the turmoil-第51节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！



〃Answer　me　once　more；〃　she　said。　　〃Bibbs；　do　you　know　now　why　I　stopped

wearing　my　furs？〃



〃Yes。〃



〃I　thought　so！　　Your　sister…in…law　told　you；　didn't　she？〃



〃II　heard　her　say〃



〃I　think　I　know　what　happened；　now。〃　　Mary's　breath　came　fast　and　her　voice

shook；　but　she　spoke　rapidly。　　〃You　'heard　her　say'　more　than　that。　You　'heard

her　say'　that　we　were　bitterly　poor；　and　on　that　account　I　tried　first　to

marry　your　brotherand　then〃　　But　now　she　faltered；　and　it　was　only　after　a

convulsive　effort　that　she　was　able　to　go　on。　〃And　thenthat　I　tried　to

marryyou！　　You　'heard　her　say'　that　and　you　believe　that　I　don't　care　for

you　and　that　'no　girl'　could　care　for　youbut　you　think　I　am　in　such　an

'extremity；'　as　Sibyl　wasthat　you　　And　so；　not　wanting　me；　and　believing

that　I　could　not　want　you　except　for　my　'extremity'you　took　your　father's

offer　and　then　came　to　ask　meto　marry　you！　　What　had　I　shown　you　of　myself

that　could　make　you〃



Suddenly　she　sank　down；　kneeling；　with　her　face　buried　in　her　arms　upon　the

lap　of　a　chair；　tears　overwhelming　her。



〃Mary；　Mary！〃　he　cried；　helplessly。　　〃Oh　NOyouyou　don't　understand。〃



〃I　do；　though！〃　she　sobbed。　　〃I　do！〃



He　came　and　stood　beside　her。　　〃You　kill　me！〃　he　said。　　〃I　can't　make　it

plain。　　From　the　first　of　your　loveliness　to　me；　I　was　all　self。　　It　was

always　you　that　gave　and　I　that　took。　　I　was　the　dependentI　did　nothing　but

lean　on　you。　　We　always　talked　of　me；　not　of　you。　　It　was　all　about　my　idiotic

distresses　and　troubles。　　I　thought　of　you　as　a　kind　of　wonderful　being　that

had　no　mortal　or　human　suffering　except　by　sympathy。　You　seemed　to　lean

downout　of　a　rosy　cloudto　be　kind　to　me。　　I　never　dreamed　I　could　do

anything　for　YOU！　　I　never　dreamed　you　could　need　anything　to　be　done　for　you

by　anybody。　　And　to…day　I　heard　thatthat　you〃



〃You　heard　that　I　needed　to　marrysome　oneanybodywith　money；〃　she　sobbed。

〃And　you　thought　we　were　soso　desperateyou　believed　that　I　had〃



〃No！〃　he　said；　quickly。　　〃I　didn't　believe　you'd　done　one　kind　thing　for

mefor　that。　　No；　no；　no！　　I　knew　you'd　NEVER　thought　of　me　except

generouslyto　give。　　I　said　I　couldn't　make　it　plain！〃　he　cried；

despairingly。



〃Wait！〃　　She　lifted　her　head　and　extended　her　hands　to　him　unconsciously；　like

a　child。　　〃Help　me　up；　Bibbs。〃　　Then；　when　she　was　once　more　upon　her　feet；

she　wiped　her　eyes　and　smiled　upon　him　ruefully　and　faintly；　but　reassuringly；

as　if　to　tell　him；　in　that　way；　that　she　knew　he　had　not　meant　to　hurt　her。

And　that　smile　of　hers；　so　lamentable；　but　so　faithfully　friendly；　misted　his

own　eyes；　for　his　shamefacedness　lowered　them　no　more。



〃Let　me　tell　you　what　you　want　to　tell　me；〃　she　said。　　〃You　can't；　because　you

can't　put　it　into　wordsthey　are　too　humiliating　for　me　and　you're　too　gentle

to　say　them。　　Tell　me；　though；　isn't　it　true？　　You　didn't　believe　that　I'd

tried　to　make　you　fall　in　love　with　me〃



〃Never！　　Never　for　an　instant！〃



〃You　didn't　believe　I'd　tried　to　make　you　want　to　marry　me〃



〃No；　no；　no！〃



〃I　believe　it；　Bibbs。　　You　thought　that　I　was　fond　of　you；　you　knew　I　cared

for　youbut　you　didn't　think　I　might　bein　love　with　you。　　But　you　thought

that　I　might　marry　you　without　being　in　love　with　you　because　you　did　believe

I　had　tried　to　marry　your　brother；　and〃



〃Mary；　I　only　knewfor　the　first　timethat　youthat　you　were〃



〃Were　desperately　poor；〃　she　said。　　〃You　can't　even　say　that！　　Bibbs；　it　was

true：　I　did　try　to　make　Jim　want　to　marry　me。　　I　did！〃　　And　she　sank　down　into

the　chair；　weeping　bitterly　again。　　Bibbs　was　agonized。



〃Mary；〃　he　groaned；　〃I　didn't　know　you　COULD　cry！〃



〃Listen；〃　she　said。　　〃Listen　till　I　get　throughI　want　you　to　understand。　　We

were　poor；　and　we　weren't　fitted　to　be。　　We　never　had　been；　and　we　didn't　know

what　to　do。　　We'd　been　almost　rich；　there　was　plenty；　but　my　father　wanted　to

take　advantage　of　the　growth　of　the　town；　he　wanted　to　be　richer；　but

insteadwell；　just　about　the　time　your　father　finished　building　next　door　we

found　we　hadn't　anything。　　People　say　that；　sometimes；　meaning　that　they

haven't　anything　in　comparison　with　other　people　of　their　own　kind；　but　we

really　hadn't　anythingwe　hadn't　anything　at　all；　Bibbs！　　And　we　couldn't　DO

anything。　　You　might　wonder　why　I　didn't　'try　to　be　a　stenographer'and　I

wonder　myself　why；　when　a　family　loses　its　money；　people　always　say　the

daughters　'ought　to　go　and　be　stenographers。'　　It's　curious！as　if　a　wave　of

the　hand　made　you　into　a　stenographer。　　No；　I'd　been　raised　to　be　either

married　comfortably　or　a　well…to…do　old　maid；　if　I　chose　not　to　marry。　　The

poverty　came　on　slowly；　Bibbs；　but　at　last　it　was　all　thereand　I　didn't　know

how　to　be　a　stenographer。　　I　didn't　know　how　to　be　anything　except　a

well…to…do　old　maid　or　somebody's　wifeand　I　couldn't　be　a　well…to…do　old

maid。　　Then；　Bibbs；　I　did　what　I'd　been　raised　to　know　how　to　do。　　I　went　out

to　be　fascinating　and　be　married。　　I　did　it　openly；　at　least；　and　with　a　kind

of　decent　honesty。　　I　told　your　brother　I　had　meant　to　fascinate　him　and　that

I　was　not　in　love　with　him；　but　I　let　him　think　that　perhaps　I　meant　to　marry

him。　　I　think　I　did　mean　to　mary　him。　　I　had　never　cared　for　anybody；　and　I

thought　it　might　be　there　really　WASN'T　anything　more　than　a　kind　of　excited

fondness。　　I　can't　be　sure；　but　I　think　that　though　I　did　mean　to　marry　him　I

never　should　have　done　it；　because　that　sort　of　a　marriage　isit's

sacrilegesomething　would　have　stopped　me。　Something　did　stop　me；　it　was　your

sister…in…law；　Sibyl。　　She　meant　no　harmbut　she　was　horrible；　and　she　put

what　I　was　doing　into　such　horrible　wordsand　they　were　the　truthoh！　I　SAW

myself！　　She　was　proposing　a　miserable　compact　with　meand　I　couldn't　breathe

the　air　of　the　same　room　with　her；　though　I'd　so　cheapened　myself　she　had　a

right　to　assume　that　I　WOULD。　　But　I　couldn't！　　I　left　her；　and　I　wrote　to

your　brotherjust　a　quick　scrawl。　　I　told　him　just　what　I'd　done；　I　asked　his

pardon；　and　I　said　I　would　not　marry　him。　　I　posted　the　letter；　but　he　never

got　it。　　That　was　the　afternoon　he　was　killed。　　That's　all；　Bibbs。　Now　you

know　what　I　didand　you　knowME！〃　　She　pressed　her　clenched　hands　tightly

against　her　eyes；　leaning　far　forward；　her　head　bowed　before　him。



Bibbs　had　forgotten　himself　long　ago；　his　heart　broke　for　her。　　〃Couldn't

youIsn't　thereWon't　you〃　he　stammered。　　〃Mary；　I'm　going　with　father。

Isn't　there　some　way　you　could　use　the　money　withoutwithout　〃



She　gave　a　choked　little　laugh。



〃You　gave　me　something　to　live　for；〃　he　said。　　〃You　kept　me　alive；　I　think

and　I've　hurt　you　like　this！〃



〃Not　youoh　no！〃



〃You　could　forgive　me；　Mary？〃



〃Oh；　a　thousand　times！〃　　Her　right　hand　went　out　in　a　faltering　gesture；　and

just　touched　his　own　for　an　instant。　　〃But　there's　nothing　to　forgive。〃



〃And　you　can'tyou　can't〃



〃Can't　what；　Bibbs？〃



〃You　couldn't〃



〃Marry　you？〃　she　said　for　him。



〃Yes。〃



〃No；　no；　no！〃　　She　sprang　up；　facing　him；　and；　without　knowing　what　she　did；

she　set　her　hands　upon　his　breast；　pushing　him　back　from　her　a　little。　　〃I

can't；　I　can't！　　Don't　you　SEE？〃



〃Mary〃



〃No；　no！　　And　you　must　go　now；　Bibbs；　I　can't　bear　any　moreplease〃



〃MARY〃



〃Never；　never；　never！〃　she　cried；　in　a　passion　of　tears。　　〃You　mustn't　come

any　more。　　I　can't　see　you；　dear！　　Never；　never；　never！〃



Somehow；　in　helpless；　stumbling　obedience　to　her　beseeching　gesture；　he　got

himself　to　the　door　and　out　of　the　house。





Sibyl　and　Roscoe　were　upon　the　point　of　leaving　when　Bibbs　returned　to　the　New

House。　　He　went　straight　to　Sibyl　and　spoke　to　her　quietly；　but　so　that　the

others　might　hear。



〃When　you　said　that　if　I'd　stop　to　think；　I'd　realize　that　no　one　would　be　apt

to　care　enough　about　me　to　marry　me；　you　were　right；〃　he　said。　　〃I　thought

perhaps　you　weren't；　and　so　I　asked　Miss　Vertrees　to　marry　me。　　It　proved　what

you　said　of　me；　and　disproved　what　you　said　of　her。　　She　refused。〃



And；　having　thus　spoken；　he　quitted　the　room　as　straightforwardly　as　he　had

entered　it。



〃He's　SO　queer！〃　Mrs。　Sheridan　gasped。　　〃Who　on　earth　would　thought　of　his

doin'　THAT？〃



〃I　told　you；〃　said　her　husband；　grimly。



〃You　didn't　tell　us　he'd　go　over　there　and〃



〃I　told　you　she　wouldn't　have　him。　　I　told　you　she　wouldn't　have　JIM；　didn't

I？〃



Sibyl　was　altogether　taken　aback。　　〃Do　you　supose　it's　true？　　Do　you　suppose

she　WOULDN'T？〃



〃He　didn't　look　exactly　like　a　young　man　that　had　just　got　things　fixed　up

fine　with　his　girl；〃　said　Sheridan。　　〃Not　to　me；　he　didn't！〃



〃But　why　would〃



〃I　told　you；〃　he　interrupted；　angrily；　〃she　ain't　that　kind　of　a　girl！　　If　you

got　to　have　proof；　well；　I'll　tell　you　and　get　it　over　with；　though　I'd　pretty

near　just　as　soon　not　have　to　talk　a　whole　lot　about　my　dead　boy's　private

affairs。　　She　wrote　to　Jim　she　couldn't　take　him；　and　it　was　a　go