a[1]. v. laider(a.v.雷德)-第3节
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silly as the young girls。〃
For the honor of the profession； I named three practitioners whom I
had found really good at reading character。 He asked whether any of them
had been right about past events。 I confessed that； as a matter of fact； all
three of them had been right in the main。 This seemed to amuse him。 He
asked whether any of them had predicted anything which had since come
true。 I confessed that all three had predicted that I should do several things
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which I had since done rather unexpectedly。 He asked if I didn't accept this
as； at any rate； a scrap of evidence。 I said I could only regard it as a fluke
a rather remarkable fluke。
The superiority of his sad smile was beginning to get on my nerves。 I
wanted him to see that he was as absurd as I。
〃Suppose；〃 I said〃suppose； for the sake of argument； that you and I
are nothing but helpless automata created to do just this and that； and to
have just that and this done to us。 Suppose； in fact； we HAVEN'T any free
will whatsoever。 Is it likely or conceivable that the Power which fashioned
us would take the trouble to jot down in cipher on our hands just what was
in store for us？〃
Laider did not answer this question； he did but annoyingly ask me
another。
〃You believe in free will？〃
〃Yes； of course。 I'll be hanged if I'm an automaton。〃
〃And you believe in free will just as in palmistrywithout any
reason？〃
〃Oh； no。 Everything points to our having free will。〃
〃Everything？ What； for instance？〃
This rather cornered me。 I dodged out； as lightly as I could； by saying：
〃I suppose YOU would say it's written in my hand that I should be a
believer in free will。〃
〃Ah； I've no doubt it is。〃
I held out my palms。 But； to my great disappointment； he looked
quickly away from them。 He had ceased to smile。 There was agitation in
his voice as he explained that he never looked at people's hands now。
〃Never nownever again。〃 He shook his head as though to beat off some
memory。
I was much embarrassed by my indiscretion。 I hastened to tide over the
awkward moment by saying that if _I_ could read hands I wouldn't； for
fear of the awful things I might see there。
〃Awful things； yes；〃 he whispered； nodding at the fire。
〃Not；〃 I said in self…defense； 〃that there's anything very awful； so far as
I know； to be read in MY hands。〃
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He turned his gaze from the fire to me。
〃You aren't a murderer； for example？〃
〃Oh； no；〃 I replied； with a nervous laugh。
〃_I_ am。〃
This was a more than awkward； it was a painful； moment for me； and I
am afraid I must have started or winced； for he instantly begged my
pardon。
〃I don't know；〃 he exclaimed； 〃why I said it。 I'm usually a very reticent
man。 But sometimes〃 He pressed his brow。 〃What you must think of
me！〃
I begged him to dismiss the matter from his mind。
〃It's very good of you to say that； butI've placed myself as well as
you in a false position。 I ask you to believe that I'm not the sort of man
who is 'wanted' or ever was 'wanted' by the police。 I should be bowed out
of any police…station at which I gave myself up。 I'm not a murderer in any
bald sense of the word。 No。〃
My face must have perceptibly brightened； for； 〃Ah；〃 he said； 〃don't
imagine I'm not a murderer at all。 Morally； I am。〃 He looked at the clock。 I
pointed out that the night was young。 He assured me that his story was not
a long one。 I assured him that I hoped it was。 He said I was very kind。 I
denied this。 He warned me that what he had to tell might rather tend to
stiffen my unwilling faith in palmistry； and to shake my opposite and
cherished faith in free will。 I said； 〃Never mind。〃 He stretched his hands
pensively toward the fire。 I settled myself back in my chair。
〃My hands；〃 he said； staring at the backs of them； 〃are the hands of a
very weak man。 I dare say you know enough of palmistry to see that for
yourself。 You notice the slightness of the thumbs and of he two 'little'
fingers。 They are the hands of a weak and over…sensitive mana man
without confidence； a man who would certainly waver in an emergency。
Rather Hamletish hands；〃 he mused。 〃And I'm like Hamlet in other
respects； too： I'm no fool； and I've rather a noble disposition； and I'm
unlucky。 But Hamlet was luckier than I in one thing： he was a murderer by
accident； whereas the murders that I committed one day fourteen years
agofor I must tell you it wasn't one murder； but many murders that I
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committedwere all of them due to the wretched inherent weakness of my
own wretched self。
〃I was twenty…sixno； twenty…seven years old； and rather a
nondescript person； as I am now。 I was supposed to have been called to the
bar。 In fact； I believe I HAD been called to the bar。 I hadn't listened to the
call。 I never intended to practise； and I never did practise。 I only wanted an
excuse in the eyes of the world for existing。 I suppose the nearest I have
ever come to practicing is now at this moment： I am defending a murderer。
My father had left me well enough provided with money。 I was able to go
my own desultory way； riding my hobbies where I would。 I had a good
stableful of hobbies。 Palmistry was one of them。 I was rather ashamed of
this one。 It seemed to me absurd； as it seems to you。 Like you； though； I
believed in it。 Unlike you； I had done more than merely read a book about
it。 I had read innumerable books about it。 I had taken casts of all my
friends' hands。 I had tested and tested again the points at which
Desbarolles dissented from the Gipsies； andwell； enough that I had gone
into it all rather thoroughly； and was as sound a palmist； as a man may be
without giving his whole life to palmistry。
〃One of the first things I had seen in my own hand； as soon as I had
learned to read it； was that at about the age of twenty…six I should have a
narrow escape from deathfrom a violent death。 There was a clean break
in the life…line； and a square joining itthe protective square； you know。
The markings were precisely the same in both hands。 It was to be the
narrowest escape possible。 And I wasn't going to escape without injury；
either。 That is what bothered me。 There was a faint line connecting the
break in the lifeline with a star on the line of health。 Against that star was
another square。 I was to recover from the injury； whatever it might be。 Still；
I didn't exactly look forward to it。 Soon after I had reached the age of
twenty…five； I began to feel uncomfortable。 The thing might be going to
happen at any moment。 In palmistry； you know； it is impossible to pin an
event down hard and fast to one year。 This particular event was to be when
I was ABOUT twenty…six； it mightn't be till I was twenty…seven； it might
be while I was only twenty…five。
〃And I used to tell myself it mightn't be at all。 My reason rebelled
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against the whole notion of palmistry； just as yours does。 I despised my
faith in the thing； just as you despise yours。 I used to try not to be so
ridiculously careful as I was whenever I crossed a street。 I lived in London
at that time。 Motor…cars had not yet come in； butwhat hours； all told； I
must have spent standing on curbs； very circumspect； very lamentable！ It
was a pity； I suppose； that I had no definite occupation something to take
me out of myself。 I was one of the victims of private means。 There came a
time when I drove in four…wheelers rather than in hansoms； and was
doubtful of four…wheelers。 Oh； I assure you； I was very lamentable indeed。
〃If a railway…journey could be avoided； I avoided it。 My uncle had a
place in Hampshire。 I was very fond of him and of
