hemingway, ernest - garden of eden-第35节

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〃You　couldn't　have　kept　the　Kibo　one　that　you　liked？〃
〃I　told　you　I　tried　to　find　it。　But　if　you　want　to　rewrite　it　I　can　tell　it　to　you　word　for　word。〃
〃That　will　be　fun。〃
〃It　will　be　really。　You'll　see。　Do　you　want　me　to　tell　it　to　you　now？　We　could　if　you　want。〃
〃No；〃　David　said。　〃Not　just　now。　Would　you　write　it　though？〃
〃I　can't　write　things；　David。　You　know　that。　But　I　can　tell　it　to　you　anytime　you　want。　You　don't　really　care　about　the　others　do　you？　They　were　worthless。〃
〃Why　did　you　do　it　really？〃
〃To　help　you。　You　can　go　to　Africa　and　write　them　again　when　your　viewpoint　is　more　mature。　The　country　can't　be　changed　very　much。　I　think　it　would　be　nice　if　you　wrote　about　Spain　instead　though。　You　said　the　country　was　almost　the　same　as　Africa　and　there　you'd　have　the　advantage　of　a　civilized　language。〃
David　poured　himself　a　whiskey　and　found　a　bottle　of　Perrier；　uncapped　it　and　poured　some　in　the　glass。　He　remembered　the　day　they　had　passed　the　place　where　they　bottled　Perrier　water　on　the　plain　on　the　way　to　Aigues　Mortes　and　how&mdash；〃Let's　not　talk　about　writing；〃　he　said　to　Catherine。
〃I　like　to；〃　Catherine　said。　'When　it's　constructive　and　has　some　valid　purpose。　You　always　wrote　so　well　until　you　started
those　stories。　The　worst　thing　was　the　dirt　and　the　flies　and　the　cruelty　and　the　bestiality。　You　seemed　almost　to　grovel　in　it。　That　horrible　one　about　the　massacre　in　the　crater　and　the　heart　lessness　of　your　own　father。〃
〃Can　we　not　talk　about　them？〃　David　asked。
〃I　want　to　talk　about　them；〃　Catherine　said。　〃I　want　to　make　you　realize　why　it　was　necessary　to　burn　them。〃
'Write　it　out；〃　David　said。　〃I'd　rather　not　hear　it　now。〃
〃But　I　can't　write　things；　David。〃
〃You　will；〃　David　said。
〃No。　But　I'll　tell　them　to　someone　who　can　write　them；〃　Catherine　said。　〃If　you　were　friendly　you'd　write　them　for　me。　If　you　really　loved　me　you'd　be　happy　to。〃
〃All　I　want　to　do　is　kill　you；〃　David　said。　〃And　the　only　reason　I　don't　do　it　is　because　you　are　crazy。
〃You　can't　talk　to　me　like　that；　David。〃
〃No？〃
〃No；　you　can't。　You　can't。　Do　you　hear　me？〃
〃I　hear　you。
〃Then　hear　me　say　you　can't　say　such　things。　You　can't　say　horrible　things　like　that　to　me。〃
〃I　hear　you；〃　David　said。
〃You　can't　say　such　things。　I　won't　stand　for　it。　I'll　divorce　you。
〃That　would　be　very　welcome。〃
〃Then　I'll　stay　married　to　you　and　never　give　you　a　divorce。〃
〃That　would　be　pretty。〃
〃I'll　do　anything　I　want　to　you。
〃You　have。〃
〃I'll　kill　you。
〃I　wouldn't　give　a　shit；〃　David　said。
〃You　can't　even　talk　like　a　gentleman　at　a　time　like　this。〃
〃What　would　a　gentleman　say　at　a　time　like　this？〃
〃That　he　was　sorry。〃


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〃All　right；〃　David　said。　〃I'm　sorry。　I'm　sorry　I　ever　met　you。　I'm　sorry　I　ever　married　you&mdash；〃
〃So　am　I。〃

〃Shut　up　please。　You　can　tell　it　to　somebody　who　can　write　it　down。　I'm　sorry　your　mother　ever　met　your　father　and　that　they　ever　made　you。　I'm　sorry　you　were　born　and　that　you　grew　up。　I'm　sorry　for　everything　we　ever　did　good　or　bad&mdash；〃

〃You're　not。〃

〃No；〃　he　said。　〃I'll　shut　up。　I　didn't　mean　to　make　a　speech。〃

〃You're　just　really　sorry　for　yourself。〃

〃Possibly；〃　David　said。　〃But　shit；　Devil；　why　did　you　have　to　burn　them？　The　stories？〃

〃I　had　to；　David；〃　she　said。　〃I'm　sorry　if　you　don't　understand。〃


He　had　understood　really　before　he　had　asked　her　the　question　and　the　question　had　been；　he　realized；　a　rhetorical　one。　He　dis　liked　rhetoric　and　distrusted　those　who　used　it　and　he　was　ashamed　to　have　fallen　into　it。　He　drank　the　whiskey　and　Perrier　slowly　while　he　thought　how　untrue　it　was　that　everything　that　was　understood　was　forgiven　and　he　tightened　his　own　discipline　as　conscientiously　as　he　would　have　worked　in　the　old　days　with　the　mechanic　and　the　armorer　going　over　the　plane；　the　engine　and　his　guns。　It　was　not　necessary　then　because　they　did　the　work　perfectly　but　it　was　one　way　of　not　thinking；　and　it　was；　to　use　a　wet　word；　comforting。　Now　it　was　necessary　because　what　he　had　said　to　Catherine　about　killing　her　he　had　said　quite　truly　and　not　rhetorically。　He　was　ashamed　of　the　speech　which　had　followed　the　statement。　But　there　was　nothing　he　could　do　about　the　statement　which　was　truly　made　except　tighten　his　discipline　so　that　he　would　have　it　in　case　he　began　to　lose　control。　He　poured　himself　another　whiskey　and　put　in　Perrier


again　and　watched　the　small　bubbles　form　and　break。　God　damn　her　to　hell；　he　thought。

〃I'm　sorry　to　be　stuffy；〃　he　said。　〃I　understand　of　course。

〃I'm　so　glad；　David；〃　she　said。　〃I'm　going　away　in　the　morning。〃

〃Where？〃

〃To　Hendaye　and　then　to　Paris　to　see　about　artists　for　the　book。〃

〃Really？〃

〃Yes。　I　think　I　should。　We've　wasted　time　as　it　is　and　today　I　made　so　much　progress　that　I　just　need　to　keep　on。〃

〃How　are　you　going？〃

〃With　the　Bug。〃

〃You　shouldn't　drive　alone。〃

〃I　want　to。〃

〃You　shouldn't；　Devil。　Really。　I　couldn't　let　you。〃

〃Can　I　go　on　the　train？　There's　one　to　Bayonne。　I　can　rent　a　car　there　or　in　Biarritz。〃

〃Can　we　talk　about　it　in　the　morning？〃

〃I　want　to　talk　about　it　now。〃

〃You　shouldn't　go；　Devil。〃

〃I'm　going；〃　she　said。　〃You're　not　going　to　stop　me。

〃I'm　only　thinking　about　the　best　way。〃

〃No；　you're　not。　You're　trying　to　stop　me。

〃If　you　wait　we'll　go　together。〃

〃I　don't　want　to　go　together。　I　want　to　go　tomorrow　and　in　the　Bug。　If　you　don't　agree　I'll　go　by　train。　You　can't　stop　anyone　from　going　on　the　train。　I'm　of　age　and　because　I'm　married　to　you　doesn't　make　me　your　slave　or　your　chattel。　I'm　going　and　you　can't　stop　me。

〃Will　you　be　coming　back？〃

〃I　plan　to。〃


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。　。

〃I　see。
〃You　don't　see　but　it　doesn't　make　any　difference。　This　is　a　reasoned　and　coordinated　project。　These　things　aren't　just　tossed　off&mdash；〃
〃Into　a　wastebasket；〃　David　said　and　remembered　the　discipline　and　sipped　the　whiskey　and　Perrier。
〃Are　you　going　to　see　your　lawyers　in　Paris？〃　he　asked。
〃If　I　have　any　business　with　them。　I　usually　see　my　lawyers。　Just　because　you　don't　have　any　lawyers　doesn't　mean　everyone　else　doesn't　have　to　see　their　lawyers。　Do　you　want　my　lawyers　to　do　anything　for　you？〃
〃No；〃　David　said。　〃Fuck　your　lawyers。〃
〃Do　you　have　plenty　of　money？〃
〃I'm　quite　all　right　on　money。
〃Really；　David？　Weren't　the　stories　worth　a　lot？　It's　bothered　me　terribly　and　I　know　my　responsibility。　I'll　find　out　and　do　exactly　what　I　should。〃
〃You'll　what？〃
〃Do　exactly　what　I　should。〃
〃Just　what　is　it　you　propose　to　do？〃
〃I'll　have　their　value　determined　and　I'll　have　twice　that　paid　into　your　bank。〃
〃Sounds　very　generous；〃　David　said。　〃You　were　always　generous。
〃I　want　to　be　just；　David；　and　it's　possible　that　they　were　worth；　financially；　much　more　than　they　would　be　appraised　at。〃
〃Who　appraises　these　things？〃
〃There　must　be　people　who　do。　There　are　people　who　appraise　everything。〃
'What　sort　of　people？〃
〃I　wouldn't　know；　David。　But　I　can　imagine　such　people　as　the　editor　of　the　Atlantic　Monthly；　Harper's；　La　Nouvelle　Revue　Francaise。〃

〃I'm　going　out　for　a　while；〃　David　said。　〃Do　you　feel　all　right？〃

〃Except　for　the　fact　that　I　feel　I've　probably　done　a　great　wrong　to　you　that　I　must　try　to　set　right　I　feel　very　well；〃　Catherine　said。　〃That　was　one　reason　I　was　going　to　Paris。　I　didn't　want　to　tell　you。〃

〃Let's　not　discuss　casualties；〃　David　said。　〃So　you　want　to　go　on　the　train？〃

〃No。　I　want　to　go　in　the　Bug。〃

〃All　right。　Go　in　the　Bug。　Just　drive　carefully　and　don't　pass　on　hills。〃

〃I'll　drive　the　way　you　taught　me　and　I'll　pretend　you're　with　me　all　the　time　and　talk　to　you　and　tell　us　stories　and　make　up　stories　about　how　I　saved　your　life。　I　always　make　those　up。　And　with　you　it　will　all　seem　so　much　shorter　and　effortless　and　the　speed　won't　seem　fast。　I'm　going　to　have　fun。〃

〃Good；〃　said　David。　〃Take　it　as　easy　as　you　can。　Sleep　at　Nimes　the　first　night　unless　you　get　off　early。　They　know　us　at　the　Imperator。〃

〃I　thought　I'd　get　to　Carcassonne。〃

〃No；　Devil；　please。〃

〃Perhaps　I　can　get　off　early　and　make　Carcassonne。　I'd　go　by　Aries　and　Montpellier　and　not　lose　time　by　Nimes。〃

〃If　you　get　off　late　stop　at　Nimes。〃

〃It　seems　so　babyish；〃　she　said。

〃I'll　drive　with　you；〃　he　said。　〃I　should。〃

〃No；　please。　It's　important　that　I　do　this　by　myself。　It　really　is。　I　wouldn't　have　you。〃

〃All　right；〃　he　said。　〃But　I　ought　to　go。〃

〃Please　don't。　You　must　have　confidence　in　me；　David。　I'll　drive　carefully　and　I'll　drive　it　right　straight　through。〃

〃You　couldn't；　Devil。　It　gets　dark　early　now。

〃You　mustn't　worry。　You're　sweet　to　let　me　go；〃　Catherine　said。　〃But　you　always　did。　If　I　did　anything　I　shouldn't　I　hope

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you　can　forgive　me。　I'll　miss　you　terribly。　I　miss　you　already。　Next　time　we'll　drive　it　together。〃
〃You've　had　a　very　busy　day；〃　David　said。　〃You're　tired。　At　least　let　me　run　your　Bugatti　down　to　town　and　back　and　give　it　a　check。〃
He　stopped　at　Marita's　door　and　said；　〃Do　you　want　to　go　for　a　ride？〃
〃Yes；〃　she　said。
〃Come　on　then；〃　he　told　her。



Chapter　Twenty　…　seven　DAVID　GOT　INTO　THE　CAR　and　Marita　climbed　in　beside　him　and　he　put　the　car　at　a　stretch　of　road　where　the　sand　drifted　across　from　the　beach　and　then　throttled　back　and　hel