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Falk



by Joseph Conrad





A REMINISCENCE



Several of us; all more or less connected with the

sea; were dining in a small river…hostelry not more

than thirty miles from London; and less than twenty

from that shallow and dangerous puddle to which

our coasting men give the grandiose name of 〃Ger…

man Ocean。〃  And through the wide windows we

had a view of the Thames; an enfilading view down

the Lower Hope Reach。  But the dinner was exe…

crable; and all the feast was for the eyes。



That flavour of salt…water which for so many of

us had been the very water of life permeated our

talk。  He who hath known the bitterness of the

Ocean shall have its taste forever in his mouth。  But

one or two of us; pampered by the life of the land;

complained of hunger。  It was impossible to swal…

low any of that stuff。  And indeed there was a

strange mustiness in everything。  The wooden din…

ing…room stuck out over the mud of the shore like

a lacustrine dwelling; the planks of the floor seemed

rotten; a decrepit old waiter tottered pathetically

to and fro before an antediluvian and worm…eaten

sideboard; the chipped plates might have been dis…

interred from some kitchen midden near an inhab…

ited lake; and the chops recalled times more ancient

still。  They brought forcibly to one's mind the

night of ages when the primeval man; evolving the

first rudiments of cookery from his dim conscious…

ness; scorched lumps of flesh at a fire of sticks in the

company of other good fellows; then; gorged and

happy; sat him back among the gnawed bones to

tell his artless tales of experiencethe tales of hun…

ger and huntand of women; perhaps!



But luckily the wine happened to be as old as

the waiter。  So; comparatively empty; but upon the

whole fairly happy; we sat back and told our artless

tales。  We talked of the sea and all its works。  The

sea never changes; and its works for all the talk of

men are wrapped in mystery。  But we agreed that

the times were changed。  And we talked of old

ships; of sea…accidents; of break…downs; dismast…

ings; and of a man who brought his ship safe to

Liverpool all the way from the River Platte under

a jury rudder。  We talked of wrecks; of short ra…

tions and of heroismor at least of what the news…

papers would have called heroism at seaa mani…

festation of virtues quite different from the heroism

of primitive times。  And now and then falling silent

all together we gazed at the sights of the river。



A P。 & O。 boat passed bound down。  〃One gets

jolly good dinners on board these ships;〃 remarked

one of our band。  A man with sharp eyes read out

the name on her bows: Arcadia。  〃What a beauti…

ful model of a ship!〃 murmured some of us。  She

was followed by a small cargo steamer; and the flag

they hauled down aboard while we were looking

showed her to be a Norwegian。  She made an awful

lot of smoke; and before it had quite blown away; a

high…sided; short; wooden barque; in ballast and

towed by a paddle…tug; appeared in front of the

windows。  All her hands were forward busy setting

up the headgear; and aft a woman in a red hood;

quite alone with the man at the wheel; paced the

length of the poop back and forth; with the grey

wool of some knitting work in her hands。



〃German I should think;〃 muttered one。  〃The

skipper has his wife on board;〃 remarked another;

and the light of the crimson sunset all ablaze behind

the London smoke; throwing a glow of Bengal light

upon the barque's spars; faded away from the Hope

Reach。



Then one of us; who had not spoken before; a

man of over fifty; that had commanded ships for a

quarter of a century; looking after the barque now

gliding far away; all black on the lustre of the river;

said:



This reminds me of an absurd episode in my life;

now many years ago; when I got first the command

of an iron barque; loading then in a certain Eastern

seaport。  It was also the capital of an Eastern king…

dom; lying up a river as might be London lies up

this old Thames of ours。  No more need be said of

the place; for this sort of thing might have hap…

pened anywhere where there are ships; skippers;

tugboats; and orphan nieces of indescribable splen…

dour。  And the absurdity of the episode concerns

only me; my enemy Falk; and my friend Hermann。



There seemed to be something like peculiar em…

phasis on the words 〃My friend Hermann;〃 which

caused one of us (for we had just been speaking of

heroism at sea) to say idly and nonchalantly:



〃And was this Hermann a hero?〃



Not at all; said our grizzled friend。  No hero at

all。  He was a Schiff…fuhrer: Ship…conductor。

That's how they call a Master Mariner in Germany。

I prefer our way。  The alliteration is good; and

there is something in the nomenclature that gives

to us as a body the sense of corporate existence:

Apprentice; Mate; Master; in the ancient and hon…

ourable craft of the sea。  As to my friend Hermann;

he might have been a consummate master of the

honourable craft; but he was called officially Schiff…

fuhrer; and had the simple; heavy appearance of a

well…to…do farmer; combined with the good…natured

shrewdness of a small shopkeeper。  With his shaven

chin; round limbs; and heavy eyelids he did not look

like a toiler; and even less like an adventurer of the

sea。  Still; he toiled upon the seas; in his own way;

much as a shopkeeper works behind his counter。

And his ship was the means by which he maintained

his growing family。



She was a heavy; strong; blunt…bowed affair;

awakening the ideas of primitive solidity; like the

wooden plough of our forefathers。  And there were;

about her; other suggestions of a rustic and homely

nature。  The extraordinary timber projections

which I have seen in no other vessel made her square

stern resemble the tail end of a miller's waggon。

But the four stern ports of her cabin; glazed with

six little greenish panes each; and framed in wooden

sashes painted brown; might have been the windows

of a cottage in the country。  The tiny white cur…

tains and the greenery of flower pots behind the

glass completed the resemblance。  On one or two

occasions when passing under stern I had de…

tected from my boat a round arm in the act of tilt…

ing a watering pot; and the bowed sleek head of a

maiden whom I shall always call Hermann's niece;

because as a matter of fact I've never heard her

name; for all my intimacy with the family。



This; however; sprang up later on。  Meantime in

common with the rest of the shipping in that East…

ern port; I was left in no doubt as to Hermann's no…

tions of hygienic clothing。  Evidently he believed

in wearing good stout flannel next his skin。  On

most days little frocks and pinafores could be seen

drying in the mizzen rigging of his ship; or a tiny

row of socks fluttering on the signal halyards; but

once a fortnight the family washing was exhibited

in force。  It covered the poop entirely。  The after…

noon breeze would incite to a weird and flabby activ…

ity all that crowded mass of clothing; with its vague

suggestions of drowned; mutilated and flattened hu…

manity。  Trunks without heads waved at you arms

without hands; legs without feet kicked fantasti…

cally with collapsible flourishes; and there were long

white garments that; taking the wind fairly

through their neck openings edged with lace; be…

came for a moment violently distended as by the

passage of obese and invisible bodies。  On these days

you could make out that ship at a great distance

by the multi…coloured grotesque riot going on abaft

her mizzen mast。



She had her berth just ahead of me; and her

name was Diana;Diana not of Ephesus but of

Bremen。  This was proclaimed in white letters a

foot long spaced widely across the stern (somewhat

like the lettering of a shop…sign) under the cottage

windows。  This ridiculously unsuitable name struck

one as an impertinence towards the memory of the

most charming of goddesses; for; apart from the

fact that the old craft was physically incapable of

engaging in any sort of chase; there was a gang of

four children belonging to her。  They peeped over

the rail at passing boats and occasionally dropped

various objects into them。  Thus; sometime before

I knew Hermann to speak to; I received on my hat

a horrid rag…doll belonging to Hermann's eldest

daughter。  However; these youngsters were upon

the whole well behaved。  They had fair heads; round

eyes; round little knobby noses; and they resembled

their father a good deal。



This Diana of Bremen was a most innocent old

ship; and seemed to know nothing of the wicked sea;

as there are on shore households that know nothing

of the corrupt world。  And the sentiments she sug…

gested were unexceptionable and mainly of a do…

mestic order。  She was a home。  All these dear chil…

dren had learned to walk on her roomy quarter…deck。

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