a laodicean-第55节

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otherwise　interpret　your　request　for　the　separate　sheets。
While　on　this　point　I　will　tell　you　what　I　have　learnt
relative　to　the　authorship　of　that　false　paragraph　about　your
engagement。　　It　was　communicated　to　the　paper　by　your　uncle。
Was　the　wish　father　to　the　thought；　or　could　he　have　been
misled；　as　many　were；　by　appearances　at　the　theatricals？

'If　I　am　not　to　write　to　you　without　a　professional　reason；
surely　you　can　write　to　me　without　such　an　excuse？　　When　you
write　tell　me　of　yourself。　　There　is　nothing　I　so　much　wish　to
hear　of。　　Write　a　great　deal　about　your　daily　doings；　for　my
mind's　eye　keeps　those　sweet　operations　more　distinctly　before
me　than　my　bodily　sight　does　my　own。

'You　say　nothing　of　having　been　to　look　at　the　chapel…of…ease
I　told　you　of；　the　plans　of　which　I　made　when　an　architect's
pupil；　working　in　metres　instead　of　feet　and　inches；　to　my
immense　perplexity；　that　the　drawings　might　be　understood　by
the　foreign　workmen。　　Go　there　and　tell　me　what　you　think　of
its　design。　　I　can　assure　you　that　every　curve　thereof　is　my
own。

'How　I　wish　you　would　invite　me　to　run　over　and　see　you；　if
only　for　a　day　or　two；　for　my　heart　runs　after　you　in　a　most
distracted　manner。　　Dearest；　you　entirely　fill　my　life！　　But　I
forget；　we　have　resolved　not　to　go　VERY　FAR。　　But　the　fact　is
I　am　half　afraid　lest；　with　such　reticence；　you　should　not
remember　how　very　much　I　am　yours；　and　with　what　a　dogged
constancy　I　shall　always　remember　you。　　Paula；　sometimes　I
have　horrible　misgivings　that　something　will　divide　us；
especially　if　we　do　not　make　a　more　distinct　show　of　our　true
relationship。　　True　do　I　say？　　I　mean　the　relationship　which　I
think　exists　between　us；　but　which　you　do　not　affirm　too
clearly。Yours　always。'

Away　southward　like　the　swallow　went　the　tender　lines。　　He
wondered　if　she　would　notice　his　hint　of　being　ready　to　pay
her　a　flying　visit；　if　permitted　to　do　so。　　His　fancy　dwelt　on
that　further　side　of　France；　the　very　contours　of　whose　shore
were　now　lines　of　beauty　for　him。　　He　prowled　in　the　library；
and　found　interest　in　the　mustiest　facts　relating　to　that
place；　learning　with　aesthetic　pleasure　that　the　number　of　its
population　was　fifty　thousand；　that　the　mean　temperature　of
its　atmosphere　was　60　degrees　Fahrenheit；　and　that　the
peculiarities　of　a　mistral　were　far　from　agreeable。

He　waited　overlong　for　her　reply；　but　it　ultimately　came。
After　the　usual　business　preliminary；　she　said：

'As　requested；　I　have　visited　the　little　church　you　designed。
It　gave　me　great　pleasure　to　stand　before　a　building　whose
outline　and　details　had　come　from　the　brain　of　such　a　valued
friend　and　adviser。'

（'Valued　friend　and　adviser；'　repeated　Somerset　critically。）

'I　like　the　style　much；　especially　that　of　the　windowsEarly
English　are　they　not？　　I　am　going　to　attend　service　there　next
Sunday；　BECAUSE　YOU　WERE　THE　ARCHITECT；　AND　FOR　NO　GODLY
REASON　AT　ALL。　　Does　that　content　you？　　Fie　for　your
despondency！　　Remember　M。　Aurelius：　　〃This　is　the　chief　thing：
Be　not　perturbed；　for　all　things　are　of　the　nature　of　the
Universal。〃　　Indeed　I　am　a　little　surprised　at　your　having
forebodings；　after　my　assurance　to　you　before　I　left。　　I　have
none。　　My　opinion　is　that；　to　be　happy；　it　is　best　to　think
that；　as　we　are　the　product　of　events；　events　will　continue　to
produce　that　which　is　in　harmony　with　us。　。　。　。　　You　are　too
faint…hearted；　and　that's　the　truth　of　it。　　I　advise　you　not
to　abandon　yourself　to　idolatry　too　readily；　you　know　what　I
mean。　　It　fills　me　with　remorse　when　I　think　how　very　far
below　such　a　position　my　actual　worth　removes　me。

'I　should　like　to　receive　another　letter　from　you　as　soon　as
you　have　got　over　the　misgiving　you　speak　of；　but　don't　write
too　soon。　　I　wish　I　could　write　anything　to　raise　your
spirits；　but　you　may　be　so　perverse　that　if；　in　order　to　do
this；　I　tell　you　of　the　races；　routs；　scenery；　gaieties；　and
gambling　going　on　in　this　place　and　neighbourhood　（into　which
of　course　I　cannot　help　being　a　little　drawn）；　you　may　declare
that　my　words　make　you　worse　than　ever。　　Don't　pass　the　line　I
have　set　down　in　the　way　you　were　tempted　to　do　in　your　last；
and　not　too　many　Dearestsat　least　as　yet。　　This　is　not　a
time　for　effusion。　　You　have　my　very　warm　affection；　and
that's　enough　for　the　present。'

As　a　love…letter　this　missive　was　tantalizing　enough；　but
since　its　form　was　simply　a　continuation　of　what　she　had
practised　before　she　left；　it　produced　no　undue　misgiving　in
him。　　Far　more　was　he　impressed　by　her　omitting　to　answer　the
two　important　questions　he　had　put　to　her。　　First；　concerning
her　uncle's　attitude　towards　them；　and　his　conduct　in　giving
such　strange　information　to　the　reporter。　　Second；　on　his；
Somerset's；　paying　her　a　flying　visit　some　time　during　the
spring。　　Since　she　had　requested　it；　he　made　no　haste　in　his
reply。　　When　penned；　it　ran　in　the　words　subjoined；　which；　in
common　with　every　line　of　their　correspondence；　acquired　from
the　strangeness　of　subsequent　circumstances　an　interest　and　a
force　that　perhaps　they　did　not　intrinsically　possess。

'People　cannot'　（he　wrote）　'be　for　ever　in　good　spirits　on
this　gloomy　side　of　the　Channel；　even　though　you　seem　to　be　so
on　yours。　　However；　that　I　can　abstain　from　letting　you　know
whether　my　spirits　are　good　or　otherwise；　I　will　prove　in　our
future　correspondence。　　I　admire　you　more　and　more；　both　for
the　warm　feeling　towards　me　which　I　firmly　believe　you　have；
and　for　your　ability　to　maintain　side　by　side　with　it　so　much
dignity　and　resolution　with　regard　to　foolish　sentiment。
Sometimes　I　think　I　could　have　put　up　with　a　little　more
weakness　if　it　had　brought　with　it　a　little　more　tenderness；
but　I　dismiss　all　that　when　I　mentally　survey　your　other
qualities。　　I　have　thought　of　fifty　things　to　say　to　you　of
the　TOO　FAR　sort；　not　one　of　any　other；　so　that　your
prohibition　is　very　unfortunate；　for　by　it　I　am　doomed　to　say
things　that　do　not　rise　spontaneously　to　my　lips。　　You　say
that　our　shut…up　feelings　are　not　to　be　mentioned　yet。　　How
long　is　the　yet　to　last？

'But；　to　speak　more　solemnly；　matters　grow　very　serious　with
us；　Paulaat　least　with　me：　　and　there　are　times　when　this
restraint　is　really　unbearable。　　It　is　possible　to　put　up　with
reserve　when　the　reserved　being　is　by　one's　side；　for　the　eyes
may　reveal　what　the　lips　do　not。　　But　when　she　is　absent；　what
was　piquancy　becomes　harshness；　tender　railleries　become　cruel
sarcasm；　and　tacit　understandings　misunderstandings。　　However
that　may　be；　you　shall　never　be　able　to　reproach　me　for
touchiness。　　I　still　esteem　you　as　a　friend；　I　admire　you　and
love　you　as　a　woman。　　This　I　shall　always　do；　however
unconfiding　you　prove。'



II。

Without　knowing　it；　Somerset　was　drawing　near　to　a　crisis　in
this　soft　correspondence　which　would　speedily　put　his
assertions　to　the　test；　but　the　knowledge　came　upon　him　soon
enough　for　his　peace。

Her　next　letter；　dated　March　9th；　was　the　shortest　of　all　he
had　received；　and　beyond　the　portion　devoted　to　the　building…
works　it　contained　only　the　following　sentences：

'I　am　almost　angry　with　you；　George；　for　being　vexed　because　I
am　not　more　effusive。　　Why　should　the　verbal　I　LOVE　YOU　be
ever　uttered　between　two　beings　of　opposite　sex　who　have　eyes
to　see　signs？　　During　the　seven　or　eight　months　that　we　have
known　each　other；　you　have　discovered　my　regard　for　you；　and
what　more　can　you　desire？　　Would　a　reiterated　assertion　of
passion　really　do　any　good？　　Remember　it　is　a　natural　instinct
with　us　women　to　retain　the　power　of　obliging　a　man　to　hope；
fear；　pray；　and　beseech　as　long　as　we　think　fit；　before　we
confess　to　a　reciprocal　affection。

'I　am　now　going　to　own　to　a　weakness　about　which　I　had
intended　to　keep　silent。　　It　will　not　perhaps　add　to　your
respect　for　me。　　My　uncle；　whom　in　many　ways　I　like；　is
displeased　with　me　for　keeping　up　this　correspondence　so
regularly。　　I　am　quite　perverse　enough　to　venture　to　disregard
his　feelings；　but　considering　the　relationship；　and　his
kindness　in　other　respects；　I　should　prefer　not　to　do　so　at
present。　　Honestly　speaking；　I　want　the　courage　to　resist　him
in　some　things。　　He　said　to　me　the　other　day　that　he　was　very
much　surprised　that　I　did　not　depend　upon　his　judgment　for　my
future　happiness。　　Whether　that　meant　much　or　little；　I　have
resolved　to　communicate　with　you　only　by　telegrams　for　the
remainder　of　the　time　we　are　here。　　Please　reply　by　the　same
means　only。　　There；　now；　don't　flush　and　call　me　names！　　It　is
for　the　best；　and　we　want　no　nonsense；　you　and　I。　　Dear
George；　I　feel　more　than　I　say；　and　if　I　do　not　speak　more
plainly；　you　will　understand　what　is　behind　after　all　I　have
hinted。　　I　can　promise　you　that　you　will　not　like　me　less　upon
knowing　me　better。　　Hope　ever。　　I　would　give　up　a　good　deal
for　you。　　Good…bye！'

This　brought　Somerset　some　cheerfulness　and　a　good　deal　of
gloom。　　He　silently　reproached　her；　who　was　apparently　so
independent；　for　lacking　independence　in　such　a　vital　matter。
Perhaps　it　was　mere　sex；　perhaps　it　was　peculiar　to　a　few；
that　her　independence　and　courage；　like　Cleopatra's；　failed
her　occasionally　at