the fortune hunter(闯世界的人)-第14节
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glance at him。 As he took Hilda's hand he gave her a look of intense；
yearning melancholy。 He sighed deeply。 ‘‘Let us go apart；'' he said。
Then he glanced gloomily round and sighed again。
They seated themselves on a bench far away from the music and the
crowds。 He did not speak but repeated his deep sigh。
‘‘Has it made you worse to come； dear？'' Hilda asked anxiously。
‘‘Are you sick？''
‘‘Sick？'' he said in a hollow voice。 ‘‘My soul is sickdying。 My
God！ My God！'' An impressive pause。 ‘‘Ah； child； you do not know
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what suffering isyou who have lived only in these simple； humble
surroundings。''
Hilda was trembling with apprehension。 ‘‘What is it； Carl？ You can
tell me。 Let me help you bear it。''
‘‘No！ no！ I must bear it alone。 I must take my dark shadow from
your young life。 I ought not to have come。 I should have fled。 But
love makes me a coward。''
‘‘But I love you； Carl；'' she said gently。
‘‘And I have missed youdreadfully； dreadfully！''
He rolled his eyes wildly。 ‘‘You torture me！'' he exclaimed； seizing
her hand in a dead man's clutch。 ‘‘How CAN I speak？''
Hilda's heart seemed to stand still。 She was pale to the lips； and he
could see； even in the darkness； her eyes grow and startle。
‘‘What is it？'' she murrmured。 ‘‘You know Ican bear anything for
you。''
‘‘Not that tone；'' he groaned。 ‘‘Reproach me！ Revile me！ Be
harsh； scornfulbut not those tender accents。''
He felt her hand become cold and he saw terror in her eyes。
‘‘Forgive me；'' she said humbly。 ‘‘I don't know what to say or do。 I
you look so strange。 It makes me feel all queer inside。 Won't you tell
me； please？''
He noted with artistic satisfaction that the band was playing passionate
love…music with sobs and sad ecstasies of farewell embraces in it。 He
kissed her； then drew back。 ‘‘No；'' he groaned。 ‘‘Those lips are not for
me； accursed that I am。'' She was no longer looking at him； but sat
gazing straight ahead； her shoulders bent as if she were crouching to
receive a blow。 He began in a low voice； and； as he spoke； it rose or fell
as his words and the distant music prompted him。 ‘‘Mine has been a
luckless life；'' he said。 ‘‘I have been a football of destiny； kicked and
flung about； hither and yon。 Again and again I have thought in my
despair to lay me down and die。 But something has urged me on； on； on。
And at last I met you。''
He paused and groanedpartly because it was the proper place； partly
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with vexation。 Here was a speech to thrill； yet she sat there inert； her
face a stupid blank。 He was not even sure that she had heard。
‘‘Are you listening？'' he asked in a stern aside； a curious mingling of
the actor and the stage manager。
‘‘II don't know；'' she answered； startling。 ‘‘I feel sosoqueer。 I
don't seem to be able to pay attention。'' She looked at him timidly and
her chin quivered。 ‘‘Don't you love me any more？''
‘‘Love you？ Would that I did not！ But I must onmy time is short。
How can you say I do not love you when my soul is like a raging fire？''
She shook her head slowly。 ‘‘Your voice don't feel like it；'' she said。
‘‘What is it？ What are you going to say？''
He sighed and looked away from her with an irritated expression。
‘‘Little stupid！'' he mutteredshe didn't appreciate him and he was a fool
to expect it。 But ‘‘art for art's sake''； and he went on in tones of gentle
melancholy。 ‘‘I love you； but fate has again caught me up。 I am being
whirled away。 I stretch out my arms to youin vain。 Do you
understand？'' It exasperated him for her to be so stillwhy didn't she
weep？
She shook her head and replied quietly：
‘‘Nowhat is it？ Don't you love me any more？''
‘‘Love has nothing to do with it；'' he said； as gently as he could in the
irritating circumstances。 ‘‘My mysterious destiny has''
‘‘You said that before；'' she interrupted。 ‘‘What is it？ Can't you tell
me so that I can understand？''
‘‘You never loved me！'' he cried bitterly。
‘‘You know that isn't so；'' she answered。 ‘‘Won't you tell me； Carl？''
‘‘A specter has risen from my pastI must leave youI may never
return''
She gave a low； wailing cryit seemed like an echo of the music。
Then she began to sobnot loudly； but in a subdued； despairing way。 She
was not conscious of her grief； but only of his wordsof the dream
vanished； the hopes shattered。
‘‘Never？'' she said brokenly。
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‘‘Never！'' he replied in a hoarse whisper。
Mr。 Feuerstein looked down at Hilda's quivering shoulders with
satisfaction。 ‘‘I thought I could make even her feel；'' he said to himself
complacently。 Then to her in the hoarse undertone： ‘‘And my heart is
breaking。''
She straightened and her tears seemed to dry with the flash of her eyes。
‘‘Don't say thatyou mustn't！'' She blazed out before his astonished eyes；
a woman electric with disdain and anger。 ‘‘It's false false！ I hate you…
…hate youyou never caredyou've made a fool of me''
‘‘Hilda！'' He felt at home now and his voice became pleading and
anguished。 ‘‘You； too； desert me！ Ah； God； whenever was there man
so wretched as I？'' He buried his face in his hands。
‘‘Oh； you put it on well；'' she scoffed。 ‘‘But I know what it all
means。''
Mr。 Feuerstein rose wearily。 ‘‘Farewell；'' he said in a broken voice。
‘‘At least I am glad you will be spared the suffering that is blasting my life。
Thank God； she did not love me！''
The physical fact of his rising to go struck her courage full in the face。
‘‘Nono；'' she urged hurriedly； ‘‘not yet not just yetwait a few
minutes more''
‘‘NoI must gofarewell！'' And he seated himself beside her； put his
arm around her。
She lay still in his arms for a moment； then murmured： ‘‘Say it isn't
so； Carldear！''
‘‘I would say there is hope； heart's darling；'' he whispered； ‘‘but I have
no right to blast your young life。 And I may never return。''
She started up； her face glowing。
‘‘Then you WILL return？''
‘‘It may be that I can；'' he answered。 ‘‘But''
‘‘Then I'll waitgladly。 No matter how long it is； I'll wait。 Why
didn't you say at first； ‘Hilda； something I can't tell you about has
happened。 I must go away。 When I can； I'll come。' That would have
been enough； because II love you！''
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‘‘What have I done to deserve such love as this！'' he exclaimed； and
for an instant he almost forgot himself in her beauty and sweetness and
sincerity。
‘‘Will it be long？'' she asked after a while。
‘‘I hope not； bride of my soul。 But I can notdare not say。''
‘‘Wherever you go； and no matter what happens； dear；'' she said softly；
‘‘you'll always know that I'm loving you； won't you？'' And she looked at
him with great； luminous； honest eyes。
He began to be uncomfortable。 Her complete trust was producing
an effect even upon his nature。 The good that evil can never kill out of a
man was rousing what was very like a sense of shame。 ‘‘I must go now；''
he said with real gentleness in his voice and a look at her that had real
longing in it。 H
