malbone- an oldport romance[1].(马尔布恩)-第24节
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In one of those moments of more familiar faith which still alternated
with these cold； sad intervals； she asked him with some sudden impulse；
how he should feel if she loved another？ She said it； as if guided by an
instinct； to sound the depth of his love for her。 Starting with amazement；
he looked at her； and then； divining her feeling； he only replied by an
expression of reproach； and by kissing her hands with an habitual
tenderness that had grown easy to him；and they were such lovely hands！
But his heart told him that no spent swimmer ever transferred more
eagerly to another's arms some precious burden beneath which he was
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consciously sinking； than he would yield her up to any one whom she
would consent to love； and who could be trusted with the treasure。 Until
that ecstasy of release should come； he would do his duty；yes； his duty。
When these flushed hopes grew pale； as they soon did； he could at
least play with the wan fancies that took their place。 Hour after hour； while
she lavished upon him the sweetness of her devotion； he was half
consciously shaping with his tongue some word of terrible revealing that
should divide them like a spell； if spoken； and then recalling it before it
left his lips。 Daily and hourly he felt the last agony of a weak and
passionate nature；to dream of one woman in another's arms。
She； too； watched him with an ever…increasing instinct of danger；
studied with a chilly terror the workings of his face； weighed and
reweighed his words in absence； agonized herself with new and ever new
suspicions； and then； when these had accumulated beyond endurance；
seized them convulsively and threw them all away。 Then； coming back
to him with a great overwhelming ardor of affection； she poured upon him
more and more in proportion as he gave her less。
Sometimes in these moments of renewed affection he half gave words
to his remorse； accused himself before her of unnamed wrong； and
besought her to help him return to his better self。 These were the most
dangerous moments of all； for such appeals made tenderness and patience
appear a duty； she must put away her doubts as sins； and hold him to her；
she must refuse to see his signs of faltering faith； or treat them as mere
symptoms of ill health。 Should not a wife cling the closer to her husband
in proportion as he seemed alienated through the wanderings of disease？
And was not this her position？ So she said within herself； and
meanwhile it was not hard to penetrate her changing thoughts； at least for
so keen an observer as Aunt Jane。 Hope； at length； almost ceased to
speak of Malbone； and revealed her grief by this evasion； as the robin
reveals her nest by flitting from it。
Yet there were times when he really tried to force himself into a
revival of this calmer emotion。 He studied Hope's beauty with his eyes；
he pondered on all her nobleness。 He wished to bring his whole heart back
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to heror at least wished that he wished it。 But hearts that have educated
themselves into faithlessness must sooner or later share the suffering they
give。 Love will be avenged on them。 Nothing could have now recalled
this epicure in passion； except； possibly； a little withholding or semi…
coquetry on Hope's part； and this was utterly impossible for her。 Absolute
directness was a part of her nature； she could die； but not manouvre。
It actually diminished Hope's hold on Philip； that she had at this time
the whole field to herself。 Emilia had gone for a few weeks to the
mountains； with the household of which she was a guest。 An ideal and
unreasonable passion is strongest in absence； when the dream is all pure
dream； and safe from the discrepancies of daily life。 When the two girls
were together； Emilia often showed herself so plainly Hope's inferior； that
it jarred on Philip's fine perceptions。 But in Emilia's absence the spell of
temperament； or whatever else brought them together； resumed its sway
unchecked； she became one great magnet of attraction； and all the currents
of the universe appeared to flow from the direction where her eyes were
shining。 When she was out of sight； he needed to make no allowance for
her defects； to reproach himself with no overt acts of disloyalty to Hope；
to recognize no criticisms of his own intellect or conscience。 He could
resign himself to his reveries； and pursue them into new subtleties day by
day。
There was Mrs。 Meredith's house； too； where they had been so happy。
And now the blinds were pitilessly closed； all but one where the Venetian
slats had slipped； and stood half open as if some dainty fingers held them；
and some lovely eyes looked through。 He gazed so long and so often on
that silent house；by day； when the scorching sunshine searched its pores
as if to purge away every haunting association； or by night； when the
mantle of darkness hung tenderly above it； and seemed to collect the dear
remembrances again；that his fancy by degrees grew morbid； and its
pictures unreal。 〃It is impossible；〃 he one day thought to himself； 〃that she
should have lived in that room so long； sat in that window； dreamed on
that couch； reflected herself in that mirror； breathed that air； without
somehow detaching invisible fibres of her being； delicate films of herself；
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that must gradually； she being gone； draw together into a separate
individuality an image not quite bodiless； that replaces her in her absence；
as the holy Theocrite was replaced by the angel。 If there are ghosts of the
dead； why not ghosts of the living also？〃 This lover's fancy so pleased him
that he brought to bear upon it the whole force of his imagination； and it
grew stronger day by day。 To him； thenceforth； the house was haunted；
and all its floating traces of herself visible or invisible；from the ribbon
that he saw entangled in the window…blind to every intangible and fancied
atom she had imparted to the atmosphere；came at last to organize
themselves into one phantom shape for him and looked out； a wraith of
Emilia； through those relentless blinds。 As the vision grew more vivid； he
saw the dim figure moving through the house； wan； restless； tender；
lingering where they had lingered； haunting every nook where they had
been happy once。 In the windy moanings of the silent night he could put
his ear at the keyhole； and could fancy that he heard the wild signals of her
love and despair。
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CHAPTER XV。
ACROSS THE BAY。
THE children； as has been said； were all devoted to Malbone； and this
was； in a certain degree； to his credit。 But it is a mistake to call children
good judges of character； except in one direction； namely； their own。 They
understand it； up to the level of their own stature； they know who loves
them； but not who loves virtue。 Many a sinner has a great affection for
children； and no child will ever detect the sins of such a friend； because；
toward them； the sins do not exist。
The children； therefore； all loved Philip； and yet they turned with
delight； when out…door pleasures were in hand； to the strong and adroit
Harry。 Philip inclined to the daintier exercises； fencing； billiards； riding；
but Harry's vigorous physique enjoyed hard work。 He taught all the
household to swim； for instance。 Jenny； aged five； a sturdy； deep…chested
little thing； seemed as amphibious as himself。 She could already swim
alone； but
