hemingway, ernest - garden of eden-第30节

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〃But　it's　you　who　mixed　it　up；〃　Catherine　said。　〃Can't　you　see？　Jumping　back　and　forth　trying　to　write　stories　when　all　you　had　to　do　was　keep　on　with　the　narrative　that　meant　so　much　to　all　of　us。　It　was　going　so　well　too　and　we　were　just　coming　to　the　most　exciting　parts。　Someone　has　to　show　you　that　the　stories　are　just　your　way　of　escaping　your　duty。〃

Marita　looked　at　him　again　and　he　knew　what　she　was　trying　to　tell　him　and　he　said；　〃I　have　to　go　get　cleaned　up。　You　tell　Marita　about　it　and　I'll　be　back。〃

〃We　have　other　things　to　talk　about；〃　Catherine　said。　〃I'm　sorry　I　was　rude　about　you　and　Marita。　I　couldn't　be　happier　about　you　really。〃

David　took　everything　that　had　been　said　in　with　him　to　the　bathroom　where　he　had　a　shower　and　changed　into　a　newly　washed　fisherman's　sweater　and　slacks。　It　was　quite　cool　now　in　the　evening　and　Marita　was　sitting　at　the　bar　looking　at　Vogue。

〃She's　gone　down　to　see　about　your　room；〃　Marita　said。

〃How　is　she？〃

〃How　should　I　know；　David？　She's　a　very　great　publisher　now。　She's　given　up　sex。　It　doesn't　interest　her　anymore。　It's　childish　really；　she　says。　She　doesn't　know　how　it　could　ever　have　meant　anything　to　her。　But　she　may　decide　to　have　an　affair

with　another　woman　if　she　ever　takes　it　up　again。　There's　quite　a　bit　about　another　woman。

〃Christ　I　never　thought　it　would　go　this　way。〃

〃Don't；〃　Marita　said。　〃No　matter　what　or　how　it　is　I　love　you　and　you　are　going　to　write　tomorrow。〃

Catherine　came　in　and　said；　〃You　look　wonderful　together　and　I'm　so　proud。　I　feel　as　though　I'd　invented　you。　Was　he　good　today；　Marita？〃

〃We　had　a　nice　lunch；〃　Marita　said。　〃Please　be　fair；　Catherine。〃

〃Oh　I　know　he's　a　satisfactory　lover；〃　Catherine　said。　〃He's　always　that。　That's　just　like　his　martinis　or　how　he　swims　or　skis　or　flew　probably。　I　never　saw　him　with　a　plane。　Everyone　says　he　was　marvelous。　It's　like　acrobats　really　I　suppose　and　just　as　dull。　I　wasn't　asking　about　that。〃

〃You　were　very　good　to　let　us　spend　a　day　together；　Catherine；〃　Marita　said。

〃You　can　spend　the　rest　of　your　lives　together；〃　Catherine　said。　〃If　you　don't　bore　each　other。　I　have　no　further　need　of　either　of　you。

David　was　watching　her　in　the　mirror　and　she　looked　calm；　handsome　and　normal。　He　could　see　Marita　looking　at　her　very　sadly。

〃I　do　like　to　look　at　you　though　and　I'd　like　to　hear　you　talk　if　you'd　ever　open　your　mouths。〃

〃How　do　you　do；〃　said　David。

〃That　was　quite　a　good　effort；〃　Catherine　said。　〃I'm　very　well。〃

〃Have　any　new　plans？〃　David　asked。　He　felt　as　though　he　were　hailing　a　ship。

〃Only　what　I've　told　you；〃　Catherine　went　on。　〃They'll　prob　ably　keep　me　quite　busy。〃

〃What　was　all　the　guff　about　another　woman？〃

He　felt　Marita　kick　him　and　he　put　his　foot　on　hers　to　acknowledge。
190　'9'
。　。


〃That's　not　guff；〃　Catherine　said。　〃I　want　to　have　one　more　try　to　see　if　I've　missed　anything。　I　might　have。〃

〃All　of　us　are　fallible；〃　David　said　and　Marita　kicked　him　again。

〃I　want　to　see；〃　Catherine　said。　〃I　know　enough　about　that　now　so　I　should　be　able　to　tell。　Don't　worry　about　your　dark　girl。　She's　not　my　type　at　all。　She's　yours。　She's　what　you　like　and　very　nice　it　is　but　not　for　me。　I'm　not　attracted　to　the　gamin　type。〃

〃Perhaps　I　am　a　gamin；〃　Marita　said。

〃That's　a　very　polite　word　for　that　part。〃

〃But　I'm　also　more　of　a　woman　than　you　are　Catherine。〃

〃Go　ahead　and　show　David　what　sort　of　gamin　you　are。　He'd　like　it。

〃He　knows　what　sort　of　woman　I　am。

〃That's　splendid；〃　Catherine　said。　〃I'm　glad　you　both　found　your　tongues　finally。　I　do　prefer　conversation。

〃You　aren't　really　a　woman　at　all；〃　Marita　said。

〃I　know　it；〃　Catherine　said。　〃I've　tried　to　explain　it　to　David　often　enough。　Isn't　that　true；　David？〃

David　looked　at　her　and　said　nothing。

〃Didn't　I？〃

〃Yes；〃　he　said。

〃I　did　try　and　I　broke　myself　in　pieces　in　Madrid　to　be　a　girl　and　all　it　did　was　break　me　in　pieces；〃　Catherine　said。　〃Now　all　I　am　is　through。　You're　a　girl　and　a　boy　both　and　you　really　are。　You　don't　have　to　change　and　it　doesn't　kill　you　and　I'm　not。　And　now　I'm　nothing。　All　I　wanted　was　for　David　and　you　to　be　happy。　Everything　else　I　invent。〃

Marita　said；　〃I　know　it　and　I　try　to　tell　David。〃

〃I　know　you　do。　But　you　don't　have　to　be　loyal　to　me　or　to　anything。　Don't　do　it。　Nobody　would　anyway　and　you　probably　aren't　really。　But　I　tell　you　not　to　be。　I　want　you　to　be　happy　and　make　him　happy。　You　can　too　and　I　can't　and　I　know　it。〃

〃You're　the　finest　girl　there　is；〃　Marita　said。

〃I'm　not。　I'm　finished　before　I　ever　started。〃

〃No。　I'm　the　one；〃　Marita　said。　〃I　was　stupid　and　awful。〃

〃You　weren't　stupid。　Everything　you　said　was　true。　Let's　stop　talking　and　be　friends。　Can　we？〃

〃Can　we　please？〃　Marita　asked　her。

〃I　want　to；〃　Catherine　said。　〃And　not　be　such　a　tragic　bully。　Please　take　your　time　about　the　book；　David。　You　know　all　I　want　is　for　you　to　write　the　best　you　can。　That's　what　we　started　with。　I'm　over　it　now　whatever　this　one　was。

〃You　were　just　tired；〃　David　said。　〃I　don't　think　you　ate　any　lunch　either。〃

〃Probably　not；〃　Catherine　said。　〃But　I　may　have。　Can　we　forget　it　all　now　though　and　just　be　friends？〃

So　they　were　friends；　whatever　friends　are；　David　thought；　and　tried　not　think　but　talked　and　listened　in　the　unreality　that　reality　had　become。　He　had　heard　each　one　speak　about　the　other　and　he　knew　each　must　know　what　the　other　thought　and　probably　what　they　each　had　told　him。　In　that　way　they　really　were　friends；　understanding　in　their　basic　disagreement；　trusting　in　their　complete　distrust　and　enjoying　one　another's　company。　He　enjoyed　their　company　too　but　tonight　he'd　had　enough　of　it。

Tomorrow　he　must　go　back　into　his　own　country；　the　one　that　Catherine　was　jealous　of　and　that　Marita　loved　and　respected。　He　had　been　happy　in　the　country　of　the　story　and　knew　that　it　was　too　good　to　last　and　now　he　was　back　from　what　he　cared　about　into　the　overpopulated　vacancy　of　madness　that　had　taken；　now　the　new　turn　of　exaggerated　practicality。　He　was　tired　of　it　and　he　was　tired　of　Marita's　collaborating　with　her　enemy。　Catherine　was　not　his　enemy　except　as　she　was　himself　in　the　unfinding　unrealizable　quest　that　is　love　and　so　was　her　own　enemy。　She　needs　an　enemy　so　badly　always　that　she　has　to　keep　one　near　and　she's　the　nearest　and　the　easiest　to　attack　knowing


。

the　weaknesses　and　strengths　and　all　the　faults　of　our　defenses。　She　turns　my　flank　so　skillfully　then　finds　it　is　her　own　and　the　last　fighting　is　always　in　a　swirl　and　the　dust　that　rises　is　our　own　dust。
Catherine　wanted　to　play　backgammon　with　Marita　after　dinner。　They　always　played　it　seriously　and　for　money　and　when　Catherine　went　to　get　the　board　Marita　said　to　David；　〃Please　don't　come　to　my　room　tonight　after　all。〃
〃Good。〃
〃Do　you　understand？〃
〃Let's　skip　that　word；〃　David　said。　His　coldness　had　come　back　as　the　time　for　working　moved　closer。
〃Are　you　angry？〃
〃Yes；〃　David　said。
〃At　me？〃

〃You　can't　be　angry　with　someone　who's　ill。〃
〃You　haven't　lived　very　long；〃　David　said。　〃That's　exactly　who　everyone　is　always　angry　with。　Get　ill　sometime　yourself　and　see。〃
〃I　wish　you　wouldn't　be　angry。〃
〃I　wish　I'd　never　seen　any　of　you。〃
〃Please　don't；　David。〃
〃You　know　it　isn't　true。　I'm　oniy　getting　ready　to　work。〃　He　went　into　their　bedroom　and　put　on　the　reading　light　on　his　side　of　the　bed　and　made　himself　comfortable　and　read　one　of　the　W。　H。　Hudson　books。　It　was　Nature　in　Downiand　and　he　had　taken　it　to　read　because　it　had　the　most　unpromising　title。　He　knew　enough　to　know　a　time　was　coming　when　he'd　need　all　the　books　and　he　was　saving　the　best　ones。　But　once　past　the　title　of　this　one　nothing　in　it　bored　him。　He　was　happy　to　read　and　he　was　back　out　of　his　life　and　with　Hudson　and　his　brother　riding　their　horses　into　the　tumbled　whiteness　of　breast…high　thisdedown　in　the　moonlight　and　gradually　the　click　of　dice　and



the　iow　sound　of　the　girls'　voices　became　real　again　too　so　that　when；　after　a　time；　he　went　out　to　make　himself　a　whiskey　and　Perrier　to　take　back　to　his　reading　they　seemed；　when　he　saw　them　playing；　to　be　actual　human　beings　doing　something　normal　and　not　figures　in　some　unbelievable　play　he　had　been　brought　unwillingly　to　attend。

He　went　back　to　the　room　and　read　and　drank　his　whiskey　and　Perrier　very　slowly　and　he　had　undressed　and　turned　the　light　off　and　was　almost　asleep　when　he　heard　Catherine　come　in　to　the　bedroom。　It　seemed　to　him　that　she　was　gone　a　long　time　in　the　bathroom　before　he　felt　her　come　to　bed　and　he　lay　still　and　breathed　steadily　and　hoped　he　might　really　go　to　sleep。

〃Are　you　awake；　David？〃　she　asked。

〃I　think　so。〃

〃Don't　wake　up；〃　she　said。　〃Thank　you　for　sleeping　here。〃

〃I　usually　do。〃

〃You　don't　have　to。〃

〃Yes　I　do。〃

〃I'm　glad　you　did。　Good　night。〃

〃Good　night。〃

〃Would　you　kiss　me　good　night？〃

〃Sure；〃　he　said。

He　kissed　her　and　it　was　Catherine　as　she　had　been　before　when　she　had　seemed　to　come　back　to　him　for　a　while。

〃I'm　sorry　I　was　such　a　failure　again。〃

〃Let's　not　talk　about　things。〃

〃Do　you　hate　me？〃

〃Can　we　start　again　the　way　I'd　planned　things？〃

〃I　don't　think　so。

〃Then　why　did　you　come