　almost　Javanese；　he　thought。　He　watched　the　coloring　in　her　face　deepen　as　the　light　grew　stronger。　Then　he　shook　his　head　and　carrying　his　clothing　on　his　left　arm　opened　and　closed　the　door　and　went　out　into　the　new　morning；　walking　barefoot　on　the　stones　that　were　still　wet　with　dew。

In　his　and　Catherine's　room　he　took　a　shower；　shaved；　found　a　fresh　shirt　and　shorts　and　put　them　on；　looked　around　the　empty　bedroom；　the　first　morning　he　had　ever　been　in　it　with　Catherine　not　there；　and　then　went　out　to　the　empty　kitchen　and　found　a　tin　of　Maquereau　Vin　Blanc　Capitaine　Cook　and　opened　it　and　took　it；　perilous　with　edge…level　juice；　with　a　cold　bottle　of　the　Tuborg　beer　out　to　the　bar。

He　opened　the　beer；　took　the　bottle　top　between　his　right　thumb　and　the　first　joint　of　his　right　forefinger　and　bent　it　in　until　it　was　flattened　together；　put　it　in　his　pocket　since　he　saw　no　container　to　toss　it　into；　raised　the　bottle　that　was　still　cold　to　his　hand　and　now　beaded　wet　in　his　fingers　and；　smelling　the　aroma　from　the　opened　tin　of　spiced　and　marinated　mackerel；　he　took　a　long　drink　of　the　cold　beer；　set　it　down　on　the　bar　and

took　an　envelope　from　his　hip　pocket　and　unfolded　Catherine's　letter　and　commenced　to　reread　it。


David；　I　knew　very　suddenly　you　must　know　how　terrible　it　was。　Worse　than　hitting　someone；　a　child　is　the　worst　I　guess&mdash；with　a　car。　The　thump　on　the　fender　or　maybe　just　a　small　bump　and　then　all　the　rest　of　it　happening　and　the　crowd　gathering　to　scream。　The　Frenchwoman　screaming　&rasseuse　even　if　it　was　the　child's　fault。　I　did　it　and　I　knew　I　did　it　and　I　can't　undo　it。　It's　too　awful　to　understand。　But　it　happened。

I'll　cut　this　short。　I'll　be　back　and　we'll　settle　things　the　best　we　can。　Do　not　worry　at　all。　I'll　wire　and　write　and　do　all　the　things　for　my　book　so　if　you　ever　finish　it　only　I　will　try　to　do　this　one　thing。　I　had　to　burn　the　other　things。　The　worst　was　being　righteous　about　it　but　I　don't　have　to　tell　you　that。　I　do　not　ask　for　forgiveness　but　please　have　good　luck　and　I　will　do　everything　as　well　as　I　can。

Heiress　has　been　good　to　you　and　me　both　and　I　don't　hate　her。

I　won't　end　as　I'd　like　to　because　it　would　sound　too　preposterous　to　believe　but　I　will　say　it　anyway　since　I　was　always　rude　and　presumptuous　and　preposterous　too　lately　as　we　both　know。　I　love　you　and　I　always　will　and　I　am　sorry。　What　a　useless　word。

Catherine

After　he　had　finished　it　he　read　it　through　again。

He　had　never　read　any　other　letters　from　Catherine　because　from　the　time　they　had　met　at　the　Crillon　bar　in　Paris　until　they　were　married　at　the　American　church　at　Avenue　Hoche　they　had　seen　each　other　every　day　and；　reading　this　first　one　now　for　the　third　time；　he　found　that　he　still　could　be；　and　was；　moved　by　her。

He　put　the　letter　back　in　his　hip　pocket　and　ate　a　second　small；　plump；　miniature　mackerel　in　the　aromatic　white　wine　sauce　and


。


finished　the　cold　beer。　Then　he　went　out　to　the　kitchen　for　a　piece　of　bread　to　sop　up　the　liquid　in　the　long　tin　and　for　a　fresh　bottle　of　beer。　He　would　try　to　work　today　and　would　almost　certainly　fail。　There　had　been　too　much　emotion；　too　much　damage；　too　much　of　everything　and　his　changing　of　allegiance；　no　matter　how　sound　it　had　seemed；　no　matter　how　it　simplified　things　for　him；　was　a　grave　and　violent　thing　and　this　letter　compounded　the　gravity　and　the　violence。

All　right　Bourne；　he　thought　as　he　began　to　drink　the　second　beer；　don't　spend　time　thinking　how　bad　things　are　because　you　know。　You　have　three　choices。　Try　to　remember　one　that　is　gone　and　write　it　again。　Second；　you　can　try　a　new　one。　And　third；　write　on　the　god　damned　narrative。　So　sharpen　up　and　take　the　best　one。　You　always　gambled　when　you　could　bet　on　yourself。　Never　bet　on　anything　that　can　talk；　your　father　said　and　you　said；　Except　yourself。　And　he　said；　Not　me；　Davey；　but　pile　it　on　yourself　sometime　you　iron…hearted　little　bastard。　He　meant　to　say　cold…hearted　but　he　turned　it　kindly　with　his　gently　lying　mouth。　Or　maybe　he　meant　it。　Don't　con　yourself　on　Tuborg　beer。

So　take　the　best　one　and　write　one　new　and　good　as　you　can。　And　remember；　Marita　has　been　hit　as　badly　as　you。　Maybe　worse。　So　gamble。　She　cares　as　much　for　what　we　lost　as　you　do。

Chapter　Twenty…nine




WHEN　HE　FINALLY　gave　up　writing　that　day　it　was　afternoon。　He　had　started　a　sentence　as　soon　as　he　had　gone　into　his　working　room　and　had　completed　it　but　he　could　write　nothing　after　it。　He　crossed　it　out　and　started　another　sentence　and　again　came　to　the　complete　blankness。　He　was　unable　to　write　the　sentence　that　should　follow　although　he　knew　it。　He　wrote　a　first　simple　declarative　sentence　again　and　it　was　impossible　for　him　to　put　down　the　next　sentence　on　paper。　At　the　end　of　two　hours　it　was　the　same。　He　could　not　write　more　than　a　single　sentence　and　the　sentences　themselves　were　increasingly　simple　and　completely　dull。　He　kept　at　it　for　four　hours　before　he　knew　that　resolution　was　powerless　against　what　had　happened。　He　admitted　it　with　out　accepting　it；　closed　and　put　away　the　notebook　with　the　rows　of　crossed　out　lines　and　went　to　find　the　girl。

She　was　on　the　terrace　in　the　sun　reading　and　when　she　looked　up　and　saw　his　face　she　said；　〃No？〃

〃Worse　than　no。〃

〃Not　at　all？〃

〃Nope。〃
238　239

。　。
〃Let's　have　a　drink；〃　Marita　said。
〃Good；〃　said　David。

They　were　inside　at　the　bar　and　the　day　had　come　in　with　them。　It　was　as　good　as　the　day　before　and　perhaps　better　since　summer　should　have　been　gone　and　each　warm　day　was　an　extra　thing。　We　should　not　waste　it；　David　thought。　We　should　try　to　make　it　good　and　save　it　if　we　can。　He　mixed　the　martinis　and　poured　them　and　when　they　tasted　them　they　were　icy　cold　and　dry。

〃You　were　right　to　try　this　morning；〃　Marita　said。　〃But　let's　not　think　about　it　any　more　today。〃

〃Good；〃　he　said。

He　reached　for　the　bottle　of　Gordon's；　the　Noilly　Prat　and　the　stirring　pitcher；　poured　out　the　water　from　the　ice；　and　using　his　empty　glass　commenced　to　measure　out　two　more　drinks。

〃It's　a　lovely　day；〃　he　said。　〃What　should　we　do？〃

〃Let's　go　to　swim　now；〃　Marita　said。　〃So　we　won't　waste　the　day。〃

〃Good；〃　David　said。　〃Should　I　tell　Madame　that　we'll　be　late　for　lunch？〃

〃She　put　a　cold　lunch　up；〃　Marita　said。　〃I　thought　that　prob　ably　you'd　like　to　swim　however　work　went。〃

〃That　was　intelligent；〃　David　said。　〃How　is　Madame？〃

〃She　has　a　slightly　discolored　eye；〃　Marita　said。

Marita　laughed。

They　drove　up　the　road　and　around　the　promontory　through　the　forest　and　left　the　car　in　the　broken　shade　of　the　pine　woods　and　carried　the　lunch　basket　and　the　beach　gear　down　the　trail　to　the　cove。　There　was　a　little　breeze　from　the　east　and　the　sea　was　dark　and　blue　as　they　came　down　through　the　stone　pines。　The　rocks　were　red　and　the　sand　of　the　cove　was　yellow　and　wrinkled　and　the　water；　as　they　came　to　it；　clean　and　now　amber　clear　over　the　sand。　They　put　the　basket　and　the　rucksack　in　the

shade　of　the　biggest　rock　and　undressed　and　David　climbed　the　tall　rock　to　dive。　He　stood　there　naked　and　brown　in　the　sun　looking　out　to　the　sea。

〃Want　to　dive？〃　he　called。

She　shook　her　head。

〃I'll　wait　for　you。〃

〃No；〃　she　called　up　and　waded　out　into　the　water　up　to　her　thighs。

〃How　is　it？〃　David　called　down。

〃Much　cooler　than　it's　ever　been。　Almost　cold。〃

〃Good；〃　he　said；　and　as　she　watched　him　and　waded；　the　water　came　over　her　belly　and　touched　her　breasts　and　he　straightened；　rose　on　his　toes；　seemed　to　hang　slowly　without　falling　and　then　knifed　out　and　down；　making　a　boil　in　the　water　that　a　porpoise　might　have　made　reentering　slickly　into　the　hole　that　he　had　made　in　rising。　She　swam　out　toward　the　circle　of　milling　water　and　then　he　rose　beside　her　and　held　her　up　and　close　and　then　put　his　salty　mouth　against　her　own。

〃File　est　bonne；　la　mer；〃　he　said。　〃Toi　aussi。〃

They　swam　out　of　the　cove　and　beyond　into　the　deep　water　past　where　the　mountain　dropped　down　into　the　sea；　and　lay　on　their　backs　and　floated。　The　water　was　colder　than　it　had　been　but　the　very　top　was　warmed　a　little　and　Marita　floated　with　her　back　arched　high；　her　head　all　underwater　but　her　nose；　and　her　brown　breasts　were　lapped　gently　by　the　movement　the　light　breeze　gave　the　sea。　Her　eyes　were　shut　against　the　sun　and　David　was　beside　her　in　the　water。　His　arm　was　under　her　head　and　then　he　kissed　the　tip　of　her　left　breast　and　then　the　other　breast。

〃They　taste　like　the　sea；〃　he　said。

〃Let's　go　to　sleep　out　here。〃

〃Could　you？〃

〃It's　too　hard　to　keep　my　back　arched。〃