the crusade of the excelsior-第19节

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barbaricrather　they　seemed　full　of　some　new　spiritual

significance。　　He　suddenly　lifted　his　eyes　to　Padre　Esteban；　and；

half　rising　to　his　feet；　said；



〃Are　we　alone？〃



〃We　are；　it　is　a　half…hour　yet　before　mass；〃　said　the　priest。



〃My　story　will　not　last　so　long；〃　said　the　young　man　hurriedly；　as

if　fearing　to　change　his　mind。　　〃Hear　me；　thenit　is　no　crime　nor

offense　to　any　one；　more　than　that；　it　concerns　no　one　but　myself

it　is　of〃



〃A　woman；〃　said　the　priest　softly。　　〃So！　we　will　sit　down；　my　son。〃



He　lifted　his　hand　with　a　soothing　gesturethe　movement　of　a

physician　who　has　just　arrived　at　an　easy　diagnosis　of　certain

uneasy　symptoms。　　There　was　also　a　slight　suggestion　of　an　habitual

toleration；　as　if　even　the　seclusion　of　Todos　Santos　had　not　been

entirely　free　from　the　invasion　of　the　primal　passion。



Hurlstone　waited　for　an　instant；　but　then　went　on　rapidly。



〃It　is　of　a　woman；　who　has　cursed　my　life；　blasted　my　prospects；

and　ruined　my　youth；　a　woman　who　gained　my　early　affection　only　to

blight　and　wither　it；　a　woman　who　should　be　nearer　to　me　and　dearer

than　all　else；　and　yet　who　is　further　than　the　uttermost　depths　of

hell　from　me　in　sympathy　or　feeling；　a　woman　that　I　should　cleave

to；　but　from　whom　I　have　been　flying；　ready　to　face　shame；

disgrace；　oblivion；　even　that　death　which　alone　can　part　us：　for

that　woman　ismy　wife。〃



He　stopped；　out　of　breath；　with　fixed　eyes　and　a　rigid　mouth。

Father　Esteban　drew　a　snuff…box　from　his　pocket；　and　a　large

handkerchief。　　After　blowing　his　nose　violently；　he　took　a　pinch　of

snuff；　wiped　his　lip；　and　replaced　the　box。



〃A　bad　habit；　my　son；〃　he　said　apologetically；　〃but　an　old　man's

weakness。　　Go　on。〃



〃I　met　her　first　five　years　agothe　wife　of　another　man。　　Don't

misjudge　me；　it　was　no　lawless　passion；　it　was　a　friendship；　I

believed；　due　to　her　intellectual　qualities　as　much　as　to　her

womanly　fascinations；　for　I　was　a　young　student；　lodging　in　the

same　house　with　her；　in　an　academic　town。　　Before　I　ever　spoke　to

her　of　love；　she　had　confided　to　me　her　own　unhappinessthe

uncongeniality　of　her　married　life；　the　harshness；　and　even

brutality；　of　her　husband。　　Even　a　man　less　in　love　than　I　was

could　have　seen　the　truth　of　thisthe　contrast　of　the　coarse；

sensual；　and　vulgar　man　with　an　apparently　refined　and　intelligent

woman；　but　any　one　else　except　myself　would　have　suspected　that

such　a　union　was　not　merely　a　sacrifice　of　the　woman。　　I　believed

her。　　It　was　not　until　long　afterwards　that　I　learned　that　her

marriage　had　been　a　condonation　of　her　youthful　errors　by　a

complaisant　bridegroom；　that　her　character　had　been　saved　by　a

union　that　was　a　mutual　concession。　　But　I　loved　her　madly；　and

when　she　finally　got　a　divorce　from　her　uncongenial　husband；　I

believed　it　less　an　expression　of　her　love　for　me　than　an　act　of

justice。　　I　did　not　know　at　the　time　that　they　had　arranged　the

divorce　together；　as　they　had　arranged　their　marriage；　by　equal

concessions。



〃I　was　the　only　son　of　a　widowed　mother；　whose　instincts　were　from

the　first　opposed　to　my　friendship　with　this　woman；　and　what　she

prophetically　felt　would　be　its　result。　　Unfortunately；　both　she

and　my　friends　were　foolish　enough　to　avow　their　belief　that　the

divorce　was　obtained　solely　with　a　view　of　securing　me　as　a

successor；　and　it　was　this　argument　more　than　any　other　that

convinced　me　of　my　duty　to　protect　her。　　Enough；　I　married；　not

only　in　spite　of　all　oppositionbut　BECAUSE　of　it。



〃My　mother　would　have　reconciled　herself　to　the　marriage；　but　my

wife　never　forgave　the　opposition；　and；　by　some　hellish　instinct

divining　that　her　power　over　me　might　be　weakened　by　maternal

influence；　precipitated　a　quarrel　which　forever　separated　us。　　With

the　little　capital　left　by　my　father；　divided　between　my　mother　and

myself；　I　took　my　wife　to　a　western　city。　　Our　small　income

speedily　dwindled　under　the　debts　of　her　former　husband；　which　she

had　assumed　to　purchase　her　freedom。　　I　endeavored　to　utilize　a

good　education　and　some　accomplishments　in　music　and　the　languages

by　giving　lessons　and　by　contributing　to　the　press。　　In　this　my

wife　first　made　a　show　of　assisting　me；　but　I　was　not　long　in

discovering　that　her　intelligence　was　superficial　and　shallow；　and

that　the　audacity　of　expression；　which　I　had　believed　to　be

originality　of　conviction；　was　simply　shamelessness；　and　a　desire

for　notoriety。　　She　had　a　facility　in　writing　sentimental　poetry；

which　had　been　efficacious　in　her　matrimonial　confidences；　but

which　editors　of　magazines　and　newspapers　found　to　be　shallow　and

insincere。　　To　my　astonishment；　she　remained　unaffected　by　this；　as

she　was　equally　impervious　to　the　slights　and　sneers　that

continually　met　us　in　society。　　At　last　the　inability　to　pay　one　of

her　former　husband's　claims　brought　to　me　a　threat　and　an　anonymous

letter。　　I　laid　them　before　her；　when　a　scene　ensued　which　revealed

the　blindness　of　my　folly　in　all　its　hideous　hopelessness：　she

accused　me　of　complicity　in　her　divorce；　and　deception　in　regard　to

my　own　fortune。　　In　a　speech；　whose　language　was　a　horrible

revelation　of　her　early　habits；　she　offered　to　arrange　a　divorce

from　me　as　she　had　from　her　former　husband。　　She　gave　as　a　reason

her　preference　for　another；　and　her　belief　that　the　scandal　of　a

suit　would　lend　her　a　certain　advertisement　and　prestige。　　It　was　a

combination　of　Messalina　and　Mrs。　Jarley〃



〃Pardon！　　I　remember　not　a　Madame　Jarley；〃　said　the　priest。



〃Of　viciousness　and　commercial　calculation；〃　continued　Hurlstone

hurriedly。　　〃I　don't　remember　what　happened；　she　swore　that　I

struck　her！　　PerhapsGod　knows！　　But　she　failed；　even　before　a

western　jury；　to　convict　me　of　cruelty。　　The　judge　that　thought　me

half　insane　would　not　believe　me　brutal；　and　her　application　for

divorce　was　lost。



〃I　need　not　tell　you　that　the　same　friends　who　had　opposed　my

marriage　now　came　forward　to　implore　me　to　allow　her　to　break　our

chains。　　I　refused。　　I　swear　to　you　it　was　from　no　lingering　love

for　her；　for　her　presence　drove　me　mad；　it　was　from　no　instinct　of

revenge　or　jealousy；　for　I　should　have　welcomed　the　man　who　would

have　taken　her　out　of　my　life　and　memory。　　But　I　could　not　bear　the

idea　of　taking　her　first　husband's　place　in　her　hideous　comedy；　I

could　not　purchase　my　freedom　at　that　priceat　any　price。　　I　was

told　that　I　could　get　a　divorce　against　HER；　and　stand　forth　before

the　world　untrammeled　and　unstained。　　But　I　could　not　stand　before

MYSELF　in　such　an　attitude。　　I　knew　that　the　shackles　I　had

deliberately　forged　could　not　be　loosened　except　by　death。　　I　knew

that　the　stains　of　her　would　cling　to　me　and　become　a　part　of　my

own　sin；　even　as　the　sea　I　plunged　into　yesterday　to　escape　her；

though　it　has　dried　upon　me；　has　left　its　bitter　salt　behind。



〃When　she　knew　my　resolve；　she　took　her　revenge　by　dragging　my　name

through　the　successive　levels　to　which　she　descended。　　Under　the

plea　that　the　hardly…earned　sum　I　gave　to　her　maintenance　apart

from　me　was　not　sufficient；　she　utilized　her　undoubted　beauty　and

more　doubtful　talent　in　amateur　entertainmentsand；　finally；　on

the　stage。　　She　was　openly　accompanied　by　her　lover；　who　acted　as

her　agent；　in　the　hope　of　goading　me　to　a　divorce。　　Suddenly　she

disappeared。　　I　thought　she　had　forgotten　me。　　I　obtained　an

honorable　position　in　New　York。　　One　night　I　entered　a　theater

devoted　to　burlesque　opera　and　the　exhibition　of　a　popular　actress；

known　as　the　Western　Thalia；　whose　beautiful　and　audaciously　draped

figure　was　the　talk　of　the　town。　　I　recognized　my　wife　in　this　star

of　nudity；　more　than　that；　she　recognized　me。　　The　next　day；　in

addition　to　the　usual　notice；　the　real　name　of　the　actress　was

given　in　the　morning　papers；　with　a　sympathizing　account　of　her

romantic　and　unfortunate　marriage。　　I　renounced　my　position；　and；

taking　advantage　of　an　offer　from　an　old　friend　in　California；

resolved　to　join　him　secretly　there。　　My　mother　had　died　broken…

hearted；　I　was　alone　in　the　world。　　But　my　wife　discovered　my

intention；　and　when　I　reached　Callao；　I　heard　that　she　had　followed

me；　by　way　of　the　Isthmus　of　Panama；　and　that　probably　she　would

anticipate　me　in　Mazatlan；　where　we　were　to　stop。　　The　thought　of

suicide　haunted　me　during　the　rest　of　that　horrible　voyage；　only　my

belief　that　she　would　make　it　appear　as　a　tacit　confession　of　my

guilt　saved　me　from　that　last　act　of　weakness。〃



He　stopped　and　shuddered。　　Padre　Esteban　again　laid　his　hand　softly

upon　him。



〃It　was　God　who　spared　you　that　sacrifice　of　soul　and　body；〃　he

said　gently。



〃I　thought　it　was　God　that　suggested　to　me　to　take　the　SIMULATION

of　that　act　the　means　of　separating　myself　from　her　forever。　　When

we　neared　Mazatlan；　I　conceived　the　idea　of　hiding　myself　in　the

hold　of　the　Excelsior　until　she　had　left　that　port；　in　the　hope

that　it　would　be　believ